New Horizons
by mjaw
Summary: Post Normal Again. A friend of Spike's comes to Sunnydale to ask for his and Buffy's help, which means they have to go back to the time shortly after Spike's death, and London.
1. Chapter One

I claim to own nothing but my own imagination and the charachters not connected with BtVS, which will be presented in this work of fiction. All praise to Joss Whedon, creator extraordinaire, and to all the incredible actors and actresses of the series who bring the charachters life, body and soul.  
  
This story is set post Normal Again, season6; it picks up after that episode, but is further on not linked to season7. I hope some of you might enjoy it as much as I've loved writing it. To all who supported it from day one at ff.net, thank you and a huge hug to y'all. Thanks to Richess for hosting it on OGL. You rock, girl! Thanks to all the readers who might begin to put their time into this story, you are all in my heart, k?  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
New Horizons: Chapter One  
  
By Annie  
  
04-23-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She drew a breath of the night air; she had lost count how many she had taken in since she began patrolling. The thoughts swirling in her head were maddening, even more so because now she couldn't even pretend to see them clearly, as she sort of had been able to before she drank the antidote which brought her back to the 'real' world.  
  
She was sometimes so sure that it had all been a bad dream, and then the faces of her mother and her father, together, would come back in her dreams and continue to haunt her after she woke. It hadn't been more than six days, and still it felt like a lifetime.  
  
The worry in her mom's eyes was what kept the few pictures she still had clear in her mind there. Yes, she was still feeling some insecurity since the whole asylum situation.  
  
Most of the time she wished she couldn't remember anything, but in the next moment that felt like saying she would rather forget about her parents than even give them a chance to make them selves heard.  
  
She had really thought that the antidote would take everything away, make her feel at home in her own body again. But the pieces just didn't seem to want to fit.  
  
She was thoughtful about what her future could have in store for her. She couldn't bring herself to BELIEVE that Sunnydale and its habitants was all in her mind, but still there was that awful shred of a doubt that just wouldn't really crawl out of her thoughts.  
  
The feeling had kept her unfocused all week and she had messed up with two vamps, enabling them to get away.  
  
She sighed, looking up at the stars.  
  
At least she had been able to avoid Spike.  
  
Suddenly a cry of surprise or pain or both, followed by a loud thud right behind her, made her twirl around, staring at the two creatures wrestling on the ground, the shadows embracing them. She squinted, trying to make them out as she started to approach them, but the battle was already over and she stopped as there suddenly was nothing but silence.  
  
She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed someone was sneaking up on her! She really needed to get a grip on herself!  
  
She was much too used to the whole fighting mystique thing for her heart to race; still, she felt a small tingle in her stomach nonetheless, wondering whom her savior might be.  
  
Then he stepped out of the shadows, the long black leather coat dully reflecting the moonlight, and she shook her head a little at herself.  
  
She should have known.  
  
"Ah. Spike to the rescue," she said as he came to stand before her.  
  
"Waiting for somebody else, are we?" he asked, a sarcastic gleam in his blue eyes.  
  
She ignored it.  
  
"Vamp?" she asked instead, and he nodded slightly, eyeing her in that incredibly annoying getting-under-her-skin kind of way.  
  
"He's dust," he then said, shrugging.  
  
"Great! .Now, run along and let me patrol," she urged, turning around to walk away.  
  
"Drop the attitude, Slayer, I don't have time for it," he retorted, grabbing her arm and making her stop.  
  
"What do you want, Spike?" she moaned tiredly.  
  
"Weeell." he started, but the look in her eyes made him think twice about going there and instead he said: "At least a 'thank you' might be missing here?"  
  
She smiled faintly before meeting his gaze and then said, rather sincerely:  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She pulled her arm out of his grip and turned around to once more start walking.  
  
She could feel his eyes on her back and as always it stirred up emotions in her that she wished she could just lock away.  
  
Then he drew a breath and seemed to hesitate a moment before saying:  
  
"Do you remember what I said?"  
  
She stiffened considerably as she yet again came to a halt; she closed her eyes, expression on her face remorseful. She had hoped he would just let it slide, but of course she could always count on him NOT to.  
  
Spike waited for an answer, patiently. Opening her eyes she turned towards him.  
  
"The ridiculous demand you threw in my face at a time you knew I couldn't possibly deal with it? Yeah, I remember that, I just didn't think you were serious," she said, trying to make her voice as cold as possible.  
  
He stared at her, seeking the clue to whether or not she meant what she had just said or if she was just trying to escape the subject. She stared back, her expression serious. He started to realize that he had lost; she wouldn't do what he had demanded a week earlier. And that just proved the fact that everything she had said before was what she wanted, that whatever they had had was over. Then she suddenly looked away, and in that small gesture redeemed him his confidence.  
  
"Buffy." he began but she cut him off, now starting to sound slightly mad:  
  
"Spike! Just forget about it, okay. It's OVER between us, why would you want me to tell them? WHY is this so damn important to you?"  
  
He looked at her, now growing angrier himself.  
  
"How the hell can you ask me that?" he almost yelled at her, taking the steps forward that were dividing them. "You KNOW why," he continued, now looking down at her, "and don't pretend you don't 'cause I swear, then I'll."  
  
"What?" she interrupted. "What will you do, Spike? Try to hurt me? Hit me? Well, we've been there, done that, and we both know I can take it."  
  
"Yeah, and we both know where that leads so maybe I SHOULD!" he cut in.  
  
She grew silent, once more looking away before shaking her head and then said:  
  
"I can't believe you would make me tell them, Spike. I CAN'T tell them."  
  
Their eyes met and he drew a deep breath.  
  
"WHY can't you tell them? Please, explain that to me." he said, now sounding tired.  
  
She looked at him, a little more softly.  
  
"They wouldn't understand, Spike."  
  
"Right, they only supported you with. Angel." he said, pain fluttering in his eyes to be gone faster than it had appeared.  
  
"It's not the same thing, and you know it's not. Angel. He." she trailed off.  
  
"He had a soul." Spike filled in the missing part for her.  
  
He took a few steps back, away from her.  
  
"I guess you're right, Slayer." he said, the look in his eyes filled with sorrow and hurt, she looked back at him, the expression she held that of plain head-fastness (she couldn't buckle now.)  
  
Spike continued:  
  
"Why should they believe in me, believe that I'm capable of loving you.when YOU don't?"  
  
Then he turned around and was soon swallowed by the shadows.  
  
She looked at the spot where he had disappeared, fretting over the amount of pain she must keep causing him. Then she shook her head and took a hold of herself.  
  
"I can't believe in it," she said, turning around and walking on to keep patrolling. 


	2. Chapter Two

New Horizons: Chapter Two  
  
By Annie  
  
04-24-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
She walked in through the kitchen door and after closing it she proceeded to walk to the refrigerator. Her head was still buzzing with thoughts, but now those of Spike and all that surrounded him had crowded out the ones of the Asylum. She should have been grateful, but she almost felt like the Spike issue was worse. It could seriously mess up this so-called life of hers if he actually decided to come through with his threat of telling everybody about.  
  
"Hi Buffy!" Dawn's ever so cheery voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked up, surprised, as her sister entered the kitchen from the living room.  
  
Buffy shut the refrigerator-door, quickly coming to the conclusion that she wasn't very hungry, before saying:  
  
"WHAT are you doing up?"  
  
"Hey, you don't have to go all 'mommy' on me, okay?" Dawn answered defiantly, holding up her hands in front of her as she added: "It's only twelve thirty AND it's Friday, remember? No school tomorrow!"  
  
Buffy looked apologetic.  
  
"Sorry," she said, sighing. "Long night, I guess."  
  
"Oh, kill any monsters?" Dawn asked, this mostly to be supportive.  
  
Buffy smiled slightly at her effort.  
  
"Yep, and a few really ugly ones too," she answered, then stretched her neck a little, trying to see farther into the living room than was possible she added: "Is there someone here?"  
  
"Yeah, Spike's in the living room watching some old movie that is so boring you could actually kill yourself. He seems to like it though. But then, he doesn't run the risk of KILLING himself, since he's already kinda.dead. Anyway, I just came in here 'cause I heard YOU.and to get some refreshments."  
  
"Spike's here?" Buffy asked, her heart starting to go flip-flop in her chest.  
  
"Yeah," Dawn answered simply as she went up to one of the cupboards, opening it and grabbing a bag of potato chips.  
  
"Really? .Heh."  
  
"Buffy? What's the matter?" Dawn asked, turning around and seeing the look on her sister's face getting paler by the second. "Is everything okay, you look kinda. I don't know?"  
  
"What?" Buffy asked, sounding a little too startled by the question and starting to fidget with the hem of her shirt to cover it up. "No, everything is.peachy. Especially since.Spike.is here.So, have you guys been talking a lot or.?"  
  
"Buffy, this is SPIKE we're talking about, you do know that right? He DOESN'T talk."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said, letting hear a nervous laugh that didn't quite sound like her and Dawn gave her a strange look. Buffy cleared her throat, looking away. "Of course; like I said, loooong night. Could you send him in here when you get back in THERE 'cause I have to.eh, tell him about this.thingy that I.slayed."  
  
"Okay." Dawn said slowly, opening the bag and tipping out the contents of it into the ceramic bowl she also had collected.  
  
Lifting it in both hands she started walking towards the door through which she had entered, hesitating in the doorway a moment she turned back to her sister and said:  
  
"But just so you know, I think it would be better if you went to bed. You seem really tired and you don't look too well."  
  
"Oh, I will. Sure. I just have to see Spike first. It's important.after that, I am heading straight to bed."  
  
"Yeah, okay. Hey, to save time maybe you just wanna take Spike with you?"  
  
"What?!" Buffy exclaimed, almost choking on the word.  
  
"I'm kidding!" Dawn assured, giggling. "Gees! .You should have seen your face! Oh, Buffy. are you okay?"  
  
"Yes," Buffy answered quickly. "Fine. Now, please, just get him in here!"  
  
Dawn exited to the living room with one final glance at her sister, wondering what the heck was up with her NOW.  
  
Buffy waited impatiently, drumming her nails against the kitchen counter.  
  
WHAT was he doing there? She didn't want to see him! What was he DOING there?!  
  
Soon enough Spike showed in the living room doorway, crossing his hands over his chest he stood watching her for a moment, leaning casually against the doorframe.  
  
She had lifted her head as she heard him approaching and now she glared at him, wanting him to know how much she detested his presence, how much she wanted him to go away. But all it provoked was that arrogant little curling of his lips and his eyes softening with laughter.  
  
She went up to him with a furious look on her face, and grabbing him by the arm of his trench coat she dragged him through the kitchen and out through the kitchen door.  
  
Once it was safely shut behind them she turned to him.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice as low and steady as possible, the anger in it making the latter difficult. "What? Are you coming after my sister now or something? Is there no bottom to how low you can sink? If you have told her ANYthing."  
  
"Stop. Just stop it," he interrupted her, his eyes ablaze with fury at her words but trying to keep his voice as lowered as was manageable as well. "Buffy, you don't know what the devil you're talking about. Dawn came looking for YOU, she found ME. She was lonely and she asked me if I would mind staying here with her 'til you got back. all VERY innocent. Now, to these accusations that you just threw in my face, did you really think that I would go after DAWN? What the bloody hell would that accomplish? You'd hate me even more and I'd hurt a FRIEND of mine in the process."  
  
"I don't HATE you, Spike."  
  
The statement came without thinking and she was a little surprised at hearing it. Or rather that she had just admitted it to his face, everything would be simpler if he could just go on believing that she didn't even like him.  
  
The expression in his eyes had quieted down and now they were merely questioning her.  
  
She met them, looked as far into them as she dared to let herself and then she broke contact, annoyed with herself that she had to but unwilling to risk what consequences looking too deep might have. He still had more power over her than she would have liked.  
  
With a sigh she remembered what she had just stated, and she searched for an answer.  
  
No, she didn't hate him. But.  
  
"I just hate that part of you that." she began but he softly interrupted her.  
  
".Makes you want me?" he asked, leaning closer into her, their bodies practically touching he slid a hand up her hip and let it rest on the small curve of her waist. She looked up at him, fighting the wanting of him, knowing it was wrong. "Makes you need me?" he asked as he let his face sink towards hers.  
  
"No," she said, putting a hand on one of his shoulders, making him stop his movement and look at her. "The part of you that makes me not able to."  
  
His eyes. His eyes! She looked away, pushing past him to open the door. Without looking back she went inside.  
  
  
  
***  
  
She walked as quickly as she could away from the door and into the living room, afraid that if she hesitated for a moment he would come after her, grab her, demand her to explain what the hell that was supposed to mean, as was his usual manner.  
  
But as she took a seat on the couch next to Dawn, who was staring in disgust at the black-and-white TV-screen with a half eaten potato chip in her hand, he hadn't even opened the door yet. She drew a breath, trying to steady her heart.  
  
Stupid really, how every time she risked her life she could be calm and concentrated and calculating, knowing every move of her opponents just a fraction of a moment before they did. But with him, whenever he looked at her, then her stupid heart would of course choose to go bonanzas, making up for all the times when it didn't, or so it would seem.  
  
She knew he could feel it, he must know. Still, that expression in his eyes. Why must he affect her so much? She didn't love him; she wasn't IN love with him! The thought would after all be absurd. The only thing she felt for him was some kind of raw, animalistic.  
  
"Weren't you going to bed?" Dawn's voice asked her, for the second time that night interrupting her thoughts.  
  
Buffy turned to her, confused. Her mind slowly getting back into focus, and the question, which had brought it there, not really heard.  
  
"What?" she asked and Dawn smiled, chewing her chip and then swallowing before repeating it. "Yes," Buffy said slowly, shooting a glance towards the kitchen door and wondering what became of the vamp. "I just have to go check on something," she added, giving Dawn's leg a pat as she got to her feet.  
  
"He wouldn't leave without saying good-bye to me," Dawn said matter-of- factly and Buffy froze, putting on a stale smile as she turned to her sister.  
  
"Really?" she asked and Dawn nodded, eyes back at the screen.  
  
"Yup. Besides, I don't think he'd leave without saying good-night to YOU," she said with a shrug. Then she turned her eyes to Buffy. "Do you?" she asked and Buffy was about to open her mouth and say 'yes' when a loud knock on the door cut her off.  
  
"Oh, what is this, Interrupt Buffy Night or what?" she exclaimed as she marched up to the door, opening it with a hard tug at the handle and saying: "Yes?"  
  
"Hey, Buff!" Xander said with a strained smile, as he was balancing a huge, flat package, which was leaning dangerously on him.  
  
Buffy stared at him and he asked:  
  
"Can I come IN?!"  
  
"Sorry, yes! Let me help you with that!" she said, taking a step forward and grabbing a firm hold of the packages edges, lifting it in through the door.  
  
"Well." Xander said, somewhat painfully straightening out his back and then stepping inside. "Thank you for the help. Slayer strength sure does come in handy on all occasions, doesn't it," he added with a smile as Buffy put the package down, leaning it against the hallway wall.  
  
She nodded slowly as an answer to his question as she started examining the exterior of the rough cardboard box before her.  
  
"Where did you get this? I mean, is it for me?" she asked and Xander closed the door before answering.  
  
"It says 'Ms. Summers' on the address tag. I just kind of assumed it was some furniture or something that you had ordered," Xander explained. "It was standing in the drive way so I thought I'd show of my masculinity and carry it in for you. Of course, you would think I should remember whom it is I'm breaking my back for; you would probably have done a better job yourself."  
  
Buffy smiled comfortingly at that, shaking her head a little, then sighing.  
  
"Well, they must've misprinted it or something because I haven't ordered this and I really haven't got the money to just keep it anyway."  
  
Dawn, who had been listening from the couch to the conversation, now grabbed the remote and zapped the TV off before scrambling to her feet.  
  
"But, maybe we could just take a peak and see what it is, and then we could seal it again," she suggested hopefully, walking over to them.  
  
Buffy looked at her, shaking her head.  
  
"No, I just can't risk having to pay for it, Dawnie," she answered as Xander took a step passed her and tore something off the box.  
  
"What are you doing?!" Buffy exclaimed and Xander smiled.  
  
"Calm down, Buff, it's an envelope addressed to YOU," he answered and she looked at the small white piece of paper in his hand.  
  
Just then the kitchen door was opened and then slammed shut.  
  
Spike walked towards them, as nonchalant as ever.  
  
"What's dead boy doing here?" Xander asked Buffy as Spike joined them.  
  
"What's monkey boy doing here?" Spike retorted and Buffy sighed.  
  
"Spike." she mumbled, not quite able to look at him.  
  
He smiled a smile she couldn't see, then turned to Dawn who was looking from one to the other with those pretty eyes of hers growing wider by the second. Then Dawn sighed.  
  
"You've had another fight, haven't you?" she asked sadly and at the tone in her voice Buffy turned to her.  
  
"No, niblet," Spike said before Buffy had a chance to. "We were just sort of having a discussion before, which we sort of cleared out. Didn't we, Slayer?"  
  
The way he dragged out that last word, as if he could actually taste it and didn't quite want to let go of it, drove her crazy sometimes, this time being one of them, and she turned back to him to say something quick in response. But he simply took one of her hands in his and before she had a chance to react he brought it up to his lips, giving her fingers a gentle kiss before releasing it. It dropped straight down as he held her eyes in his one moment longer.  
  
It was as though something was about to be revealed to her, and then he looked away, turning to Dawn and nodding a goodnight.  
  
Then he simply walked up to the front door, opened it and walked outside. The sound of the door closing echoed in Buffy's head and she realized she was still staring at the spot where his eyes had been two moments earlier. She snapped out of it and turned to Xander, finding him eyeing her closely and the questioning look on his face made her mad at herself.  
  
"What?" she asked and Xander hesitated a moment before shrugging.  
  
"Nothing," he answered her, then made a gesture towards the letter in his hand, indicating she should take it from him.  
  
She sighed and extended a hand, grabbing it out of his and ripping it open.  
  
She drew out a small note with an old-fashioned handwriting on it.  
  
"Dear Miss Summers, please accept this gift as a token of our deep appreciation of your person. We shall be in touch. Truthfully yours."  
  
It wasn't signed. She turned it over. Nope, the blank whiteness of the paper was all that greeted her and she furrowed her brow a little.  
  
"This might be something."  
  
The sound of ripping cardboard interrupted her this time and she swirled around just as Dawn pulled the tape surrounding the front of the box, which was facing them, off and threw it aside on the floor.  
  
Buffy just stared at her.  
  
"Dawn, I really don't think that's such a good idea, what with your sister announcing that whatever it is it will have to go back and all," Xander pointed out as Dawn took a steady hold on one of the corners of the box and started the task of tearing it, piece by piece to bits.  
  
"Well, that was.before," Dawn answered in between rips. "Before she knew it WAS for her, I mean," she added, attacking a seriously stubborn piece of cardboard.  
  
Buffy turned to Xander.  
  
"Do you suppose it's safe? I mean.a dead thing in there as supposed to.an undead or something?" she asked him and he nodded.  
  
"The dead weight of that thing made me quite positive that the thing inside is REALLY dead," he confirmed and Dawn smiled widely, not waiting for her sister to give her consent she kept on ripping.  
  
"Fine," Buffy sighed, eyes back at Dawn. "Whatever. Do what you want. I don't care. But I'm warning you, if this turns out to be some kind of mistake YOU'LL have to take an extra job to pay for it."  
  
Dawn just grinned at her, nodding as she grabbed the last piece in her way. She tore it off, thick cellophane wrapping turning out to be the next obstacle.  
  
"Xander, why are you here anyways?" Buffy asked, turning to the Scooby member a la Doo. "I mean, not that I don't always appreciate your.masculine company, but.well, it's almost one o'clock. At night," she added; pictures of the not so successful attempt at a wedding he had been through a few weeks earlier flashing before her eyes, making her regret she had asked.  
  
She should have known.  
  
He shrugged a little, sticking his hands deep down in his pockets.  
  
"You know.the usual: sleep deprivation, borderline depression and the oh, so fun I-just-pushed-away-the-woman-I-love disorder." he said, trying to mask his feelings with a joke that simply didn't hit the punch line right.  
  
Buffy didn't know what to say so she just took a step forward and gave him a hug.  
  
"Well," she said, taking a step back and smiling a, what she hoped to be, encouraging smile. "You know you can ALWAYS stay here if the flat gets too lonely. Or too crowded or too cold or, well, you get the picture."  
  
Xander smiled a little, nodding gratefully.  
  
"I know," he then said.  
  
"Check it out!" Dawn gasped, cellophane now scattered around her feet. "Isn't it just the prettiest thing you've ever seen?"  
  
Buffy took a step forward to better see the contents of the package, finding herself staring into a pale, tired looking face of someone she knew, only there was a spark in the pair of eyes accompanying that face which she hadn't seen in a while; in QUITE a while, in fact.  
  
She stared at her reflection, stared into her own eyes.  
  
"A mirror." she mumbled, rather confused. "A mirror?"  
  
"Maybe it's a portal," Xander said, taking a step back. "A portal that a pair of demons have sent here so that they can come crashing into your very living room when you least expect it!"  
  
"Drop the drama act!" Dawn cried, eyes rolling to the ceiling and hands raced in an I-can't-BELIEVE-you gesture. "Maybe a mirror, THIS mirror, for once, is just a mirror," she then said with a gleam in her eyes. "And it's so pretty! Buffy, please can I have it in my room? Please? I mean, you don't really have room for it in yours and."  
  
"We should put it in the basement until Will or Tara can have a closer look at it," Buffy interrupted gently, not able to suppress a yawn. "Not to get too paranoid, but Xander might be right. We need to check the books before we just put it up as decoration, Dawnie. Okay?"  
  
Dawn sighed deeply and mumbled something that sounded like a reluctant agreement.  
  
"Why can't we just wake Willow up and." she started but Buffy just gave her a look that she knew all too well and she stopped.  
  
"Because," Buffy said, "Will is sleeping. We can't just go barging in and wake her. Now, you go up to bed and Xander and I will take care of this. Okay?"  
  
Dawn grumbled and then moaned an "okay" before walking slowly up the steps of the stairs.  
  
Buffy turned to the mirror again. It really was pretty. She touched the dark wooden frame, which was carved into a beautifully crafted pattern.  
  
Once more she held the eyes of her own reflection for a moment.  
  
Why would someone send this to me without writing their name on the card if they weren't up to something? she thought, pondering the consequences of actually having it in the house.  
  
"Ready?" Xander asked and she drew her hand back, she hadn't realized it had still been resting on the frame of the mirror.  
  
She decided quickly that if she had to deal with a Big Bad here, she could, and if she didn't then all was well.  
  
"The basement it is," she said, nodding to Xander. 


	3. Chapter Three

New Horizons: Chapter Three  
  
By Annie  
  
04-25-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly woke; opening her eyes to slits she turned her head to look at her alarm clock.  
  
"Ugh. Another happy working day awaits," she sighed, stretching before sitting up.  
  
"About time you woke up," an all too familiar voice said by the door and she let out a surprised huff as she in a second became fully awake.  
  
"Spike!" she snapped, pulling up her covers without thinking, and though she wasn't naked in any way.  
  
This movement received a crooked smile from the vamp and a gleam hinting in his blue eyes.  
  
She ignored it and held on to the sheets as though her life depended on it. Maybe it did. Her legs felt like jello and once more he had managed to make her heart gallop away like a racehorse out of rhythm. Not a good sign, and NOT a good start of the morning.  
  
"Is nothing sacred to you?" she asked, pushing the beat-beat-beating of her ticker out of her thoughts.  
  
He simply cocked an eyebrow at that question and she shook her head a little.  
  
"I'm just saying that YOU'RE not exactly the first thing I want to see in the morning," she elaborated.  
  
He looked at her. Those words stung more than she could even imagine. But he supposed that she didn't bother with imagination, got enough of the wicked and weird in her line of work for it to be let into her head. He supposed he fit nicely into that category too. To his astonishment she now said:  
  
"That didn't come out right. I mean, I don't mean that I DO want you to be the first thing I see in the morning, but you being here now is all right. Or, no, it isn't. I mean." she trailed off, shaking her head a little.  
  
Sometimes he wondered how she could ever evoke even the slightest fear when battling a monster twice her own size. He couldn't hold back a laugh at her word struggling and the look in her eyes became indignant. He smothered the laughter quickly and simply smiled a little.  
  
How precious the moments that lasts, he thought to himself as it took her two seconds to bounce out of her little stutter and put herself back on b.i.t.c.h mode by saying:  
  
"You know, I would really LOVE to know what the hell you're doing here at this time of day."  
  
Then she threw the sheets aside, and got out off bed.  
  
The movement brought back a memory of not so long ago when she had done it exactly the same but in HIS bed. Of course, she'd been invisible at that particular time, but he never was too picky about the details.  
  
She walked up to her closet, opening it and rummaging around for what to wear she tried to focus her thoughts at the task at hand: work. But the way things were between her and her ex-lover she found it hard to concentrate.  
  
She had made up her mind, why couldn't he accept that? Why couldn't he just make it easier on himself and just stay away from her?  
  
Hah! she mocked herself in her head. Have you already forgotten that he's never been the bow-down-and-exit-silently type?  
  
When he began answering her question she tried to hold back the much too pleasant shivers running up her spine at the sound of his voice. Her body hadn't forgotten how that voice had made it respond not so very long ago.  
  
"Well, I forgot something last night and I came back to fetch it." he explained.  
  
Annoyed with the failing of killing off the shivers once and for all she slammed the door to the closet shut with a loud bang. She could hear the quiet rattling of clothes falling off their hangers and then she met Spike's eyes, they were looking at her calmly but quizzically.  
  
"Well," she said, throwing the clothes she had chosen on her bed and disregarding the questions in his gaze. "Get it and then get out, would you? I'm busy, need to get Dawn off to school and I need to get off to work ."  
  
"No, you don't," Willows voice interrupted her and Buffy turned to the doorway. "Morning!" Willow added with a smile.  
  
"Um, yeah, GOOD morning," Buffy agreed with a glance at Spike who returned it with a little smile.  
  
"Sorry, pet, didn't mean to wake you up on the wrong side," he said with a bow that held more sarcasm than his voice ever could before taking a step back into the hallway outside her door. "And I would get out of your hair, I really would," he added. "Specially since you asked so nicely. But see, I was invited to stay. Asked actually. So, I'll meet ya downstairs, eh?"  
  
And then he walked away, leaving Buffy to turn her questions to Willow.  
  
"What was that all about?" Buffy asked, wanting nothing more than to just get him out of her closest vicinity, that was: her house; this seeming to all of a sudden be a ridiculously difficult task.  
  
"Well," Willow said, taking a step inside and closing the door behind her, noticing that her friend wanted to get dressed. She walked up to the bed and sat down at the edge of it as Buffy started to change. "See, Dawn woke me up really early this morning, she was babbling about some kind of mirror and I don't know what. I was kinda groggy. Anyways, I went with her downstairs and she told me the whole story over breakfast. Well, she didn't wanna make you all mad, so we didn't go down to take a look in the basement, but she was really excited. Really, REALLY excited. And she really insisted that we'd get started with researching the thing right now so that we're. hopefully. done when she gets back from Lisa's," Willow finished just as Buffy pulled a sweater over her head.  
  
Right, Buffy thought. It's Saturday, no school.  
  
And the promise Dawn had made to help paint one of her few friends' room over the weekend slowly came back to her.  
  
"Okay, Dawn not wanting to make me mad, that's a first." she then mumbled. "Guess she really liked that mirror," she added, shrugging thoughtfully. "Ah well. I still don't see what that has to do with me not having to get off to work? I can't stay home just 'cause of that, Will."  
  
Willow was looking at her with a slightly furrowed brow as she replied:  
  
"No, I know. There was a message on the machine saying you have the day off, they are, um, sanitizing the whole restaurant or something. Okay, I HAVE to ask, are you dipping seriously into the sea of making a fashion statement or are you actually just planning to wear that?"  
  
Buffy looked at her, wondering, then turned to the mirror.  
  
She let out a low "agh!" as she laid eyes on the horrid combination of black leather pants and one of her cozy sweaters, which she hadn't even known still existed in her wardrobe, it being a weird shade of brown and all, reflecting back at her.  
  
"'Agh!' is really not too strong an expression here," Willow agreed as Buffy pulled the sweater over her head, tossing it towards the garbage bin and missing it terribly.  
  
She opened the door to her closet again, a heap of clothes falling out at her feet. She laughed a little.  
  
"I don't know where my head is at today," she mumbled as she bent down and picked up the clothes to put them back on their hangers.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Why did you ask Spike to stay?" Buffy asked as they approached the stairs, her now in a little nicer attire of a cream white shirt. "What can he do? The mirror isn't alive is it?"  
  
Willow smiled and shook her head.  
  
"Not as far as I know, I haven't seen it yet though, Spike and Xander are bringing it up as we speak."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Great, another let's-fight-with-words bravado from those two is JUST what I need to make this morning complete," she remarked as they descended the stairs into the hall.  
  
Willow looked empathetically at her as they entered the living room where the sound of Xander's voice met them.  
  
"If you put it down a little more over here then the effect of it will be much better. but on the other hand."  
  
"Oh, just cut to the bloody chase, monkey boy, so I can put the thing down!" Spike cut in, sounding more than a little annoyed.  
  
"Okay, right there is perfect. Now, maybe you should just make like a tree and leave," Xander pointed out, almost immediately regretting his rather childish choice of words and even more so when the bleached set of fangs set the mirror down and turned to him, the smirk on his face completing the sinking feeling in Xander's stomach.  
  
Idiot! I'm an idiot! he lashed out at himself in his head, meeting the vamp's gaze as steady as he could possibly bring himself to.  
  
"Well, maybe you should just act like a good little human and drop dead," Spike retorted and turned his head to see Willow and Buffy, both of them with a sour expression on their faces.  
  
He looked at Buffy. Damn, why did she have to do that to him? His defenses were nothing when it came to her, nor were his supernatural powers, that was for sure. She was simply irresistible. Especially with her hair not really brushed through and traces of sleep still evident in her eyes. He tilted his head to one side, eyeing her absorbedly.  
  
Buffy felt tingles start spreading in her stomach under his gaze but she violently pushed them aside. Sure, she wanted him, but in the wrong way. In- the-wrong-way!  
  
She broke eye contact, man, was she doing that a lot lately, and turned to the mirror.  
  
"Look," Willow suddenly spoke up. "We need all the help we can get if we're going to figure out where this mirror come from, or from WHO! I mean, both. And so I suggest you boys kiss and make up."  
  
Xander stared at her with an Excuse Me?-look slammed into every feature of his face and Spike snorted, shaking his head.  
  
"Look, Red, I would love to, really," he said. "But I can't, buggering chip'll smoke my brain if I bite him," he said, pointing to the back of his head.  
  
Willow turned to him, frowning.  
  
"Hey, who said anything about biting?" Xander exclaimed, aghast.  
  
"Kiss of the vampire there, mate," Spike answered him coolly. "Or would you rather."  
  
"NO!" Xander interrupted, taking a few steps away.  
  
"Just stop it for one moment, PLEASE!" Buffy cut in. "There will be no biting OR kissing what so ever."  
  
Spike was about to grab the too tempting opportunity to make a remark at that last statement. But then Buffy put a hand up to her eyes, rubbing them so tiredly; the sudden sadness in her posture made him bite his tongue.  
  
"I'll make you some breakfast, Buffy," Willow said with a stroke on her friend's shoulder.  
  
"That's okay, Will," Buffy answered her, removing her hand and in stead clasping her arms around her waist. "I'm okay. I'm not too hungry anyway."  
  
"You need to eat something," Willow pressed gently. "Please, let me make you something. I'll make something light."  
  
"Will, grown woman here, saved the world a few times a while back. I'm really okay. Okay?" Buffy interrupted kindly, stopping her friend as the latter moved to go into the kitchen.  
  
Willow looked at her hesitantly before nodding slowly. It wasn't like she could tie Buffy down in a chair and force-feed her anyway. She'd make sure she got something in her once she asked for it.  
  
"Let's start up with this mirror business," Buffy then said, trying to feel as much on the go as she sounded. "We should go to the Magic Box and do some digging. Willow, you."  
  
".can do the surfing thing I do so well?" Willow filled in her sentence and Buffy smiled a grateful smile as Willow went to get her laptop from the hall.  
  
"Xander, you come with me to the Magic Box," Buffy said and then she realized something. "Where's Tara?" she asked.  
  
"She's coming," Willow answered her, coming back from her mission, her bag in hand. "She just had some stuff she needed to take care of first. She'll be here."  
  
"Great, then could you send her over to the shop when she gets here? I'm sure we'll need all the heads we can get," Buffy said and Willow nodded, plugging in the computer.  
  
Spike listened to her giving out orders even though she masked them as requests. He couldn't help but rather admire that quality. He supposed a true leader should be able to make his subjects loyal through love.instead of how it had always been for him - through fear. He sighed a little.  
  
"And what about me, Slayer?" he asked as Buffy seemed done with her distribution of commands.  
  
"You should go home, and sleep. Day and night are kind of reversed with your kind, remember?" she answered him, feeling a sting near her heart as his eyes grew vulnerable with hurt for a moment before turning hard.  
  
"No, I don't think so, love. I wanna help, and I sure as hell ain't gonna get any sleep lying thinking about what I.Well, if I could've been of help.to Dawn," he finished. "Besides, there's something about this thing. I'm sure I've seen it before somewhere, I just can't figure it out."  
  
Buffy looked at him looking at the mirror. Sometimes his affection for Dawn was so clear that she thought she could touch it. She wondered if he realized that. And she couldn't help but wonder why she couldn't see his love for her, which he so blatantly proclaimed whenever he got the chance, in the same way.  
  
A feeling filled her which she didn't quite understand, and she was so sick of always having to deal with her own inner war as well as the one endlessly going on around her that she shut it out.  
  
She just couldn't deal with that right now.  
  
Spike studied the mirror frame. If only he could place it, place where he had seen it! Then he looked at the mirror glass, it was a little darker than most he'd seen, he noticed. He looked closer. Small particles the color of gold seemed to be melted in it as well. Strange. It sure was a work of art.  
  
Then he looked up and where he should have met his own eyes he saw nothing but the reflection of the room behind him. Nothing new, but this time it somehow felt different. He almost wished.  
  
No. That thought had no place in his head. Though it had been there before.  
  
Right after sunrise when he was half asleep that wish had entered his mind, and he had wished it for her sake. Wished to see the sun again, see the world in daylight, and see his reflection.  
  
He shook the thought off, annoyed with the whelp he was becoming.  
  
"Fine," her voice then said, and he turned back to her. "If it's for Dawn," she added.  
  
She waited for his reply and he looked at her, penetrating as always, and then he nodded slowly.  
  
"It is," he said. 


	4. Chapter Four

New Horizons: Chapter Four  
  
By Annie  
  
04-26-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Two hours later Tara joined Buffy, Xander and Spike at the Magic Box. Willow had stayed at the house, too engulfed in her own searching to even think about moving.  
  
And Tara hadn't wanted to ask her if she wanted to come with her and join the rest of the Scoobies, she was happy to see Willow so thoroughly enjoying being back in the loop of the wonders of electronics, instead of missing that part of her laid at rest with needing to do the magic stuff.  
  
Tara had a right to be happy about it, but 'laid at rest' was the wrong term to use.  
  
Willow got up off the couch, feeling that now so familiar gnawing start in the core of her spine just to travel up her back and into her shoulders, down her arms and beam out into her hands and fingers. The addiction was still too strong to ignore and she started pacing.  
  
What had brought it on this time was a page taking forever to come up on the screen, what almost always brought her close to the edge was if the white page with 'Unable to find' or 'Error' came up instead of what she was looking for.  
  
The blue horizontal line at the bottom of the screen moved teasingly slow and she turned away from it, continuing to pace.  
  
"Oh!" she exclaimed, annoyed, leaving the computer and walking into the kitchen. "I'll just. make myself something to eat. And then.the page will be up!" she instructed herself.  
  
Then she walked up to the cabinet holding the bread, grabbing the bag and pulling it down she simultaneously opened the door to the cabinet holding jelly and peanut butter.  
  
As she pulled out a drawer to grab a knife for the toppings of her sandwich she heard the front door open and then close with a loud bang.  
  
"Buffy?" she called out.  
  
"No," Spike answered. "It's just me."  
  
Willow turned to the door leading into the kitchen from the hallway as the vamp entered, smoking blanket in one hand. She couldn't suppress a smile.  
  
"That blanket." she said, dipping the knife in the jelly jar and starting to spread a large quantity of the red mush on one of her bread pieces which she had placed on a plate. "Trusted friend by now, huh?" she finished and he looked down on it, then smiled, a little tentatively, back and nodded.  
  
"I s'pose so," he answered and she smiled wider.  
  
"Hmh," she said. "You should get another though. That one is getting some serious holes in it. Wouldn't want to burn yourself."  
  
Now he stared at her for a moment, then asked:  
  
"What's with the all-friendly, not-at-all-on-the-edge attitude, Red?"  
  
She shrugged, scraping of as much jelly as she could from the knife against the jar's edge before moving it to the peanut butter and scooping out a huge blob of it.  
  
"Woah, go easy there," Spike advised with a slight smile, still waiting for an answer.  
  
Willow spread the peanut butter out with a twist of her wrist, put the knife down, smashed the two pieces of bread together and then turned to him.  
  
"What do you think makes a man a man?" she asked before taking a bite out of her sandwich, an expression of pure enjoyment at its taste was mixed with a serious waiting-for-an-answer one.  
  
The question took Spike off guard and he looked rather surprised at her. But knowing her, even if it wasn't very well and mostly based on loose observing, he knew that she usually didn't ask a question out of the blue without having given it some serious thought. So why was she asking HIM this?  
  
"Eh. " he started, throwing the blanket on a stool and leaning against the wall behind him. "Honestly I dunno if I'm qualified to answer that. Been a while since I was one, and all, I mean."  
  
Willow chewed, swallowed, took another bite and chewed and swallowed that one as well before replying.  
  
"There was a time when you scared me, Spike. When I couldn't be in the same room as you without feeling a kind of chill down my spine, thinking of WHAT you were and WHAT you had done." her voice was slow and thoughtful as she continued. "Then, last summer, everything was so upside down. Buffy was gone and none of us could really deal with that, least of all me I guess. But even though you dealt with your own grief you somehow managed to do something none of us others really knew how to do."  
  
She looked at him; he realized he had stopped breathing at these words. He met her gaze, needing to know what she meant and hoping it showed in his eyes. He didn't know what was wrong with him NOW but he couldn't seem to open his mouth.  
  
She smiled faintly before taking another chunk of her sandwich, of course chewing and swallowing before speaking up again.  
  
Her voice was almost soft as she continued:  
  
"You somehow shouldered Dawnie's grief as well. You protected her, Spike. You loved her, I guess, in your own way. And whether or not you realized it, she depended on you from that very first moment after we saw Buffy. gone, when you were crying as much as the rest of us, and you walked up to Dawn and you held her. She is still depending on you, that's for sure, but in another way. You're like a brother to her now, and I don't know if you've realized this but most of the time you act like one too. I guess that's why I'm not scared anymore."  
  
"Chip got nothing to do with it then?" he asked wryly and she smiled the brightest smile she had ever turned his way.  
  
"Of course the chip has SOMETHING to do with it. But I know I can trust you not to. I don't know; just stand by while someone's getting hurt. See, the Spike that came to Sunnydale with Drusilla would have probably just taken off, or done nothing in the way you have. But you didn't. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, I'm not freaked out by you anymore, Spike. I'm not so focused on the 'what' of things but at the WHY. And the reason you were the kind of vampire you were before was because of Drusilla's bad company.and your demon, but let's skip that," she said hurriedly, smiling briefly before continuing. "The reason you are the kind of vampire you are now is because you choose to, and other aspects too I suppose," she hesitated there, looking at him for a moment before coming to some sort of decision not to touch the subject of his often-stated love for Buffy. "Anyways, the way you are around Dawn. I just think that makes you qualified to answer my question," she finished, biting into her sandwich once more.  
  
He took everything she had just said in, let it sink slowly, nestling into his thoughts.  
  
The demon in him was wailing at the fact of her not fearing him, demanding audience to come out and scare the living hell out of the witch. But he shrugged at that thought, almost laughed at it. Yeah, that'd be a great way to alienate himself from the Scoobies for all eternity, wouldn't it? And from Buffy.  
  
He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. Then opened them again, looking at her. She was Buffy's best friend. This girl that had been a geek and then a witch on a power trip and now.  
  
"That was bloody deep, Red." he mumbled, not knowing exactly what to say, then he added: "Did you mean it?"  
  
Willow looked slyly at him for a moment, with a sudden hint of laughter in her eyes. Then she nodded firmly.  
  
"Yes," she answered him simply.  
  
He tried to push down the slightly warm feeling starting to circle in his chest.  
  
Bloody hell, am I gonna start crying like the perfect little monkey boy now or something? he thought wretchedly, and still a smile started to curl his lips.  
  
"Well then," he said. "What makes a man a man? That's a tough question. I guess you could say. " He thought for a moment longer and the answer was out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop it: "The people who care for him.if they can look up to him, if they can trust him."  
  
Willow eyed him closely.  
  
"Good answer," she said.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Close to nine o'clock that evening a tired group of people walked through the door of the house. Willow was still in front of the computer; she had been there ever since Spike had left that afternoon with the diaries he had come to get.  
  
She had felt rather strange actually venting her thoughts to the vampire, but she had had them for a little while and the way he sometimes seemed to walk on egg shells, even if that meant stomping on them as hard as he could to annoy everybody else, had finally gotten to her. There was a strange kind of bond between their strange little ensemble of beings, and she had wanted him to know that no matter what she respected him for the affection he showed Dawn.  
  
She looked up as the gang walked in.  
  
Xander threw himself down on the couch with an exhausted grunt, and then he smiled at her.  
  
"Hey, Will," he said and she smiled back.  
  
"Nothing?" Buffy asked as she came up to stand beside her.  
  
"Well, we talked fifteen minutes ago, remember? Didn't have anything then, don't have any more now," Willow answered, not quite able to hold back the impatience in her voice.  
  
A whole day in front of the computer did that to her, she supposed.  
  
Buffy put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Sorry, Will. I guess we're all kinda tired."  
  
Buffy herself was so tired she felt she could just sleep standing. Dear God, how she hated the books. And now patrolling beckoned.  
  
Yay for best way to spend a day off from work, she thought sarcastically in her head as her eyes met Spike's.  
  
He had been acting weird ever since he got back with the diaries Tara had requested. Practically grinning at her as soon as their eyes met. She had wanted to ask him what the whole thing was about all day and now she was too tired to stay away from the subject anymore. She walked towards the kitchen, shooting him one glance and he immediately understood, following her.  
  
"What, Slayer? Up for a little midnight 'snacking'?" he asked as she turned to him.  
  
She smiled a humorless smile.  
  
"It's not midnight," she stated. "And the 'snacking' I think we both know is over and done with," she added and he sighed, shrugging.  
  
"Can't blame a bloke for trying," he mumbled, then put on the smug face she knew so well and added: "So, is there a reason for this little meeting or are you just set on tempt and destroy?"  
  
She didn't avert her gaze from his this time, not for a second, but her insides started tumbling with something that felt close to laughter.  
  
Did he HAVE to make jokes like that?  
  
"My reason," she said, with effort controlling the emotion threatening to, in this instance, reveal its ugly head, "is that you have been grinning the whole day and it's driving me crazy! So, could you please stop it?"  
  
He adopted a serious expression at her words, nodding his understanding, looking as though he was thinking her request over. Then he said:  
  
"No," before turning around and walking back into the living room.  
  
"Spike!" she hissed after him, but he ignored her and walked in to sit in the armchair by the couch.  
  
She followed him reluctantly, and as she entered the room he turned to her, the grin slapped across his face once more.  
  
How I would like to BREAK it off! she thought, immediately the image of a fallen down building and soft sunlight hinting through the cracks between the bricks came into her head and her eyes widened a little as she quickly shook it off. Oh, can't he just LEAVE Sunnydale? she now thought, her eyes at him as he started to engage in that non-stop bickering he and Xander had going. Everything would be easier if he just left without looking back!  
  
Then the front door opened and a paint stained but laughing Dawn came in with Tara, who had picked her up from Lisa's.  
  
"And THEN we almost feel off the ladder 'cause he scared us so bad!" Dawn said and Tara laughed with her.  
  
"What? Who scared you?" Buffy asked worriedly, not picking up on the ever so precious laughter and taking a few steps towards her sister.  
  
"Oh, nothing like THAT!" Dawn discarded her anxiety with a smile as Tara and her came into the living room. "Lisa's dad has this chronicle disease with scaring people when they least expect it, and no, not the kind where his body changes into something disgusting, he only jumps out and screams 'booh!'. You know, the halloweeny kinda thing. Well, I dunno if it's REALLY a disease," she added, throwing her back pack down on the floor and walking over to Spike to sit at one of the arms of the chair. "I mean, that's just what Lisa calls it," she added with another laugh and Buffy stared at her, rather amazed.  
  
It had been a long time since she had seen Dawn so happy.  
  
Then her sister bent down and gave Spike a big hug, him whispering something in her ear that made her smile even wider, the gesture making something twitch near Buffy's heart and she almost labeled it as jealousy, but then it was gone and she didn't bother. Dawn now jumped to her feet and skipped over to throw herself on the by now half asleep Xander.  
  
"Ouuu," he wailed as she landed on his stomach and then he started tickling her.  
  
Buffy smiled at the sight.  
  
Dawn broke free with a scream of cheerfulness and went over to Willow, who smiled at her.  
  
"Going up to bed?" Willow asked and Dawn shook her head.  
  
"No, I wanna know everything about the mirror first," she answered before bending down to give her a hug. "Thank you," Willow heard her whisper close to her ear.  
  
The Wicca smiled to herself, knowing exactly what she meant.  
  
"Ah, he had it coming, vamp or no," she answered and she could feel Dawn smile against her cheek before the latter pulled away and straightening her back.  
  
"So," Dawn said, the expectation high in her eyes as she continued, "what have you found out about the mirror?"  
  
Buffy sighed inwardly, she didn't know how to tell her sister that they had spent practically twelve hours at the Magic Box and come up with nothing.  
  
"We only know that it's old, niblet," Spike suddenly said and everybody's eyes were turned to him.  
  
The sparkle in Dawn's eyes faded considerably at learning this fact, but some of it was still there.  
  
"Oh, and how do we know that?" Xander asked, sitting up. "You found something and didn't tell us?"  
  
Spike smiled.  
  
"No," he then answered, still turned to Dawn. "BUT I have seen it before and it's so long ago that I can't really remember, and so the conclusion: it's pretty bloody old."  
  
Xander backed off with a sigh, leaning back against the cushions of the couch.  
  
Buffy turned to Dawn.  
  
"I'm sorry we didn't find anything." she said tryingly and Dawn smiled a little, nodding.  
  
"I know," she stated and then turned to the mirror. "It's just.it's SO pretty. I don't want it to be in the basement like forever!"  
  
"It won't be," Tara said, reassuringly.  
  
She had slowly made her way across the room to where Willow was seated.  
  
Then Dawn suddenly gasped. Buffy looked at the slightly scared expression on her face and then she turned to the mirror.  
  
"What did you see?" Buffy asked, eyes now at Dawn.  
  
"I.I." Dawn mumbled. "I don't know, really. I-it looked like.another room."  
  
Buffy turned her head back to the mirror, now observing it keenly as she heard both Xander and Spike getting to their feet and Willow slowly standing as well.  
  
"Another room?" Xander asked slowly. "Okay, there goes the hope of this mirror, having no REAL history," he emphasized the 'real' with a glare at Spike, "making it completely normal."  
  
Spike glared back, then just directed his eyes back at the artifact.  
  
Suddenly he saw it too; a brief glimpse of another room appearing underneath the surface of the glass. The others all drew a simultaneous breath as well and he understood that they had all seen it this time.  
  
"What's happening?" Dawn mumbled as the mirror started to grow darker.  
  
"Let's smash it!" Xander exclaimed taking a step forward, but Spike reached out a hand and grabbed a firm hold of his arm, holding him back without releasing the mirror with his eyes.  
  
"No." he said in a low voice. "Just hold on a minute."  
  
"In a minute we'll all be DEAD!" Xander said, turning to the vampire. "Haven't you been a part of this gang long enough to KNOW that?"  
  
"Hey," Buffy said, her eyes on the mirror as well. "The only one dying on these occasions seem to be yours truly, so let it go and. I think something's happening."  
  
The mirror glass was so dark it looked black, but there were small scatters of light in it.  
  
Suddenly a wave seemed to gently flow through it and in the next moment a delicate shoe with a matching foot took a step out of it, putting itself down on the floor in front of the frame.  
  
Spike let Xander's arm go, Xander now too mesmerized with what was happening right before his eyes to even notice, then he took a few steps forward. Buffy registered Spike walking past her, then that he had stopped, but her eyes still wouldn't budge from the mirror.  
  
The flow of the blue skirt of a lady's dress followed the foot and then all of a sudden the upper body of a young woman. The woman took yet another step and left the mirror standing behind her back, the glass now slowly going back to its normal neutral color.  
  
The dress she was wearing was absolutely stunning in blue velvet that was low cut at the neck, showing her milky white skin and the fabric flowed gently from her hips, surrounding her feet and spreading on the floor. She was looking down, her eyes evidently closed, and her arms hung at her sides.  
  
Her dark hair was put up in a pretty do on her head and around her neck a little chain of silver with some kind of charm, which none of them really could see, glittered.  
  
Spike took another step forward and at the movement all of the others seemed to break out of their hypnosis.  
  
Before they had a chance to really react the woman slowly lifted her head.  
  
Her face was common but pretty nonetheless, her eyes were striking though; as blue as the sky and the color in them enhanced by that of her dress. They searched around the room for a moment and then they locked on Spike.  
  
Buffy stared at the lady before her, and then followed her gaze to the vampire.  
  
"Sarah?" he suddenly said slowly.  
  
The woman first started to look relieved and then an expression of pain shot up in her face as she put one hand tightly on her stomach.  
  
"William," she sighed and then she dropped un-conscious to the floor.  
  
And what hit Buffy the most was the absolutely stricken expression growing on Spike's face. 


	5. Chapter Five

New Horizons: Chapter Five  
  
By Annie  
  
04-27-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It hardly took a second before Spike was at the woman's side, lifting her in his arms with his eyes darting around at the rest of them.  
  
Buffy had the name of the young lady ringing in her head out of tune with the silent repeating of the vampire's human one, the way the woman had spoken it, under her breath and close to a whisper, before collapsing in a heap on the floor.  
  
Sarah.? William. Sarah.? William.  
  
It went on and on and she didn't notice that the others were moving around her, more or less making way for Spike as he swiftly carried the unconscious stranger to the couch, carefully setting her down and then kneeling beside her, his eyes on her face and the look of shock and confusion that had hit Buffy like a sledgehammer only a few minutes earlier still clear on his features.  
  
"Buffy," Dawn said, worry in her voice and Buffy turned to her slowly, trying to make the echoing stop.  
  
Her head was starting to get more and more messed up. Maybe she really WAS crazy to think that this could be real, ANY of it. Maybe all of it was just some bad trip to her subconscious, a place she had made up one day just so the darker part of her could somehow play a cruel and twisted joke on that part of her that needed the light. And now she had spent years and years trying to fight her way back to where she had been before Sunnydale, before the all too extraordinary everyday of her Slayer life began, back to reality and her family. Back home.  
  
Then she felt Dawn tug at the arm of her shirt and she lifted her gaze to look at her sister.  
  
Her sister, her blood, the Key.  
  
She almost wanted to turn and run, run away as fast as she could and never look back. But then she met Dawn's eyes, the look in them frightened and questioning as they cautiously held hers. And something clicked inside of Buffy, something she hadn't felt in a long time started creeping slowly in her chest. She recognized it straight away. It was that pure intuition that she had been born with but hadn't discovered until she fully embraced the Slayer side in her.  
  
The intuition told her simply that she was who she chose, and she had made her choice looking into her mother's eyes that day at the Asylum, her mother's voice had been the one to guide her back to who she couldn't deny being. And as this became clear to Buffy she knew something even more important, she knew she was done wishing she was someone else.  
  
Looking into Dawn's eyes the revelation of not only knowing, but also feeling where she belonged crept side by side with that familiar intuition and she couldn't hold back a faint smile.  
  
She had been dreaming nightmares for a week. About her parents huddled by the side of her at the Asylum, her eyes staring straight ahead and the doctor regretfully announcing that she once more was lost to them; her parents sobbing and then the scenario repeating, over and over like a broken record. Waking her up in a cold sweat and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to do anything but sleep.  
  
But something had seemed so wrong with the picture of the Asylum. It had been so drained of color, black and white almost. Sculpted. And she had felt more at a loss the brief moments her brain had entered that realm, seeing and speaking to her since long lost mother and watching her parents actually together, than she had ever felt since she came back from the grave.  
  
The wish of an easier life had gotten the better of her, and she had let it. All that was past now, all of it.  
  
She straightened her back without thinking as she pulled herself out of her thoughts, the worry and fright in Dawn's eyes now having given way for that of watchful concern.  
  
"Are you all right?" Dawn asked in a low voice and Buffy drew a breath, looking around her a little at the familiar things of her home as if seeing them in a new light and then she smiled, nodded and embraced her sister.  
  
"Thanks to you," she said and Dawn looked a little confused but relieved none the less as she hugged her sister back.  
  
"Me? What'd I do?" she asked and Buffy shook her head a little.  
  
"Nothing. I just. I love you, Dawnie," she said in a heartfelt tone and Dawn stared at her for a brief second before answering:  
  
"I love you too, Buffy."  
  
"Bloody hell, what's the matter with her?" Spike's voice interrupted their little moment and the two turned to the assembly by the couch, Spike now at his feet looking frustrated at Willow as she bent down to examine the woman, still immobile on the couch.  
  
Buffy looked at the lady, Sarah, and then at Spike who was restlessly combing his short blonde strands with one hand, scratching the back of his head before repeating the movement.  
  
She looked away and directed her gaze at Willow, who straightened her back turning to Spike.  
  
"I don't know." Willow said slowly. "Honestly she just seems exhausted, her heart beat is steady and she's breathing fine. Not that I'm an EXPERT but I would say that with some sleep she'll wake up to be her .old.self again."  
  
With that statement Spike felt everybody's eyes being turned to him. He didn't look up, he didn't know exactly what to say to them. It wasn't like he had gone around expecting his past to come knocking on the door one day. Or, in this case, come stepping out of a bloody mirror.  
  
"Bollocks," he mumbled as he looked down at her. "What are you doing here.?"  
  
"I think we all would like to know that," he suddenly heard Buffy's voice behind him and he rolled his eyes before raising his head to meet her gaze. "Who IS she?" Buffy asked.  
  
"What if I say it's nothing to you?" he asked nonchalantly and she crossed her arms over her chest, starting to look angry.  
  
"Because by some fluke of good luck that mirror she just happened to step through was sent and ADDRESSED to me," Buffy replied pointing a finger at herself. "And since this whole thing took place in MY living room I think I have a right to know what the hell is going on!" she finished, her voice slightly raised and with a look at him bearing a challenge to try to persuade her otherwise.  
  
He wondered if she realized she was looking at him like that. She should know he never could resist a challenge.  
  
"Well, MAYBE I could just say to hell with all that and then LEAVE with my lady here?" he suggested with a nod towards the woman, him trying to stay calm but his voice sounding louder than he had planned.  
  
"You bloody hell WON'T, William!" she almost yelled at him and when the short echo of her words died out silence spread among the people in the room.  
  
Buffy's heart was beating hard in her chest even before she uttered that sentence, but now it slowed down until she thought it would stop. She swallowed; her eyes still in Spike's and his blue showing surprise with a hint of growing mockery. She didn't want to look around at the others. Not only had she adopted his damn expression, but she had also used that NAME!  
  
She shook her head a little.  
  
"I mean: Spike," she said and he couldn't help but smile a little. "And. Oh, don't look so God damn smug!" she exclaimed, turning around and walking out of the room into the kitchen.  
  
Tara's eyes followed the Slayer as the latter quickly disappeared from view, she held back a smile, not wanting to take sides but feeling it difficult not to see the forest for all the trees. She knew that the reason Buffy all of a sudden was Ms. Self-Conscious had really nothing to do with the fact that her friends had heard her use the well known swearing as well as the vamp's human name, it was because HE had. And the sentence with which her friend had exited just made that so much clearer to her.  
  
She was sure the Slayer did not see it that way, though. She didn't realize that her friends would probably just shake the swearing thing off as her having spent too much time patrolling and whatnot with the vamp, his language sticking to some part of her brain being inevitable. And the use of his name, well, hadn't the mysterious girl just uttered it?  
  
Tara still had it lingering in her head, that was for sure. The way the girl had said it, so softly and as though she had used it so many times before on him had left quite an in pact on Tara and now she turned her eyes to Spike, who was looking down on the lady once more.  
  
"Spike." Dawn said ever so carefully. "I really hate it when you fight. Couldn't you.? I'll- .we'll stay with your.friend. Please," she pleaded and he smiled a little.  
  
"Okay," he nodded. "I'll talk to her, but I won't apologize for saying that this is none of your business, 'cause it's not," he added looking around at the person's in the room as if to underline that last statement so that they'd all keep away from asking.  
  
Then he walked around the coffee table in two big steps and went to the kitchen.  
  
Buffy pushed the drawer containing silver wear shut with her hip and turned around with a bunch of spoons in her hand just as Spike entered the kitchen.  
  
She froze for a moment, looking at him; he could see she didn't seem angry anymore, only annoyed. Then she put the spoons down on the counter and with one look that told him to get out she turned to the cabinet behind her, in the corner of the kitchen by the refrigerator, and opened it with a hard tug at the handle.  
  
He studied her back, memories of all the things he had done with her over the stretch of a few months flowing into his brain, filling it, filling him.  
  
"Buffy." he said and she spun around, her eyes once more signaling him to leave her alone.  
  
But he couldn't, and he knew she knew that.  
  
"I'm .sorry," he suddenly found himself saying. "I'm not saying that you don't have a right to know. It's just. It's personal."  
  
The look in her eyes shifted to disbelieving as she finally opened her mouth and spoke.  
  
"Personal?" she asked, starting to walk towards him. "Personal?! Well, isn't that something we all wish we could use as an excuse? It just so happens that I don't believe you. I don't think that's the whole reason behind this whole avoiding-the-subject thing you've got going here, Spike. So, why don't you just tell me and get it over with?"  
  
She finished with a defiant gleam in her eyes, standing right in front of him now and looking like she wouldn't move one inch even if the house came crashing down around her.  
  
How he loved her at that moment, how clear his feelings were, and how it hurt that she just didn't believe him, that she couldn't see.  
  
He hid these thoughts behind the mask he had become so accustomed to around her, smiled arrogantly at her and then shrugged a little.  
  
"Oh, so now we're back to Spike?" She only furrowed her brow slightly and he tilted his head a little before continuing: "And you've suddenly decided you know me, love?" he asked this slowly and her eyes grew into slits as she refrained from asking what he meant. "This whole I-can-read-you-like-an- open-book thing," he began explaining, mimicking her choice of words before, "isn't really working its magic on me, pet. Doesn't make me wanna succumb and open up, or whatever. All I'm saying is that you'd just do best in keeping your pretty little nose outta this one, Slayer. Whatever she's doing here has got to do with me, I'm more than sure of that, so you just."  
  
She moved before he had finished, her face suddenly so close to his that he could feel her body heat reach out its fingers and gently caress his cool skin, her eyes looking directly into his and her hands planted firmly on either side of his face, her fingers practically digging into his neck and her thumbs at either of his temples.  
  
"Now you listen to me, Mr. Big-Bad Ass-Living Dead," she said in a lowered but determined voice. "We are all in on this, whether you like it or not, and whether you want it or not the fact is that the first step in contacting us was made to ME which makes this Slayer brain of mine think that, gee, that's probably not a coincidence. So, cliff notes version, you can tell me who this Sarah is or SHE can do it once she wakes up. It's your choice."  
  
All his senses were on the brim of melt down, it felt like he hadn't had her this close for a hundred years and his hands had automatically placed themselves on respective hip, holding her gently to him as she spoke.  
  
Buffy had no idea what the hell was the matter with her. WHY was she all of a sudden practically in his arms? And WHY was her face so close to his that their noses were practically scraping against each other?  
  
For a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. It would fit the profile of their previous make-out sessions perfectly. Fighting seemed to be their best foreplay.  
  
But then in one fluid motion she pulled away and took a step back, her eyes still in his though. He hated the guilty look on her face, hated that she felt like she had just led him on.  
  
Then he heard something thump-thump-thumping in his ears and he realized what it was.  
  
With a little smile he said:  
  
"Your heart is racing, love."  
  
Buffy cursed the traitor in her chest before shrugging and turning around, walking back to the counter where she had left the spoons. She had thought she'd make some soup or something but now the idea seemed far away and unimportant as she began fidgeting with the silverware.  
  
She sighed a little, figuring she did owe him a little more than that and turned back around.  
  
But he had already gone back into the living room, the kitchen was empty, and she was alone.  
  
***  
  
  
  
She abandoned the idea of food, even though her stomach was grumbling, and just poured some water into a pitcher, getting out some glasses and putting it all on a tray. Just as she was about finished Willow came hurrying into the kitchen, the excited look on her face spoke to Buffy before she uttered the words:  
  
"She's waking up."  
  
Buffy nodded, picking up the tray as Willow swung around and went back into the living room. Buffy's arms felt shaky and for a moment she thought she was going to drop the tray, but then she drew a deep breath and fixed her thoughts on simply walking the few steps from where she was now and into the other room.  
  
It's nothing, she thought. It's nothing for a slayer. What's up with me now, got a serious touch of the super guilty conscience all of a sudden?  
  
She walked swiftly into the living room, putting the tray down on the white painted desk opposite the fireplace before turning to walk slowly towards the couch and her friends gathered around the person on it.  
  
She stopped beside Dawn, who had a big smile on her lips when she turned to Buffy.  
  
"Isn't it just great?" Dawn asked her and Buffy nodded a little as she watched Spike sit down by the woman's. Sarah's side.  
  
Sarah's eyes were only partially opened but as Spike hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on hers, just to gently take a hold of it, they opened up and she fixed her gaze in his.  
  
The love that immediately showed in this stranger's eyes as she looked at the vampire shook the assembled group and everybody stirred a little, all taken in their own way.  
  
Willow was amazed; she had a ton of questions in her head. The primal one being if this lady even KNEW Spike wasn't human. Having used the name he had held as a mortal she doubted the woman knowing.  
  
Xander had a hard time grasping anyone looking at Spike with that kind of emotion in their eyes. He figured, just as Willow had, that the woman couldn't possibly know what Spike was, having called him William. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of honest affection in the air between the bleached vamp and the stranger and it arose his curiosity. Who was she?  
  
Dawn was happy for Spike, happy that she could see someone other than herself showing him affection. She knew he craved it, despite his rough exterior, and he sure wasn't receiving it from the one of whom he needed it the most.  
  
Tara looked at the scene before her, how Spike slowly but surely seemed to relax as the woman held his hand back, a smile growing on the lady's face. How the loving gaze she was giving him soon started reflecting in his eyes. She casually turned her head to the Slayer, but she hadn't expected to see the sudden amount of pain rising in her friend's face, or the shock that the pain brought with it.  
  
Buffy stared in awe at the scenario taking place before her eyes. Spike looked happy, he looked truly happy to see this lady of his. whoever she was.  
  
Buffy wasn't very surprised when the small gnawing of jealousy started somewhere near her heart. After all, this wasn't the first time it appeared when she saw Spike with another woman. Or "skank" was really a better word to use for the half dead looking girl he had dragged to Xander's not-quite- so-happening wedding. But when the gnawing suddenly grew into an out right tugging as she saw how Spike's posture changed when Sarah took a reassuring hold of his hand, and how the look in his eyes grew into one Buffy recognized so well and still it was somehow different, she felt a sharp pain where the jealousy was and the pang of it was what brought the shock that Tara observed into Buffy's features.  
  
Why is this any different? she thought to herself, almost panicking over the overwhelming feeling burying itself in her chest. It isn't!  
  
But turning her eyes on the two again she knew it was, because this time it wasn't a scheme to make HER jealous, and it wasn't someone random in any way. The sudden warmth and love in Spike's eyes as he looked down at the woman, slightly smiling at her, was everything that was needed to make it more than obvious that this was anything but that.  
  
And she knew that this time it had nothing to do with her, thus summing everything quickly up in her head that this must be why she was feeling the almost nauseating grabbing at her heart.  
  
What kind of a monster am I, then? she thought, turning away from the others and walking up to where she had left the water and glasses. I feel like this simply because I'm not in his head twenty-four seven, when I know what it's doing to him to have me there? I'm a terrible, awful person!  
  
She grabbed a glass, filling it with water and then put the pitcher down, hands suddenly sweaty and her head slowly starting to spin she turned back to the others.  
  
She swallowed, her throat dry, but wanting to show her support, wanting to show Spike that she wanted him to. To what? She didn't know, just to let him know that she. That she, what? Didn't feel a thing looking at him looking at Sarah like that? She held the glass in a firm grip walking up to the group again, shrugging the mind-war in her head off and once more stopping beside Dawn.  
  
"I thought." she started and Spike turned his eyes to her, waiting for her to continue.  
  
She swallowed again.  
  
"For Sarah," she said, reaching the hand with the glass towards him and feeling it slip out of her grip before she had a chance to react.  
  
He caught it, of course, before it hit the floor and straightened his back with a little smile.  
  
No mockery in his eyes now, she noticed.  
  
"Thank you," he said before turning back to Sarah, leaning down slightly and putting a hand behind her neck before bringing the edge of the glass to her lips.  
  
She drank almost half the glass and then brought her mouth away, turning her head to the Slayer with a grateful smile.  
  
Buffy pressed one onto her own lips, hoping it didn't look as stale as it felt. The room was seriously spinning by now and she tried to keep her gaze fixed to see if she could make it go away, it usually worked if she got a really hard blow to the head while fighting.  
  
This time, however, it didn't and she heard Tara's voice from a far asking her if she was all right just before her knees buckled under her.  
  
Then she felt Spike's strong arms catching her before she hit the floor and with them still around her, her sight abandoned her eyes, giving way for the thick blanket of darkness. 


	6. Chapter Six

New Horizons: Chapter Six  
  
By Annie  
  
02-28-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
His voice was crystal clear in her head.  
  
"I hope you don't think that antidote's gonna rid you of that bloody martyrdom. See, I figured it out, love; you can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark, like I thought. You're addicted to the misery. That's why you won't tell your pals about us. might actually have to be happy if you did. That they'd understand and help you, God forbid. Or drive you out. Make you finally be at peace.in the dark.with me. Either way you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for that. Let yourself live, all ready. And stop with the bloody hero-trip for a second, we'd all be better off for it. You either tell your friends about us, or I will."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"What, love?"  
  
She slowly opened her eyes. Her head was pounding and she drew a breath before trying to focus her gaze. Her eyes found his and she looked at him for a moment, the view clearing. She remembered falling, she remembered being caught.by him. She looked at him, concern sketched on his face but his eyes shifting from hers to something on his left. Didn't matter.  
  
She closed her eyes briefly, memories of dreaming lingering in her head but she couldn't remember what about. A stranger's face emerged, like a spider in the web of her thoughts and she opened her eyes again, the events of the evening now pushing away the memories of her dream into oblivion.  
  
Maybe that's best, she thought, still feeling exhausted.  
  
Then she realized that she was lying on the soft cushions of the couch, and that Spike was sitting next to her. She sat up quickly, her head screaming at her that she was crazy as the pain shot up through her brain. She winced, putting her hands to her temples and pressing in hard on them.  
  
"You okay, love?" she heard Spike's voice, low and soothing.  
  
She felt like crying and she didn't know why.  
  
"Don't.call me that," she whispered and she could feel him stiffen a little.  
  
Then he got up and when she opened her eyes she saw that the woman, still not properly introduced, was seated in the armchair, a blanket around her shoulders and her eyes on the Slayer.  
  
Willow and Tara were standing to Buffy's right, as well as Dawn, all three looking worried, and Spike, now standing next to. Sarah, and Xander were to her left.  
  
She tried to manage a smile but the nausea then decided to make itself known again and she bit her jaws together instead.  
  
"What the." she mumbled before turning her gaze to Willow. "Will, what's wrong with me?" she asked and Willow looked at her, a touch of sadness in her eyes as she was about to respond but Spike did it for her.  
  
"What the hell do you think's the matter, Slayer?" he asked harshly and she turned to him, having no idea what he was talking about. "How long has it been since you ate a descent meal, Buffy?" he asked, tone softer but the look in his eyes almost blameful.  
  
She stared at him, then started to go back in her mind.  
  
She had hardly eaten anything all day. a handful of peanuts at lunch she guessed didn't really count for a "descent meal". She hadn't eaten anything the night before. and she had been too busy at work to even notice that her lunch break was on, she remembered now. She kept going and then looked up at him, and around at them all.  
  
"I." she tried, finding herself in the lack of a good excuse or even explanation.  
  
What was she supposed to say?  
  
Oh, I've been going around seriously contemplating whether or not you guys ARE real the whole week, which has had serious affects on my after dark work, in its turn giving me more to think about. Oh, yeah, and Spikey here had been my lover for quite some time 'til I broke it off quite recently and he gave me an ultimatum to tell you or HE would, which has kept me busy trying to AVOID him. In the mornings I need to get Dawn off to school AND me off to work which leaves little time to worry about breakfast and.  
  
She sighed, shaking her head. Her not being able to juggle everything that was going on in her life was nobody's fault but her own, in the lacking of proper training, she supposed. And she wished she could blurt everything out and be done with it, but she figured that would be a really bad idea. Still, she hadn't just come to the decision of not wanting to be somebody else for nothing and so she said:  
  
"I've had a LOT on my plate this past week."  
  
"Obviously that's a big 'not really', Buff," Xander pointed out at her choice of words and she smiled faintly at him, he always joked when he was nervous, she knew this, and she could see that he was blaming himself.  
  
"Xander," she said slowly. "Guys," she then continued, looking around at them. "The antidote didn't just sweep everything away." this admittance making her friends' eyes widen a little, and she quickly continued: "I've been thinking. A lot. And it wasn't 'til tonight that I actually managed to finish thinking. And I just want you all to know that I love you guys, so much. And that.that I'm home."  
  
Dawn hesitated just a split second before taking the step dividing her and her sister, sitting down on the couch and giving her a big hug.  
  
"I didn't know, Buffy," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.  
  
Buffy hugged her tightly.  
  
"I know, Dawn, and I didn't want you to. I needed to figure it out myself, and there hadn't been anything you could've done anyway." she said reassuringly and Dawn nodded against her shoulder.  
  
Willow felt herself choking up, she KNEW she should have made her eat something!  
  
"Buffy, this morning." she started but Buffy looked up at her, Dawn still in her arms, and smiled, now more genuinely.  
  
"I know you would have made me eat something if you had known, but how could you? Besides, I kind of presented a pretty strong argument, didn't I?" she said and Willow smiled back a little hesitantly, and then nodded.  
  
Dawn pulled away, swiping at her tears and Buffy smiled at her, comfortingly, pulling Dawn's hair back with her hands.  
  
"You all done?" Spike's voice suddenly asked and Buffy turned to him, about to ask him to stop being an insensitive ass-hole for a minute or so, but the tray he bent over to put down in front of her pushed the words right back down her throat and she choked on them, starting to cough.  
  
She wasn't the only one who stared at the former Big Bad as he did this movement, though. Dawn's face split in a smile at the look on her sister's face as Spike straightened his back again.  
  
"Made you a sandwich," he said with a small shrug and a gesture to the tray, noticing how they all were staring at him he added: "Nothing fancy! . There's some milk, too. If you'd like."  
  
Then he picked up a small mug, obviously already filled with the latter and went over to Sarah, handing it to her with something that was supposed to look like carelessness, but that didn't.  
  
Buffy's stomach growled at her and she bent over, picking up the sandwich from the plate and starting to eat it she tried to, as inconspicuously as possible observe Spike.  
  
When he turned around she quickly looked away and the only thing that came to mind was a silly little school girl having a crush on some boy and. She stopped the comparison right there, shaking her head at herself and then turning back to him.  
  
"Is it good?" he asked with a self assured smile and she thought there was the Spike she knew so well, then she smiled a bright smile at him and she saw the look in his eyes go from teasing to. she couldn't quite place it.  
  
"Yes," she then said, sinking her teeth into it again.  
  
And it was.  
  
Spike nodded, the expression still on his face, and then he looked away. Something inside her jumped with joy; HE had looked away, HE had looked away! Then she hit it over the head with a gush of annoyed nonchalance and it grew quiet.  
  
He couldn't help it, that smile had always made him want to drop to his knees. Literally since it made the joints in them non-existing, or so it would seem. This, of course, making him quite enraged with himself, or making the DEMON enraged. Or.  
  
Bloody hell, this is starting to get confusing! he thought, turning back to Sarah.  
  
She looked up at him with a smile and he smiled back, still not believing she was actually sitting there, in front of him.  
  
Then she bent forward, putting her mug, now empty, on the table in front of her before getting to her feet.  
  
He could feel the strength in her, it was coming at him like waves, and he remembered it so well. Happy to see that it was still there and now ready to hear whatever explanation she might have as to what she was doing there.  
  
He had decided Buffy had been right; the mirror wouldn't have been at her doorstep unless this whole thing somehow required the Slayer.  
  
Everybody had grown silent as the stranger got to her feet; she seemed quite strong now, as she walked around the armchair to face them all.  
  
Buffy, still chewing and occasionally slurping her milk followed her with her gaze expectantly, as did the rest of the ensemble.  
  
"You have all been very patient," the lady now spoke, her British accent thick and judging by it she was of the aristocratic descendants, as apposed to Spike who's British often had had the ever so traditional Giles quite appalled. "Thank you," the lady added.  
  
Buffy swallowed the last of her sandwich, her eyes meeting Sarah's, and as Sarah smiled at her she found herself easily returning it this time. Then Sarah turned to Spike.  
  
"Hi, Will," she said, her soft melodic voice warm with emotion as she took a step forward. "I have missed you so."  
  
Spike met her and pulled her into a hard embrace, closing his eyes and feeling the heat of her body.  
  
"Me too, precious," he whispered.  
  
"Wow," Xander mumbled, looking at the two. "Looks like you're off the hook," he then said, turning to Buffy who turned her head to him, at first with a questioning look in her eyes, then realizing what he meant.  
  
She turned back to Spike and Sarah.  
  
"Yeah," she said, voice low. "Looks like it."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Something bad is happening," Sarah said, twenty minutes later, once more seated in the armchair, with the Scoobies cramped up in front of her on the couch and Spike seated on a chair he had went and got for himself, to her left.  
  
"When isn't it?" Buffy asked no one in particular and Sarah smiled.  
  
"Yes, I know in the line of work you do, you encounter bad things on an every day basis, do you not?"  
  
She said it more like a statement and Buffy nodded slightly.  
  
"Yes, bad meat at the Double Meat is always."  
  
"I meant, of course, as the Slayer," Sarah gently interrupted her and Buffy looked at her, a little surprised, even though the girl HAD ended up in her living room by stepping through a mirror.  
  
"Hey, what do you know about that.?" Spike asked, his voice sounding a little strained and he looked down at his hands, unwilling to meet her eyes.  
  
She reached out a hand and placed it on his arm, squeezing it gently before saying:  
  
"I know a lot more than you could even imagine."  
  
He hesitantly raised his gaze to meet hers.  
  
"I know what you are," she then added. "Did you think I wouldn't find out if you just disappeared from London?" she added and he stared at her, then looked away again.  
  
"It wasn't me who wanted to leave," he said. "It was Dru."  
  
"And you're thinking that I've been believing you left for my sake, so that you wouldn't hurt me or my father, but that I've been wrong," Sarah said matter-of-factly and Buffy stared at her, just as Spike did. "Well," Sarah now continued. "Then I will believe YOU wrong, my dear William. Because I have always known you had traces of you in there, and I think you lost sight of that roaming around with that horrid vampire," she finished, letting a shake go through her body to emphasize her discomfort with Drusilla.  
  
"Well, you could have that view on it. On the other hand he might just have been sincerely fond of the biting that came with her company," Xander said coyly and received a hard elbow in the side from Willow.  
  
Spike turned to him to say something but Sarah's laughter stopped him short.  
  
"Yes, but you see, that was the vampire part, the demon in him," she said, gaze now at Xander. "Of course, the reputation he got didn't come from being lenient, did it. Spike?" she added, turning back to the latter who looked uncomfortable with hearing her use that name on him.  
  
"No," he then silently agreed.  
  
"Okay, so you know Spike's a vampire, you know I'm the Slayer and you know that there is something bad happening somewhere," Buffy spoke up and Sarah turned to her. "Well, HOW do you know he's a vampire, and how the heck do you know I'm the Slayer? Don't tell me a prophecy, PLEASE! And WHERE is this bad thing happening?" Buffy finished.  
  
"And how does the mirror work?" Dawn chipped in, grinning. "That was WAY cool!"  
  
Sarah smiled, pulling her arm back with a final squeeze on Spike's before settling back into the armchair.  
  
"Well, I'll start from the beginning, after all, that's the best place to start," she said and Spike let hear a low laugh which made her turn her head to him.  
  
"What?" she asked, faking an insulted tone.  
  
"Nothing. You just haven't changed, have you?" he answered her and she smiled widely before answering:  
  
"Why, of course not. I stepped through that mirror from the room where it stands in my home in England, and there it is only two years after you were turned, William, in the year of her Queen Victoria, 1882." 


	7. Chapter Seven

New Horizons: Chapter Seven  
  
By Annie  
  
04-28-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Time traveling, huh?" Xander asked. "Haven't had that in a while, eh, Buff?"  
  
Buffy shook her head, her eyes fixed on the woman.  
  
Two years after he was turned. 1882.  
  
"Eh." she said. "You were saying you should start from the beginning. Please, do."  
  
Sarah nodded.  
  
"My name is Sarah Jill Macintyre and I was born in the year of 1855, one year after William. William's mother was a seamstress and she made all my clothes as well as my mother's dresses, she was very kind and I remember her well from being a child. Will's father was."  
  
"Do you bloody well have to tell MY life story?" Spike interrupted her, and when Buffy looked at him she could have been willing to bet that, had he been human he would have blushed. "I mean, is it necessary?" he added and Sarah looked at him timidly.  
  
"Why, yes. For certain," she then said with a smile and he sighed, looking beaten.  
  
"Fine," he grumbled.  
  
"Well, then. William's father was a shoemaker and an excellent one at that, and I suppose you could say that both Mr. and Mrs. Kinsley."  
  
Spike winced, closing his eyes.  
  
"Lord. Precious, is it ABSOLUTELY necessary to."  
  
"Oh, do hush up, William," Sarah interrupted him impatiently. "You're being quite awful right now and you know it, I'm trying to tell my story here and, well, you don't seem to care."  
  
Buffy couldn't stifle the laughter in her throat and covered her mouth with both hands as Spike shot a glance her way. He noticed that the Slayer wasn't the only one grinning and he started mumbling to himself before speaking up:  
  
"You seem to forget, my lady, that I'm not ALL William anymore, and that I've gone through some changes, happens when you live a century or so." Sarah raised her eyebrows only looking slightly amused and he continued with some force: "And I believe I can interrupt you as much as I bloody well want without caring even the ."  
  
"William Thackary Kinsley!" Sarah exclaimed, her voice sounding appalled but her eyes glinting with tease.  
  
Spike's eyes grew round in indignation.  
  
"God, Sarah! Stop that!" he yelled, getting to his feet. "It's bad enough having you tell everybody what my bloody folks did for a livin', now you gotta go tellin' them a name I've spent a bloody eternity leaving behind me!"  
  
"That's bloody right, I will," Sarah nodded agreement and mocking him his use of foul language. "You do swear an awful lot, Will," she said to bring out her point. "I don't remember."  
  
"Sarah, I know this is all in fun, at least for you," Spike said, his voice drenched in what almost sounded like helplessness. "But this is my world you're entering here. I'm NOT William anymore, you must know that. And I can't just go back. Seeing you again is. I can't describe it, precious, but I still don't understand what the." he stopped himself and Sarah hid a small smile, he sighed. "What you're doing here," he finished.  
  
"Well, silly, that's what I have been trying to tell you, isn't it? Now, if you would just let the William side of you rest with the objections about a life he has been trying to forget and which he can't go back to, the details of which, I am regretful to inform him, is pivotal for my story of WHY I am here, I may be able to answer that and explain everything else," Sarah finished.  
  
Spike looked at her, defeated he sunk down on his chair again.  
  
"Fine," he once more grumbled, not able to look at the Scoobies, least of all that wanker Harris who probably was having a field day with the bloody information he had just received, but he didn't want to look at Buffy either.  
  
He remembered telling her that he had always been this way, always been bad and tough. He knew now that the lie would be put in its true light, and he didn't want to see her reaction. It didn't matter, anyway. All that was only part of his history and so far past him now that it simply didn't matter; least of all in the ended story of the Slayer and the Vamp.  
  
Sarah looked at him, smiling a little and with an expression on her face as though she had a secret only she knew.  
  
"Fine," she then mimicked him, turning the only way he refused to and searched for a moment where to pick up her story. "Ah, yes," she then said. "Mr. and Mrs. Kinsley were working for my mother and father on a regular basis. My grandfather had been a good friend of William's grandfather and so MY father was a good friend of Mr. Kinsley's, my father wanted the best for William's family and so was the arrangement of employment for them the perfect solution. England, and the times, are still rough on people I suppose, even if we ARE living in rather the Golden Ages. At least from what I've seen during my traveling," she ended her sentence with a glance directed to a spot somewhere behind her and even though she hardly moved her head it was evident she was thinking of the mirror.  
  
All of the gathered Scoobies wanted to ask WHERE and WHEN she had been other than the very room they now shared, but none of them wanted to interrupt her story and so they all held their breath, waiting for her to continue.  
  
"William and I grew up together, even though we lived in different parts of Town we still played together every day," she gave Spike a loving gaze and he smiled a little, still uncomfortable with having his past so pressing upon him, but not able to deny to himself that parts of the remembering was really pleasant. "Through circumstances I won't get into, since William seems reluctant to opening himself up too much to such nice people as yourselves," she said this with quite an amount of sarcasm directed to her childhood friend turned fiend, "William was sent to school and he was away for over a year. I thought I would die. But, he did write me pretty poems."  
  
With that Sarah's face split into a radiant smile and Spike couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head at her, the others not catching in on the joke of him being infamous to most back in good old England for writing awful poetry.  
  
"You always were a teaser, weren't you?" he asked as she laughed with him.  
  
"Always," she then said, still smiling.  
  
Buffy looked at the couple, not able to retract the sinking feeling in her stomach. She wished she had never been weakened by that damned demon, turning her into a musical maniac singing her feelings out to him, leading to their first kiss. "You can make me feel." Bah! Feel too much, that was the problem. She wanted this stupid jealousy gone!  
  
At least all of her staggering and feeling sick earlier hadn't all been caused by him; it had been caused by her not so smart choice of pushing nothing but the fact of her body needing food aside. Heck, maybe that was ALL it had been: hunger!  
  
Her mind returning to the present and the easy way he conversed with Sarah made her painfully aware that it hadn't been all, that it still wasn't all. That she was jealous.  
  
She started to get more and more furious with herself. How could she start to get back to where she had been last spring, before Glory and the sacrifice of her own life, if she couldn't get past this petty feeling? Shouldn't she want him to be happy? Hadn't she known him long enough to want that for him? She knew SHE couldn't make him happy! She just couldn't.  
  
And here was this girl, this woman and lady, from his past, who had known him as William and now sat there, laughing as if nothing had changed, only she was doing it with Spike.  
  
Ugh, the so wonderful and entertaining world of referring to people in two names or in third person or whatever is REALLY loosing its glitter, she thought, shrugging.  
  
"Hello, still not finished with the SO interesting story!" Dawn cheerfully reminded and Sarah turned to her, smiling.  
  
Spike leaned back in his chair as Sarah did the same.  
  
"Right," she said. "So, where was I. Ah, yes. Will got back from school and we spent everyday together. Finally, I thought, he's back to stay. Well, that turned out to be wrong because that summer he met this woman who. I don't know how to explain it. Intoxicated him. When she one day declared she had had enough of his wooing her he."  
  
"Don't we recognize that.?" Xander mumbled under his breath and got another elbow reprimand from Willow.  
  
Spike just looked at him with such a piercing expression in his eyes that Buffy almost thought it would cut right through him.  
  
Sarah either didn't pick up on it or disregarded it because she continued:  
  
".Well, let's just say that he wasn't very happy during that time. He was depressed and even though he tried to be as social with me as before he just wasn't up for it. One morning, that same fall, I woke up and he wasn't in his bed, which wasn't all that unusual, but what got me worried was that it hadn't been slept in all night. I searched his whole room for a note or any kind of clue as to where he might have gone, but all his clothes, except for the ones he had been wearing the last time I saw him the day before, and most of his belongings were accounted for. When he hadn't come back in the evening and there was no word from him my father and I grew very worried and we contacted the police.  
  
"They searched for you for almost two months, William, but they came up empty handed at every turn and since you didn't make any sign of contacting us they simply had to give up. I didn't, though. I KNEW you were still alive and. Well, the details are long and very boring but let's just say that I got in contact with a helpful man who introduced me to a whole new world of knowledge. And it didn't take much to make a believer out of me, you remember our discussions, don't you?" He nodded at that, now sitting silently watching her as she spoke. "Well, in the spring after you had gone missing I received a letter which anyhow cleared any doubt I might have had regarding the matter of you still being alive. It was a short note saying that you were all well and traveling and that you had left with your true love. Of course I immediately saw that it wasn't your writing and the person signing it with a D. didn't help her cause either. It was much later that I found out that it was Drusilla who had sent it."  
  
"What?!" Spike exploded.  
  
Sarah smiled calmingly at him.  
  
"Yes, can you believe it?"  
  
"But, how do you know so much about Drusilla?" Buffy asked and Sarah turned to her.  
  
"Well, the story is only getting started," she answered. "I was engulfed with my own distress, knowing so many signs pointed to you being turned, Will, and not wanting to believe it. I started to meet with the man who had told me about the idea of vampires existing, in his quiet shop every afternoon. He had tons and tons of books and I started studying them, with his help and guidance. Soon I was able to read languages I could hardly speak and understand the ancient signs that filled the scrolls he kept at the back of his shop. And then one day he had a shipment come into the harbor and he was extremely excited to show it to me."  
  
"The mirror," Buffy concluded and Sarah nodded.  
  
"Yes, the mirror. He had obtained it from a friend, he told me, and that was the day he also let me know that he was dying. He said I had been so good to him, keeping him company, and now he was presenting the mirror to me as a gift and a token of his appreciation."  
  
"That's what it said on the note on the box that I got," Buffy pointed out and Sarah smiled wearily.  
  
"Yes, I thought it fitting." she said, sadness in her voice. "He was a nice man, and I wish he didn't have to die, but he was sick and so in a way it was for the better. He showed me the way to use the mirror, told me that I needed to be careful and treat it with respect or it would surely turn on me, and make me change history in some awful way, planting my foot in the wrong soil and at the wrong moment could, of course, have serious repercussions. Still, with its help I was able to locate you, William. I was able to see what you had become and what you did with that wretched vampire at your side. How I loathed her for taking you from me, how I wished I could wring her neck. But I knew, somehow, that you were still in there, even though the demon had taken you over so completely I could see you. You're in the eyes, William. You show in your eyes, and I don't think you can ever get out of there."  
  
Buffy felt, to her utter detriment, that at those words her own eyes were quickly filling up with tears and she stood, mumbling something, that she couldn't even catch herself, as an excuse and then rushed out of the room.  
  
***  
  
She didn't know how fast she got there, but before she knew it she closed the door to her room behind her, the tears having already spilled over she started wiping them away fiercely with both hands.  
  
"What the hell is the matter with me?" she asked her bed, her walls, her ceiling.  
  
None of them seemed to have the answer and she sunk down on the first, sitting with her hands between her legs and slightly rocking back and forth, back and forth, trying to find the answer to her question out for herself.  
  
"I'm sleep deprived, suffering malnutrition and I'm stressed out." she said wryly. "Wonder if that covers it." she added with a sigh. "No, I'm indecisive, too."  
  
'The day you decide what you want there'll be a bloody parade.'  
  
"Oh!" she growled, getting off the bed. "Get OUT of my HEAD!" she then exclaimed to his voice, it seemed to always be lurking somewhere in her brainstem, just WAITING to make an input here and an input there.  
  
Just then there was a slight knock on the door and she felt her heart stop. HAD she just been screaming at a voice in her head to get out of there.? Now, that must rank pretty high on the nutty-scale.  
  
She hesitated a moment before dragging her feet as she walked up to the door, grabbing the handle she took one more moment to put on a calm face and then opened it up.  
  
She had thought it would be HIM, but it was Dawn. Relieved she let her sister in.  
  
"A-are you okay?" she asked, eyeing Buffy's face. "I thought I heard you.um, talking to someone," she added, looking down.  
  
Buffy smiled a little.  
  
"Oh, just the good old brain ghosts, you know. Needed to give them a little rattle, ask them to keep it quite up there for a while," she said lightly and Dawn looked up, smiling as well.  
  
"Okay. I mean, I'm glad that you're okay," she said.  
  
"Yeah, me too," a voice was heard from the doorway and Buffy looked up and into his eyes.  
  
"Of course I am," she said, trying to sound careless. "Why shouldn't I be?"  
  
"Well, you kinda just ran off," Dawn answered her. "It just didn't seem like you were all fine."  
  
"I am, though. No worries. You guys can go down stairs and I'll be down soon. Just have to take a moment. If that's PERMITTED?" she asked, smile still on her face, and Dawn nodded.  
  
"Sure! I mean, of course! Um, I'll see you down there?"  
  
Buffy nodded and watched her sister go. Then she turned around, facing her bed, and combing her fingers through her hair she took a deep breath.  
  
"You don't look okay," he said behind her, and she sighed.  
  
"I thought you left," she stated, hoping he would get the hint and go back down.  
  
"Well, you were wrong then, weren't you, love?" he countered and she turned to him.  
  
"I." she started, trailing off as she looked at him, remembering all those times those eyes had rested in hers. on her.  
  
She looked away.  
  
"Can I come in?" he asked silently and her brain malfunctioned for a moment, her tongue slipping and she answered:  
  
"Yes, sure, whatever."  
  
He could tell she wasn't thinking, but it didn't matter and he took his first step into her room. By the second step her head popped up, her eyes fully expressing her realization of what she had just done: enabled him to enter her private domain, the vampire code of no entry now over ridden as she had given her consent.  
  
He stopped in front of her, her eyes suddenly looking vulnerable and almost scared.  
  
"What?" he asked softly. "You think I'll bite?"  
  
A trace of a smile graced her lips and then she grew serious.  
  
"No. Spike, I just."  
  
He smiled a little, taking the last step forward, her body close enough to feel.  
  
"Don't," she said, but she sounded wavering.  
  
His eyes locked in hers, his body so close, she felt weakened and frail. She wanted him so badly, and it scared her even more now than it had ever done to even think about telling anyone that fact. His mouth was so close, his eyes kept drilling into her, straight down to her core and she couldn't look away.  
  
"Why have you been crying, love?" he asked, his voice gentle.  
  
She swallowed, her mouth was as dry as a desert and she felt almost as though she was out of her body. she was in his eyes.  
  
Remembering vaguely crying before she didn't know what to answer him.  
  
"I don't remember," she mumbled, and that wasn't really a lie.  
  
She just didn't want to add: "Right now I can't even think because."  
  
Then his hand found hers, his fingers gently sliding over her wrist and she felt an overwhelming wave wash over her, carrying the pictures of their nightly escapades with it.  
  
He wasn't sure what the hell he was doing, but the feel of her warm skin was bliss, and he had missed it, and it was too late to go back now. He could see in her eyes how much she wanted him, and he had never been able to resist that knowledge before.  
  
She was getting lost. She was getting lost in those deep pools which were always pulling at her to dive in... cool off. She had worked so hard to avoid this scenario, and now it all felt like a waste.  
  
He was leaning closer now, his mouth, his lips parting slightly. She bent her head back a little, the submissive gesture making him suddenly freeze, looking down at her face.  
  
She was so beautiful, and her eyes.  
  
"No." he suddenly said, his voice hoarse. "You don't want this and I won't do this so you can have one more thing to blame me for later."  
  
With that he took a step away from her, gave her one last look and then he turned around, leaving her.  
  
She stared at the empty doorway.  
  
Then she furrowed her brow a little, crossing her arms over her chest before walking out of her room and starting downstairs.  
  
She walked into the kitchen; she was still hungry. Her head was buzzing with thoughts and she almost felt like hitting it against the fridge door a couple or so times, but she figured, having already talked to the voices in her head, that would probably not be a very good idea.  
  
She wanted to shake the feeling of him off, but that was even harder.  
  
There was one thing having your need satisfied, there was a complete other to try to ignore it after practically being able to taste it.  
  
"That's me," she said as she opened the fridge-door and let her eyes wander over the contents inside. "Just your regular junkie." 


	8. Chapter Eight

New Horizons: Chapter Eight  
  
By Annie  
  
04-29-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She put the two pills, which she had just gotten out of the cabinet in the bathroom upstairs, in her mouth, hurrying to wash them down with water before they started to dissolve and staining her tongue with their bitter taste.  
  
"Buffy?" Willow asked behind her and she turned around.  
  
Her friend looked questioning and Buffy smiled, reassuringly, taking another mouthful of water before putting the glass down in the kitchen sink.  
  
"Headache," she then explained and a flash of relief tore across Willow's face.  
  
"Oh, I thought that maybe." she started and then shrugged a little.  
  
Buffy's smile widened.  
  
"That what? I'd off myself from depression by taking an overdose?" Buffy asked, laughing. "I'm a little down, yes, but I'm not suicidal. Don't worry," she added as she walked up to Willow.  
  
"Okay," Willow said, looking at her friend. "I-I mean, I didn't THINK that you were trying to. Or that you WOULD! I was just wondering."  
  
Buffy gave her a quick hug, cutting her friends explanation short.  
  
"I know," she assured her. "Don't worry about it, Will? Okay? I'm fine. I'm better now than I have been all week," she continued walking into the living room, Willow following her. "Now that I've finally gotten it off my chest. Actually I'm feeling better than I have in." her eyes met Spike's and she paused for a moment before finishing: ".ages."  
  
"Now we're all here, let's continue with the really interesting and not quite finished story!" Dawn exclaimed happily, taking her seat on the couch in front of Sarah.  
  
The woman turned to look at Buffy, who had torn her eyes from the vampire's.  
  
"Are you all right?" she asked and when Buffy nodded she smiled.  
  
"Good. I'm glad," she then said and Buffy smiled back.  
  
Soon they were all back in their places and Sarah once more tried to remember where she had left off.  
  
"Of course. So, I saw you and Drusilla, Will, but I didn't stay very long when I traveled because there are limitations when you want to go by unnoticed and you always show up in quite the wrong attire," she made a gesture to her dress and they all smiled, her as well, before she continued: "The reason I decided to seek you out, William, was because of what is about to happen in London. I'm not absolutely sure what it is, I'm not trained enough to read the books properly, but."  
  
Buffy moaned a little and Sarah stopped herself.  
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy sighed. "I'm just so sick of people putting me in their prophecies. Why can't they find someone else to hack on?"  
  
"Because you're still alive?" Spike suggested helpfully and she turned to give him a glance of utter loathing, but he merely smiled at her and she was about to smile back when she stopped herself.  
  
NOT a good idea at all, and so she turned back to Sarah.  
  
Spike let the smile fade on his face, but he could still feel it and he was sure she had almost returned it. He remembered that so familiar look in her eyes not that much earlier up in her bedroom.  
  
At least I still have it, he thought, at least she was truthful about that; she does want me.  
  
'I'm using you, and it's killing me.'  
  
He closed his eyes; trying to shut her statement, on the night she ended it all, out. But her face rested on his eyelids and he popped them open again, almost looking as though something had stung him.  
  
Nobody noticed this though; everybody were too preoccupied waiting for what was next to come from Sarah.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said regretfully, but Buffy just shook her head at her not to be.  
  
"It's almost an internal joke, by now," she said and Sarah smiled a little unsurely at that.  
  
"Well, then, this might be a relief: YOU are not really in the books," she now stated and Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I'm NOT?"  
  
"Ouch, now THAT stings, doesn't it, Slayer?" Spike asked and she ignored him completely this time.  
  
Dawn smiled at him though, and he winked at her before turning back to Sarah.  
  
"Ahem, no, you're not," Sarah said, smiling a little at the so obvious bond between Spike and the youngest girl in the room, Dawn, she thought her name was. "But during my 'travels' I heard of you and then, of course, I finally encountered you through your relationship with William."  
  
Buffy felt a swarm of butterflies suddenly tickle her stomach at that sentence and she frowned a little.  
  
"My 'relationship'?" she asked, wavering the feeling in her stomach off with the biggest damn can of bug-spray she could mentally produce.  
  
"Yes." Sarah said slowly and Buffy was suddenly sure that this lady knew everything there was to know about her and Spike's 'relationship' and the red warning sign with the word Busted! flickered on and off behind her eyes.  
  
Oh my God, she's gonna tell them! Buffy thought and was about to intervene when Sarah said:  
  
"Your partnership. I've watched you slowly but surely grow from true enemies to something that must be close to friends."  
  
"Wouldn't push it, precious," Spike mumbled with a glance at Buffy and she really couldn't decide whether she wanted to hit him or hold him.  
  
A very un-healthy 'relationship', that was what they had.  
  
HAD had, she reminded herself.  
  
"So, as I was saying, I had been observing you both over a period of time, incognito of course, and then, back home, I stumbled over this odd thing in one of my books. My father, who I have dragged into this whole mess of a world we live in, not that he was kicking and screaming but still, helped look it over and it was actually he who really pressed the idea of traveling here to actually make an appearance and ask for your help," she finished with a look at Spike, who had bent forward, resting his arms on his knees as he with all senses listened to what she told him.  
  
"What? With interpreting the prophecy?" Xander asked, not quite following.  
  
"No," Sarah said, hesitating but a moment before explaining: "I'm here to ask William and Buffy, if she chooses, to come with me back home, to England. to fight whatever bad there is to fight."  
  
  
  
***  
  
Sarah looked around at the rather astounded faces of these people of whom she had, as a silent and invisible bystander, picked the memories they had collected over a lifetime to involuntarily have them shared with her, as though it was the simplest thing in the world.  
  
Her William had led her here, and still she had always had a small pit in her stomach thinking about the fact that she truly was invading their privacy, being able to see everything without participating. She had almost felt like a thief at times, but then decisively turned that thought away since she wasn't doing any of her prying for her own amusement.  
  
Still, they would all probably be rather upset with her if they knew exactly to what extent she was familiar with their lives.  
  
Of course she hadn't been lurking in the shadows of their bedroom at night or really stalked them in any way, but she had watched so many moments that she almost felt like she knew them.  
  
She turned her gaze at William, her strong, handsome, beautiful William who had started to shine so brilliantly in the past few years, overthrowing the cold stare of the demon inhabiting his body.  
  
She smiled a little before once more beginning to speak.  
  
"Yes, I need Will with me home, for sure, and of course it would be a huge relief if I could get the incredible Slayer with me as well. But if you are reluctant."  
  
"I'm not," Buffy interrupted her, standing and walking around the table so she had some space, she felt this conversation needed some serious pacing from her part. "What I am wondering, however, is why you think me and Wi- .Spike, can help? I mean, isn't there an easier way than bringing people back through time to solve this problem?"  
  
"There might be, but honestly my father and I didn't feel we had the time to do the extensive research it would take to find the kind of people we would need; who would not only be able to fully believe in the prophecy, but also wouldn't have us locked away for trying to explain the existence of supernatural beings. Since I was already taking these trips, looking in on William from time to time, just to see what he was up to, and since I had on more than one occasion observed your strength in combat and the quickness of your brain we just felt that you two were our fastest and SAFEST bet."  
  
Buffy was still pacing as she listened to Sarah, her arms crossed thoughtfully over her chest until Spike said:  
  
"Would you STOP that?"  
  
She did, turning to him.  
  
"What?" she asked innocently.  
  
"Can you stand still for one bloody minute, your tramping around is seriously getting on my nerves," he said and she looked at him coyly, blinking as if surprised.  
  
"Well, you don't have to mind me, do you?" she asked and he was about to answer when Sarah said:  
  
"If you two would like to take this outside I would be more than happy to tell the others the rest of this whole story and let THEM fill you in, since I'm getting rather tired and wish to withdraw soon."  
  
"Into the mirror?" Dawn asked breathlessly.  
  
"Well."  
  
"First thing's first," Spike said, suddenly afraid of her leaving and not coming back. "Let's hear the rest and then we'll discuss that. Slayer, there's no need for us to.?"  
  
"No, no need," she agreed with a meaning look and went back to the couch to sit down.  
  
"Good, then that's settled," Sarah said with a laugh. "Well, I just have one last thing to say and that is that whatever is supposed to happen it is called the Birth of Fire in the books and it doesn't sound pretty."  
  
"Hmh.Could be a Big Bad," Spike said and Buffy agreed.  
  
"Well, I have one small question," Xander said. "Why don't we all go? I mean, Willow here is a real brainiac when it comes to the books and Tara is really good with magic and me.well, I can pretty much do everything. With the exception of anything requiring super strength, or magic. my brain is accountable though. Anyways, my point is, why can't we all just go?"  
  
Sarah smiled a little, she recognized this man's sense of talking for a while to really GET to the point, Alexander she remembered his name was, Xander being a rather funny nickname, or so she thought.  
  
"Because," she now answered him, " the mirror can only let so many people through or it will break. We'll be pushing it with three as it is, should William and Buffy decide to come with me. And so, there is simply no way."  
  
"And what about getting back? I mean, there won't be any problems, will there?" Dawn asked, worriedly linking one arm with her sister's.  
  
"As long as the mirror stays intact there won't be," Sarah answered. "And I believe that you will take as good a care of it as I have, so there shouldn't be anything to worry about."  
  
Buffy looked around at her friends.  
  
Sarah studied the Slayer. She had noticed some kind of change in the young woman since she had arrived. Sarah thought she looked.more determined somehow. She liked the subtle glow in the girl's eyes which seemed to point at the woman's determination and inner strength. It hadn't been there in a while though, until tonight. Except sometimes when.  
  
"I'm coming with you," Spike's voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned to him, a smile quickly spreading across her face.  
  
Buffy felt her eyes staring at him, surprised even though she had held no doubt of the fact that he was going to go. Hearing him utter those words were different from thinking them in her head.  
  
"I knew you would," Sarah said, getting off the armchair to give him a hug. "Thank you."  
  
Dawn got up and walked over to him and as Sarah let him go she took a step forward, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
She didn't say anything but he could feel her heart beating hard against his chest and he knew that she was scared of what might happen.  
  
"It'll be okay, don't worry, niblet," he said, holding her to him.  
  
"I don't' want you to say any good-byes," Sarah said rather guiltily.  
  
"No," Buffy agreed as she got up. "We shouldn't, because we'll be back sooner than you know it and then you'll have to put up with us again."  
  
Sarah stared at her for a moment and then she drew a deep breath.  
  
"You have no idea how much this means to me," she said as she stepped forward and embraced the Slayer.  
  
Buffy hugged her back, and then they let go.  
  
"How much time do we have?" she asked Sarah. "Do we have to leave NOW?" she added as Dawn left Spike's side to come stand by her.  
  
"No, we don't," Sarah said, not able to suppress a yawn. "In fact, it might be a good idea to get some sleep."  
  
Buffy smiled a little and then nodded.  
  
"Yes," she said, feeling how tired she was. "That DOES sound like a good idea. What time is it anyway?"  
  
"Almost two," Willow answered and they all started to collect their things and make everything ready.  
  
"Hmh, we might as well all stay here," Buffy said. "Xander, you take the couch. Tara." she hesitated with her gaze shifting between Tara and Willow and back again. They both looked slightly uncomfortable and so she continued: "There are extra mattresses in the basement, we'll bring one up. Sarah, you can sleep in Dawn's room, Dawn, you'll sleep in my room and. Hm, what should we do with you?" she then asked mostly herself as she turned to Spike.  
  
He looked at her with a hint of a smile on his lips and she could feel a tingle where his fingers had brushed against her skin on her hand earlier that night.  
  
She reached back and dug it into the back pocket of her pants, hoping the sensation would go away. It didn't really, but she soon got something else to think about as Spike spoke up.  
  
"Ah, don't strain your pretty little head on me, love, I don't mind the night and I best be gettin' back to my crypt," he said and she waited a moment before disagreeing.  
  
"No, it's better if you're here tomorrow so we can leave as soon as possible. Besides, then you don't have to run here under that ridiculous blanket of yours, smelling like a bat out of hell," she added and he put on a hurt expression as he turned around mumbling something about she being one to talk.  
  
"Is that supposed to be some kind of remark on how I smell?" she asked and he looked back, smirking.  
  
"Well," he said, shrugging. "I'm not one to complain.but that damned greasy smell of the Double Meat is just EVERYWHERE now a days," he explained.  
  
"Break it up, break it up! Gees, and you two are going away together!" Xander intervened as Buffy took a few steps towards Spike, her face looking quite enraged at the vampire's remark.  
  
Spike grinned at her.  
  
God! She just wanted to. But, Xander was right and she drew a breath, trying to calm herself down; it didn't work, those words had stung her too badly.  
  
"Well, you can sleep at my feet, just so you feel at home, I mean," she spat out before she could contain it and now his eyes started flaming with anger.  
  
"Oh, really? And how the hell would you know, do you ever stop to look what your STEPPING ON?" he yelled at her.  
  
"Oh, so you agree that you're groveling at my feet?" she burst out at him, Xander now wisely moving out of the way as they approached each other.  
  
"No, what I'm saying is that you're putting yourself so bloody high that you can't even look down and SEE your feet," he growled at her as they stopped, their faces less than an inch away from each other and both pairs of eyes shooting arrows and daggers at the other.  
  
Sarah stared at the scenario. She had seen it before, of course, and wasn't shocked in any way. But it sure was a lot more intense so close up.  
  
"You know, you keep telling me that and I couldn't disagree more. I'M not the one who's riding on high horses here, YOU are!" she hissed.  
  
Now he paused, suddenly looking slightly confused before raising his voice to her again.  
  
"That doesn't make any sense!" he bellowed. "First I'm low, then I'm high, would you bloody well make up your mind?"  
  
"Maybe I don't wanna!" she yelled at him. "Maybe I like it this way. Maybe I want you to be all confused and not understand what the hell I'm saying!"  
  
"What the hell ARE you saying?!" now HE yelled.  
  
"I'm saying that.that you can find a place to sleep by yourself. Good night!"  
  
With that, she fiercely pushed passed him and went clambering up the stairs with five pairs of eyes staring wondering after her, and a sixth that couldn't hide the triumph. 


	9. Chapter Nine

New Horizons: Chapter Nine  
  
By Annie  
  
04-30-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
His voice entangled her dreams. And the pictures of his face brought forward by his words, in anguish and hurt and resentment, twisted as he thrust them at her.  
  
"Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! 'No more games'? That's all you've ever done is play me. And keep playing with the rules YOU make up as you like.  
  
You know what I am.  
  
You've always known. And you come to me all the same."  
  
"Spike," she moaned, feeling lost and alone in the sudden darkness of her own head.  
  
She slowly eased her eyes open, her room was filled with sunlight. A whole new day had arrived and. she yawned, stretched a little and tried to remember.  
  
What's the use of HAVING dreams if you can never remember them? she thought, annoyed, then she turned her head and her eyes met Dawn's.  
  
"Hi," her sister said a little hesitantly. "Eh, good morning," she corrected herself and Buffy smiled.  
  
"Good morning." she answered and then she realized something. "Right, I'd almost forgotten. Time to get up and go save the world."  
  
She sat up and Dawn did the same, still looking at her rather closely and Buffy got a distinct feeling that the younger one had something on her mind. She turned to her sister.  
  
Since Buffy's birthday party from hell they had had some serious conversations about everything and even though things were still not ALL in place at least they had grown that much closer.  
  
"Is there something you wanna talk about?" Buffy asked and Dawn looked rather guilty, not a good sign. "Don't tell me it has to do with school and that you thought since I'm going back in time I won't be in the mood to tell you my mind, 'cause if you were."  
  
"You said 'Spike'."  
  
Buffy almost bit her tongue off at that ever so subtle statement and she really didn't want to ask, looking almost frantically around for some kind of excuse to get out of the conversation that seemed to inevitably be building. But she saw the look on Dawn's face and even though her sister wasn't as bull-headed as her at times, they still had the same blood in their veins and Buffy knew that this was not something Dawn would just let go.  
  
"When did I say that?" she therefore asked, hoping that it sounded as careless as she had set it out to.  
  
"Right before you woke up. You sounded all sad and, I don't know, like you, I don't know, missed him, almost. Like 'Spike.'," Dawn mimicked her and Buffy tried desperately to keep her eyes from growing. "Sorry I overheard it," Dawn added. "It was just kinda hard not to."  
  
Ah, so that was where the guilt came from.Buffy thought. Oh God, how am I going to get out of this one? If I tell her why I might have had Spike in my head she's going to hate me forever for using him like I did. And to have that be the introduction to the 'sex talk'.  
  
Buffy felt a shiver go through her at the thought of Dawn's eyes looking at her with detest over what she had done to the younger one's closest friend. She KNEW her sister would take Spike's side and she would lose her. Lose her to that self-righteous, selfish, self-.  
  
Missed him? HAH! Well, some parts of him. She felt herself starting to blush under her sister's gaze and quickly pushed all that had to do with.that.out of her head, determined to be as truthful as possible with Dawn.  
  
"Were you dreaming?" Dawn now asked, her look was quizzical but laced with an emotion that to Buffy looked close to humor. "About Spike, I mean," she added and now Buffy was sure that she was partially teasing her.  
  
She couldn't help but smile a little.  
  
"Well, I can't remember," she answered, relief being welcomed with trombones by her heart at the escape route her mind seemed to have found. She started to get out of bed. "Don't you just hate it when you can't remember what you've dreamt?" she added, turning back to Dawn.  
  
"Oh, so you wish you could remember then?" Dawn asked and the teasing glint in her eyes increased.  
  
She gets it from me, Buffy thought wryly; still, slightly panicking.  
  
She let hear a laugh that sounded much too nervous and she coughed to cover it up, this making Dawn cock one eyebrow at her. Buffy plastered a smile on her face before saying:  
  
"Don't be silly."  
  
If she could make this conversation disappear simply by dragging it out so that it couldn't 'appear' before it was time for her to go take care of this Fire thingy in England, then so she would.  
  
She opened her closet, staring blankly at her clothes trying to remember WHY she had opened the door in the first place. What caused her to spin around with a surprise she couldn't hide was what Dawn suddenly said next:  
  
"What did you mean with 'Sleeping with a vampire she hates'?"  
  
Her voice was hurt and rather defensive. Buffy slowly sat down on the bed again, racking her brain trying to remember if she had actually said that. She swallowed, looking up at Dawn with such a lost expression that Dawn must have understood she wasn't following because she explained, her voice now even more on the defense:  
  
"When you were all Sunnydale-is-all-in-my-heady last week, when you were going Wacko Sister on me and tried to catch me to put me in the basement. You said that this whole thing, Sunnydale, me, the Slayer, was ridiculous and what was more real: a crazy girl in an institution or some kind of supergirl. and then you said, I can't remember but it lead up to you saying 'Sleeping with a vampire she hates'. What did you mean by that?"  
  
She closed her eyes. She didn't remember saying that to Dawn.  
  
'I don't HATE you, Spike.'  
  
"Dawn," she said. "I was delusional, I don't know WHAT I was saying but it wasn't ME! I said that I didn't have a sister, and you KNOW I didn't mean that, that wasn't me saying those things." she repeated.  
  
Dawn eyed her closely, looking rather disbelieving and then she turned her head in a defiant gesture.  
  
"Spike is my friend," she mumbled and Buffy felt her heart ache, she wanted to reach out to her but didn't want to deal with the pain if Dawn pulled away. "He's a GOOD vampire now, and you can't even see that," she continued, looking up with the all too familiar anger in her eyes. "I know that he suffers for it, the demon in him fights to get out and it does sometimes but. but not to kill. and I know you just think it's the chip," her eyes filling with tears now, "but it's not! And you can't even SEE it!"  
  
She scrambled off the bed and ran out of the room.  
  
Buffy felt her shoulders slump and she hung her head, feeling so tired of the whole thing. The whole SPIKE thing that just kept circling and circling her brain and she didn't seem to be able to get rid of it. So, would spilling the secret help? HOW could it help? It was over and done with, why not just move on.?  
  
If she tried to explain it to Dawn. She would never understand how Buffy could've used Spike like that.Buffy herself could hardly understand it at times, for crying out loud!  
  
"But you're wrong about one thing, Dawn," she mumbled, lying down on the bed again and with a sigh closing her eyes for a moment, just a moment. "It's seeing it that scares the hell out of me."  
  
  
  
***  
  
Willow woke her with a gentle shake.  
  
Her eyes opened and she shot up into a seated position, looking startled at her friend.  
  
"Woah, there, Buffy. Just me, the not so dangerous ex-witch, remember?" Willow said, holding her hands in front of her.  
  
Buffy's heart was racing. She remembered the dream she had just been snapped out of.  
  
Ah, so that was the trick to remembering, waking up before it was all done.  
  
She had been running so fast, away from something, away from something huge that was threatening to swallow her whole.  
  
Now she tried to ease her breathing, letting a small smile grow on her lips she shook her head a little.  
  
"Sorry, Will," she said and Willow smiled back.  
  
"It's okay. Um. Dawn was pretty upset about something before, she was slamming around in the kitchen and woke me up, and Tara and Xander." Willow watched Buffy's eyes dress in such a guilty expression that she almost regretted bringing it up.  
  
"We had a fight. Well, SHE had one with me," Buffy said, voice low and then looking even more burdened as she added: "About Spike."  
  
Willow nodded, understanding, and then she sat down on the bed beside her friend.  
  
"What did she say this time?" she asked and Buffy shrugged a little, trying to come off like it was all the same to her but looking more like she was about to cry than anything else.  
  
"She just told me I should see that he's not that terrible, awful scumbag that dragged his sorry ass into Sunnydale a thousand years ago, that he's turned good through some kind of a miracle and that I should stop with the hacking already." Buffy mumbled, tears now slowly filling her eyes just to spill over. "But see, she's wrong about that. Because I've seen him do things that are so damned stupid, all the schemes he still has going, all the darn monsters he still hangs around with. She thinks he's toothless not only because of the chip but through some divine interference with his VAMPIRE being? Well, screw that and screw HIM because he just HASN'T changed!"  
  
Buffy wiped her tears away, irritated at them, annoyed with the whole subject.  
  
"And still." Willow said silently, "does those schemes make him the same as he was when he came here?"  
  
Buffy looked up at her friend, not BELIEVING that Willow was actually sounding like she was siding against her.  
  
"I talked with the terrible, awful scumbag yesterday about something that'd been on my mind for a while and Buffy. I know he tried to hide it behind that smugness and the shoulder shrugging but I could see how.relieved he looked, and almost happy. And it made ME feel incredible to think that in that dusty place where his soul used to be I just created a spark that wasn't about hate or greed or being selfish."  
  
'I love you, Buffy.'  
  
She closed her eyes, concentrating the consistent echo of those words to stop, they did and she looked up again.  
  
"Wow, Will," she said slowly, "that sounds. I thought you didn't like Spike, what's with the whole attitude swipe?" she then asked and Willow smiled a little.  
  
"I don't know. I gave him a big old speech that I really don't wanna let loose here right now, but it was basically about how I appreciate all that he's done for Dawnie. You don't know what he did when you were.gone last summer. He looked out for her in every way, you have no idea. And that's kinda why I understand HER too, he's like family to her now, Buff, whether you like it or not, and I just think you should consider that."  
  
"But I'm her BLOOD! Why does she always have to look at things from HIS viewpoint?" Buffy asked, her tears now drying canals down her cheeks. "It's not fair."  
  
"Well, have you ever even stopped to THINK about Spike maybe deserving better treatment?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, the Slayer puts on the silk-gloves for the frigging VAMPIRE!" Buffy snorted and Willow shook her head a little.  
  
"I just think you're being too stubborn on the subject, it almost sounds like you. Never mind. What I'm saying is that you treating Spike the way you do all the time gets to Dawn. Of course it does, and I KNOW you'll see that if you only try to. She loves Spike, and I'm sure that in his own kind of way the feeling is mutual."  
  
"LOVE?" Buffy exploded. "Spike doesn't love anybody but himself!"  
  
Willow's eyes widened at her friend's words.  
  
"I think you know that's not true," she said standing up.  
  
"Of course it is," Buffy pressed. "Because he CAN'T love. He doesn't have a soul."  
  
Now Willow stared at her relentlessly, then she suddenly averted her eyes and mumbled:  
  
"Everything is so easy summing it up like that, isn't it? I was hoping you'd want to talk to me about this but I guess not."  
  
"Talk about what?"  
  
"Nothing, Buffy. Just get dressed and come down, okay? Sarah is waiting for you and Spike. Wake him up on your way down, will you?" with that she walked to the door and was disappearing when Buffy said:  
  
"But I. Where is he sleeping?"  
  
"In Dawn's bed," Willow said over her shoulder and Buffy stared with hazy eyes at her bedroom door closing.  
  
That's where Sarah slept, she thought dully.  
  
Then she reminded herself that she didn't care what he did, that it didn't matter, that she WANTED him to move on with his life, or unlife.  
  
She pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and after combing her hair quickly and brushing her teeth briefly she exited her room, walking slowly down the hall to the closed door of Dawn's bedroom. She drew an unsteady breath, Lord how she hated the sudden feeling of invading his space, and then she turned the doorknob and let the door gently slide open.  
  
He was still sleeping heavily, she recognized the breathing, as she took a step inside and softly closed it behind her.  
  
The room was close to pitch black, the windows covered with thick blankets letting only a small slit of sunlight in. She turned to look at him.  
  
His chest was heaving slowly up, slowly down, and she almost smiled, she had always found it a little amusing that he seemed to breathe without thinking about it even though he didn't need to. She hesitated a moment before sitting down on the bed, he was on the other side of it and she sunk down on her elbows, looking intently at the silhouette of his face.  
  
"He always was beautiful when he slept," a voice suddenly sounded from the right hand corner and she was on her feet in a heart beat, looking as innocent as she could as Sarah got up from the chair she had been sitting on. "But I think he's even more beautiful now, his face is somehow more etched, more profound," she continued, stopping before the Slayer.  
  
Buffy had scarcely been so embarrassed.  
  
"I.um, I." she stuttered. "Willow asked me to wake him up.she said that you were ready to leave and that you were waiting downstairs." she finally blurted, voice low, and she could see that Sarah nodded, Buffy's trained eyes were already growing used to the shadows in the room.  
  
"I was, but then I remembered I had left this," her hand gently brushing up and against the small chain hanging around her neck, "on the nightstand and I decided to get it, lest I should leave it."  
  
Buffy nodded, feeling her cheeks burn and eternally grateful for the darkness surrounding them.  
  
"I'm sorry," she then said. "I didn't mean to disturb.I'll let you wake him."  
  
But Sarah put a hand on her arm stopping her from leaving.  
  
"What do you think my relationship with William is?" she whispered and Buffy swallowed, a little taken off guard by the question.  
  
"Hmh.Well, I suppose I think you're close friends.I mean, you seam close. VERY close, I guess."  
  
Sarah's voice was almost conspiratorial when she whispered:  
  
"Do you think our relationship is of the flesh?"  
  
Buffy almost burst out laughing at the choice of words, it sounded so formal, especially used on Spike. That brought memories back that she didn't want at the particular moment and so she hurried herself in answering:  
  
"Yes, if you want to put it that way."  
  
"Bloody hell, what are you going on about? Can a person. or an UN-person get some sleep around here?!" Spike's grumbling interrupted her and both the women turned to look at the vamp who seemed to immediately have gone back to sleep.  
  
Sarah motioned for Buffy to open the door and they stepped outside.  
  
Both blinking in the sudden light Sarah smiled at her brightly.  
  
"I just wanted to clear this up, Buffy. Me and William.We're lifelong friends, and NOTHING more. Last night we talked for a while. just like we did sometimes as children, and, well, we didn't DO anything else than that. Heavens, that would be rather scandalous, not to mention on the border to incestuous," she added with a rather disgusted look on her face.  
  
Buffy couldn't hold back the blooming relief that seemed to spread though her chest and out into her every nerve. She smiled back at Sarah, careful not to have it reflect the gratefulness she suddenly felt towards the lady. Then she sighed at herself, this whole Spike thing didn't look like it was going to leave her alone for a while, did it?  
  
Still, a part of her was jubilantly happy and she tried hard to suppress it but it was difficult; with having memories and desires and impulses and secrets to suppress as well.  
  
She shook her head a little and turned her attention to Sarah's necklace. The pendant was a small oval silver-locket with a pretty pattern encircling a P.  
  
She frowned slightly, directing her eyes in Sarah's again before asking:  
  
"P? Shouldn't it be an S?"  
  
Sarah smiled, shaking her head.  
  
"No, it's for 'precious', William's nickname for me. He gave this to me on my sixteenth birthday."  
  
Buffy looked at the locket again. Then she couldn't help but let a small smile cross her lips, he did like his nicknames, didn't he?  
  
"Well, you go wake him up, I'll be waiting downstairs," Sarah said and before Buffy could protest she was walking away.  
  
Buffy looked at the door, now feeling like she didn't know exactly where opening it might lead.  
  
She drew a breath and once more entered the room.  
  
She left the door open, the light from the hallway placing itself on his bare chest, glittering slightly in the heavy silver chain around his neck.  
  
She looked at him, feeling the ever so familiar hunger, but then made herself look away and raised her hands bringing them together in three loud claps as she cheerfully exclaimed:  
  
"Rise and shine, Spikey, it's a whole new day!" 


	10. Chapter Ten

New Horizons: Chapter Ten  
  
By Annie  
  
04-30-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Bloody hell, Buffy! Can't find a slightly nicer way to wake a bloke up?" he grumbled annoyed and she crossed her arms over her chest, watching him sit up in bed.  
  
"Well." she said. "I know the way you'd prefer.But see, I don't DO that anymore, and so since you're such a perk in the morning I thought I'd make it quick, for both of us."  
  
He looked at her, his eyes growing to slits.  
  
"Are you still mad about the fight we had last night? I mean, I was just trying to be honest."  
  
She rolled her eyes, walking to the door.  
  
"Just get dressed and come down stairs," she said and he watched her as she went.  
  
He sighed.  
  
"I will NEVER understand that woman," he mumbled, combing his hands through his hair.  
  
Then he got up and quickly dressed, coming downstairs he was met by the Lil'Bit who looked sourly at him.  
  
"What'd I do?" he asked, holding his hands out in front of him and raising his eyebrows at her.  
  
"Oh, nothing YOU did," she said wretchedly and he lowered his hands, giving her a small smirk.  
  
"Ah, troubles with sis again, eh?" he asked and the look on her told him the answer since it was that of a thundercloud about to go off. "Look, your sis is really trying, okay? She's got a LOT to.deal with right now and everything, y'know?"  
  
"Well, that doesn't give her the right to go and." she suddenly looked at him, pausing long enough for him to notice the sudden remorse in her expression and he sighed.  
  
"Look, niblet, I don't want you to fight for me, okay?" he said, smiling a little, trying to comfort her even though it felt like his heart was slowly sinking in his chest. "It's a lost cause, anyway," he added and then she frowned.  
  
"I don't think so, I just really don't, 'cause where does she come off always being all I-know-best when she won't even stop to think about others feelings? MY feelings, and YOUR feelings."  
  
Spike smiled bitterly.  
  
"See, to her vampires don't HAVE feelings. I'm just an evil, soulless thing," he mumbled and regretted it the moment angry tears filled Dawn's eyes.  
  
"Yes, and then she goes and dreams about you and everything and saying she 'can't remember', which I think is just a load of CRAP!"  
  
"Hey, now, don't you be using that kinda language, you hear? That's not the way for a lady," he said and a light quickly started to show in her eyes as she wiped at her tears.  
  
Then she smiled a little.  
  
"Am I a lady, then?" she asked and he smiled back at her.  
  
"You're MY lady, that's for sure," he answered and she beamed at him before giving him a huge hug.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you," she mumbled and he pulled back a little to look down into her face.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you too, niblet, you know that."  
  
She smiled once more; looking like she was tearing up again and he let her go, feeling a little like he was choking up too and not exactly willing to show it.  
  
"Now listen," he said. "I don't wanna be the reason for you and your sis not to get along, so I really hope you can try to see that she's been dealing with.with my kind since she was your age, and she knows that most of us aren't to be trusted.well, unless we have a soul or a deadly crush on her, that is," he added and Dawn laughed, the sound making him feel relieved. "What I'm saying is that the life she's led, it has toughened her up and.I guess it just takes some time to really get through the rough exterior, but on the inside there's something REALLY special."  
  
"Sorta like you," Dawn said as she threw her arms around him and he felt tears rise in his eyes again.  
  
Damned Summers girls, he thought but returning her hug rather gratefully.  
  
Buffy walked into the hallway just then, stopping looking at them she sighed a little. Dawn having been all Princess Frost since she came back down she couldn't help but envy that wretched vampire. Then the two let go of each other and as Dawn turned to her she could sense something had changed. Dawn gave Spike a quick glance, and he smiled a little, then she nodded and went up to Buffy.  
  
"Buffy," she said and the tone in her voice sounded so grown up and serious that Buffy blinked. "I love you, but you need to stop being so judgmental all the time. Everything isn't always black and white, there are grays too, and you should stop to think about that."  
  
Then she embraced Buffy, hugging her tightly before stepping back and walking into the kitchen.  
  
Buffy just kept on blinking and Spike couldn't help but feel a bit proud of the niblet.  
  
"Did.that just happen?" Buffy asked and since there was no one else around he took the liberty of answering.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Are you ready?" Sarah's voice was heard and Buffy turned to Spike, they looked at each other for a moment before simultaneously answering:  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Entering the living room Buffy noticed that everybody had gathered around the mirror. Sarah looked up at them as they approached, smiling.  
  
Buffy was a little nervous, but she was sort of glad that she didn't have to go alone.  
  
"Okay," Sarah said. "Are you really willing to do this?"  
  
"Why, can anything go wrong?" Dawn asked, her dispute with Buffy already forgotten, at least for the time being, and her love and concern for her sister evident on her face.  
  
"No, nothing will go wrong, I assure you," Sarah said. "But I wouldn't want there to be any doubt," she added with a look on Buffy.  
  
Buffy turned to Dawn and after a moment they hugged each other.  
  
"I love you, Dawnie," she said and Dawn nodded as they pulled apart.  
  
"I love you too. And think about what I said," she added with a slight smile and Buffy returned it with a nod.  
  
"Bye, Buff, for now," Xander said, bending down to embrace her. "I'll see you soon."  
  
She hugged him back and before they let go she whispered:  
  
"Anya will come back, you'll see, it'll all be fine."  
  
Xander looked down on her, thankful for the support, and she smiled as she turned to Willow.  
  
"You WILL be back, right?" Willow asked silently and Buffy smiled reassuringly.  
  
"I usually am, aren't I?" she asked and Willow smiled faintly as they too embraced.  
  
Buffy smiled at Tara and hugged her tightly.  
  
"We'll miss you," Tara said and Buffy nodded.  
  
"Me too."  
  
Spike watched the love fest with as much disdain as he could bring forth, at this particular time it wasn't much, especially when Dawn came up and put her arms around his neck in a hard hug.  
  
"I'll miss YOU," she whispered and he smiled weakly. "Promise you'll be back."  
  
He pulled away to look into her eyes and said:  
  
"I promise I'll be back."  
  
Then they let go and Sarah smiled at the assembled group of people before looking at Buffy and Spike, who both nodded solemnly, coming to stand beside her in front of the mirror.  
  
She turned back to it, whispering words too low for anyone to hear as she raised her right arm and made three big circles in front of the glass.  
  
The wave, which had signaled her arrival the night before, suddenly appeared and the glass started to look almost like it was melted, its color high lightening to a bright silvery.  
  
"Wow," Dawn breathed as Sarah grabbed Spike's hand with her left and signaled to Spike to take Buffy's.  
  
He hesitated a moment, looking at her questioningly and she shrugged, reaching out her right hand to take his left. Buffy tried to ignore the sense of security that firm grip implanted in her heart, but couldn't; it chased too much of her nervousness away and she looked at him with a little smile. He smiled back; reassured that she wouldn't go all uh-let-me-go! in the middle of their journey.  
  
"Hold on," Sarah now said. "This is going to feel rather unusual."  
  
Then she took a step forward, the others following one step behind. Before the ones watching them leave knew it the three were gone and the glass was going from sharp silver to its normal color and all was well with the world.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The sensation as they took that first step through the mirror was hard to really describe, but it was almost like having water not only surround them but somehow flow straight through them. It was as though they were waves blending with the one in the mirror glass.  
  
The first step bringing them into the mirror was icy cold, Buffy finding it hard to breathe but still able to she drew a shaky breath. As they took the second step the chill turned into heat and Buffy almost wanted to scream, her hand squeezing Spike's hard enough for the bones to shift slightly, and then, just like that, they left the mirror behind them, stepping out into a large room with an almost breathtaking décor.  
  
Buffy stared at it; it was incredible.  
  
A huge bed in dark wood stood against the wall to her right and furniture of the same material in the shape of a desk, a small table with two chairs and a large bureau were placed out in the room. A large picture window was in the wall in front of her and practically covering the wall to her left, where there also was a door, were floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with rows and rows of books.  
  
The whole room seemed to go in a soft peach tone with dark green traces in the large rug on the floor and the cloth in the chairs and on the bed.  
  
"Wow." she said and then she suddenly felt how incredibly thirsty she was, the room started spinning and she took a step forward, loosing her balance and crashing into Spike who had just turned around.  
  
"Woah, there, Slayer!" he said, grabbing a hold of her and keeping her on her feet.  
  
She shook her head, trying to get rid of the feeling. She had eaten a great breakfast, what was going on now? Then she remembered Sarah falling to the floor after her dramatic entrance the night before.  
  
"Here," Sarah said, turning around with a glass filled with water in one hand, already holding one for herself in the other. "Drink this, you'll feel better."  
  
Buffy tried to push Spike away, she wasn't a damned damsel in distress and she didn't need to lean on him! But he held her firmly until she didn't want to struggle him anymore, after reaching out a hand to take the glass she started to greedily gulp down the water.  
  
After having a refill and drinking that as well she felt practically restored and pulled out of Spike's hold. He merely smirked at her before he started walking into the room, picking objects on the desk up and inspecting them with a look and a smile of recognition.  
  
"This place sure haven't changed," he said and Sarah laughed, putting her empty water glass down on the tray containing the one Buffy had used and a pitcher.  
  
"Of course not," she said. "It's only two years since you disappeared," she added, reminding him.  
  
He grinned, but then sadness poured into his features as he said:  
  
"I'm sorry about that, I just."  
  
She walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on one of his arms and nodding.  
  
"I know, Will. And I understand."  
  
Buffy was looking at the books on the shelves. There were one section that seemed to hold works of authors she knew, such as Dickens and Shakespeare and others, and fiction or poetry of authors she had never heard of, but when she kept moving she soon came upon title after title that sounded related to her own line of work, and some with titles she couldn't read the language of.  
  
"You have quite a collection." she said, still eyeing the books and thinking of how Giles would have thought himself in seventh heaven had he been there.  
  
"Yes," Sarah said, coming up to stand beside her. "But I've only bought about a tenth myself, the rest Mr. Auburn, the man I told you about, he left me the rest when he passed away."  
  
"Quite a friendly old poof," Spike said, once more indulged in walking around the room, looking at the paintings and the exquisite porcelain figures placed on the small table.  
  
"He was that, and so much more. He was a dear friend," Sarah said, reaching out and stroking the book in front of her, reminiscing.  
  
Buffy left her side quietly to walk up to the window. She carefully pulled the white lace curtain aside and peered out.  
  
They were on the second floor, she concluded, and her eyes grew a little wide as she watched the street outside, cobblestone and all, and people walking around looking as though they were getting ready for a movie shot. Ladies in pretty, wide dresses and gentlemen in hats and strict looking suits paraded arm in arm on the sidewalks as little children played in the streets, squealing with pleasure as they had to get out of the way for a carriage or a wagon.  
  
"Pretty, ain't it?" Spike asked behind her and she let the curtain fall back into place before turning around.  
  
"Yes," she answered him. "Very."  
  
He smiled a little when the door suddenly opened and a clever eyed, middle- aged man appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Father," Sarah exclaimed, happily meeting him as he stepped inside the room, giving him a big hug.  
  
"Child, I've asked you to come and TELL me when you get back, ease my worrying at least by a few minutes," the man smiled at her as they let go and she smiled back.  
  
"I'm sorry, father, I was a little preoccupied," she said, turning to Buffy and Spike.  
  
The man's eyes widened considerably as he looked at Spike, then a smile split his face and he walked up to the vampire, disregarding his tentatively outstretched hand and grabbing him by the shoulders to give him a warm hug.  
  
Spike was as stunned as the man, it had been over a century since he saw him, so much had happened, and it was somewhat of a shock to all of a sudden be back in the place and with the people he had grown up, especially since THEY hadn't changed in appearance one bit.  
  
The welcoming act of the man who, just like Sarah, must know what he was and what he had done was almost too much for him and this time he couldn't just blink the tears away, they filled his eyes as relentlessly as the rain fills an already full lake, and just like it they soon flooded.  
  
"Jacob," he said in a hoarse voice, hardly even recognizing it.  
  
"William," Jacob said, pulling away with the smile still on his features. "It is so wonderful to see you, finally."  
  
Spike's eyes widened a little at that, he couldn't believe that Jacob could really mean that, then the words Sarah had spoken the night before came back in his mind.  
  
'You're in the eyes, William. You show in your eyes, and I don't think you can ever get out of there.'  
  
And he realized that Jacob would, if asked, without any hesitation agree with that. This marveled him to the point of no speech and he just stood dumb-founded looking at the man who, for a while, had acted like his father and who he always had considered a second one.  
  
Then Jacob turned to Buffy, who silently had been watching the reunion. She couldn't help but wonder what Spike was feeling, what he was thinking about all this. Then Jacob took a step around the vamp to approach her with a friendly smile.  
  
"My dear," he said, reaching out his hand and gripping hers firmly, "you are more than welcome to our home."  
  
Buffy returned the smile, feeling any anxiety she might have had in meeting the man melt away and she said:  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Then Jacob let his eyes swiftly move down, looking her over in a manner she could tell wasn't sexual in any way and then he let her hand go, turning to his daughter.  
  
"Are ladies wearing TROUSERS in the future?" he asked, astounded, and Sarah laughed.  
  
"Oh, daddy, don't be an old poof!" she said with a wink at Spike, who grinned at her, now trying to discretely get rid of the tears staining his cheeks.  
  
Jacob scratched his head thoughtfully, before smiling, shaking his head at her.  
  
"Yes, yes," he said distractedly, then corrected himself. "I mean, no, of course not. I'll try not to be, but see, this won't do, now will it, Sarah?"  
  
Sarah smiled at him.  
  
"Did you really think that I would not take care of it?" she asked and he looked at her, and then chuckled.  
  
"No, of course not. I'm sorry, darling," he said. "How ARE you taking care of it, if I may ask?"  
  
"Why, of course you may," Sarah said. "I have arranged for Miss Talbot to come over at three o'clock for measuring and then it will all be done. I am paying her a little extra and so she will have at least two dresses ready by tomorrow."  
  
"That's quite quick," Jacob said, a little surprised.  
  
"Well, she has Fiona and Clara and a handful of girls to help her with them, so in all accounts it's almost a bit slow," she declared and Jacob smiled.  
  
"Well, then, that's settled."  
  
Buffy listened and when she saw a chance she spoke up:  
  
"I really hope I'm not causing you any trouble with, well, the money and everything."  
  
"Oh, such a delightful American accent you have, my dear," Jacob said before adding with a wink: "Don't you worry, we have a few pounds to get by on."  
  
Buffy smiled a little at that, still feeling rather low for making them spend money on someone they barely knew the last name of.  
  
"And.me?" Spike now asked and Sarah laughed.  
  
"Silly William, you just go into your old room and pick whatever clothes you would like," she said and he stared at her for a moment.  
  
"You mean you've left it the way it was when I left?" he asked, disbelieving.  
  
"Of course we did," Sarah said. "Now go on, I need to help Buffy get ready for Miss Talbot."  
  
Buffy watched as Spike left the room with Jacob. Had she been completely wrong or had he been crying?  
  
"Are you ready for this?" Sarah asked and Buffy turned to her a little confused. "It's a whole other world out there than what you're used to," Sarah explained and Buffy smiled.  
  
"Isn't it always?" she asked. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

New Horizons: Chapter Eleven  
  
By Annie  
  
05-01-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was evening and Buffy was waiting for Sarah in the pretty guestroom she had been assigned. Buffy was wearing one of Sarah's dresses; it was one of her more simple ones since Sarah had explained that they didn't exactly wear velvet dresses every day. Sarah was a little taller than Buffy and her body wasn't as well trained and so the dress didn't fit quite as it should, but that was all right. Buffy was for once glad to not have to walk around in her jeans, and happy to get rid of feeling like a true misfit amongst the beautiful interiors of Sarah and Jacob's home.  
  
The dress was made of soft, green cotton and she couldn't help but love the sweep-sweep-sweeping sound it made whenever she walked. She felt like a little girl, excited about being able to borrow her mother's dresses and play princess, the thought occurring to her earlier had made her giggle at herself.  
  
Sarah had put Buffy's hair up in a loose knot and explained that she couldn't provide any make-up even if she had wanted to; they weren't big on that in this century.  
  
Miss Talbot had been a very cheery woman and she had measured Buffy for nearly an hour, talking about the gossip that was going around Town without hardly stopping to catch her breath and even though Buffy found her likable she drew a breath of relief when the woman finally packed up her things and left, declaring the dresses to be delivered the following afternoon.  
  
Sarah had smiled agreement as Buffy exhausted sunk down in one of the deep armchairs in the guestroom she was to call hers.  
  
The house they were in was huge, with three floors and a kitchen and servants area, which was halfway below ground level. The house was built in an almost crimson colored brick. It stood proudly amongst its neighbors, who mostly looked practically the same, in one of the most fancy and calm streets of London. The backyard wasn't big, but Sarah said no backyards in London were, and besides, they didn't need it.  
  
Buffy had wanted to go exploring the house or at least on a tour with Sarah, but between Miss Talbot, fitting her into Sarah's dress and trying to get ready for supper there just hadn't been any time.  
  
She had hardly seen Spike all day and she was kind of thankful for that. She had found herself thinking of him though, more often than she would have liked, but she had brushed it off as normal, being as it was that she was situated in a house so linked to him.  
  
Now there was a soft knock on the door.  
  
"Come in," she said, expecting it to be Sarah and getting a small shock at the sight of Spike, dressed in dark blue trousers with a matching vest, which he had buttoned over a white shirt, a tie in the same color completed the outfit. His hair was washed and instead of the eternal brushed back due it was carefully combed to the right of his head. It sort of suited him she had to reluctantly admit.  
  
Spike paused as well, looking at her in the way he always did only now it didn't matter how many layers of clothes she hid behind, she still found herself feeling naked under his gaze and irritated she noticed she was blushing.  
  
She shook her head, breaking eye contact and trying to focus her mind on something else. But the picture of him had etched itself firmly in her mind and it refused to be swiped out that easily.  
  
He smiled a little at the sudden body language she adopted, turning from him and hiding, as always, but this time with a hint of being quite shaken. He couldn't help but like that.  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
"Sarah asked me to get you, love. Time to eat," he said.  
  
She nodded, she was scared of speaking, in fear of her voice betraying her. Then she remembered that he was a VAMPIRE and that he for certain already had read her heart beat.  
  
She turned to him once more, looking at him closely for any clue to whether or not he was going to do what he always did, say something stupid and get on her nerves.  
  
His eyes looked into hers, calmly.  
  
"If you think I'm gonna leave you up here when I KNOW you need to eat, you're wrong," he suddenly stated and it was so not at all what she had been waiting for that, as she got herself moving and walked up to him, she couldn't help but smile brightly.  
  
Don't DO that, his thoughts screamed at her, you don't know what the bloody hell it does to me!  
  
She looked almost like she had heard him because the expression faded, but not all of it, the traces of it still curving her mouth.  
  
Her mouth! How he wanted to grab her and just.  
  
"You're in my way," she said, looking up at him and then nodding towards the door when he looked like a question mark.  
  
"Then move me," he said, the small gleam back in his eyes and she huffed.  
  
"Fine," she said, giving him a hard push with one arm and he took a step back, letting her pass.  
  
"Was it good for you?" he asked following her and she swallowed the laughter threatening to come out before replying:  
  
"Shut up, Spike."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"So, what you're saying is that all you really know about this thing is that it is scheduled to happen in less than a month?" Buffy asked, grabbing another one of the biscuits on the plate before them on the table and taking a bite.  
  
They had moved from the dining room into the drawing room where the sounds of London crept in through the slightly opened windows.  
  
"Yes," Jacob now replied. "Well, that and the fact that we THINK we know who the one to summon the Fire, causing its birth, is." he added.  
  
"And you're saying that it's this lord Frederick Hart character," Spike said. "I get all that. But what I don't get is what this Birth of Fire is supposed to bring on? I mean, is it supposed to open up another Hellmouth or wake up some kind of a creature or.what?"  
  
"Well," Sarah said slowly, clearly thinking before answering, "dad and I believe that the Birth is supposed to take place INSIDE the one who summons it.that something is supposed to happen with that person. We just don't know WHY lord Hart would want to do this, I just can't get that part of the text translated, it's too advanced."  
  
"Maybe Willow should have come instead of me," Buffy mumbled, getting frustrated over not really being able to help. "She could have translated that whole book in the blink of an eye."  
  
"We don't know that," Spike said.  
  
"That's right," Sarah agreed. "Besides, we really need you for a plan that dad and I have been thinking about for a while now and.well, it all depends on whether or not you're up for it. Both of you."  
  
Buffy looked at her quizzically, and so did Spike.  
  
"Well," Sarah said, lowering her voice and leaning forward. "This coming week, on Wednesday to be exact, lord Hart will host a three day ball on his estate right outside London."  
  
"Is Cinderella coming?" Spike asked sarcastically and Sarah, seated next to him, smacked him on the arm before continuing.  
  
"All the richest people in England will be there, but that's not the point, my point IS that I am invited and I want you two to come with me as my guests."  
  
"Ah, the old act-all-friendly-to-snoop-around gig," Buffy said. "Well, I'm in," she added, nodding. "If anything we might be able to see what kind of a guy this lord is."  
  
Sarah smiled at her.  
  
"Wonderful."  
  
Spike looked at Sarah, tilting his head a little before saying:  
  
"There's more, isn't there?"  
  
Sarah's smile grew a little stale as she turned to him with an innocent look.  
  
"Why would you think that?" she asked and he smiled.  
  
"Because I know you and it can't be that easy," he answered and Sarah turned to her father who shrugged and then she sighed.  
  
"Okay, fine. There's something that I think might help. Eh, it kind of depends on Buffy, though," she said, fixing her eyes on the latter.  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"Well, lord Hart has this.weakness. For pretty young ladies, that is, and."  
  
"And you want me to seduce him?" Buffy asked, a little surprised.  
  
Spike felt his heart stop, not that it was beating but still.  
  
Sarah looked a little flushed at Buffy's words before averting her eyes.  
  
"No, not literally," she then said. "Just.maybe see if you could get him talking. I'm pretty sure that you will be the only girl there that he hasn't already met and that's why I think it really could work. I don't know if."  
  
"This is ridiculous!" Spike exclaimed, getting to his feet. "Buffy can't bloody well go around drawing attention to herself like that! I mean, she's gonna have to do a LOT of researching and don't you think it's better for her to stay more.um, out of the people's eye than go around flirting with some old poof that all of England probably could draw a bloody sketch of blindfolded?!"  
  
"Oh, he's not old at all, Will," Sarah said, as if that was a comfort. "He's only thirty-five."  
  
"Thirty-five?!" Spike exploded. "That's more than ten YEARS older than Buffy!"  
  
"So?" Buffy now asked and Spike twirled around to gape at her.  
  
"SO?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, YOU'RE a HUNDRED and thirty-five years older, aren't you?" she asked coyly.  
  
He was about to retort, but stopped himself.  
  
"Actually it's more like a hundred and fifty," Sarah said and Spike shot her a glance that made her smile disarmingly.  
  
Buffy stood.  
  
"I am beat," she said, hiding a yawn behind one hand. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to bed. And, Sarah, I think it sounds like a good plan. I'll bat my eyes at him and pout my lips just enough to reel him in and then I'm sure I can get a word or two out of him."  
  
Spike was about to say something but Buffy just gave him a look not to bother, then she said goodnight to Sarah and Jacob and left the room to go upstairs.  
  
  
  
***  
  
She closed the door to her bedroom. Leaning against it and feeling something heavy settle inside her chest. Then she just wanted to cry, but she was so sick of doing that and she closed her eyes, trying to keep calm.  
  
She didn't know why she suddenly was feeling like she was made out of led. Her whole body felt immobile and she just wanted to stand leaning against that stupid door forever. Then there was a knock on it and she swirled around, grabbing the handle and opening it and realizing the moment her eyes met Sarah's that she had been expecting Spike.  
  
And when her heart slowly started pacing normally in her chest again she felt something suspiciously close to disappointment somewhere near it and she swallowed, certain that she was wrong.  
  
"I thought you might need some help getting out of those clothes," Sarah said with a trying smile, Buffy had looked so very disappointed when her eyes had met Sarah's that the latter wasn't sure she was welcome.  
  
Then Buffy suddenly looked resolute before the expression vanished and she smiled gratefully, opening the door wider so that Sarah could step inside.  
  
"That sounds like a really true thought," Buffy said as she closed the door and Sarah laughed.  
  
"Come, let's stand in front of the mirror. It won't take long," she said and Buffy nodded.  
  
Sarah started to unlace the skirt and they stood in silence for a few moments before Sarah said:  
  
"William is quite fond of you, isn't he?"  
  
Buffy felt a twist in her chest, close to where that heaviness was still settled, and then she nodded slowly.  
  
"He says so." she mumbled, not quite able to look into the mirror, into her own eyes.  
  
Irritation started to mix with the other feelings residing within her and she looked up, staring straight into the two brown irises that were the windows to her soul.  
  
And again she wanted to cry.  
  
Bighting her jaw tightly together she managed to push the feeling aside and she concentrated on what Sarah was saying.  
  
"I'm not all sure exactly what your relationship with him is, and I don't want to pry, but."  
  
"There isn't any relationship," Buffy said sternly, still holding her own eyes in the mirror. "There never has been any relationship and there NEVER will be."  
  
Sarah looked at her from where she was standing to Buffy's left, and then she let the skirt of the dress fall to the floor, moving to stand behind Buffy as her quick fingers started unbuttoning the top of it.  
  
"You sound very sure," she said hesitantly.  
  
"I AM very sure," Buffy answered her. "Why wouldn't I be?" she added and Sarah's hands seemed to move slower for a few seconds before they started picking up their pace again.  
  
"Oh, I don't know." she then murmured. "Maybe the.tension between you two?"  
  
She was done with the unbuttoning part and now moved around to stand before Buffy as the latter stared at her, then answered:  
  
"The 'tension' is nothing but bad history. He has tried to kill me a few times, you see, and so I don't really trust him, chip or NO chip. He.he's not."  
  
"Trustworthy?" Sarah asked silently and Buffy thought for a moment before replying.  
  
"He and I, we don't mesh well, in any aspect. You've seen us, just in one day, how much we fight and disagree and. We're both stubborn, I guess." She paused for a moment, then slowly continued: "Look, I know you care for him, but the fact is that he ISN'T William anymore, he's not the person you knew and loved so much, that person is dead and gone. All he is. All he is is."  
  
"What?" Sarah asked, smiling faintly. "Evil?" she asked, then she took a step forward, grabbing Buffy's hands in hers and holding them in a tight grip she caught Buffy's eyes and held them. "Do you REALLY believe that, Buffy?" she now asked, her voice so intense it almost cut the inside of Buffy's ears.  
  
Buffy stared at her, trying to answer, trying to at least move, but she couldn't.  
  
Do I believe that? Do I really believe that?  
  
The question bounced against the insides of her head and there was nothing she seemed to be able to do to catch it, make it stop.  
  
Then Sarah let her hands go, taking a step back she smiled her bright smile.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be pushing you into a discussion you're not willing to have. I think my work here is done though," she said, gesturing towards the dress. "Eh.goodnight, Buffy."  
  
She walked over to the door, opening it silently.  
  
"Sarah," Buffy said, finally out of her daze. "I."  
  
"It's okay," Sarah said dismissively. "As long as YOU know the true answer, you don't have to bother with telling me."  
  
And with that she left.  
  
Buffy looked at the gaping hole of the open door, the darkness of the hallway outside it feeling like another world entirely, then she turned to her reflection. Starting to pull the top of her dress, still hanging on her shoulders, off she looked closely at herself. The body now covered in an ill-fitting excuse for an under-dress, the tired eyes, the hanging shoulders, the messed up hair.  
  
Then she sighed, turning away from the mirror and picking the dress up to hang it over a chair. She grabbed the big, white nightgown Sarah had borrowed her and brought it over her head, sliding her arms in their places and letting it fall down she pulled her hair out so it wasn't stuck at the seam of the neck, and then she suddenly felt a so very familiar feeling.  
  
He was there, behind her, he was looking at her.  
  
Her whole body tensed, every muscle trying to follow the whims of both her mind and her desire; the first one saying "be careful!", and the latter whispering "don't care!".  
  
Her heart was on an instant adrenaline rush and she almost felt like she would crack open.  
  
She tried to take a shaky breath, not caring if he noticed its instability or not, but it was a struggle and she gave it up.  
  
She turned around, as if she wasn't aware of his presence.  
  
But the doorway was empty.  
  
She paused herself entirely.  
  
Had she just DONE that? The anticipation, the RUSH! That was the problem, though, wasn't it? The way he affected her was not anything she could deny, it was there, and she DID want him. What got her put on alert now was how she surely would have given in, had he ACTUALLY been there. Had he rested his eyes on her and seduced her with the gentleness of his mouth, making his words drip from his lips caressing her like honey.  
  
She shrugged; suddenly scared of taking her thoughts any further, it might end up with HER paying HIM a late night visit.  
  
Then she chuckled a little at the thought.  
  
"Nope," she said, self-assured. "Never gonna happen."  
  
She went up to close her door and stopped.  
  
She might have been wrong, it might have been just her brain playing tricks on her, but she could have sworn that the traces of scent from something spicy she couldn't quite place, smoke and.whiskey? hung in the air of the doorway.  
  
She didn't even notice the small smile growing on her lips as she gently pushed the door closed. 


	12. Chapter Twelve

New Horizons: Chapter Twelve  
  
By Annie  
  
05-02-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Dawnie, you're gonna be late for school if you don't get down here right now!" Willow yelled, hoping her voice would carry from the kitchen, through the hallway, up the stairs and still hit the teen with some force seeing that she seemed to be taking longer than forever to get herself ready.  
  
"Okay, okay!" she heard Dawn's voice and then the rapid thumping of her feet on the stairs a few moments before she entered the kitchen, her back pack slung across one shoulder and a slightly thoughtful expression on her face.  
  
Willow had opened her mouth to start the lecture she had heard Buffy give the younger one about a hundred times, but she cut herself off as Dawn sat down at the breakfast-table in the middle of the kitchen, looking at her with eyes that were holding a dozen questions.  
  
Willow sighed before smiling a little.  
  
"Okay, let 'em rip," she said and Dawn grabbed the glass of orange juice Willow had poured for her, taking a sip before starting.  
  
"Do you think they're all right?" she asked, worry for both her sister and her friend streaking her eyes.  
  
"Yes," Willow answered her, and she was sure of it too.  
  
"Do you think they'll be back soon?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Do you think it's a Big Bad they've got to deal with?"  
  
"Could be, yeah."  
  
"Do you think they'll have to fight?"  
  
"Probably."  
  
"Do you think the world is about to end over where they are and that the Birth of Fire is just another name for the earth opening up and swallowing everything?"  
  
Willow frowned a little, but smiled.  
  
"I don't think so, Dawnie, but I mean, you never really know."  
  
"Do you think Buffy is being so awful to Spike because she might actually like him and she doesn't know how to deal?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
The rain gently pattered against the windowsill as Buffy slowly opened her eyes. It took her a moment or two to remember where she was and then she drew a deep breath, trying to shake her sleepy brain into thinking mode.  
  
She wondered what time it was.  
  
Then there was a knock on the door and she pulled her covers over her head, suddenly remembering what had happened the night before and the sense of him. She felt a pleasant shiver run up her spine at the thought of it and she growled a:  
  
"Come in."  
  
Hoping against hope that Spike wouldn't be his usual smug, insufferable self. Sometimes it was so damn unfair that he could read her like that.  
  
"Morning, Miss Summers," a voice that she didn't recognize said and she pulled the covers down a little, peaking out into the room.  
  
A young girl in a black dress and white apron was moving towards the window, and then she opened up the curtains, letting the cold and gray daylight flood the room she turned towards Buffy.  
  
"My name is Gina," she said with a smile. "I'll be helping you this morning."  
  
Buffy looked at her, not entirely understanding what the girl was talking about.  
  
"With getting dressed," the girl said as a response to Buffy's confused expression.  
  
"Oh!" Buffy said, almost starting to laugh. "Of course."  
  
It felt a little more than weird to get out of bed and have someone in the room who immediately came up to her and helped her pull the nightgown over her head. Then Gina fetched the same dress Buffy had used the day before and Buffy almost moaned at the thought of cramming into it again. Then she shrugged, not much to do about it, her own dresses weren't arriving until later and, well, she couldn't exactly use the clothes she had arrived in.  
  
After half an hour of correcting and lacing, buttoning and straightening she was finally ready.  
  
Gina grabbed a brush but Buffy stopped her, smiling kindly.  
  
"I can do that," she said and Gina seemed to hesitate a moment before nodding, giving a little courtesy and then walking to the door.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy called after her and the girl smiled with another nod and then left the room.  
  
She started to brush her hair in front of the mirror; thinking she needed to get another haircut and starting to contemplate if she should cut it all off again or just trim it and let it grow.  
  
"Fascinating, isn't it?" his voice suddenly rang from the doorway and she whipped her head to the side, looking at him startled.  
  
Then she sighed, shaking her head and turning back to the mirror.  
  
"What is?" she asked, starting to brush again.  
  
He left the doorway, moving silently into the room.  
  
No, stay away! she thought.  
  
But this time at least her heart wasn't getting the better of her as she focused her gaze in her own, stubbornly continuing her movement with the brush.  
  
"Your reflection," he said, his voice low as he stopped behind her, placing his hands on her hips and putting his face above her right shoulder.  
  
"Spike, get off," she protested, keeping on with the brushing but not being able to help looking at the place where his eyes should have been in the mirror. Now there was nothing but the room behind her.  
  
He suddenly placed a hand on the one of hers that was moving the brush, stopping it and then gently taking the brush from her.  
  
"Spike." she mumbled, feeling something close to jelly start filling her knees.  
  
He put a hand up, stroking it over her hair before he raised the brush with the other, letting it follow the first.  
  
"You know, you'd think that a reflection would be the sign of someone being alive," he said silently. "But I don't think so. What makes a man a man?" the last sentence was so low she almost didn't hear it.  
  
And his hands kept moving over her head.  
  
"I still can't believe you cut your hair just to piss me off," he then said, voice still deadly low and her eyes widened a little.  
  
"I did NOT," she protested harshly, not quite sure why she couldn't just move away from his touch.  
  
Junkie, junkie, junkie, her mind chanted.  
  
Then he stopped, removing his hands and handing her the brush back.  
  
"Did you think it would drive me away? That I bloody loved you 'cause of your stupid locks?" he asked and she didn't want to look in his eyes, she didn't want to listen.  
  
"Did you really believe that it'd be that easy?" he asked now and she closed her eyes, trying to shut his voice out. "I guess so," he mumbled and she heard him turn away, moving back to the door. "Breakfast is ready," he said and with that she knew he had left.  
  
God, I need to get this over with quickly so I can just not have him around me anymore! she thought angrily.  
  
It was so much easier not to think about him, well, hardly think about him, well, almost not think about him when he wasn't so close the whole frigging time! And what was with the touching thingy he had going on? And what was with the stand-still-as-a-statue-and-pretend-it's-raining thingy SHE had going on? Why the hell couldn't she get passed this, passed HIM, and move on?  
  
Wait, she HAD moved on, she was just a little on the relapse and that would all be turned around once she could stay as far away from him as possible again.  
  
Yes, all would be fine, just as soon as this whole Birth of Fire thing was over and done with. And until then she would just have to focus on everything they'd have to do to research the Fire thing, and not on anything that had to do with him what so ever.  
  
"Yes," she said to herself, looking down on the brush and feeling the sensation of his hands running through her hair. "That should be easy."  
  
***  
  
She hardly looked at him when she came down to the breakfast table, but she greeted both Jacob and Sarah with that blinding smile of hers, which she seemed to have rediscovered in the past twenty-four hours. He was happy to see it back, finally, but the way she was using it this morning.  
  
Well, he recognized the drill immediately and sighed.  
  
Fine, if that's the way she wants it, then fine, he thought, taking another sip out of his cup, which was filled with steaming tea and making sure to not look at her.  
  
Buffy started spreading jam on a piece of bread as Sarah poured her some tea as well.  
  
Silence was settling among the four when Jacob said:  
  
"Any strategies as to where you think we should start first?"  
  
He was looking at Buffy and Buffy chewed a piece of the bread she had just prepared, running different courses of action in her head. Then she swallowed and answered:  
  
"I think we should see if we can find any kind of low-life who would sell his soul to make a few dollars.I mean, pounds, and see if we can get some information from the people on the streets. Usually an incantation of the multitude that this one seems to be, being in a prophecy and all, takes more than one person to say it for it to work. We should see what the rap on the street is about that as well, the lord person, IF he's our Big Bad here, might have some un-loyal friends," she finished, picking up her cup and bringing it to her mouth, sipping the hot liquid carefully and waiting for a response from the others.  
  
Silently Jacob mouthed: "rap on the streets", to Sarah with a completely lost expression on his face. She smiled, patting his arm with a look ensuring him a full explanation later, before turning to Buffy.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea," she said. "But how do we FIND these low-lives?"  
  
"Leave that to me, precious," Spike said, turning his full attention on Buffy as he added: "It's what I do best."  
  
Buffy still refused to meet his gaze, she simply put her cup down and picked her half finished bread piece up, looking at it as though it was the most important thing in the world.  
  
God, how she got on his nerves sometimes!  
  
"Really?" Jacob asked sounding rather fascinated. "Tell me, William, how does it work?"  
  
Spike turned to the man with a gleeful smile, then answered:  
  
"Well, first I have to tap into the cosmos vortex that seem to hold all the little links between demon and demon untangled. Then I just wait until I'm close enough to be able to breathe down the other ones neck and before you know it, low-life bagged, gagged and ready for delivery. Usually to the Slayer but I've been know to do a little side work.just for the fun of it..." He knew he was drifting over the line, pushing her buttons, but he thought the hell with it, she just kept pushing his without even giving him, literally, a second glance. He continued: "And even though it doesn't rank high on the being-a-good-neighbor scale I just can't seem to help myself. There was this time I had gotten my hands on these bloody horrific eggs and. No, wait, I should let Buffy tell this story, I think she'd do a much better job. How about it, pet?"  
  
Buffy turned a cold stare at him before rising.  
  
"Excuse me," she said, her voice hard, before she took a step around her chair and left the room.  
  
He sighed.  
  
"Bloody hell," he mumbled getting to his feet.  
  
"William, maybe you should leave her alone for a little while," Sarah said, the pain in her voice cut through him as he turned to her, what was even worse was the blame in her eyes.  
  
"But, I." he began but she rose, shaking her head.  
  
"No 'buts', Will. I think you just seriously hurt her and I honestly think you'll only make the cut deeper if you run after her now, especially in the mood you seem to be in this morning," she said firmly. "I don't want you to cause any more harm, now go up to your room and I'll come in a little while with your breakfast, and then we can talk."  
  
He looked at her, feeling like she just slapped him in the face saying HE hurt BUFFY.  
  
"You don't know her," he once more tried to defend himself. "I can't HURT her, Sarah, only make her so bloody angry that she wants to fight me and when she's pretty much taken my face off she backs away. 'Cut deeper'?" he asked, disbelieving. "I couldn't hurt her even if I tried, she doesn't feel a bloody thing for me, and she never has."  
  
This brought a faint smile to Sarah's face.  
  
"Well then, you are doing an incredible job with the NOT trying to make her feel, aren't you?" she asked sadly.  
  
He was about to answer her when she raised a hand, telling him there was no use.  
  
"Just go up and wait in your room, I don't want you drinking your breakfast down here, the servants already have too much to gossip about," she declared. "I'll be up in a few minutes."  
  
He looked at her and then reluctantly turned and walked out of the room.  
  
***  
  
The door opened and closed. He didn't turn around. Sarah's scent, still so familiar; had hit his nostrils even before she touched the handle.  
  
She stood quiet for a moment before walking up to him with a small sigh. He was looking out through the window, looking at the street where he had played as a child before he became Drusilla's childe, where he had gotten to know every nook and cranny and where he had fallen and scraped arms and knees and bled. He had bled in London a lifetime ago and here he was, back in all his glory with no time passing and once more, bleeding.  
  
"Because of her," he grumbled.  
  
"What?" Sarah asked, now stopping at his side and reaching down a thick mug filled with the red string of life, which was the only thing he had to hold on to.  
  
He suddenly loathed it. Loathed it its thickness and copper taste, loathed it its life and the way it held its unforgiving clutches around him, loathed it for the curse that it was.  
  
"Nothing," he murmured, waving for her to take the mug away. "I'm too bloody mad to eat," he said.  
  
"Mad? For what reason are you mad, Will?"  
  
"I'm not mad, on second thought, I'm bloody furious."  
  
"Why?"  
  
The calm in her voice almost affected the boiling emotions inside of him more.  
  
He wanted to scream at her, shake her, hurt her, scare her and make her see that he wasn't that boy she knew and loved and trusted, that he wasn't William anymore in any way! He wanted to make her see him the way he truly was, the way he would always be now. He wasn't anyone but the demon inside of him. He was Spike and he wanted to scream at her that she had been a fool all this time to think that she saw her old friend in him. He wasn't there! The only thing provoking emotion to show in his eyes was the reflection of that bitch of a Slayer and now he had had enough of it.  
  
He was so sick of tiptoeing around that wench, bending to her every need and want and waiting for her to toss him one friendly glance, one kind word.  
  
That wasn't him, that was something he couldn't define, something that he didn't even want to define; he wanted it gone.  
  
He stood from the chair so hastily that it hesitated but a moment before tipping over, the back of it hitting the floor with a pang. He didn't even flinch but turned to her, she had put the cup aside he noticed before he grabbed her by the shoulders, staring at her.  
  
She looked back at him, coolly.  
  
"Why are you furious, William?" she asked silently and he kept staring at her.  
  
Then he shoved her away, letting go and walking with big steps towards the door.  
  
"I'm leaving," he said. "Don't try to find me. I'll be back tonight."  
  
She watched him go. After a minute or so she took a step forward, bending down and lifting the chair up, putting it back in its place.  
  
"You do that, Will," she sighed. "You do that." 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

New Horizons: Chapter Thirteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-03-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dawn could easily judge by the rather shocked expression on Willow's face that she had hit jackpot with her question.  
  
"What do you know, Willow? Has she talked to you about it?"  
  
Willow stared at the fifteen year old, not sure how she could best tackle this one. Then she shrugged and smiled a little.  
  
"No, she hasn't. But."  
  
The front door opening interrupted her and she and Dawn looked at each other, knowing it was Xander they made a silent agreement to continue their discussion later.  
  
"Hello, everybody," Xander said, walking into the kitchen. "What's for breakfast?"  
  
"Pancakes, if you want them, or cereal. Take your pick," Willow said and smiled at him.  
  
He had been so low the past few weeks, even if he had tried to cover it up. Now, though, he smiled a bright smile back and she couldn't help but ask:  
  
"You seem cheery, something good happen?"  
  
He sat down on the stool next to Dawn and reached for the pancakes before nodding.  
  
"Yep," he said, taking the plate Willow handed him and serving himself he continued: "I've spent most of these weeks thinking about how to live without Anya if she doesn't come back. Well, last night I came to a decision."  
  
Willow and Dawn looked at one another before both turning to Xander who was pouring an extensive amount of syrup on his mountain of pancakes.  
  
"I'm not going to wait anymore," he then said as he grabbed a fork, hacking away at the food before him and then taking his first bite.  
  
"But, Xander." Willow said, rather surprised after all. "You still love her, you said so yourself. You can't just give up on her like that.can you?"  
  
Xander swallowed, smiling widely.  
  
"What I mean is that I'm gonna find her myself. If she refuses to see me then I'll wait in what ever hell-dimension she is in until she WILL," he stated and both Dawn and Willow's eyes became round with surprise before starting to fill with a mutual worry.  
  
"B-but Xander." Willow said again. "Isn't that kinda. dangerous? I mean, maybe you should wait 'til Buffy and Spike gets back. they can help."  
  
He got to his feet, shaking his head before exclaiming:  
  
"I can't wait for Buffy to always fight my battles for me, Will. I HAVE to do this now, or I'll go crazy. I miss Anya so much, I can't just sit around anymore."  
  
"But, Buffy and Spike might be home today! We don't know how they'll set the mirror, or how it works. Maybe they'll walk through it in an hour!" Dawn said.  
  
"Dawn, thank you for the concern. I know I haven't always been the most forward of the Scoobs but I know I can do this. And I really have to," Xander answered, then he walked up to the door leading to the hallway, breakfast forgotten. "I'll be back, too, I promise, I just need Anya to know that what I did. that it didn't have anything to do with my feelings for her."  
  
Willow looked at him for a moment, then walked up to him and gave him a big hug, Dawn soon joined them and he sighed a little with relief, glad to have their support.  
  
"Be careful," Willow mumbled, feeling her throat knot with tears. "You'd better not break that promise. We need you here, you know."  
  
They let go and he smiled at them both, reassuringly.  
  
Then he turned and walked to the front door.  
  
As it closed Willow stared at it, feeling a terrible emptiness inside at the thought of loosing him.  
  
"Damn it, if I hadn't gotten all crazy addicted to the magic I could have helped him," she said angrily and Dawn put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Don't think like that. Besides, did you see the look in his eyes, all determined and stuff? He'll be back," she said and Willow nodded, still looking at the closed door.  
  
"He'd BETTER be," she mumbled.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling and feeling nothing but an empty hole inside. No anger, no irritation, no resentment; just a big, black nothing. But the pain of it was excruciating and tears were slowly filling her eyes, she didn't care to hold them back, she was tired of crying but too strained to be able to keep from it.  
  
Besides, the pain made her either have to cry or scream, and she thought the former was just a little smarter than the latter.  
  
When she heard approaching steps outside she rolled over on her side, burying her head in one of the soft pillows and praying with everything in her that it wouldn't be Spike.  
  
She didn't want him to think that she was crying because of what he had said, because she wasn't!  
  
She didn't exactly know WHY she was crying but tried to blame it on the fact that she had had it bottled up inside for way too long and with him being his usual despicable self he had pushed more buttons than he had bargained for.  
  
There was a knock on the door, and she could tell it wasn't him. First of all he probably wouldn't have knocked after the way they just left it, and secondly, his knock, had there been one, wouldn't have been as soft as this one.  
  
Relieved she collected herself and dragged herself up into a seated position before saying:  
  
"Come in."  
  
The door opened and Sarah appeared, looking rather pale as she approached the bed and sat down on the edge of it. Buffy could see that Sarah was studying her still tear sprinkled eyes and she tried to blink them away, with not much success.  
  
Then Sarah turned away and Buffy suddenly felt a gnawing worry start to fill up the hole inside.  
  
"Sarah?" she asked and tried to keep the feeling out of her voice. "What's the matter? .If you're thinking about what Spike just talked about," she laughed to try to underline how used to it she was, when she really wasn't. The laugh sounded flat and she closed her mouth, feeling how tense she was. "Well," she said, desperately looking for a way to swipe his statement away. "He IS like that. He DOES that. And I do know about it, I've always known about it. only forgotten it from time to time," the last part she added mostly to herself but Sarah now turned her two cobalt blues towards her, they expressing so much concern that Buffy quickly continued: "I mean, remember what I told you yesterday? I told you that Spike and me, we don't mesh. We don't fit together at all."  
  
The feeling of his hands running over every curve of her body, his lips against her skin. She snapped herself out of it.  
  
"We fight ALL the time and this argument will. it will blow over," she assured with as big a smile that she could muster.  
  
"He left," Sarah said slowly.  
  
The gnawing worry inside of Buffy turned into astonishment, then disbelief and then a subtle fear, gently tugging at every nerve string in her entire body.  
  
She swallowed hard, staring at Sarah.  
  
"He what?" she asked when she finally got her speech back.  
  
"He left.He said he'll be back tonight."  
  
With that relief was spreading fast among the fear and almost completely chased it away. Buffy hardly noticed because now she started to feel the anger. She was getting angrier with him by the second.  
  
"But. But it's DAY! He can't just LEAVE! And what does that mean, 'be back tonight'? What the hell is he doing? So, he thinks we don't need his help, then? Well.! And-and it's DAY!" she exclaimed, getting to her feet.  
  
Sarah got off the bed too, trying to stay calm as Buffy thoughtlessly exploded.  
  
"Buffy, listen. I think that he needs to do some thinking. A lot of things are happening right now and I think he's not sure how to deal with them."  
  
"He can DEAL with them during the night, when the rest of us are sleeping! How CAN he just LEAVE! It's DAY, it's SUN-."  
  
She stopped herself, the un-going patter on her windowsill making her realize that, no, there was no sun today. No deadly rays, no risk of burning.  
  
"Well," she grumbled, the anger still bubbling inside and she didn't want to let it die, she wanted to keep it there until he came back, so she could take it out on him.  
  
Scream at him for leaving, scream at him for being so damn selfish, scream at him for saying what he had before, making her feel stupid and weak and.  
  
Her eyes widened at the realization, the expression in them first making her look incredibly vulnerable, and then hard as stone. She shook her head, turned away from Sarah and said:  
  
"He's supposed to be sleeping now. He's not supposed to be out roaming the streets."  
  
"Say's who?" Sarah's voice asked, calm and controlled as always.  
  
  
  
***  
  
He swiped the glass up from the tattered, wooden bar counter and brought it to his lips, tilting his head back and taking the contents of the small glass in his mouth with one movement. Swallowing it, feeling the slightly burning sensation as it traveled down the inside of his throat, soon it settled in his stomach and then he knew it would soon journey up to his head.  
  
He put the glass down with a hard bam and turned to the bartender, his mind was already slightly fuzzy, after all he had had almost three bottles of whiskey already, but not fuzzy enough and he said:  
  
"Another."  
  
The bartender eyed him carefully, and then shrugged a little, picking up a bottle and filling the glass to the edges.  
  
Spike looked at the amber colored liquid, then repeated the ritual again, swallowing it down.  
  
"Mister, you should probably call it a day," the bartender said when he once more slammed the glass down on the bar, waiting for another fill up.  
  
Spike stared at him for a moment.  
  
Did this man not know what he was? Of course he didn't, he reminded himself, no one knew. Except for Buffy. That bitch seemed to know everything about him, didn't she?  
  
What a pitiful vampire she had turned him into. How he hated her! How he despised himself for ever getting caught in her sticky little web. And ruthless as a spider attacks her catch she had moved in on him and killed him, over and over and over and over.  
  
"Well, not again," he murmured, the bartender still keeping an eye on him he noticed.  
  
He almost wanted to laugh at him, wanted to rip the damned bar counter off its nails and throw it across the room just to see what kind of expression THAT would put on the whelp's face. He shrugged; stepping down from the stool he had been seated on for. he had no idea for how long.  
  
"Here I go," he said to the bartender, the room spinning around him and he smiled widely.  
  
Then a heavy hand was placed on his shoulder and he turned around, his blue eyes meeting a pair of green ones, watery with drunkenness they stared at him before a breath smelling of a nauseating mix of alcohols carried slurred words at him:  
  
"You haven't paid, have you, boy?"  
  
He stared at the man, then at the hand on his shoulder. Without even making an attempt at replying he shrugged the man's hand off and turned to walk away.  
  
But the hand took an even harder grip on his coat and the man said:  
  
"Then maybe you should pay for ME."  
  
Spike felt the almost blinding rage he had been trying to drown easily struggle to the surface of his drenched mind and he grabbed the man's hand, turning around towards him with eyes that were icy cold. The chip was forgotten and the thirst for a fight now stronger than anything else.  
  
"You don't know what the bloody hell you're messing with, old man," he said, pushing the man's hand off his shoulder before turning around again.  
  
As he had expected the man gave him a hard push and he almost lost his balance, even though his brain was already sobering up. Damn the vampire nature of healing the body ten times as fast as the human nature ever could.  
  
"Take it outside," the bartender said, a warning tone in his voice and Spike looked from him to the man before replying:  
  
"My pleasure."  
  
With a look at green-eyes he turned and walked to the back door of the pub, leading into a dirty little alley.  
  
Perfect, he thought to himself as he heard the door behind him open and close, green-eyes following in his footsteps.  
  
Spike turned around as the man charged him. He easily avoided the blow green-eyes tried to deliver and his hand shot out, hitting the man in the stomach. He huffed and took a step backwards, his eyes now enlarging as Spike went into game face. He was on the man the next second, giving him a blow on the cheekbone. Spike could feel the bone crackle underneath his fist and the demon inside of him roared with pleasure as he raised his left hand and delivered a perfect hit to green-eyes' nose. The cracking sound it made and the following gush of blood made him more than certain that he had broken it.  
  
The man looked rather sobered up by now and his eyes were blinking with surprise and pain as he held his hands to his nose, the blood filling his mouth making him cough.  
  
Spike stared at the red liquid, his whole being filled with the scent of it. He could feel it in his mouth, taste it on his tongue, the sensation of it filling him up and making him feel alive!  
  
He took a step forward and then kicked out his leg, once more hitting green- eyes in the stomach and this time sending him flying. He landed with a thud on the ground, a moan rising in his throat.  
  
His eyes turning from terrified to begging as the vampire towered over him.  
  
Spike bent down, and then it hit him, harder than anything had ever hit him before, harder than the time he had merely suspected it because this time he KNEW.  
  
"The chip.! It's not working," he growled to himself, the man on the ground now whimpering with fear.  
  
"Please, don't hurt me." a small voice now rose out of the man's throat as he tried to speak through the blood. "I-I'm sorry 'bout what I said. I-I was drunk and stupid."  
  
Spike stared down at the man, at the prey, at the blood, and for the first time in all the time that he had been what he was; a hunter, a killer, a creature of the night that fed on life to stay alive, he backed away from his victim.  
  
He backed so far away from it that he was with his back against the opposite wall, the harsh brick scraping against him through the cloth of his shirt.  
  
He came out of game face with a low and rather startled groan that sounded like "Buffy" before sinking to his knees and burying his face in his hands.  
  
"It's over," he mumbled. "It's all over."  
  
Then he raised his head, staring at the man before him.  
  
The demon in him was clawing with rage and resentment at what he was doing, but he knew now that he could kill this man as much as he could kill Buffy.  
  
He walked over to him and the man stared at him, tears still in his eyes and now the horror was coming back into them as well.  
  
Spike bent down, the man recoiling pitifully but when Spike took a hold of his shoulders, helping him to stand up the expression in his eyes turned into questioning amazement.  
  
Spike could hardly look at him, much because of the fact that he couldn't believe what he was doing. He had spent the whole blooming day cursing Buffy in his head, swearing over what she had turned him into, blaming all his weakness on her, and here he was, not a blonde Slayer in sight, and he was HELPING his sodding PREY!  
  
No longer toothless, no longer handicapped and he was turning away from his bloody nature.  
  
And for WHAT, to escape having to feel GUILTY, since when did he get a conscience?  
  
"T-thank you," the man said as Spike handed him a handker-chief he had kept in one of his pockets.  
  
"Get yourself out of here and to a hospital," Spike grumbled, turning away and walking towards the alley exit. "And keep out of my sight!" he yelled back over his shoulder before turning around the corner of the building.  
  
Dusk was sinking over London, he noticed.  
  
A shiver ran up his spine as he thought about what he had just done. And then he couldn't hold back a smile.  
  
There's a first time for everything, he thought to himself. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

New Horizons: Chapter Fourteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-03-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy was pacing. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  
  
Darkness was sinking outside the windows of the house and the three people gathered in the drawing room on the second floor were all restless, Buffy being the only one making it obvious.  
  
They had been working all day, Sarah insisting that they honor William's wish and leave him alone.  
  
Nothing huge had happened on the scanning-the-books front, or on the everyday front except for the fact that Buffy's dresses had been delivered and that Sarah had ordered for two gowns to be sown up within the next few days for the ball.  
  
Buffy had mentioned about a zillion times during the day that this whole disappearing act was so typical of Spike, never caring about anybody else's feelings, just barging out, leaving to do whatever he wanted to do. Both Sarah and Jacob had silently listened, but Sarah had had to bite her lip more than once not to point out how worried Buffy sounded.  
  
Now they heard the front door open down stairs and Buffy stopped her pacing, turning to Sarah and Jacob before she without a word rushed out of the room. She paused on the top step of the stairs leading into the hall, he was standing at the bottom of them and he looked up at her, seemingly waiting.  
  
He didn't have to wait long before she quickly went down to him, the anger she had been able to keep alive now coming out in full force.  
  
"Where the HELL have you been?" she yelled at him, standing on the last step of the stairs and therefore able to be in the same height as his eyes, then she smelled the whiskey on him and her eyes grew wide with disbelief. "You've been DRINKING? Of all the stupid, idiotic, crazy, unbelievably.STUPID things to do! We could've needed your help today and you go find the nearest damn bar to.To WHAT? What the hell were you drinking for, YOU were the one who.who. And why did you go outside in the first place! What if the sun had come out? What would you have done then, Mr. I-don't-care-about-anything-but-myself? You could have been frigging ASHES by now and don't look at me like that! Oh, I could just stake you right now!"  
  
She was breathing hard as she stared at him, waiting for an explanation.  
  
"Then stake me," he said simply, taking a step up and then walking past her up the stairs.  
  
She stood staring for a moment before swirling around and running after him. She caught up with him at the top of the stairs, grabbing a hold of him and turning him around to face her again, her eyes blazing.  
  
He looked at her, needing to hold her so badly that he wanted to scream but knowing that if he touched her now in any other way than to fight her she would only recoil from him.  
  
"Look, Slayer, I don't wanna do this right now," he mumbled, turning away from her again.  
  
She moved and stood in his way, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Well, to hell with what you want," she said, at least abandoning the yelling method. "Why did you do that? Why did you leave? Don't you know how little time we have; the ball thingy is the day after tomorrow, remember?"  
  
He sighed, running a hand through his hair and then meeting her gaze.  
  
"I left because I had to," he said. "Because I couldn't stand being in the same house as you, pet. Is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
He could see the sudden confusion in her eyes, stripping away the anger.  
  
"That sounds kinda weird, Spike. Shouldn't it be the other way around?" she pointed out quizzically and he smiled a little.  
  
"Isn't it like that already?" he retorted.  
  
She felt a small wave of insecurity wash over her, looking into his eyes she was as always lost as to what emotion was buried deep down in them. The surface looked sad. He looked sad.  
  
"Fine, then we forgive you THIS time, but don't do it again," she said and he almost laughed at her, he wanted to laugh at this whole situation.  
  
He had decided even before he walked in through the door that he wasn't going to tell her about the chip. It would do more harm than good, at least with the belief of having that control over him she wouldn't feel like she had to watch every step he took as well as trying to concentrate on the mission at hand. No, she wouldn't believe him if he told her what had happened with green-eyes. He was as sure of that as he was of the sun's ability to kill him.  
  
"You finished?" he asked, tilting his head to one side and meeting her gaze with his own.  
  
She nodded and looked down, her eyes widening a little noticing the by now dried blood on his hands.  
  
She grabbed one of them, staring at it, and then looked up at him.  
  
"What is this?" she asked, her voice slightly trembling.  
  
"Demon," he lied. "Had just fed and I beat the crap outta him, I can tell you that. The human was still alive. Thank God, right?"  
  
She dropped his hand, her eyes narrowing as she looked at him.  
  
"And you did this WHILE you were drunk out of your mind or AFTER?" she asked and he smiled that small smile again.  
  
"A little bit of both, to be honest," he said and she looked at him.  
  
"So you saved a life?" she asked, sounding so almost on the border to disbelieving that he had actually done this without her standing guard in the background that he shook his head at her, the hurt her words caused him flashing in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, I did," he answered her and added before he realized it: "And it's all your fault."  
  
Her eyebrows shot up at that statement.  
  
"My FAULT?" she asked, her tone sarcastic. "How can it be my FAULT?"  
  
"Because you're so damn lovable, that's why," he mumbled. "Even when you're a full-blown bitch I can't deny the fact that I love you," he then added, his eyes resting in hers making her heart almost break, but her mind had always been more stubborn and she said:  
  
"You don't know what love is."  
  
His face looked as though it almost fell apart at that and then he took a slow step forward, letting a hand lightly place itself under her chin holding her gaze in his, his thumb and index finger sliding to take a gentle grip around her jaw bone making her not able to turn her head away.  
  
She stared into those pools, stared into the hurt and the pain in them, and felt lost and alone and stripped of any knowledge she thought she might have had about anything.  
  
Then he leaned down and his lips found hers, so softly that she almost wanted to cry he pressed his mouth against hers. She closed her eyes but opened them again when he pulled away, now finding something knife sharp in his gaze.  
  
"Don't EVER say that to my face again," he said in a hushed voice that was laced with emotion before releasing her face, backing away from her.  
  
Then he turned around and before she had a chance to react he was gone.  
  
She couldn't move; the feeling of his lips on hers was so strong that she couldn't shake it and the look in his eyes was all that she could see before her own.  
  
The sound of Sarah's voice almost made her jump and she turned unseeing eyes towards her new friend.  
  
"What did he say?" Sarah asked gently and Buffy tried to focus her hazy gaze, then suddenly feeling a whirlwind inside sweeping away all the sudden mumbo-jumbo he had thrown her into and the so familiar convictions took over.  
  
"Nothing important," she mumbled, her mind applauding, her heart gasping in horror; she easily ignored it, she didn't trust it anyway. "Nothing I haven't heard before," she added with an assuring smile to Sarah before walking past her and back into the drawing room.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Sarah opened the door to Spike's room without knocking; stepping inside she closed it silently.  
  
"William," she said, seeing him sitting in the same place as that morning, in front of the window with a cup in his hands and she realized he must have gotten supper for himself.  
  
"Precious," he said and turned to her, a bitterness and coldness indescribable surrounding him.  
  
She walked up to him, falling on her knees at his side and grabbing him, pulling him close.  
  
"Don't let her do this to you."  
  
He could bite her, he could put on his game face and sink his fangs into her just like that, but here she was with her warm body pressed against him, her arms protectively surrounding him and her loving voice penetrating his brain with comforting whispers that only hurt him more.  
  
".you have to know that, she is just so confused," she was mumbling, her mouth against his neck.  
  
He rose, pulling her with him, and then took a firm hold of her arms, bending her grip open and stepping aside he let her go.  
  
"I'm not as pathetic as you think," he said. "I will never tell her I love her again," he added and Sarah stared at him.  
  
"You told her you.?"  
  
"I did, yeah. And she is CONFUSED? What the hell is that supposed to mean to me, Sarah?" he asked, his voice harsh but his eyes filling with tears as he looked away.  
  
She eyed him closely, her heart aching for him.  
  
"I don't know, Will," she answered silently. "What did she say to you?" she then asked and he put the cup, still in his hand, down, turning to her again.  
  
"Nothing that I haven't heard before," he answered her and she almost smiled at the coincidence of him using the same sentence Buffy had only half an hour earlier.  
  
She swallowed it though; seeing that it would probably not be a very good idea considering the circumstances of the conversation she was having, or the circumstances through which Buffy had said it.  
  
They were both quiet for a minute, lost in their own thoughts.  
  
Spike couldn't get the feeling of Buffy's lips out if his head. No matter what he did and how he struggled she was on his mind. He felt so bloody helpless and he hated it, but what could he do? She would never love him, he knew it now. There was no use even hoping any more. He had cracked himself open for her to rummage around as she pleased so many times, and she hadn't had a clue what she was doing and so she hadn't been able to leave the parts that made him up alone and she had changed him, changed his being until it was unrecognizable. And where had it led him? To a dead end, a road with her name on it and now he was standing looking around for a bloody sign showing him how to get off it and there was NOTHING! Nothing to do, nowhere to go, all he could do was stand still.  
  
He sighed, bringing a hand up to his eyes, rubbing them tiredly.  
  
Sarah looked at him for a moment longer.  
  
She had wanted to do what she was about to do for such a long time and now she couldn't resist it any longer, she HAD to ask him. Maybe it would be a way out for him AND Buffy, or maybe it would just be an eye-opener for them both, either way she needed to get it off her mind and so she opened her mouth and said:  
  
"Stay here. When Buffy goes back, when this is all over with. William, stay here with me and my father."  
  
He seemed to stiffen a little and then he turned to her, his eyes a little wide as she saw her request sink in.  
  
"Don't answer now, Will. Think about it," she said and started to walk up to the door, pausing by his side to put a hand on one of his arms, looking at him with a slight smile she then continued up to the door and opened it.  
  
Walking out she turned back to look at him and then closed the door silently.  
  
She was more than sure that he would turn her down, but maybe.  
  
She looked down the hall at the closed door to Buffy's room, hesitating a moment before shaking her head to herself.  
  
No, it would probably not be a good idea to impose right now, she thought, and then went to the stairs, gliding down them to the second floor and into the drawing room where her father awaited.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy was fiercely going through the notes she and Sarah had made while going through the books that afternoon. They had been able to find out some more about the ritual itself; it did indeed need eight more participants to form a circle. What also was needed were nine kinds of offerings, they had only been able to make out five. A white rose, a red piece of silk and a butterfly, a spider and a snake, all three alive. Sarah thought that the sixth had something to do with paper or some kind of wood but she wasn't at all sure.  
  
Buffy stared at the papers scattered all over her bed, trying to remember what she had just read. With a frustrated sigh she gathered all the papers up in a pile for the sixth time since she had started the task and tried to get her focus off the still lingering sensation of his lips on her mouth.  
  
"For crying out loud," she mumbled to herself, shaking her head. "A part of me is longing for him so badly it hurts," she pondered to herself, "but a bigger part KNOWS that it is as wrong as it can be and that USING him to. to fulfill any sexual frigging yearnings I might have is just disgusting behavior and I WON'T do it anymore! How could I.?" she added mumbling as the expression in his eyes appeared in her head.  
  
Then she shook it off.  
  
"Get my mind off it, that's all I have to do. Did perfectly fine for over two weeks, no need for me to go having huge relapses now just because of some measly little kiss," there was a knock on the door and she felt her heart betray her once again as it jumped up into her throat.  
  
Dammit, Buffy, what if he used his VAMPIRE SENSES and just HEARD you?! her thoughts reprimanded her impatiently and her heart started galloping faster at the thought.  
  
"Dammit, dammit," she swore as she got off the bed to walk up to the door.  
  
At least she could just open it a little and not have to really face him, should it be HIM. And at least he wouldn't be able to come into the room. She grabbed the handle and opened it a tiny bit, popping an eye in the slit to see who it was. Sarah smiled tryingly at her and she sighed, relieved, before smiling back and opening the door.  
  
"Hi," she said. "I was just going through the notes and stuff. Do you need them?" she asked as Sarah came into the room.  
  
"No," she answered, shaking her head. "Thank you. I just wanted to say good night and that I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Buffy nodded, still smiling, and they embraced.  
  
Sarah went back to the door but stopped in the doorway, turning back with a hesitant look on her face.  
  
"You know that he loves you, but you do not believe him, am I right?" she asked slowly and Buffy swallowed, trying to get rid of the guilty feeling moving in sync with her heart beat.  
  
"Well." she said, trying to think of a way to answer that didn't sound completely heartless.  
  
Sarah smiled a little.  
  
"Do you remember what I asked you last night?" Sarah wondered and Buffy looked at her, a little confused as she tried to find the question in her head. Then Sarah said: "I asked you if you truly believe that William.or Spike, is all evil. Maybe, before you answer the question I asked you tonight, you should find the true answer to THAT one?"  
  
With that and another smile she stepped outside, closing the door with a gentle click.  
  
Buffy stared at the doorknob. Wishing that she could just know what she should feel about this. Wishing that she had the answer to both questions, or scratch that, ALL questions clearly in her head.  
  
"But that's not the way it works, is it?" she mumbled.  
  
Then she sighed and went back to her bed; picking the papers up and putting them aside she crawled under the cool covers, feeling how tired she was.  
  
She turned to the lamp on her bedside table, reaching for the knob to turn the carrageen down and the light out.  
  
The room was soon in darkness and she sunk back against the pillows, closing her eyes she yawned and after only a few moments she was between sleep and wake, feeling her entire body relax away from the tumbling thoughts in her head.  
  
She thought she heard the door open, but was too far away to really take any notice.  
  
The bed softly tilted a little to the side as someone sat down and then there was a cool hand stroking her forehead, pulling some strands of hair out of her face.  
  
She heard a soft voice she knew well whisper:  
  
"Damn, you're so beautiful."  
  
She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids didn't want to work with her and soon sleep swept her away. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

New Horizons: Chapter Fifteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-04-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
The piece of paper in his hand was wrinkly and looked positively a thousand years old, and as though it could fall apart at any second.  
  
He held it in a careful grip as he looked at the directions to the sorcerer who Tara reluctantly had said would be able to help him find Anya.  
  
"Are you sure about this?" Tara had asked him before handing him the paper slip, when he had nodded she had reached it towards him with a hand slightly trembling and he had taken it from her before pulling her close.  
  
"Don't worry, Tara, I'll be fine," he had said and she had hugged him back, hard.  
  
"I know Willow would never forgive me for this if you don't come back," Tara had whispered. "And I wouldn't forgive myself, either," she had added and he had smiled as they pulled away.  
  
"Why is it that everybody seem so concerned about me ever returning? OF COURSE I'll come back, and I'm determined to have Anya by my side when I do so."  
  
She had smiled through the tears filling her eyes and he had nodded his good-bye, or rather see-you-later, and then quickly left.  
  
Now he had been walking for almost an hour and he was getting tired. He was on the brink of starting to agree with the others, this probably wasn't such a good idea. He couldn't even find a lousy sorcerer! Then he felt a small wave of heat at his ankles and he looked down, a little startled and with pictures from the countless alien related movies he had seen flashing before his eyes, but there was nothing but his sneakers and the asphalt underneath them.  
  
"You would think that I'd have something other than ALIENS in my head at a time like this, seeing what I spend most of my time surrounded with," he said to himself, trying to listen to his voice and stay calm as he looked up and started turning his head around to keep lookout for anything suspicious. "Okay, Harris, this is a piece of cake, and you've chewed it a lot of times before. Just have to remember the trick to staying alive." He took a step forward, his brow furrowing and then he stopped, his eyes widening as he exclaimed: "Oh my God! I can't remember the trick to staying alive!"  
  
His voice dully echoed back at him between the walls of the buildings on both his sides and he realized how quiet it was. Everything was absolutely still, not a gust of wind, not another heartbeat in sight.  
  
"Okay," he now said to himself, lowering his voice and unintentionally crouching down a little. "The trick must be to stay calm. Must be to keep cool and to.never.ever."  
  
"Are you looking for ME?" a dark voice asked behind his back and he screeched, his heart immediately starting to run away from whatever creature was behind him and he was about to do the same, only he couldn't move.  
  
".panic," he finished his sentence and turned very slowly around to face whatever beast was about to devour him.  
  
***  
  
The demon was hungry. The demon woke him up. The demon made him get out of bed and down into the kitchen to grab some pig's blood. The demon growled at him, but he only shrugged at it. He poured himself a full mug, sighing to himself.  
  
The still clear picture of Buffy from earlier, half asleep and slightly smiling at something he could never touch in her was almost too much for him.  
  
Most of him hated the weakness and the longing and the needing that the feeling inside of him provoked. He wanted to get it out of him, tear it out and kill it with his bare hands. But he had tried, and he had failed, and all he could do was quietly suffer.  
  
"But I'm a bloody vampire," he mumbled, feeling the bitterness turn into anger with himself. "I'm a being who doesn't care about anything, who shouldn't.be able to." he clenched his jaws together and the hand holding the mug closed around it, shattering it and making the blood it contained spill between his fingers and onto the floor as pieces of porcelain cut his flesh and tinkled to the floor as well.  
  
It made him close his eyes, close his eyes to all of it.  
  
"It's all over." he mumbled, repeating what he had realized as the vampire instincts in him had to give way to. He wasn't even sure anymore.  
  
To his humanity, still lingering in a before forgotten corner of him?  
  
To his compassion brought on by a conscience he hadn't heard from in such a strong voice since he was turned?  
  
Or to his love for a mortal, a woman, a human who had changed him with all her glory and spirit, all her damn glow of life that she seemed to have forgotten for a little while?  
  
He felt the blood clutch its sticky body to his hand, and the practically unnoticeable stinging from the cuts he had received, then he realized that the blood wasn't merely pig's blood, but his own. That thought made him snap his eyes open and then he let hear a laugh, a high almost hysterical laugh that he couldn't contain and that stopped as soon as it had traveled up his throat and escaped his mouth.  
  
It had been born by the stupid comparison his mind had just made, pig's blood and HIS blood?  
  
"Same difference," he murmured, looking down at his hand.  
  
"Spike?" her sleepy voice suddenly asked from the doorway.  
  
He looked up, not able to hide how caught he felt.  
  
Caught in something so personal as his thoughts had been, convinced that his vulnerability must show on his face he went into game face and took a step forward.  
  
"Buffy, get OUT!" he yelled at her, raising the hand not covered with blood as a threat.  
  
She blinked at him, surprised over his sudden out burst and recoiling, but only for a moment before taking a step forward again, meeting his gaze with an expression he knew very well and he understood that, no, he couldn't scare her away that easily.  
  
"Be quiet, or you'll wake up Sarah and Jacob. Do you want them to see you like this?" she asked in a low voice and he sighed, turning away from her.  
  
"No," he answered her.  
  
"Then let me see your face," she said quietly and he turned his head to her, wondering what she meant.  
  
She took the few steps forward that were dividing them.  
  
"Then let me see your face," she repeated and even though her voice wasn't soft or gentle, it wasn't loving in any way he thought he heard a trace of kindness in it.  
  
I don't need it, he tried to tell himself, but couldn't, not when the kindness started showing in her eyes.  
  
He looked away from her, shrugging his vampire exterior off and putting on his human face. He didn't want to look at her and so he went up to the puddle of blood and bits of porcelain on the floor, squatting down and starting to pick the latter ones up with his hurt hand, putting them in his clean one.  
  
No, not clean, it had threatened Buffy.  
  
He pushed the thought away, getting more and more annoyed and wanting to give into his darker side, wanting to go hunting like in the old days when that was all that mattered. The passion of the kill being all the passion he needed.  
  
And then she was suddenly beside him, on her knees, gently pushing her hair behind one ear before starting to help him, and now he found himself unable to do anything BUT look at her. The moonlight was shining in through the windows in the wall to his right and there she was and she was more brilliant than the cold glow of it could ever be.  
  
She filled her hand with the small pieces before rising to her feet and going over to the trash bin to throw them away. He followed her with eyes that seemed to only be able to see her and the way her body moved underneath the thin fabric of the nightgown, hearing her heart steadily beat in her chest and hearing her lungs fill with every new breath she took.  
  
Then she came back with a piece of cloth, damp with water to better clean up the blood. She worked quickly, and he wanted to sweep that knowledge off of her.  
  
How many times had she had to do it to obtain the skill she now held?  
  
He didn't want to think about it and still he couldn't bring himself to stop her, to take over for her. He stared at her hands moving the rag, sweeping the stain up and away and it was gone.  
  
She went to the sink, then changed her mind and once more went to the trash bin just to throw the whole thing away.  
  
He realized he was standing now, he hadn't noticed straightening himself up, and then she came up to him again.  
  
She looked at him with those green eyes, then frowned a little as she reached for his hand. He couldn't resist giving into the pleasant shivers going through him at her touch.  
  
"Spike, you're."  
  
"Don't speak, love," he heard himself gently whisper and she looked up at him, questioning, and then she seemed to understand because she nodded a little before letting go of him again and he felt abandoned and cold until she finally saved him by coming back.  
  
She gently pushed him to lean against the thick wooden counter standing in the middle of the kitchen before bringing his hand into hers again. She started pulling the pieces embedded in his flesh out, carefully she removed them one by one before reaching for a small flask that she must have gotten. She popped the cork off and put some of the contents on a sterile looking peice of white cloth before starting to clean his wounds with it.  
  
She was silent, for once listening to a request of his.  
  
His eyes didn't leave her face for one second; even though she kept it lowered, her eyes focused on his hand as she carefully cared for it. When she was done she put the cloth on the counter behind him, leaning over ever so slightly to grab the flask and put the cork back on.  
  
No need for bandages, love, you know that. No need for her to stand so close to me either and yet, she is.  
  
She was so near, and still so far away.  
  
Then she took a small step back, raising her face to look into his.  
  
He smiled a little, his eyes thanking her, reaching out to her, touching her, pleading to her.  
  
She smiled back, held his eyes a moment longer and he knew that she didn't need any thank you's and that she couldn't take his hand, want his touch or give in to his plea.  
  
She just couldn't.  
  
And then she turned from him, walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs.  
  
He didn't watch her leave.  
  
***  
  
Buffy woke up to the sound of movement in her room and at once all the sleep was gone and she was fully awake, trying to wait for the best moment to charge the intruder.  
  
Then she heard a low humming of a song she distantly recognized and she sighed, throwing off the covers and sitting up in bed.  
  
"Gina!" she said and the young girl stopped her chores to turn to her.  
  
"Morning, Miss Summers," she said with a small courtesy and a smile. "I trust you slept well?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Buffy mumbled, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and getting off it. "If you don't count a late-night clean up of the frigging kitchen," she added and Gina, who was making the bed, turned to her with a questioning look. "Never mind," Buffy said, shaking her head at the maid who shrugged and went back to what she was doing.  
  
Buffy went up to the big cupboard that served as a closet and opened the doors, taking out the second dress of hers that she hadn't used yet.  
  
The one yesterday had been almost the same green as the one she had borrowed from Sarah, the one now in her arms was a soft marine blue and she liked the cutting of it, both were made of cotton. Even though she thought the high necks that seemed to be in fashion, the tops of the dresses having no real cleavage what so ever and long sleeves, was a little stiff, she still liked them.  
  
Forty minutes later she walked into the drawing room where Jacob was reading the newspaper.  
  
"Good morning, Jake," she said and he looked up with a smile, liking the nickname she had decided to give him.  
  
"Good morning, my dear," he said cheerfully as she took a seat in the armchair to his right.  
  
"Any interesting reading?" she asked and he sighed.  
  
"Not really. Except for a rather intriguing interview with a man who claims to have been attacked by some kind of a monster or other," he said, bending forward a little to add: "And the most fascinating thing is how he claims to have escaped it."  
  
Buffy leaned forward as well.  
  
"Maybe it has something to do with the Fire thingy," she said and Jacob nodded.  
  
Then he seemed to remember himself and shook his head instead.  
  
"No, I don't think so. It sounds like he was attacked by a vampire, but then I am not sure how liable that is. After all, the cases where victims actually survive are.well, as you are quite aware, I'm sure, very scarce."  
  
Buffy's eyes had widened a little at his words.  
  
"Yes." she said, feeling a thought stir in the back of her head that she couldn't really grasp and it slipped away. "That's.Can I read that article?"  
  
Jacob nodded, quickly turning the pages to get it up for her, then handing it to her.  
  
"Morning," Spike's voice was heard as he entered the room.  
  
Buffy looked up, her eyes wandering to his hand which, of course, had not one mark indicating his little 'accident' the night before. She smiled a little before looking up at him, finding herself still not used to seeing him without his black trench coat and in an attire requiring a tie. Then he returned the smile and walked up to her and Jacob.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked and stopped on her right hand side to bend down and look at the paper in her hands. "Researching?"  
  
"No," she answered silently, her attention once more fully on the article on the page in front of her. "This man. John Carpenter, says he was attacked by.hm, a fanged demon who switched appearances between human and creature and held the strength of twenty men. Sounds familiar," she added sarcastically with a glance at him and he laughed.  
  
He was so grateful at that moment that she didn't have his ability to detect a change in moods, and even more so that he had left the ability to blush behind him with one bite from Dru, because there it was, the sodding proof of what he had done the day before staring him in the face.  
  
"But listen to this!" Buffy exclaimed, getting to her feet with the paper still in a firm grip she quoted: "'He thought for sure that death had come to claim him, but his prayers were answered as the fiend suddenly drew back.' Yada-yada. '.managed to get to hospital and have his wounds tended to Mr. Carpenter will be fully restored within the next month!'" she exclaimed. "This is just totally weird!" she added as Spike came up to her and grabbed the newspaper.  
  
"Let me see that," he said and started to read through the article. "Bloody hell," he winced when he was done and when he looked up both Buffy and Jacob were staring at him. He threw the paper down on the floor and turned around, walking out through the door he growled: "Can't vampires just stay bleeding vampires anymore?! This is just a bloody SHAME!"  
  
They heard him mumbling to himself as he climbed the stairs and they turned to each other. Then Buffy shrugged, picking up the newspaper and handing it to Jacob.  
  
"He'll get over it," she said and Jacob smiled a little.  
  
"It is rather peculiar to think that he is one of them, isn't it?" he asked and Buffy tried to force a smile, but it didn't quite work and Jacob noticed because he added: "No, I suppose it wouldn't be for you, now would it?"  
  
She wanted to say something more comforting than "no", but couldn't think of anything. Sarah then joined them and the distraction of showing her the article and the discussion that followed was all Buffy needed to take her mind off the subject.  
  
***  
  
He felt like a bloody caged animal and there was nothing he could do about it. He was walking, he didn't want to call it pacing because that was something Buffy had started doing and it ANNOYED him!  
  
Green-eyes was in the bloody PAPERS! What the hell had he been thinking letting him go?  
  
"Dammit!" he exclaimed, trying to focus his mind, get it working on what he should do.  
  
Okay, so the man might not recognize him if they ever would meet, after all he had been rather drunk and then Spike just guessed that green-eye's sight hadn't been all that clear even though he had been sobered up by the time their fight ended.  
  
On the other hand, he would probably remember Spike's face if he could remember the fact that Spike had switched from human face to game face.  
  
Then again they might not even meet; they seemed, after all, to be moving in slightly different circles.  
  
Spike felt like breaking something, preferably his own neck but that was out of the question. He started cursing to himself, looking around the room for any kind of breakable and not valuable possession.  
  
"What are you doing?" Buffy's voice asked and he swirled around to face her.  
  
He straightened his back and shook his head as he said:  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She entered with a mug in her hands, putting it down on the desk to the left of the door before approaching him.  
  
Memories of the night before came seeping into his head; her gentleness, the kindness.  
  
Sod it! he thought and turned away from her.  
  
"I won't be able to show my bloody face again." he mumbled as Buffy stopped behind him.  
  
"What?" she asked, and he bit his jaws together hard, now REALLY wanting to break his own neck, then turned around to her.  
  
"Nothing, pet. Just that this bloody vampire is gonna. give all of us a bad name," he answered her and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Oh, yeah, like you guys don't really have that already," she said and he tilted his head.  
  
"You know very well what I mean," he said, feeling like he was grasping at straws. "He'll be hunted down and killed faster than you can say 'toothless'," he added, trying to look as cold and distant to the whole thing as possible.  
  
"I know," she said, her eyes not in his but wandering around the room. "And I suppose you wanna be part of that hunt, huh?" she asked as she walked up to the window behind him, looking out.  
  
"Oh, I think I already am," he grumbled, turning to her as she turned back to him. "I mean, we ALL are, already, all us vampires," he hurried to add as he saw the questions in her gaze. "And that's as it should be."  
  
She smiled weakly, nodding.  
  
"Yes, I suppose a vampire refusing to kill is as bad as a human bound TO kill," she said thoughtfully before once again walking past him and up to the low desk jam-packed with letters, papers and notebooks.  
  
"It's nature, pet," he said, pushing down the laughter rising in his throat as he added solemnly: "Ain't nothing you can do to change it."  
  
She smiled a little again as she picked up one of the notebooks.  
  
"Ah, don't touch that," he said and was at her side as she opened the first page, snapping it out of her hands.  
  
She turned to him with a teasing glint in her eyes.  
  
"Why not? Old diaries?" she asked and he glared at her before putting the notebook down on the desk, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her around to usher her to the door.  
  
"No," he answered and opened it for her.  
  
"What then?" she asked, good humor behind her voice. "Poems?" she added, dragging out the word.  
  
He swallowed and at the hesitation she turned around towards him, her eyes widening.  
  
"Poetry?" she asked, sounding as surprised as she looked, but at least there was no hint of mockery.  
  
"Get out," he murmured and gave her a gentle push, making her take a step back before he started closing the door. "And thanks for bringing me my breakfast," he added before he shut it.  
  
Buffy stared at the door, her eyebrows slowly rising.  
  
"Poetry?" she repeated. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

New Horizons: Chapter Sixteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-05-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Buffy, we need to leave now!" Sarah yelled up the stairs and Buffy hurried out of her room to join her friend in the hall at the bottom floor.  
  
"Must you raise your voice, child?" Jacob asked reprimanding her in his ever so gentlemanlike way as he walked out of his study located to the left of the front door.  
  
His daughter smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek before shaking her head a little.  
  
"I'm sorry, father, I won't do it again. I just cannot have us be late for Mrs. Jenkins," she explained, looking up as Buffy descended the stairs.  
  
"Ready?" Sarah asked and Buffy smiled, nodding.  
  
"Thank you for the shoes, Jacob," Buffy said turning to him.  
  
He had sent for a new pair of shoes for her and they had arrived that morning.  
  
"Not at all, my dear," he said, smiling, and she returned it easily.  
  
"Wait for me," Spike said, coming down the stairs, and both Sarah and Buffy turned to him.  
  
Buffy tried desperately to smother the smile twitching her lips as he raised his hands to plant a very posh-looking top hat on his head.  
  
He gave her one glance and she couldn't help but let it rip across her face. He tilted his head and then smiled back.  
  
She felt that small stirring around her heart when she saw the unmasked warmness in his eyes and she thought for a moment that if she could just look in them long enough everything she had ever wondered would be revealed to her.  
  
But he broke eye contact as he turned to Sarah, and the latter smiled at him.  
  
"You look quite handsome today, William," she said truthfully and Buffy almost remarked that that was stating the obvious, her eyes widening a little at the realization of her thoughts and she looked down, her face starting to burn.  
  
Why does this have to be so hard? she thought, taking the hat that Sarah handed her and then waiting for her friend to help her secure it on her head. Why can't I just try to figure this out?  
  
The questions Sarah had asked her, before leaving her the night before, was still in the back of her head.  
  
Did she really believe that Spike was ALL evil?  
  
Did she really believe that he didn't, that he couldn't love her?  
  
She looked at him again; he was talking to Jacob now.  
  
She found herself feeling almost bashful to the fact of the possibility of him really loving her and she didn't really understand why.  
  
So many questions and no answers, she thought to herself as Sarah took a step back, signaling that she was done.  
  
It felt strange to wear a hat. It was heavy and felt clumsy, and it was really uncomfortable.  
  
"And this is necessary?" Buffy asked with a gesture to her head, turning to Sarah who smiled and nodded.  
  
"Quite," she answered. "I can assure you that William's hair do wouldn't cause as much stirring as you walking outside without a hat," she added with a wink at Spike, who touched the brim of his own hat with a small courtesy and a smile at her.  
  
Buffy looked at the two.  
  
"And I suppose YOU remember everything about how to act like a gentleman and not a thug?" she asked sarcastically with a glare at the vamp as she walked past him to the door.  
  
Spike laughed a little, then retorted:  
  
"I suppose YOU, as a lady, will keep your curious nose away from my notebooks in the future?"  
  
Aha, she thought, so he hadn't let that go yet!  
  
It was almost two hours ago now and she had spent those two hours waiting in her room for him to get out of HIS room so she could.  
  
She smiled sweetly at him before answering:  
  
"Oh, yes! On my word as a lady, I won't touch your precious poems."  
  
Sarah laughed at that and as they walked out the door to face another drizzly spring day in London she said in a hushed voice:  
  
"I can recite them to you, then you don't have to keep your word."  
  
Buffy felt something close to jealousy at the thought of Sarah knowing so much about his life, about HIM, and then she shook it off.  
  
"You won't have to," she said with a glance back at Spike. "I'm not lady enough to keep to my word."  
  
  
  
***  
  
Spike watched her a little ahead of him, walking with all her concentration scattered in every direction at once, pointing and laughing and asking Sarah questions about all that she saw.  
  
My world, he thought and unconsciously straightened his back a little. You're in my world now, Slayer.  
  
He looked around him as well, keeping a cautious eye out for anyone resembling green-eyes, even though he seriously doubted that he would ever see that man again. He had felt foolish after Buffy left his room earlier that morning, getting so worked up over something that really didn't matter.  
  
The thought of Buffy in his room for the first time almost made him wince. She had looked around, so carefully touching the things that were his and. and had almost read his bloody poems! He felt a shiver of discomfort run over his body at the thought of her reading his terrible poetry.  
  
She would look at him, pitiful and teasing and then he would never hear the end of it!  
  
And he hoped she wasn't foolish enough to think that he hadn't heard the little exchange she and Sarah had had as they stepped out of the house. Hello, VAMPIRE! Super hearing included in the package.  
  
He kept walking slightly behind the two, one hand resting leisurely behind his back and the other from time to time touching the brim of his hat as the people they met on the sidewalk politely said good-morning just to turn around and look at the rather un-common looking ensemble.  
  
He noticed the stares he got from the ladies, concluding that the vampire charm was still intact, trying not to grin and then wondering if Buffy would be jealous. He remembered what she had told him at Xander's.not wedding. That seeing him with someone else hurt her.  
  
He sighed; she probably wouldn't really care.  
  
Buffy could feel the tingling sensation at the back of her neck where she knew he was keeping his gaze, she tried to shake it but couldn't and when Sarah stopped to talk with an acquaintance she grabbed the chance to turn to him and he stopped in front of her.  
  
"William," she said in a rather awkward British accent , and he smiled widely, which didn't scare her as she continued: "Were you.eh, aware of the fact that the granite that a large quantity of London's streets are paved with is being grained to fine dust by the horses.eh."  
  
"Hooves," he said helpfully and she nodded.  
  
"Yes, by their hooves, and that it is mixing in the air with soot and the daily dust from the very households of this city creating a very dirty atmosphere to live in?" she finished and he raised his eyebrows in faked astonishment at this fact.  
  
"Indeed?" he asked, slipping into an accent she had never heard out of his mouth, the aristocratic one with which Sarah and Jacob spoke, as he answered her: "I do say, tell me more about this fascinating and totally unprovoked subject."  
  
She could tell that he was teasing her and she couldn't hold back a smile.  
  
"Stop that," she said and he laughed.  
  
"No, YOU stop it," he said, still smirking as he took a gentle hold of one of her arms and walked a few steps away from where Sarah was standing still talking with a rather strict looking older lady. "We don't need you to pretend to be from England, love," he pointed out as he let go of her, lowering his voice and abandoning the aristocratic influences in his speech for the Spike she knew. "Especially not with that bloody awful accent of yours," he added with a grin and she faked a pout as she looked up at him.  
  
"Well, that's not a very nice thing to say," she stated and he could feel himself just melt into her eyes, into the sudden playfulness of her gaze.  
  
"It's just the truth, love," he said, feeling his mouth tug at the need to feel her lips.  
  
Buffy could see the sudden hunger in his eyes and felt a warmth stir inside of her, her body immediately responding to just one look. It scared her, what he did to her without even touching her and she looked away.  
  
It's just wrong, her thoughts told her convincingly. And you know you can't let him in. It's just wrong.  
  
Before she had a chance to reflect on what exactly that meant Sarah joined them and said:  
  
"Goodness gracious, that woman talks slower than a bird builds a nest! I am so sorry that I kept you waiting and even more sorry that. ah, see, now we are surely going to be late for Mrs. Jenkins!" she exclaimed, throwing a glance at her watch which she kept in her jacket pocket. "Let's hurry!" she added before starting to walk down the sidewalk.  
  
Buffy looked up at Spike, the hunger interrupted but still there, and she couldn't help but think that that was all there was between them; a need to satisfy that hunger, to still it, and eventually silence it.  
  
"No British, then?" she still found herself saying slowly, feeling his gaze seem to mix with her own, his eyes burying themselves deep inside her.  
  
"No British," he agreed silently.  
  
"So I'm American, then?" she asked, her head suddenly filled with cotton as she dully tried to look away, not able to.  
  
"You sure are," he mumbled.  
  
"What ARE you doing?" Sarah's voice suddenly hissed between their faces and Buffy realized that their noses were almost touching.  
  
She jerked her head back and then stepped away from him, her heart racing away in her chest.  
  
Oh, God, what is happening to me? she asked in her head, staring shocked into Spike's just as surprised eyes.  
  
"Lord Almighty, this is NOT the twentieth century," Sarah continued. "All your private matters are to be taken care of at HOME, in PRIVATE," she added with a look each at the two.  
  
Then she saw the baffled expressions on their faces and she stopped herself.  
  
"What in the world is going on with you two?" she asked and they seemed to finally snap out of it, both turning to her to try to answer but she held up her hands, waving them off: "Oh, it is more than clear that you are more confused than me so just let it go! Oh, heavens, now we are REALLY going to be late, aren't we?" she sighed before grabbing a hold of Buffy's arm and starting to walk, dragging the Slayer with her.  
  
Spike followed, still with his thoughts running amok in his brain. What the hell had just happened?  
  
What the hell just happened? Buffy thought, her mind panicking over the elusive fact that it didn't seem to have any control over what she did anymore.  
  
She didn't dare look at him as she hurried on alongside Sarah. She hardly even dared to think about him.  
  
This has GOT to stop, she thought now. I can't battle a thousand frigging battles in my head at the same time! First thing's first and the first question was after all 'Is he evil'? Do I believe that he is?  
  
Then they stopped in front of the low iron-gate, which led to the steps of a pretty house bursting with flowerpots. They were posted guard on every available space, that wasn't needed to step on, of the small path leading to the first step of the stairs and on every step leading up to the handsome porch at the top of it.  
  
"Oh, no," Spike grumbled. "I remember Mrs. Jenkins now."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"William!" the woman exclaimed as they joined her in the drawing room, having been let in by a somewhat stuck-up looking butler.  
  
She got to her feet from the chair she had been sitting on, rushing up to meet them.  
  
"William Thackary Kinsley!" she squealed with delight as she grabbed his face with both hands and planted a kiss smack on his mouth.  
  
Buffy's eyes grew round before she covered her mouth with one hand, hiding her smile at the sight of Spike's already exasperated expression. The woman let go and took a step back, the smile on her face looking like it was going to pop off at any moment.  
  
"Oh! When Sarah dear told me that you had finally written her from AM-E-RI- CA I couldn't believe it, but here you are, just as she said, and with you your beautiful bride! Oh, it is just amazing!"  
  
Both Buffy and Spike turned to Sarah who smiled her excuse at them.  
  
"We're not married," Spike then calmly stated as he escorted Buffy into the room.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, FIANCEE then," Mrs. Jenkins said, still smiling.  
  
"No, she is just.a very dear friend of mine," he said and Mrs. Jenkins stared at him and then turned to Sarah.  
  
"Yes, it is quite so. A mere misunderstanding on my part and we straightened it out the moment father and I picked them up at London harbor. Of course, I was dreadfully pleased since I, for one, do NOT plan to miss my William's wedding for anything in the world," she said with a bright smile and Mrs. Jenkins seemed to collect herself.  
  
"Well, then," she said, turning back to Spike and Buffy. "I am so glad that you got here alright, I was so worried."  
  
"I told you about the letter last week," Sarah said. "I'm sure you do not want to burden William with the thought of having caused you to worry about him?"  
  
"Oh no! I am sorry, Willy," she said and Spike clenched his jaws tightly together, avoiding Buffy's gaze, feeling his whole being want to cringe at the mention of that detested nickname.  
  
Even as a young lad he had hated being called Willy and especially by Mrs. Jenkins for some reason.  
  
Soon they had all found a seat in the pretty drawing room and tea was served.  
  
"Well," Sarah said, lifting her cup carefully to her lips, taking a sip before continuing. "Buffy is not at all acquainted with the English customs nor is she very familiar with large dinners such as the one we are attending tomorrow, and that is why I have brought her here."  
  
Mrs. Jenkins put her own cup down on its plate and nodded, looking at Buffy.  
  
"Yes, of course, Sarah dear," she said. "And I will do everything in my ultimate power to help you. First, let us finish our tea, and then we shall start."  
  
Buffy stared at Mrs. Jenkins and then at Sarah, wishing the latter would have explained this plan of hers. Then again, Buffy hadn't asked, she had simply assumed that this was a social call of some kind that might even have something to do with the research they were doing; this, though, proving to be so much worse.  
  
She didn't even have time to contemplate what had happened, or rather ALMOST happened earlier with Spike. Before she knew it Mrs. Jenkins bid her to stand up and started giving instructions on how best to stand, on how to courtesy, on how to address a stranger and, finally, on how to walk properly.  
  
Spike not being able to wipe the grin off his face wasn't making the whole ordeal any better and she felt like a full-blown idiot.  
  
Then Mrs. Jenkins said:  
  
"Very good, Miss Summers. Excellent footwork. Much improved in just a few tries, the best pupil I have ever had."  
  
Buffy felt her confidence rise with that and smiled gratefully at the woman.  
  
"And now," Mrs. Jenkins said, clapping her hands once as she turned and walked out of the drawing room. "To the dining room."  
  
Buffy turned questioningly to Sarah who smiled and said:  
  
"Table manners."  
  
Buffy's eyebrows shot up in indignation.  
  
"I HAVE table manners!" she exclaimed and Sarah laughed.  
  
"I am sure," she said, "but not the kind of manners that are required at a seven course dinner, my dear."  
  
Buffy stared at her, overwhelmed.  
  
"Do you mean." she swallowed, "silver ware and everything?"  
  
"And everything," Spike said in a foreboding tone as he followed Mrs. Jenkins.  
  
"Can he just leave?" Buffy asked and Sarah smiled, gently escorting her the same way as the others.  
  
"You'll do fine," she assured her. "But we have to go through the dances as well, so let's hurry!"  
  
"Dances?!" Buffy cried. "You have got to be kidding me!" 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

New Horizons: Chapter Seventeen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-06-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander turned fully around and found himself having to look down to meet the eyes of the 'creature', which turned out to be two brown ones belonging to an old man, clearly Chinese, with gray hair reaching down to his waistline and a beard and mustache reaching down to his feet. He was wearing a Chinese robe made of blue silk and his eyes beamed at Xander, filled with curiosity.  
  
Xander stared at him, quickly coming to the conclusion that either the exterior was some sort of a disguise or some sort of diversion.  
  
Then the man chuckled, the darkness of his voice now erased and it instead sounding young and light when he spoke in American:  
  
"Do you fear me?"  
  
Xander looked at him, still not really sure what to think.  
  
"Yes," he finally answered as steadily as he could. "But I'm not leaving until you help me. You ARE the sorcerer, right?"  
  
The man gently bowed his affirmative.  
  
"You are true, I like that," the man said. "Come," he added, bringing his hands together in a loud clap and just like that Xander found himself standing inside a small room filled with trinkets and ornaments, all of it in different shades of red.  
  
"That was neat," Xander said, starting to relax.  
  
The man let hear the low chuckle again as he began to light candles around the room.  
  
"Yes, a little trick I learned in my youth," he said, turning around with his index finger on fire.  
  
Xander felt his eyes widen and he took a step forward to help the old man, who was seemingly not even taking any notice, but then the sorcerer simply blew the flame out and gestured towards a table by which two chairs were placed.  
  
"Have a seat," he said and Xander, a little shocked though he was used to the weird and obscene, walked up to the table, the man following him.  
  
They sat down facing each other and the man smiled a little.  
  
"You come to seek my help," the man said.  
  
"Yes," Xander answered him.  
  
"You come because you wish to find your love, who has left," the sorcerer said.  
  
"Yes, her name is Anya and I think."  
  
"Sch, don't tell me her name! It is.Anya?" the man said and Xander paused for a moment.  
  
"Yes," he then answered and the man smiled.  
  
"Good. Then we shall see what I can do."  
  
Xander watched as the man slowly moved his hands over the cloth covering the table and soon it started bulging, after another moment it started to look like a three-dimensional map.  
  
The sorcerer stopped his movements and the cloth stilled, now clearly a map of some sort of country.  
  
"What is that, Africa?" Xander asked and the sorcerer hushed him.  
  
"Very, very dangerous," he said. "This is the Hellmouth," he pointed to a small, black dot close to Xander. "And over here." he drew his hand toward himself, stopping by another small dot, "is where Anyanka grieves."  
  
"She grieves?" Xander asked and the sorcerer raised his head, looking into his eyes and then nodded slowly.  
  
"She grieves," he answered glumly and Xander felt his heart on the verge of destruction at the thought of what pain he must have caused her.  
  
"Give me the map, I'll give you anything you want," he said and the sorcerer rose to his feet, walking over to a small cabinet and bringing something out of it before returning to the table.  
  
"Take this," the man said, placing something that looked like an ancient compass in front of Xander. "And here," he added, gently touching Xander's forehead, the map immediately appearing before Xander's eyes. "There, now you have the map and the tool to guide you. I will hope for your return. Even though I doubt you will ever find your way out of there."  
  
Xander got to his feet at that.  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." he mumbled sarcastically, then asked: "But what do you want in exchange."  
  
The sorcerer raised his hands.  
  
"Only a favor for another favor, one day I will pay you a visit and then you cannot decline me," he answered and Xander nodded, his head still filled with the map and his need to get to Anya NOW!  
  
"Good, it's a deal," he said, and the sorcerer nodded before clapping his hands one time again.  
  
Before Xander knew what had happened he was staring at the sight of his demolished old high school, the more than strange sorcerer nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Well," he said, shrugging as he started to walk towards the ruins of the building. "Hellmouth, here I come."  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy's entire body was aching.  
  
"Oh, God, I think my BRAIN is hurting," she sighed as she sunk down in one of the armchairs in the drawing room.  
  
"It's called a head ache, love," Spike remarked and she turned a tired glare his way.  
  
He has been obnoxious all day, she thought angrily to herself.  
  
They had gotten home from Mrs. Jenkins about half an hour before supper and they had had a quiet conversation at the table with Jacob about what he, who had been researching all day, had come up with.  
  
He had told them that he had been going over the books mentioning anything about the Birth of Fire over and over and he just thought that there was something missing, but he couldn't find it. Something just didn't quite add up.  
  
"Yeah, like Buffy's dancing abilities," Spike had laughed and she had almost choked on her water. "Oh, don't get me wrong, pet," he had added with that annoying smirk, "at the Bronze you sweep the floor with the competition, but here."  
  
Sarah had silenced him by saying:  
  
"I thought Buffy did a marvelous job considering that all the turns are completely foreign to her."  
  
Buffy had tried to feel nothing but the gratitude she felt towards Sarah, but her head had been boiling with rising anger with him, and him still wearing that infuriating grin made her want to pick him up and throw him across the room!  
  
Now in the drawing room he was standing in the soft glow of candlelight and his blue eyes were twinkling at her. She turned away stubbornly. Since their little escapade on the sidewalk earlier she had tried her best to stay away from him, and not think about it.  
  
This proving a little difficult when Mrs. Jenkins insisted that he should be her partner for the dancing session.  
  
He had surprised her, she had to admit; he had been more than familiar with the turns. But then she had remembered that he was a vampire and that all that sort of got built in with that first deadly kiss. A refined beast to slay the people and nestle into their society's very finest. Ridiculous to think that he could be anything but that still. Absolutely unthinkable that he could love her.  
  
And then there were his eyes again, looking at her as though he could reach deep down and see her very soul. Eyeing her with the observation she had always found unsettling, its clear interest and often concern and more evident than anything: longing, had always found a way to get to her.  
  
Now she got to her feet.  
  
"I. I'm going to bed," she said, turning from him once more and smiling at Jacob and Sarah.  
  
"Good night, Buffy," Sarah said and Buffy nodded.  
  
"Sleep tight, my dear," Jacob said and she gave him a smile before she left the room without looking at Spike.  
  
She was about to close her door when something stopped it and pushed it open.  
  
Spike.  
  
"I'm going to bed," she said as he stepped inside.  
  
"So you said," he answered as he gently closed the door behind him.  
  
"Well, you can't join me," she stated and despised the sudden weakness of her voice.  
  
He smiled a little and then he took a step forward, making her take two steps back, straightening her posture and trying to look as determined as she could.  
  
He knew she was more than serious; he had learned that lesson the night before when she had helped him and then left him. She wanted him but couldn't let herself give into that craving.  
  
In spite of this he couldn't resist the opportunity to mess with her a little and therefore he let his lips stay curled into a small smile and then he looked at her seductively before asking:  
  
"Are you sure?" and before she could answer he made his point by reaching out a hand and grabbing her arm, pulling her to him.  
  
Buffy tore loose, furious with the need and the want and the desire within her making her want to stay in his arms.  
  
Then he laughed a low laugh and she turned to him, even more furious with HIM.  
  
"Get the hell out of my room, Spike," she said and now the gaze in his eyes was suddenly impatient.  
  
"I didn't come up here to play rough-and-rumble with you, Slayer," he said and then let his eyes wander down her body as he added: "Even though we do it so well."  
  
She crossed her arms over her chest, ignoring the damned butterflies starting to flutter around in her stomach as his eyes rested on her, waiting for the explanation to why exactly he HAD come after her.  
  
"I wanna know what the hell you think happened today," he said and she felt her heart slow to a near stop.  
  
No, rough-and-rumble is easier. Rough-and-rumble I can handle, she thought, trying to find something to say. We'll dance around each other for a little while and then we'll start a fight, and THAT we do so well, and then I'll throw you out.no, you'll leave, angry and bitter and resenting me.  
  
But she knew that wouldn't be the scenario this time, and he was waiting for her reply. Finally she opened her mouth to say the only thing she could:  
  
"I don't know."  
  
His eyebrows rose. Then he sighed.  
  
"Me neither," he said, then he seemed to get a hold of himself because he added: "And it was damn creepy so it better not happen again."  
  
"Oh, please, you're loving this," she said and he looked at her in fake shock over that statement.  
  
"I'm WHAT?" he asked and she shook her head at him.  
  
"You are absolutely loving this, and you think that what I did I did because I can't resist you," she declared; struggling to keep her cool as he took a step forward, getting close to her before biting his lower lip a little, a gesture he knew drove her crazy, one way or another, and then said:  
  
"Am I wrong?"  
  
She bent her head to look up at him, feeling his tned upper-body lean in against hers, and she remembered the last time she had been in this situation, the night before they stepped through the mirror, in her room. How she had longed to just let it all slide and have him touching her again.  
  
She took a step back, her legs feeling lifeless.  
  
"Did-did you come into my room last night?" she now asked, trying a slightly desperate attempt at distracting him, not able to give a denying answer to his question.  
  
He smirked as she moved away and then a flash of surprise was in his eyes at her question.  
  
"No," he then answered and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
He looks guilty, she thought and then smiled at him.  
  
"Really?" she asked and now he took a step back as she took one forward. "I guess it must have been Sarah or Jacob," she added and he nodded, smiling back.  
  
"I guess so," he said shrugging and turning around to walk up to the door. "So, none of us really know what happened today other than we almost."  
  
"That's right," she interrupted him, not wanting to hear the word "kiss" from his mouth.  
  
His lips curled once more in a smile as he nodded, opened the door and went outside.  
  
She hesitated a moment and then walked up to it as well, calling after him:  
  
"Spike?"  
  
She heard him stop down the hallway and then his voice:  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Did you come into my room last night?"  
  
Silence for a moment or two and then a quiet 'bloody hell' before she heard his answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
She couldn't help but laugh to herself as she closed the door, shaking her head a little at him.  
  
Then she realized something. It came to her as easily as if it had always been there, just waiting for a chance to reveal itself. The insight kind of scared her, she didn't know exactly what to do with it, only that it was there and that it was true.  
  
She knew that she didn't believe that he was all evil. That she couldn't believe it anymore.  
  
She couldn't get her mind around it, only that the fact of it was there and she wondered: HAD it always been there? Resting quietly in the back of her head, or rather locked away there, until it got a chance to break free, waiting patiently for the right moment to take flight across her thoughts and create chaos.  
  
Everything she believed in could be summed up in: Light is good; dark is bad; or something like it.  
  
Spike was darker than most vampires could ever dream of being. He was a master vampire, for God's sake. Well, no, not really for God's sake, for HIS sake. He was selfish, rude, an absolute menace most of the time.  
  
And still the fact in her head was clear.  
  
She thought of all the times she had watched him with Dawn, that was everything but evil. He had taken care of her sister even though Buffy wasn't alive, even though he had no idea of her return; he had kept his promise to her.  
  
And suddenly she remembered the conversation they had had.the first time he had seen her after she was brought back.  
  
"How long was I gone?" she had asked, her hands in his, knuckles still bloody from her escape out of her own coffin, and he had just been staring in shock and wonder at her face.  
  
"A hundred and forty seven days yesterday.a hundred and forty eight today," he had then answered, his eyes barely leaving hers, and then he had added with a small smile: "But today doesn't count, does it?"  
  
The memory was so clear in her head that she was surprised, and then others joined it. How he had helped her over and over, how he had saved her from everything that hurt, how he had saved her from herself at times. He had been there to confess to, and he had listened carefully to every word without even one single hint at judging her.  
  
He had understood and supported more often than even her friends had been able to when she was going through the world feeling like a porcelain doll, ready to break. And she supposed that had somehow shown on her because that was how the Scoobies had treated her, as though she was about to fall apart and they didn't know how to approach her without speeding up the process.  
  
Then she thought that was unfair of her. After all, she hadn't told them about the whole Heaven thing until the night they ended the musical craze of Sunnydale, and that must have been an awful blow to receive.  
  
And then there had been the kissing with the vamp for the first time, of course.  
  
She sighed to herself.  
  
"This relationship was set on self destruct even before it began," she mumbled, walking up to her bed and lying down on it.  
  
The question now hovering above was an even more difficult one.  
  
Did he love her?  
  
There was a knock on the door she recognized and she sat up as Sarah entered.  
  
"I'm sorry," Sarah said with a smile. "Gina is on her way up but I wanted to get a chance to tell you how wonderful you were today. You did a marvelous job, as already mentioned, and I think that you will do MORE than fine tomorrow."  
  
Buffy smiled faintly nodding.  
  
"My dear, what's wrong?" Sarah asked, coming to sit by Buffy on the bed.  
  
"It's.well," Buffy tried but trailed off.  
  
Where should she start?  
  
"You know you can tell me anything that is on your mind," Sarah said encouragingly and grabbing Buffy's hand.  
  
Buffy smiled again, grateful.  
  
"It's Spike," she said and Sarah looked concerned.  
  
"I noticed that he followed you. You didn't have another fight, did you?" she asked and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"It's not.Well, I mean. I realized something," Buffy mumbled, trying to find the words. "The answer to your first question."  
  
Sarah looked like she was on immediate alert and listening with great concentration, waiting patiently for a reply.  
  
"It's 'no'." Buffy said. "I don't really believe that he's all evil. I know a part of him is, but."  
  
"Of course a PART of him is," Sarah said with a relieved smile, squeezing Buffy's hand a little. "Everybody has a dark side."  
  
Buffy sighed, letting Sarah go and getting off the bed.  
  
"Yes, I know, but.Oh, it's just so damn confusing!" Buffy grumbled and Sarah laughed.  
  
"I think it usually is, my dear," she said, standing as well. "What about.the other question?" she added and Buffy turned to her, frustration in her eyes and Sarah nodded.  
  
"I see. Well, I don't want to interfere in that, you need to make your decisions yourself," she said and walked up to Buffy, embracing her briefly before walking to the door.  
  
Buffy smiled at her before she closed the door and then sat down on a chair by the small desk to wait for Gina.  
  
"Damn it," she mumbled to herself, his eyes stubbornly hanging in her thoughts. "Why is everything all of a sudden so damn complicated?" 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

New Horizons: Chapter Eighteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-06-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dawn hurried down the stairs, brushing her long hair, searching for Willow.  
  
"Willow?" she called. "You down here?"  
  
She noticed the back door was slightly opened the minute she entered the sunlit kitchen and she felt her heart settle in her throat.  
  
Oh, no, she thought. Something's gotten to her!  
  
She didn't think, she ran up to the door and tore it open in true Slayer imitation and ran charging out into the back yard with a growl of anger.  
  
Willow's head jerked up, she was sitting on the white painted lawn furniture and had just finished her breakfast. She stared surprised at the teen, who had her brush held over her head as if she was going to use it as some kind of a weapon.  
  
She's possessed! Willow thought and scrambled to her feet, trying to remember what she was supposed to do to.  
  
Then Dawn was around her neck in a hard hug and Willow abandoned the idea.  
  
"Oh my God," Dawn gasped; now almost laughing. "I thought some huge thing had come and taken you away!"  
  
Willow smiled, hugging her back before letting her go.  
  
"Nah, that usually happens at night time around here, remember?" she said and Dawn looked up at the blue sky, smiling.  
  
"Should've," she concluded with a shrug. "So.I didn't talk much to you last night."  
  
"No, I'm sorry I wasn't very.HERE but it's just.Tara."  
  
Dawn giggled.  
  
"I KNOW, gees, you don't have to apologize! I just meant that I wanted to talk to you about the whole Buffy-Spike thing. I mean, you were saying something and then Xander came and then there was school and.all of that stuff. I just REALLY wanna know what you're thinking about all of it."  
  
Willow nodded and gestured for them to sit down.  
  
"So, the question was." she asked.  
  
"If you think that Buffy might actually like Spike and that she's being all nasty to him 'cause she doesn't know how to deal," Dawn filled in, in one breath. "And you said that she hadn't TALKED to you about it but. And then Xander walked in."  
  
Willow thought for a moment about her friend. Xander, her best friend and once upon another lifetime her secret love. And now he was off to some horrible place to search for Anya and Willow felt the small tare of fear rip ever so slightly more in her heart as she thought about it.  
  
"Will? Are you okay?" Dawn asked and Willow snapped out of it, turning to her with a small smile.  
  
"Yes, sorry. Um, this thing with Buffy and Spike, it's. I really don't know how to explain it," she mumbled, thinking back to all the times she had quietly observed the vampire's eyes on Buffy, and then, all of a sudden, sometimes caught Buffy looking at HIM.  
  
There had been such a clear sexual tension between them ever since last fall that she had started to suspect them doing more than just patrolling together. She hadn't wanted to bring the subject up with Buffy, seeing how the mere mention of Spike's name seemed to make her uncomfortable and almost annoyed. Now Willow wondered why that was, maybe it had just been a smokescreen to hide behind.  
  
Still, the fact of the matter was that she hadn't been able to figure anything else out, and so all she really had was suspicions that there might be more between the Slayer and the Vamp than they let on. And if she was to be honest, she had absolutely no clue whether that "more" was on a sexual level or rising above it.  
  
On the other hand, she now thought, Buffy would not have been comfortable sneaking around with Spike had she actually fallen for him, now would she? That HE was in love with her the Wicca thought was kinda obvious, at least in the sometimes-creepily-knowing-her-inside-out kind of way. But.  
  
"Hello!" Dawn exclaimed. "I know I have half an hour before the bus comes but I would like an answer TODAY!"  
  
Willow grinned at her, then sighed a little.  
  
"Dawn, I think you're right," she answered and the teen started beaming. "But," she added, "I don't know WHAT kind of 'liking' it is."  
  
Dawn, still grinning, jumped to her feet.  
  
"Me neither, but I'll find out sooner or later! Thanks, Willow!" and with that she turned and ran back into the house.  
  
Willow leaned back against the chair, trying to think about the whole thing.  
  
If she found out Buffy had been with Spike all this time, how would she really feel about it?  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy stood in front of the mirror in her room, looking critically at her reflection, searching for any flaw. She was wearing a pretty dress in a thin cotton fabric, which was so pale pink it bordered on white.  
  
She was nervous. She was awfully nervous. This whole thing seemed all of a sudden like a really bad idea. She was so sure she was going to screw up that she hadn't been able to eat a bite at breakfast, despite Spike's temper almost going through the roof at her not eating anything.  
  
She smiled a little, and then felt another wave of jitters attack her as she thought about what she had concluded the night before. She hadn't told him, luckily they hadn't had time to be alone together all morning, everybody had been busy packing and making sure everything that was needed had been brought.  
  
The journey to lord Hart's estate would take them an hour and a half if the weather stayed the way it was, the sun was up. Of course it would be, on the one day when Spike HAD to be outside.  
  
Buffy straightened out her skirt a little, and when she turned around he was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Spike!" she exclaimed. "God, I hate it when you sneak up on me like that!"  
  
He cocked an eyebrow at her, entering the room.  
  
"Really? I thought your Slayer senses would've detected me halfway up the stairs," he said and she sighed.  
  
"I was.a little preoccupied," she mumbled, feeling her nerves tie themselves in triple knots underneath her skin. "Spike, I don't think I can do this," she said, sinking down on the edge of her bed.  
  
He tilted his head a little. How he always did that! Then he smiled and cautiously came to sit beside her. He didn't touch her, she noticed, but seated himself a little away from her. She wondered why, feeling a little rejected, and then she almost wailed at her self : "DUH! You WANT him on arms length! Or did you already forget?"  
  
"Buffy," he now said. "You KNOW you can do this."  
  
She looked down, shaking her head a little and once more the nervousness took over her entirely.  
  
"No, I don't!" she said, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands. "I'm going to mess this up, Spike, I can feel it. Everything's going to go wrong, I'm gonna fall flat on my face when we get out of the carriage, I'm gonna forget everybody's names, including lord.lord."  
  
"Hart."  
  
She looked up at him, frustration in her eyes at that.  
  
"See!" she cried. "I can't even remember his name NOW!"  
  
He smiled at her, soothingly, and it made her smile back.  
  
"You think I'm acting like a royal idiot, don't you?" she asked and looked down again, feeling a small tingle near her heart.  
  
He laughed a little.  
  
"No, not a 'royal' idiot, Buffy, you're not lady enough to deserve that title."  
  
She looked up at him, he was still smiling and she realized why the sentence had sounded so familiar, she had used parts of it yesterday with Sarah discussing his poems and how she wouldn't stay away from them...  
  
"Well, fine, so you heard that," she mumbled, getting to her feet. "I'm sorry, okay."  
  
"No, you're not," he said without any hesitation and she turned to him.  
  
"I HATE that! I HATE that you know me better than myself! And here you are, all good and kind all of a sudden, it's just too much for me right now!" she exclaimed, a night of tossing and turning over the matter coming out in her words.  
  
Spike had stiffened considerably at hearing them and his brain was seriously starting to work overtime wondering what the hell she meant by that, did she know about green-eyes? But, how could she?  
  
"What.eh, what makes you say I'm all 'good and kind'?" he asked slowly. "I mean, I'm not exactly out of you hair, am I, Slayer?"  
  
The feel of his hands in her hair, his body weight melting into her own.  
  
She shook it off, drawing a sharp breath.  
  
"No, you're REALLY not," she agreed, walking past him to stand by the window.  
  
He got off the bed.  
  
"Then.what did you mean?" he asked, and this time she could clearly hear the carefulness in his voice.  
  
She turned to him.  
  
Bugger, she's getting suspicious, he thought.  
  
"Well, what I mean is that.Well, I don't know," she said, smiling a little. "I guess. Well."  
  
"Well?" he asked, now a little curious about exactly what she had on her mind.  
  
"Well, I guess that.sometimes.you can act pretty descent," she said and he furrowed his brow, smiling questioningly. She took a breath to continue: "What I mean is that I think that you might be kind of nice at times. Like, with Dawn and things," she said, hardly able to meet his gaze.  
  
"Things?" he asked and now he was getting that tease back in the corners of his eyes.  
  
"Spike! I'm trying to TELL you something here," she said, and he raised his hands in defense, then he smiled, still teasing she noticed.  
  
"What is it, love?" he asked softly and she felt that shiver she had been unable to kill travel up her spine at the sound of his voice.  
  
"I'm just. It's just." she started to realize that if she actually told him what she had gone around thinking about the past days, and what she was currently contemplating, she would not only never hear the end of her not seeing him as that evil thing she had proclaimed him, she would also offend him yet again by telling him that she still wasn't sure of his love for her.  
  
She made up her mind and said:  
  
"All I'm trying to say is thank you. I don't remember if I've ever thanked you for what you did when I was gone. For Dawn, and everybody else too, I guess."  
  
He smiled a little, feeling like there was something she was leaving out, but not willing to dig deeper into the subject right now, content with hearing her honestly thank him for something he had done was for the moment quite enough.  
  
"You're welcome," he said.  
  
Buffy then remembered that he had seemed all strange when it came to the subject of him being nice.  
  
Hm, he's a vampire, he's a rebel, he's not really bound to change, and I think it's STRANGE that he's not all warm and fuzzy over the fact that I think he might have some good in him? she thought. Well, hasn't he gone around acting all bad boy when actually HELPING people? she added, hating the confusing subject but unable to let it go.  
  
He WAS different. Maybe she wasn't a wiz, and maybe she didn't have the abilities as he did to feel and read others, but she could sense THAT for sure.  
  
Now that I've opened my eyes to it, she remarked to herself.  
  
And then the thoughts that she had decided to postpone for the coming three days slithered back into her head and she started arguing different approaches on how to find the answer.  
  
If he has changed, a being that is over a century old and hasn't even thought of changing before, has it got to do with me? Does he love me? Is that why he has gone through this change?  
  
Or is he just blinded? Is he like me.? She paused a moment at that thought and then continued with: maybe his desire is so deep that he thinks it's love.  
  
"Buffy?" his voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up, a little surprised.  
  
"Oh, sorry," she said, laughing it off. "Um, I was just thinking about everything. You know."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Are you ready?" he asked and she sighed again.  
  
"No," she answered and he smiled an understanding smile.  
  
"Look, all you have to remember is to try not to speak too much before you are spoken to," he said. "Smile at the gentlemen but not too brightly and smile at the ladies but not too stiffly, you need to relax and then you'll just ease into it."  
  
She looked at him, once more feeling the thought of him actually loving her making her cheeks start to burn. She would really have LOVED to know why!  
  
"Ease into it, huh?" she asked doubtfully and he smiled.  
  
"You'll be bloody great, Slayer," he said cheerfully and she couldn't help but laugh at that.  
  
"Now, there's the Spike I know and." she stopped herself and he looked at her, a smile hinting on his lips and his eyes sparkling with laughter.  
  
"'Know and' what, pet?" he asked and she put on a mask of indifference as she glided past him, grabbing the small hat that went with her dress as she passed where it had been resting on a chair.  
  
"Let it go, Spike," she said before exciting the room.  
  
He shrugged, following her.  
  
"Whatever you say, love," he said, relieved that she hadn't brought the whole 'good and kind' thing up again, now more than sure that the green- eyes incident had NOT been what she'd meant.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The ride in the small carriage was a bumpy and extremely uncomfortable one. The carriage was steaming hot because of the fact that they had to have the drapes closed for Spike's sake and everybody were drowsy and starting to get in a bad mood as Sarah said:  
  
"Oh, Lord, I think I see the house!"  
  
She was carefully peeking out through the curtains of the carriage, making sure none of the light got near Spike.  
  
Buffy moved closer to her to have a look as well, she felt sick on account of her nerves that felt like they were alive under her skin, sending shivers and quakes though her entire body.  
  
She had seen enough of Giles TV shows and videotapes and she didn't know what else to know how complicated the British aristocracy was, not to mention how scared out of her mind the lessons with Mrs. Jenkins had gotten her. There were a thousand things to remember just in the way to take a gentleman's hand so that he didn't take it the wrong way. Well, maybe not a THOUSAND but it might as well have been.  
  
What she was most nervous about was the dining. All those damn forks and spoons and knives, she just KNEW she was going to forget which were which. And then there was all the etiquette around the frigging table to remember!  
  
As she caught her first glimpse of the 'house' her eyes widened until they looked like they were about to pop out of her head.  
  
"That," she said in a hoarse voice, moving away from the window and leaning back, "is NOT a house, that is a frigging MANSION!"  
  
Spike was seated in front of her and now he leaned forward, gently taking a hold of her hands with his and pulling her forward a little as well before saying:  
  
"All you have to do is find that strength that everybody can see in you, Slayer. You're bloody invincible and you KNOW that, I know you do. These people can't hold a candle to you. And you will dazzle them, I promise you that."  
  
She stared at him, surprised at the words and feeling something close to a calm start to sink over her. He nodded a little.  
  
"I can see it now, Slayer. All you've gotta do is hold on to it."  
  
He squeezed her hands before letting them go, leaning back.  
  
She was about to open her mouth to say something when the carriage stopped.  
  
"But.Spike.the sun," she started to protest as the door was opened and Sarah rose to take the hand offered to her by a servant outside.  
  
"Don't worry," Jacob said, gesturing for her to follow Sarah. "We've told them William is allergic to the sun and has to keep to the shade. Go on."  
  
Buffy turned her head to Spike, finding herself seeking strength in his blue eyes. Then she smiled at him and he returned it before she got up, huddled down, and took her first steps into the arms of the English elite. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

New Horizons: Chapter Nineteen  
  
By Annie  
  
05-07-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They were escorted in through the front doors of the grand house, the sun's rays reaching only the back of it and the grounds beyond it and so it was safe for Spike.  
  
They entered a large hall with a high sealing, three chandeliers hung from chains above their heads and in front of them a wide staircase led up to the second floor.  
  
Dark wood made the hall seem smaller than it was, but the scene was still spectacular, especially with all the beautifully dressed guests leisurely spread out talking and laughing with each other on the steps and seemingly throughout the house.  
  
To their left was a closed double door. To their right the big doors had been opened up showing off the incredible grand hall. On either side of the staircase they could see a flow of sunlight and Buffy gathered that doors leading out into the grounds were situated there, now obviously opened for the guests to come and go as they pleased.  
  
Suddenly there was the sound of rapidly approaching feet and she looked up and into a pair of dark brown eyes in a handsome face.  
  
"Dear Mr. Jacob, Miss Sarah," the man said, shifting his gaze from Buffy to Jacob and then stopping at Sarah. "I apologize for not coming sooner, I was outside," he explained, taking Sarah's hand and bending down to kiss it.  
  
"Oh, not at all," Sarah said with a smile. "May I present Mr. William Kinsley, a dear friend of mine, and Miss Buffy Summers with us from the great continent of America."  
  
The lord nodded his welcome to Spike, who tried not to look too annoyed with his presence, and then he turned his eyes to Buffy.  
  
"Enchanted," he said, taking her hand and bending down to kiss it as well.  
  
Buffy swallowed, trying to concentrate on Spike's words, trying to feel that strength he had been talking about.  
  
Oh, help! she thought unhappily as the lord straightened his back again and smiled at her.  
  
She tried to look as relaxed as she could as she smiled back.  
  
"Miss Summers, welcome to England," he said, his voice deep and soft.  
  
"Thank you, lord Hart," she said with a little courtesy.  
  
"I shall look forward to discussing our different cultures with you," he said, not until now letting go of her hand.  
  
Spike almost huffed at that, but restrained himself. Not a good idea to get on the man's black list five minutes after walking through the door.  
  
"As will I," Buffy said, now smiling with a little more feeling and she could tell that the lord immediately recognized the small invitation in her gaze.  
  
"Are most of your guests outside, lord Hart?" Spike now asked, intentionally putting an end to their little exchange.  
  
"Why, yes," the lord nodded, giving Buffy another smile before gesturing for them to walk with him.  
  
Spike hurried to offer Buffy his arm and at first she didn't pick up on it but then she smiled a little, he could tell she put that down as the first mistake of the stay on the list that she, without a doubt, was holding in her head. She threaded her arm through the loop his made and looked up at him, a silent thank you in her eyes.  
  
Sarah and Jacob were walking with the lord and discussing some topic that seemed terribly important and so Spike took the chance of slowing down a little.  
  
"First impression of the lord is good?" he asked, trying to hide the jealousy in his voice, not really succeeding.  
  
"You sound grouchy, Spike," she said with a smile.  
  
"And please call me William while we're here, pet," he retorted.  
  
She gulped, looking ahead instead.  
  
"Oh, this will never work," she murmured. "I don't know how to speak like a well bread little doll!"  
  
"Thank God for that," he said in a low voice and she looked up at him again, he smiled faintly. "Just be yourself, like you sort of was at the door, and you'll charm the knickers off him in no time."  
  
"Do you have to be so." she grumbled, trailing off, and he cocked an eyebrow at her.  
  
"'So' what, pet? Vulgar? I think you've heard me whisper worse things to you?" he remarked and suddenly noticed that she was blushing, she was actually blushing.  
  
"Sp-.William, remember, you're a gentleman," she mumbled, not willing to meet his gaze.  
  
He smirked.  
  
"Am I now?" he asked as he stopped where the rays of the sun reached their hands into the hall, Sarah, Jacob and lord Hart already stepping outside.  
  
Buffy turned to him.  
  
"First impression of the lord was very good, yes," she said, answering his first question as apposed to his last. "I think I've already gotten him interested. Tell me, Will, are all men in this century such an easy catch?"  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"Haven't all the men you've been in contact with from this century ended up crawling at your feet?" he asked silently and she widened her eyes a little in innocence.  
  
"Is that MY fault?" she retorted and he shook his head at her, still smiling.  
  
"No, I suppose not. God, suddenly I actually feel sorry for the chap," he then said, looking out through the doors and at lord Hart's back.  
  
Buffy followed his gaze and then turned to him, questioningly.  
  
"Why?" she then asked and he smiled wider, reaching up a hand to touch her face, but then changing his mind and letting it fall back down again.  
  
"Because he'll never now what hit him," he said and she looked at him for a moment.  
  
"Don't say that." she mumbled, feeling like her head was lifting off her shoulders as he held her eyes in his.  
  
"It's the truth," he remarked quietly. "This time you'll actually be thinking about what the hell you're doing. Let's face it, he's as good as dead already."  
  
Her eyes widened a little at that statement.  
  
"Don't say that." she repeated and he smiled.  
  
"Don't say what, love?" he asked and she found her brain slowly start to grow misty.  
  
"I.I don't remember." she heard herself murmur and then she suddenly snapped herself out of it, taking two steps back and into the stretching rays of the sun.  
  
They stared at each other for an eternity it seemed, him in the shadows, her illuminated by the blazing light.  
  
Then she smiled briefly at him before turning around and walking after the rest of their party.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Are you having fun?" Sarah asked when they, five hours later, were in the room they were going to share, located in the west wing of the "house".  
  
Buffy gave her a smile, sighing.  
  
"Everybody are really nice and so interested in America which I guess would be a really great topic, considering me BEING an American, if I only knew a LITTLE bit more about the history of our great country," she sighed again, tossing the dress Sarah had helped her get off on the bed and turning to the mirror. "As it is now I almost have to listen really carefully to their conversations about what's going on over there to really have anything to say in the next conversation I join in," she added, reaching up her hands to massage her neck.  
  
Sarah couldn't help but laugh and Buffy ducked as her reflexes warned her of the pillow flying at her head.  
  
Soon the fight was on and it wasn't until Sarah screamed with laughter and Buffy could do nothing but the same that they finally started to calm down.  
  
Sarah was wiping at the tears in her eyes and Buffy was huffing for air on the bed when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"This is not a good time," Sarah called out.  
  
"I have a note for Miss Summers," a ladies voice with a thick Irish accent said.  
  
Buffy looked at Sarah, both growing serious. The former got off the bed, grabbed the robe Sarah had borrowed her and swept it around herself before opening the door. She took the small white envelope from the made outside with a "thank you", closed the door and turned to Sarah, who stared at her with a subtle excitement growing on her face.  
  
Buffy opened it quickly and read the short note inside out loud:  
  
"'My dear, I am sure that you feel as I and therefore I will make matters short, let us meet in the orchard at the strike of one tonight to see how we best can find a way to merge our different cultures, yours sincerely, lord H.'"  
  
"Why, of the most disgracing things to do." Sarah said, clearly appalled.  
  
"But, this is good," Buffy smiled at her. "This is what we've wanted, this is what I've been working the whole day for. He'll want to meet and talk."  
  
"'Merge our different cultures?' My dear, he wants to do more than just talk, and if you go see him he will for certain think that you are willing. I cannot let you go to that meeting, Buffy, I cannot," Sarah said, firmly but obviously very upset. "I thought that he might fall for this, but to be so blunt as to actually ASK you to.to." She was blushing and Buffy smiled a little as she walked up to her to sit by her on the bed.  
  
"Sarah, it's okay," she said. "Believe me, where I come from the fact that he didn't actually ask me in PERSON would have been the shocker," she added and Sarah let hear a low huff.  
  
"Well, I know that, I've been to your time, remember?" she asked, looking at the note in Buffy's hand as though it was infested. "At least THERE you are honest about your sexuality, you don't hide it, lock it away like we do. You're not ashamed."  
  
Buffy didn't want to show her how much those words affected her. What had she done with Spike if not hidden it, locked it away and most of all, felt shame about what she was doing.  
  
It was all too easy, she thought. For a few hours he made me forget about the world and the troubles in it. But then, when those hours were over they just added to the burden.  
  
She thought of the way he looked at her, the way he for a moment had been able to touch her without her cringing away from him, and how she had made him hope that she actually felt something for him. And for what? For nothing. She had snatched it away from him just as easily as she had let herself give in to it, and now he was in even more pain.  
  
You don't know that, her mind pointed out. And what does those thoughts mean? Have you decided that he loves you? That he CAN love?  
  
She shook the question off her thoughts, she had no intention of dealing with it NOW, too much was going on already and she knew that it would only distract her. She needed to be focused for this to work.  
  
"Even though I have seen every decade from this one to yours I am still a nineteenth century woman and this note is just.blasphemous!" Sarah now said, still staring at it. "I wish I hadn't thought of this plan," she then wined, finally looking away from the small piece of paper and into her hands on her lap. "It's too much to ask of you, Buffy."  
  
Buffy put a hand on her arm.  
  
"I won't.let him take his knickers off," she said with a small smile and Sarah couldn't help but laugh. "What I'm saying is, I'm a big girl and I think I know how men thinks women works. I'll be fine. And if he tries something I can always use the back-up plan, and they won't even be able to prove it," she added with a smile.  
  
Sarah stared at her.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked and Buffy's smile widened.  
  
"I'll just get Spike to bite him and then. I can stake him," she said with a laugh.  
  
"Spike can't bite humans," Sarah pointed out and Buffy nodded.  
  
"I know, bad joke."  
  
"But he could bite you, if he wanted to, isn't that right?" Sarah now asked and Buffy looked at her, suddenly feeling that small uncertainty about exactly how much the lady knew.  
  
"Yes," she answered. "How did you know that?"  
  
"Um. observation," she answered with a shrug. "He can grab you, and I've seen you two fight, I mean, not with words but with fists. I just concluded that the chip doesn't work on you and then I found out that you had been altered when you were brought back."  
  
Buffy nodded slowly.  
  
"Yes," she confirmed. "That's right."  
  
"Buffy, if he tried to hurt you."  
  
"He wouldn't," Buffy interrupted without thinking and her eyes grew a little as Sarah smiled.  
  
"Good that you know that," she said. "Now we need to get into our dresses or we'll be late for supper!"  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
Spike sneaked through the hallways, not making a sound as he approached Sarah and Buffy's door. He didn't bother knocking, sure that they would be dressed since it was getting late.  
  
The room was filled with the soft glow of candlelight and the dim light from the last rays of the sun. Sarah was sitting on the bed brushing her hair and she looked up as he stepped inside the room.  
  
He noticed a movement to his left and turned his head only to have his eyes enlarge as he stared at Buffy. She moved gracefully as she took a few steps toward him and then she froze, looking self-conscious.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked, starting to fiddle with the hem of the low cleavage of her silk dress, and then correcting the sweeping skirt.  
  
The dress was a wonderfully deep emerald green and so incredible on her that he almost felt like he was bursting with sudden pride. Proud over the fact that he was the only person in this whole bloody house who really knew her, who had been with her through some of the most tough and rough times of her life and seen her walk out of them still standing tall.  
  
He blinked as she started to look more and more nervous.  
  
"Spike, what IS it?" she asked and he smiled at her, shaking his head slowly.  
  
"I." he started but didn't know what to say, didn't know how to make her see herself the way he saw her. "You look great," he simply said and he could tell that that only made her more fretting.  
  
"Thanks," she said, looking away and turning around.  
  
"You'll dazzle them, Slayer," he said and she stopped, turning her head back to him and then smiling brightly.  
  
"What are you doing here, Will?" Sarah asked, now gathering her brown locks in the usual pretty due on her head, securing them with pins and ribbons.  
  
"I don't have a reflection," he said and both ladies raised their eyebrows.  
  
He looked at them, not believing they didn't understand by that simple statement exactly what his dilemma was and then he held out his hands, in which he had his bow tie and a comb.  
  
"I can't SEE myself," he elaborated and the women looked at each other before exchanging a mutual giggle.  
  
"Oh, God, I'll just leave," he grumbled, turning around, but Buffy grabbed him and turned him back towards her, a small smile still on her lips.  
  
"No, no," she said, taking the tie and comb. "We'll help."  
  
Sarah got off the bed, satisfied with what she had accomplished with her hair she went to help her friends.  
  
"You do this," Buffy said, handing her the tie, "I have no idea how to work that thing."  
  
"Oh, I KNOW you have a pretty good idea on have to work 'that' thing," Spike commented with an angelic expression that didn't quite fit and she shook her head at him, even though she couldn't wipe the smile of her face.  
  
"Sit," she commanded and pulled up a chair for him to do as she wished.  
  
He did, and looked up at her.  
  
"Go easy on me, please," he said as she leaned down to look at his hair, trying to figure out the best approach to making him look presentable, a vague scent of perfume hit his senses and then her own scent, one he knew every turn of.  
  
"Don't worry," she mumbled, moving around to stand behind him. "I'll be gentle."  
  
He felt a pleasant shiver go through him but quickly got rid of it as Sarah put the tie around his neck.  
  
"I have a mission for you," she said and he looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "I want you to keep an eye on the lord, he's supposed to meet Buffy at one tonight and I don't want anything to get out of hand."  
  
Sarah noticed the hardening expression on Spike's face and when she looked up she saw the devastated one on Buffy's.  
  
"You shouldn't have told him," Buffy now said and Spike turned his head up to look at her. "She shouldn't have!" she pressed. "You'll just overreact."  
  
"Overreact?!" he exclaimed, getting off the chair. "Bloody right I will."  
  
"See," Buffy sighed turning to Sarah with a gesture to the vampire. "See what he does?"  
  
Sarah, looked down, evidently smiling, and then said:  
  
"When did you guys start to exchange such friendly bantering? Isn't this the part where you two usually fly at each others throat over who's right in the matter?"  
  
Buffy and Spike both stared at her, and then turned to each other.  
  
"Well." Buffy said and Spike smirked.  
  
"Oh, the 'well' approach again. Worked so WELL for you last time, didn't it, pet?" he asked and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"You really love to put words in my mouth, don't you?" she asked and he laughed, humorlessly.  
  
"Bloody right I do, and thoughts in your head." he took a step closer. "And feelings in your chest."  
  
"I think you got that wrong," she said, not giving in this time, she had already decided on that very morning, after their arrival, being the LAST time he EVER made her loose her head again.  
  
"Okay, I didn't mean to make you think that 'friendly banter' was something BAD, I think it's GOOD, so let's stop this," Sarah said, shifting her gaze from one to the other, neither one of them backing down but staring at each other with the same amount of challenge.  
  
They're actually arguing with each other without speaking one syllable! Sarah thought, suddenly fascinated. How extraordinary.  
  
"We need to get ready," Buffy finally said, breaking the stare-and-glare contest and turning away from him.  
  
"Ah, giving in so soon? I guess you just proved me right then, love," Spike said mockingly.  
  
"Bite me," she retorted and he smirked at her.  
  
"Can't," he then said with a shrug and threw himself down on the chair again.  
  
"Can't or won't?" she couldn't help but ask and he turned his head to look at her and then said:  
  
"What the hell do YOU think?" 


	20. Chapter Twenty

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty  
  
By Annie  
  
05-08-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mrs. Jenkins voice was ringing in Buffy's head.  
  
"When you sit down, do so by stepping in from the left and to the right, usually the gentleman seated to your right will pull out the chair for you."  
  
"When you have been seated, be sure to have a look-see to make sure that you are not the only one picking up your napkin, and when you then do, pick it up and place it with an elegant movement in your lap, no need to look down or fold it any unnecessary way, only place it on-your-lap."  
  
"Repeat after me, my dear: soup course, fish course, sorbet course, meat OR fowl course, salad course, dessert course, coffee course."  
  
Buffy stared at the setting in front of her on the table. She thought she had a pretty good hang on the silverware, but the darn glasses! The only glass she could really remember was the water goblet and of course she recognized the champagne flute, but that small one! And the wine glasses, was it the larger one or the smaller one that was for white wine?  
  
"Are you all right, my dear? You look rather pale," a deep voice asked to her right and she turned to the man, a rather plump looking character with a happy and kind face.  
  
He had, indeed, pulled the chair out for her, and she had given him a smile before looking up the table to her right and seeing Spike do the same thing for a pretty young lady who had smiled a little too brightly as a 'thank you', or so Buffy thought.  
  
Now he seemed involved in a deep conversation with the same lady and even though Buffy had tried to occupy her thoughts with more important matters, such as which glass was which, she couldn't ignore the wish in the back of her head.  
  
I wish I could have been seated with him, I wish I could have been seated with him.  
  
She turned her head to the man and pressed a smile, sighing.  
  
"Thank you, sir, I am all right," she said, trying to sound as formal as she could and desperately going through some expressions of Giles'.  
  
Expressions from Spike would do her no good, she concluded, unless she could curse the food, the host and the guests in a nice way.  
  
She stifled a laugh at the thought and looked back on her plate.  
  
"Tell me, child, are all Americans this talkative? For I must say, I can't seem to get a word in edgewise," the man's voice was heard again as he reached out his hand. "Sir Bernard Locke, at your most truthful service, dear lady."  
  
Buffy turned to him and smiled at that statement, taking his hand and saying:  
  
"Ms. Buffy Summers, grateful for your company and.not sure what explanation to give to your first question."  
  
He smiled as he let her hand go and nodded down the table, to Spike.  
  
"He seems like a good enough lad," sir Bernard said and Buffy, who had followed the gesture, raised her eyebrows a little, trying to beat down the sudden hurt in her chest as the strange girl made him laugh.  
  
"I suppose," she mumbled, getting lost in thoughts of long nights patrolling and hard and passionate kisses underneath the stars.  
  
She looked away, trying to remind herself the thousands of good reasons why she had ended it but feeling the all so familiar craving for him start to bite inside of her. And now that girl only made it wors; pushed the wanting of him almost over the edge somehow.  
  
She swallowed hard.  
  
"Dear girl, you look absolutely devastated! Have some water, I must insist!" sir Bernard said, reaching for her water goblet.  
  
"No," she said, shaking her head and once more turning to him. "No, thank you. I. I don't need it. I'm sorry, I think I had a little too much sun this afternoon, that's all. I will be all right."  
  
Sir Bernard nodded, and she drew a small breath of relief but couldn't help turn her eyes back at Spike.  
  
Now he made the GIRL laugh and Buffy almost wanted to throw the whole damn army of knives at the right side of her plate at her. Then Spike suddenly turned his head Buffy's way and he met her gaze for a short second before she realized that he was staring at her and she looked away.  
  
"Oh my God," she whispered with her eyes at her, all of a sudden, more than interesting plate, and reaching up a hand to correct the silverware, trying to look more than casual.  
  
How lame am I, looking AWAY! Great move on the oh-I-wasn't-staring-at-you front, Buffy. Just wonderful, her thoughts trembled in her head and she shut them out.  
  
So what if she had looked away, maybe she didn't want him to think that she had been staring at him, which she HADN'T been, she had only been observing him a little. Before she could stop herself her eyes traveled his way again, meeting the slightly questioning and as always infuriatingly teasing gaze of those baby blues.  
  
Dammit! she yelled in her thoughts, and then smiled a little at him, shaking her head as a small sign for him not to bother thinking more about her behavior.  
  
He smirked and then she could tell the question in his eyes: are you okay?  
  
She shrugged almost unnoticeably, realizing she had that annoying smile still curving her mouth.  
  
Then he smiled with a small nod: good, before turning back to his lady friend.  
  
They're probably not even friends, Buffy thought sourly turning her head away from the sight. They probably get on each other's nerves and still he'll find a way to get her out to the barn for a God damn "roll in the hay".  
  
Her eyes growing larger at the pure jealousy in her chest and she reached for her water, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a sip she tried to shut her mind off to anything even remotely related to the bleached vamp.  
  
She suddenly realized that they had just communicated without speaking one word to each other and that there must be at least ten people on each side of the table between them and still they.  
  
"Snap out of it," she instructed herself and sir Bernard turned to her with a:  
  
"I'm sorry, my dear, did you say something to me?"  
  
"No, sir Locke, I didn't," she answered him apologetically. "You will have to excuse me, you must think all Americans are only talkative when it comes to conversations with themselves," she added with a smile and sir Bernard let hear a laugh.  
  
"Delightfully straight to the point, aren't we, Miss Summers?" he asked merrily before leaning a little closer and saying: "Now, if I did not know for a fact that my good friend lord Hart wants to have the first dance with you for himself, I might have been so blunt as to ask you to hold it for ME."  
  
She smiled a little at that.  
  
"I would have been delighted to oblige, but I wouldn't dare go against our host's wishes," she said and sir Bernard once more laughed.  
  
"You have quite the tongue on you, dear lady. Well, it is all as it should be, I think," he stated plainly. "And you are so much like Miss Sarah, darling girl she is," he added and Buffy smiled at that.  
  
"How long have you known lord Hart?" she asked, knowing that she shouldn't use the kind man the way she intended, but not able to let the opportunity slide just because she might like the man.  
  
"Oh, since he was a child," sir Bernard answered.  
  
"Really?" Buffy asked, putting on an intrigued expression and getting a little bit more comfortable on her chair. "What is he like?"  
  
  
  
***  
  
"You won't believe what I've found out," Buffy said in a hushed voice to Sarah as the two finally met by the entrance to the grand hall.  
  
It was close to eleven o'clock and the band had been playing for nearly an hour. Strauss seemed to be the pick for the evening, and the music was an incredible soundtrack to the beauty of the evening, the grandeur of the interiors and the splendid guests' performances on the dance floor.  
  
"What?" Sarah asked breathlessly as Buffy's eyes beamed at her. "Well, TELL me!" Sarah urged and Buffy looked around to see if anyone was too close for comfort.  
  
"Let's go outside," she said and they left the laughter and dancing behind as they went out onto the terrace.  
  
The moon stood bright and full in the sky, and the stars were as twinkly as ever.  
  
"Well?" Sarah asked in anticipation and Buffy smiled.  
  
"I was seated next to a sir Locke at the table earlier and we had a very long conversation about the lord," she said, her voice low as they weren't the only ones outside.  
  
Sarah's eyebrows shot up in excitement.  
  
"And?" she asked.  
  
"Well, it seems that lord Hart has taken into a rather strange hobby," Buffy said and Sarah stared at her looking ready to shake her for not talking faster. "He has started to collect urns," she finished.  
  
Sarah furrowed her brow.  
  
"Urns?" she asked. "Does that tell us anything?"  
  
"Well, we haven't read anything about it, but it's my experience that something freaky always comes delivered in an urn," Buffy said. "I mean, MAYBE they MIGHT be the place where the nine offerings are supposed to be kept."  
  
Sarah started to look excited again, her eyes growing large as she nodded.  
  
"Yes, yes, of course!"  
  
Buffy hushed her, looking around, but smiling at the glow in Sarah's eyes. The latter couldn't help but giggle.  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy," she whispered. "It's just that.this is a really big step!"  
  
"I know," Buffy nodded. "But we have to take an even bigger one, somehow, before we go back to London. We have to find those urns and check them out. I mean, we can't just throw accusations in his face."  
  
Sarah nodded agreement.  
  
"No, of course not, that wouldn't be fitting at all now would it?" she said thoughtfully. "Well, you and Spike will have to get to it," she added and when she noticed the expression on Buffy's face stiffening a little she paused for a moment before asking: "Is anything wrong?"  
  
Buffy smiled weakly, shaking her head.  
  
"No, nothing's WRONG. It's just that he's been all.I don't know. Surrounded by women the whole evening, kind of, and it just feels a little.strange," she said, hearing the words actually spoken making her feel even more stupid for thinking them.  
  
Sarah smiled a little and placed a hand on her arm, a little comfortingly and Buffy couldn't help but continue:  
  
"It feels strange not to have him close. I mean, not that I really WANT him there, or NEED him there," she hurried to add and Sarah shook her head of- course-not. "I'm just used to it, I guess. And I'm so selfish right now I could kill myself."  
  
She sighed.  
  
"It's not surprising that you feel this way, Buffy. Whether or not you like it you still count on him to be a part of your life," Sarah said, turning to the view of the darkened grounds stretching out beyond the terrace's stones.  
  
Buffy drew a deep breath at that.  
  
"Yeah, well," she sighed again.  
  
Sarah smiled at her.  
  
"What's that's supposed to mean?" she asked and Buffy leaned against the low stone railing of the terrace as she shook her head.  
  
"I don't know," she mumbled. "Time to let go, I guess."  
  
Sarah looked at her for a moment.  
  
"Why so sad, then?" she asked and Buffy turned to her, looking a little surprised at the question.  
  
"I'm not SAD," she stated firmly. "Like I said, it's just a little strange."  
  
"Isn't it what you want?"  
  
"YES! I mean, it really is, why wouldn't it be? I mean, there's no reason for.or, well, no GOOD reason for it not to be. I want him, but not in the right way. Even if he was all evil it wouldn't be in the right way, and.well, he's NOT evil.Sometimes he's even." she shook her head a little. "I'm just saying that he will still be a part of my life, it's just, after coming here.No, before that, after he saw you something's changed."  
  
Sarah smiled again before saying:  
  
"Of course he is changed, he's home again, with people who know him for who he is not WHAT he is or who he WAS. But I think you're missing the details and I don't know if it is because you choose to or because you simply cannot see them."  
  
Buffy looked at her, eyebrows rising.  
  
"Oh, Buffy. Let William out of your thoughts for tonight and enjoy yourself," Sarah said, linking one arm with the Slayers and moving towards the door to go back inside. "After all, HE is, isn't he?"  
  
Buffy felt like Sarah had just punched her in the stomach with that question and then she started to, once more, feel the anger with herself over how petty she was. How COULD she be so jealous of someone she didn't WANT?! It was driving her crazy and she thought, yes, she should do exactly that.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The young girl smiled at him as he told her about the year he had spent at a boring school studying languages and math and geography and all that crap. Well, he didn't use the word 'crap' necessarily, but still.  
  
His eyes kept wandering around the hall in search for a green dress but he had lost it a little while earlier and now it seemed to be nowhere to be found.  
  
God, how these English pawns made him almost nauseous. They were pretty, of course, intelligent beings with a pulse he had to fight hard not to hear.  
  
The bloodlust was not getting the better off him but still his mind couldn't help but wander to thoughts of starting to turn the guests, silently and quickly. By the next morning he could have turned a third and after that the rest was fair game.  
  
What a feast he could have!  
  
He shook it off, smiling a little to himself remembering Buffy's startled expression as he had caught her looking at him earlier. She had looked more dangerous than he had ever seen her, thing had been that she hadn't been looking at HIM, but at Fiona, the girl sitting by his side.  
  
Now he shrugged. He knew she got jealous, and he knew that deep down she didn't care, not really. So no use bloody lingering at that subject.  
  
He had been talking with a lot of ladies, he concluded to his satisfactory. And he had learned some interesting facts about the good lord that he needed to tell Buffy before she went to see him. IF she wanted to see him after learning the little nasties he had to spill about the bloke. They were a little unsettling.  
  
Then he spotted her, entering the grand hall through the large doors to his left.  
  
He was about to say his excuse to the girl when the familiar shape of lord Hart stood before Buffy, bowing gently he reached out a hand and she smiled at him before taking it, letting him escort her onto the dance floor.  
  
Spike stared at her, she looked.happy, somehow. Out there with lord Prancy's arms pulling her closer in a soft waltz.  
  
The jealousy he had tried to hold back ever since he found out that she was actually going through with the whole seduction scheme now started twisting in his chest with more force than he had wanted to allow.  
  
The pictures he had tried to block out, the lord's lips on hers, the lord's hands touching her, came tumbling into his head and with it the overwhelming fear that she would like it, that she would enjoy it. That having someone's heartbeat next to her, the warmth of someone's skin against her own would fully take her away from him.  
  
He tried to look away from them sweeping together on the dance floor, the firm grip with which the lord held her, the smile on her face as he said something, probably complementary, but he couldn't do it, his eyes were locked on them.  
  
They made a stunning couple.  
  
The jealousy starting to rip in him, the anger coming with it, with her not understanding one bloody thing about what the hell she had done to him, WITH him; and then the gutting pain of the thought of really and truly loosing her.  
  
He finally looked away and then smiled a little at the girl he had been talking to earlier before mumbling a hoarse excuse and walking towards the doors leading into the hall and the stairs.  
  
Buffy looked up and saw him disappear in his usual, quick manner.  
  
Wonder what he's up to.she thought as she tried to direct her attention to the lord once more.  
  
His grip was too tight and his eyes were too sharply staring at her, she felt so uncomfortable that she just wanted the dances to be over, knowing that she would have to dance a second time with him as was the custom.  
  
He kept telling her how beautiful she was, but the words were so emotionless that she almost shuddered, and he kept STARING!  
  
Oh, she just wanted to get out of his arms. She couldn't take it much longer.  
  
She almost felt like she wanted to get to the nearest bathroom and scrub every last trace of his scent and his touch off of her. He made her feel.dirty.  
  
'I may be dirt, Slayer. But YOU'RE the one who likes to roll in it.'  
  
She closed her eyes briefly.  
  
That was.different, she thought tryingly in her head.  
  
Then the lord spoke again, all the charm he had held that morning seemed to have crept off him and now all he did was creep her out! She kept the stale smile on her face for him, but when the second dance was over she quickly excused herself and slipped out of the grand hall to go look for Spike.  
  
Something was up, and she had to know what it was. 


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-One  
  
By Annie  
  
05-09-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She walked after a moment's hesitation up the staircase leading up to the second floor.  
  
The thick rug under her feet enabling her to easily move stealthily, hardly making a sound as she carefully made her way through the dark hallway, the moon shining in through large French windows to her right. She made sure to check that nobody was following her and when she figured the coast was clear she slowed down a little, starting to relax.  
  
She could feel him close. But she didn't know where he was.  
  
Her heart was beating hard in her chest and she tried to get rid of the sudden anticipation her body was gearing into.  
  
Maybe I should just head back, she thought, her heart beating even harder in silent protest. God, what the hell am I doing?  
  
The pictures of him with all the girls she had seen him talking to during the course of the evening blinded her for a moment and she felt a gush of the good old craving for him blow through her.  
  
Him touching her, telling her that he still needed her.  
  
She tried to shake it, once more telling herself to just go back down, asking herself exactly what good would come out of her seeing him in the.mood she was in?  
  
Then a hand grabbed her left hand and pulled her in through a door she hadn't even noticed opening. She raised her right hand to hit who ever was pulling her but another hand easily took the blow and then his voice:  
  
"Buffy."  
  
The shivers started immediately this time and she swallowed hard as she whispered:  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Who the hell did you think it was?" he asked as he closed the door.  
  
Her eyes were getting used to the dark now and she could see his silhouette clearly.  
  
"Well, I might have been expecting one of those eight helpers this evoker is supposed to have," she said, trying to sound sarcastic but not really being able to.  
  
He took a step forward and she started to feel like she had trouble breathing.  
  
"Did I scare you then?" he asked, she recognized the tone in his voice, the smugness in it made her smile a little, her legs starting to feel like they could actually carry her as she turned from him.  
  
"Always," she mumbled, thinking of how scared of HERSELF he managed to make her.  
  
Suddenly the room was lit up and she turned to him again, blinking in the sudden light. He was standing by the bedside table, his hand still on the knob for the carrageen lamp. Then he retrieved it and straightened his back, looking at her as she looked back.  
  
He had taken off his frock coat, waistcoat and tie and the traditional hat and gloves were thrown on the heap. He looked absolutely irresistible.  
  
She clenched her jaws together as her heart started picking up its pace again, feeling her mouth go dry and her breathing start to get unsteady.  
  
Dammit, this is NOT good, she grumbled in her head, tearing her eyes from his and turning from him.  
  
"I. I managed to find out some things about lord Hart," she said, walking slowly up to the chest of drawers in front of her to pick among the small frames collected on top of it.  
  
He didn't say anything and she didn't want to turn and have to look at him again and so she continued:  
  
"This really nice old man, who has known the good old lord for, like, ever.Eh, he said that lord Hart has started collecting urns, if you can believe that," she said, trying to keep her voice steady but it proving difficult as she had some trouble breathing properly. "Well, of course you can BELIEVE it, I mean, it's not like it's something really REALLY weird or anything, but I. I just don't know if. Well, it might be important and Sarah thinks that you and me. that we should."  
  
"That we should what?" his voice asked quietly behind her and she closed her eyes, trying to get some moisture into her mouth but this proving to be even harder than keeping her voice calm.  
  
"Look into it. tomorrow," she said, still refusing to turn to him.  
  
"Well, I've heard some stuff too," he said, she could hear him sit down on the bed. "It's about a rumor going around that the lord not only has a 'thing' for young women but that he likes to watch them bleed. I don't want you to see him tonight."  
  
The calm statement made her open her eyes, taking a shaky breath she said:  
  
"I HAVE to see him tonight. I don't want him to get suspicious, it's the last thing we need. Besides, I've dealt with worse."  
  
He got up again, she knew he was going to protest more and she felt like she would give in the moment she heard his voice again and so she turned to him, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"William," she said, and he looked at her, a little surprised, her own eyes growing slightly. "I-I mean, Spike. I mean."  
  
He took a step forward and she tried to take one back, her shoulder hitting the chest of drawers and making some of the frames fall over.  
  
"I'm going to see him, and you KNOW that I can deal with him, Spike," she said and he frowned, shaking his head.  
  
"I don't WANT you to SEE him," he repeated, the sudden anguish in his voice hard to bear.  
  
She furrowed her brow a little:  
  
"It's not up to you to decide," she said, trying desperately not to look into his eyes, not to see the pain in them.  
  
Then a flame of anger started up and he turned away from her.  
  
"No, it never was, was it?" he asked and she sighed, looking at his back she stated:  
  
"It's NEVER been anybody's but my own."  
  
He turned around, looked at her for a moment and then suddenly smiled. She felt her knees buckle and took a step forward.  
  
"I need to go," she mumbled, now starting towards the door, brushing past him as she went.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"God, Spike, don't," she said, turning the doorknob.  
  
But then his hand was on hers and she closed her eyes as he shut the door again.  
  
She tried to draw a breath but it was as shaky as its predecessors and she almost moaned as he slowly turned her around to face him.  
  
"What?" she asked in a voice close to a whisper, not able to resist meeting his gaze.  
  
"I can't stand it," he murmured and she felt everything but his voice start to melt away.  
  
"What?" she asked again and he stepped into her, her heart practically beating its way through her ribcage as she felt his body leaning against hers.  
  
"The thought.of him and you." he mumbled and she leaned her head back against the door to look up at him.  
  
"Spike." she breathed, her eyes wandering to his mouth for a moment, then back. "Spike.please!"  
  
He held her gaze with his own before gently asking:  
  
"What are you begging of me.?"  
  
Time stood still for just a moment and then he leaned closer and his mouth found hers.  
  
His tongue parted her lips easily as she didn't fight it, couldn't fight it anymore. Her hands traveled up his neck and buried themselves in his hair as she pulled his mouth harder, closer onto her own; the sensation of his kiss, his mouth, his lips, his tongue completely swallowing her and she felt a wave of heat shoot through her as her hands slid out of his hair and down his chest, the muscles hard underneath her fingers. She hardly thought about what she was doing before she was opening his shirt up, letting her hands roam free on the cool landscape beneath it.  
  
She felt his hands on her back, pressing her body against his, and she felt the taste of him fill her mouth.  
  
He couldn't really grasp the fact that she was letting it go, letting the restrictions slide. But the small groans rising out of her throat as he kissed her and let his hands master her body only encouraged him further.  
  
"I've missed you," he breathed into her mouth and she kissed him again, bidding him to let his tongue rule her.  
  
Then she pulled her lips away, slowly bending down and running her mouth across his bared chest.  
  
Spike closed his eyes; the feel of her lips against his skin was more intense than it had ever been. He slid his hands into her hair as she pulled up again, his eyes locking in hers, he could tell that she could read the question in them.  
  
She answered it by pulling his face close again, parting her lips to his and once more letting it be filled by his taste and the feeling of his tongue playing with her own.  
  
His hands were unbuttoning her dress. Her whole body was screaming for him to do it quicker.  
  
"Buffy," he moaned, lips still to hers, as his hands finally slid inside the fabric of it and caressed the skin of her back.  
  
Now she kissed him, passionately, and her hands were tugging at his shirt, tucked inside the hem of his pants. Finally she got it off him and she pulled him close again as he slid the dress off her shoulders, the low-cut under dress beneath it stubbornly staying up. He didn't care.  
  
"God, you're so beautiful," he murmured, bending down to kiss her collarbone.  
  
She leaned her head back, feeling so relaxed and still so on the edge, a place where only he had ever brought her, as his lips journeyed back to her mouth.  
  
The dress slid to the floor at her feet and she kicked it away impatiently before starting to work on his trousers. They were an easier task and soon they came off as well. Then his strong arms grabbed a hold of her and lifted her up against the door, the skirt of the under dress pulling up and gathering above her thighs, her legs wrapping around his slim waist.  
  
I love the way he kisses me, I love the way he feels, she thought hazily as his tongue once more plunged into her mouth and her hands and arms clung to him.  
  
Then, suddenly, he stopped. Slowly removing his lips from hers and looking concentrated he sat her down again.  
  
She stared at him, confused and still lost in her own emotions.  
  
"Someone's coming," he whispered, just as suddenly pulling her close again, kissing her deeply before letting her go. "Get dressed."  
  
She watched him bend down and gather up his clothes, throwing them on the bed before turning to her.  
  
Her hair was a mess and the glow still remaining in her eyes reminded him of the unsatisfied need within himself.  
  
Buffy slowly started coming down from the place where he had brought her with his touch and his lips, her head started thinking coherent thoughts again. What had she done?  
  
"Oh, God." she mumbled and she saw his face go from hesitantly waiting to starting to harden.  
  
The small hope that she had seen in his eyes began to fade and she felt her heart twitch in her chest.  
  
"You could say that again," he said with little smile, picking up his trousers and pulling them on.  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"Spike, I'm so sorry." she mumbled and now he looked like she had hit him, then he shook it off, cocking an eyebrow at her and shrugging.  
  
"Why?" he asked. "It's not like I don't have a brain, Slayer, even though it wasn't doing much of the thinking in this case," he added with a small smirk. "Don't think more of it."  
  
She would have given anything to get the sudden emotionless resonance out of his voice, and the glassy look of his eyes almost frightened her to death.  
  
He was throwing his frock coat over one shoulder, having put his shirt on lazily after buttoning the trousers and leaving the rest of the attire on the bed.  
  
"But, Spike, I'm really just so sorry, I didn't mean to."  
  
"You never do, do you, Slayer?" he asked and she swallowed as he walked up to her dress, still in a heap on the floor.  
  
He picked it up and brought it over to her, his face expressionless and she almost felt tears start to rise in her eyes. He handed her dress to her with that small smile, this time it didn't reach his eyes, then he said:  
  
"Don't be sorry, Buffy. For once, don't be."  
  
Then he stepped around her, opened the door and left her standing with the awful feeling of irreversibly having wrecked something.  
  
  
  
***  
  
She was still standing still, breathing through shallow breaths and not thinking anything at all when she suddenly heard voices approaching and she turned down the light quickly before running to throw herself down behind the bed, her stiff under-dress tangling itself around her feet and making her almost fall.  
  
She landed on the floor with a soft thud and started the struggle of getting her dress on while lying down.  
  
She saw a light shine in through the still slightly opened door and she understood that the someone, who was still talking in a lowered voice, must have been carrying a candle. She didn't recognize the voice and she could barely make out the words but as she was she didn't care. As long as they didn't choose the room she was in to finish their discussion she was satisfied.  
  
Problem was, she wasn't satisfied. And she felt like she would never feel satisfied again.  
  
Maybe now she had finally learned her lesson, still. this time something had been different and she wasn't completely sure what it was.  
  
The way he had been touching her.maybe.  
  
"It's finished.no more of this," she mumbled as she slowly got to her feet, the look on his face as he had left the room penetrating her thoughts and she closed her eyes for a moment. "Dammit, it's for the best," she then grumbled, opening them and starting to look around for any kind of blanket or scarf to wrap over her shoulders.  
  
She couldn't possibly button all the tiny little buttons of the dress through their tiny little loops herself, and even though she would have liked to avoid Sarah and the explanation to why her dress was undone that the woman would surely demand, she knew she had no real choice in the matter.  
  
She found a tattered old cotton scarf and didn't really care what it looked like, wrapping it around herself all of a sudden feeling cold.  
  
The scent of him was still surrounding her as she carefully opened the door, after making sure no one was around to see her she took a step outside. Who ever the persons had been who had walked past a few minutes earlier, they were nowhere to be seen now.  
  
Her mind silently cursed them for interrupting her and.Spike, her heart twitched again, and then she shook her head at herself, starting to make her way back down the hallway the way she had come before and to the stairs.  
  
She felt weak, every step bringing her forward felt surreal and she thought that she was going to lose her balance when she took her first step down the stairs, steadying herself against the thick wooden railing and staring down at the hall below, overflowing with light, happiness and cheer.  
  
She recoiled from it. She didn't want it.  
  
"I don't belong there," she mumbled to herself.  
  
'In the dark.with me.'  
  
His voice from long ago so clear in her head.  
  
"No," she breathed, shaking her head a little. "I don't belong with you either. I can't belong with you. I belong with me."  
  
She turned around and took a step up again, turning her back on the ongoing feast and walking slowly into the shadows of the hallway, leaning her back against the wall and sliding down it to sit with her head resting against her knees.  
  
"I can't love him," she whispered to herself. "I don't love him."  
  
Then the tears came, and she couldn't stop them.  
  
  
  
***  
  
He was running.  
  
Moonlight lighting the path as he used all his senses to guide him towards his goal.  
  
He wasn't breaking a sweat; he didn't have to stop to catch his breath.  
  
He wasn't breathing.  
  
His eyes were on a keen lookout, but he could feel that he was all alone on the heaths and in the forests, with pardon for the animal inhabitants, of course.  
  
He had stripped William off him the moment he stepped off the grounds of lord Harts estate.  
  
This was it, this was it, this was the end, the line had been crossed and the demon roared with triumph. All of it had to go, all that had to do with her even if it was just a strand of hair lingering on his shoulder.  
  
All that had to do with the feeling inside had to disappear.  
  
Then, he knew, he would be able to kill it. When it was weakened, frustrated, starved and confused he would be able to strangle it out of him with the evil he knew he still possessed.  
  
He stopped as the lights of London came into view. Then continued on until he was at the doorstep of Sarah and Jacob's home.  
  
He climbed up the wall easily, reaching his own bedroom window. Then, with even less effort, bending the window open and throwing a leg over the windowsill he looked through the darkness at what he had come for.  
  
He stepped inside and walked up to the chair it had rested on since the night of their arrival.  
  
He had missed it, he realized. It truly was a part of him now.  
  
He couldn't believe he had even wanted to take it off in the first place.  
  
"Never again," he said as he picked it up, his frock coat already abandoned in some ditch along the way, he couldn't give a rat's ass anyway.  
  
He smiled a fanged smile as he pulled the black leather duster on, feeling the fit of it ease onto his back.  
  
He turned his yellow eyes towards the window, all the scents of a time almost forgotten filling his nostrils as he walked up to it.  
  
"Slayer," he growled, the annoying strength of the feeling in his chest suddenly making it hard to breathe.  
  
He shook it off as he climbed out of the window again.  
  
It's dark, he thought. It's the time of the vampire! And yes, finally, it is time to hunt.  
  
With that he headed back the roads and paths he had come, back to the glamour and guests at the estate.  
  
The predator stalking his prey in the night. 


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Two  
  
By Annie  
  
05-11-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The tears were running out, she felt. But the quivering sobs kept sounding out of her throat anyway.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
The sound of Sarah's voice came sailing at her from a far and at first she didn't pick up on it. Then, there it was again and she slowly raised her head, her eyes dimly recognizing the figure in front of her.  
  
"Lord, what happened?!" Sarah exclaimed, getting down on her knees next to her friend. "It wasn't lord Hart who.?"  
  
That made Buffy receive a fresh supply of tears and they filled her eyes and drenched her already soaked cheeks some more as she shook her head.  
  
Sarah looked slightly confused as she took a hold of Buffy and helped her to her feet, the latter leaning gratefully against her as she made her way down the hallway and opened the first door that was unlocked. It wasn't the same room Spike and Buffy had been in and Buffy felt thankful for that as she sunk down on the bed.  
  
"God, Sarah, everything is so screwed up," she sobbed, hiding her face in her hands and slowly shaking her head.  
  
"What happened?" Sarah asked as she turned the knob of the lamp to Buffy's right, filling the room with light, her worried tone making Buffy cringe.  
  
I used him again, that's what happened. And then I turned my back on him AGAIN the moment I realized the mistake.  
  
These thoughts made her cry harder as she remembered the expressions his face had gone through in the matter of a few moments.  
  
She felt the mattress of the bed buckle a little as Sarah sat down beside her, and then her friends hand on her shoulder, comfortingly.  
  
I don't deserve it, she thought in her head. I don't deserve it!  
  
She got to her feet, trying to take calming breaths to make the flood stop. Soon enough she managed to control the sobs and she blinked away the last of her tears, staring blankly in front of her.  
  
"I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did," she mumbled, Sarah quietly waiting for her to elaborate. "I'd just missed him so badly. I just miss him sometimes."  
  
Sarah now got to her feet, walking over to her and handing over a handker- chief. Buffy took it and blew her nose.  
  
"I know, Buffy," Sarah said. "And he misses you."  
  
'I've missed you.'  
  
Buffy winced at the words of what he had whispered, his lips still on hers. She closed her eyes.  
  
"But I don't love him," Buffy said, now turning to Sarah. "I can't keep doing that to him."  
  
Sarah smiled a little at that.  
  
"Why can't you keep doing it to him?"  
  
"Because. Because I don't love him," Buffy repeated, a little confused by the question.  
  
"And he's not evil, as you have concluded, and so you can't do that to him because of that, is that what you mean?"  
  
"No," Buffy said. "No, that's not at all what I mean. I mean, even if he didn't have some good in him I couldn't do that to him because it would just not be.be ethical."  
  
Sarah raised her eyebrows a little at that.  
  
"Okay," Sarah said slowly. "So the sole reason for you not being able to. well, do what you do, is because it wouldn't be ethical."  
  
Buffy nodded, trying hard to fight off the tears threatening to make an encore.  
  
"And," she started but trailed off, walking up to the tall window of the room and looking out she sighed a little. "I can't stand what I'm doing to him." she mumbled.  
  
"What did you say?" Sarah asked and Buffy turned to her.  
  
"I said that what it's doing to him. I can't stand it!" she murmured, the tears rising in her eyes despite her efforts to hold them back.  
  
Sarah walked up to her.  
  
"My dear," she said silently. "What is it doing to him?"  
  
"It's.it's killing him," Buffy answered silently, the tears spilling over and running down her cheeks.  
  
"Why is it killing him?" Sarah asked now and Buffy swallowed, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"I.I don't know," she mumbled but Sarah took a hold of her shoulders, making her look into her eyes.  
  
"Why are you crying over it if you don't know the reason for it?" she asked and Buffy wanted to pull away, get away from this lady who kept pushing her in directions she couldn't deal with going right now.  
  
"Why is it killing him, Buffy?" Sarah demanded to know again.  
  
Buffy looked down and then mumbled between trembling lips:  
  
"Because. he loves me."  
  
  
  
***  
  
God, all the heartbeats that were surrounding him were sounding off in his head, making it almost seem like they were a part of him.  
  
Soon enough, he thought, a smile curling his lips as he made his way in through the large glass doors that led out from the grand hall and onto the terrace.  
  
He could hear the sound of blood making its way through each and every one of the bodies around him and never had the sound been sweeter, more alluring, more forthright. It was perfect.  
  
He took his time, eyeing the blood banks carefully, not willing to rush it no matter how starved he was.  
  
The thought of actually sinking his teeth through human flesh again almost made his mind foggy, it had been so long.  
  
Too long, his mind stated.  
  
The duster had gotten more than one side glare from the male guests but he couldn't care less, now he was in his true form and there wasn't one pair of eyes belonging with the face of a woman, young or old, that wasn't turned to him.  
  
He looked up and met a pair of violet blues; they were round with sudden embarrassment that they had been caught in his but unable to look away.  
  
Bingo, jackpot and whatever the hell you wanna call it, his mind growled as he made his way towards his chosen victim.  
  
He smiled at her, taking her hand and running his lips lightly over her fingers.  
  
"Come with me," he whispered and she didn't take her eyes off his for a moment as he unnoticed led her to the doors through which he a little earlier had stepped.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy drew a deep breath of the fresh night air, trying to clear her head.  
  
How long had she really known that he.loved her? She felt all strange at the thought of it. All the times he had said it, all the times he had screamed it at her in frustration and rage and disbelief with himself. And she had been so.cold.  
  
She had been so cruel to him for so long.  
  
She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her as she stepped off the terrace and started walking down the lawn that was stretching out before her eyes.  
  
Small patches of trees stood here and there, and beyond it was a large wood. The orchard, where she was supposed to meet the lord in less than fifteen minutes, was located to her left, on the side of the house.  
  
Her mind wandered back to Spike. She sighed, rubbing her eyes. How much crueler wouldn't her words be now? Confessing to him that she believed his feelings were real.it still felt strange to think it. and then having to look him in the eye and tell him that she couldn't return them, and that he KNEW that already, and that she just hoped that he hadn't been thinking that the fact of her coming to terms with how he felt about her would have any impact on that.  
  
She kept walking.  
  
She didn't care if she was late for her meeting with the lord since Sarah had said that she would try to keep him as occupied as possible for at least half an hour.  
  
"He can't very well excuse himself, he doesn't have a reason for it," Sarah had said with a smile as she walked Buffy to the doors leading outside. "I don't very well believe that he would state his true reason for wanting to leave," she had added with a wink and Buffy had smiled weakly at her, nodding her thanks.  
  
Now she turned her eyes to the sky, the stars twinkling above her as though nothing affected them, which she supposed nothing did, made her feel even more helpless.  
  
The look on his face. God, it had scared her so badly. He had looked truly dead, all the life just gone from his eyes.  
  
"Did I take it away from you?" she mumbled and then she suddenly saw a glimpse of something that made her freeze.  
  
Couldn't have been!  
  
She realized she was at the edge of one of the collections of trees, and she could have sworn she had seen. But no, it COULDN'T have been!  
  
Then there it was again. The moonlight reflecting off of it clearly this time, and she could even catch a glimpse of the bleached hair.  
  
What the hell was he doing in his trench coat? He had left it at.  
  
Then there was a soft giggle of a woman's voice and Buffy felt her heart start to race as her eyes grew larger. She hesitated but a moment before gathering up the skirt of her dress and silently making her way towards the sound.  
  
She was wrong. She was sure she was wrong. The Slayer part of her not so sure, reached out a hand and picked up a thick broken off branch, one of its ends looking dangerously sharp, her hand closed tightly around it. She drew a shaky breath before continuing and then she saw them.  
  
The young woman was leaning against a tree and Spike was whispering something to her, Buffy could see his lips move as he let his index finger run along the side of her neck, brushing away the dark locks and baring her throat.  
  
But, it wasn't possible! He couldn't do that anymore, the chip.  
  
Buffy stood paralyzed; the branch was starting to feel heavier than anything she had ever held in her entire life.  
  
He was in his human face, he wasn't going to.  
  
And then, just like that, he went into game face.  
  
Buffy's eyes widened even more and she drew a breath in surprise. The shock that washed over her was numbing as Spike slowly moved his head down towards the lady's throat.  
  
  
  
***  
  
His mind was clouded with the scent of blood, the hunger ripping inside of him; the need to feel his fangs cut the flesh was raging as he was closing in on the goal.  
  
And then, there was something else.  
  
A small shake somewhere inside of him, somewhere so deep down that he had never felt anything like it.  
  
And then, memories.  
  
Memories of Buffy screaming at him, hitting him, kicking him, fighting him, challenging him with every part of herself, making him fall in love with her.  
  
Memories of Buffy talking to him, crying at his side, telling him feelings she hadn't told anyone, confiding in him all the burdens that she refused to acknowledge were too heavy for her to carry all by herself.  
  
Memories of her mouth, demanding and sure of itself against his own, her warm hands against his cool skin, exploring him, her body fitting into his as he made her scream and moan and sigh with pleasure.  
  
'What makes a man a man?'  
  
'The people who care for him.if they can look up to him, if they can trust him.'  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head.  
  
"Bloody hell," he mumbled, pulling his head back and switching face again. "Leave," he said to the girl and she opened her eyes, the confusion in them almost making him want to shake her. "Leave," he repeated in a low voice and she stared at him in bewilderment before seeing the sudden danger in his eyes.  
  
Her eyes widened and she scrambled away from him, turning around and running fast through the trees.  
  
Spike drew a breath.  
  
"I didn't just do that," he grumbled, his stomach twitching with hunger, and then he was knocked to the ground by something heavy landing on him.  
  
"Buffy!" he screamed as he immediately recognized her scent. "Get OFF!" he added turning around from how he had landed, on his stomach, and pushing her hard, making her fly off him.  
  
Buffy got to her feet as he stood as well and she stared at him, her eyes hard.  
  
"Oh, I see," he said in his ever so taunting voice. "You just witnessed the re-emerging of the good old vamp, eh?" he added, unable to stop himself or the anger with her stupid, relentless blindness starting to boil again. "I must say, love, you don't seem to take the show to heart."  
  
He wanted to piss her off, make her as boiling inside as he was, and it worked.  
  
She lunged at him with a growl, raising the hand holding the branch. He grabbed a hold of her wrist, put his right hand on her waste and pushed her away again.  
  
"Or maybe you're taking it too MUCH to heart," he said with a smirk as she regained her balance, her breathing hard and her eyes large as she stared at him with disgust and disbelief. "How about that, Slayer, chip isn't working and earlier you almost slept with that killer you just saw."  
  
He laughed a low laugh, putting on his game face again.  
  
She was still staring at him, her thoughts on a rampage through her brain; the chip wasn't working, how long had he known?  
  
Oh God, this cannot be happening!  
  
"You let her go," she said. "Why did you let her go?"  
  
He tilted his head and this movement done with his vamp face on almost made her want to cry again.  
  
"What do you think, Slayer?" he asked, slowly licking his lips and smiling a devilish smile. "Because any given day, if I have to choose between you and some little girl who doesn't even know what my true nature is, I choose you, Slayer. All the more excitement, all the more pleasure."  
  
She felt rage start to burn in her and she took a harder hold on the branch in her hand.  
  
"Let's do this, then," she said and the smile faded, his eyes looking at her with such a sudden disdain that she could hardly breathe.  
  
"Yes, it's long over due, wouldn't you say?" he asked coldly as they slowly started circling each other in the small clearing.  
  
She made the first move, taking three steps quickly forward and kicking out her leg hard.  
  
The dress was awkward to move in, but had she fought in snug skirts, she could surely fight in layers of fabric too, and soon enough, yes, the concentration took over entirely.  
  
He threw his arms out, averting her blow and making her fall to the ground hard enough to make her huff. She rolled around and got to her feet, turning to him just as he lunged at her with the skill he had acquired after a century of fighting.  
  
She saw it coming and spun around, making him miss her and once more kicking her leg out and hitting him on the small of his back.  
  
He growled with surprise as he hit the trunk of a tree headfirst, then turned to her and she was on him, grabbed him by the throat and shoved him up against the trunk.  
  
He laughed at her, mocked her as he lifted both feet, placing them on her stomach and kicking her away, sending her flying again.  
  
She dropped the branch as she hit the ground, a sharp pain running up and down her right shoulder which made her let hear a cry of anger.  
  
She got to her feet, looking for her weapon, and then his hands lifted her over his head and threw her as if she was nothing but a bag of bones.  
  
She landed in a patch of under bush and before she could get her head straight he was on her, his hands grabbing her wrists and pulling them over her head, keeping her down with his body weight he stared into her face with his yellow eyes and growled:  
  
"Say hello to the dark side of me."  
  
She threw her legs up and wrapped them around his waste, his eyes looking surprised before she put her face up and said:  
  
"I think I'll say good-bye instead."  
  
Then she used all her force and swiftly sat up, her legs bearing down on his hips pulling him off her. She tangled herself loose from him and got to her feet, throwing herself forward as her eyes locked on the branch. She felt her hands close around it as he was on her again.  
  
She struggled away from him, kicking out and hitting him in the stomach she scrambled to her feet, the branch in a tight grip in her right hand she watched him get up as well.  
  
"God, how I hate you right now," he screamed at her, the force in his voice making her take a step back in surprise. "It's all you fault, all of this is your bloody fault!"  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"What the HELL are you talking about," she yelled at him, exhausted.  
  
"Dammit, Buffy, why did I ever come to Sunnydale?" he now grumbled, turning around and walking away from her, then changing his mind and turning back.  
  
"Well, first there was."  
  
"Rhetorical, thank you very much," he interrupted her, his gaze first on her face and then at the stake looking branch in her hand.  
  
She sighed, her hand still stubbornly holding on to it.  
  
"If the chip isn't working why did you let that girl go?" she asked again and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Being a bit of the broken record now, Slayer," he said. "Already asked that."  
  
She smiled condescendingly.  
  
"The answer wasn't good enough," she stated. "I don't think you would have let her live just like that. So why did you?"  
  
Now he stared at her and his face went from game to human.  
  
"What the hell do you think?" he raised his voice at her again. "You know how I bloody well feel about you and I can't. Dammit, I can't go back to what I was before."  
  
She clenched her jaws together, shaking her head a little. The turmoil of feelings in her chest not being able to stop her from what she felt she had to say:  
  
"I know," she said and his eyes grew wide in disbelief at that statement.  
  
"You what?" he asked and she could hear the sudden sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"I.I've realized a lot of things since we came here, Spike," she said. "I know you love me, I don't know. I can't believe that I didn't see it. Or didn't want to see it. Or, that I couldn't believe in it." She drew a breath. "What I want to say is that you have to let it go, Spike. You HAVE to move on. I'm sorry, but I can't."  
  
"Don't.apologize to me!" he yelled, moving so fast that she could hardly blink before he grabbed both her wrists again, forcing the one holding the stake to rise until he had it at eyelevel.  
  
He stared at it with a sudden fascination that she couldn't interpret and then he asked in a low voice:  
  
"So, you were going to kill the beast with a stick?"  
  
She felt her mouth dry up, her throat became a knot and her heart was practically breaking. What was he doing? Then he smiled a little and switched back into game face again.  
  
"Isn't that the irony of it all?" he asked as he turned his eyes into hers. "Immortality with no light, no compassion, no love and then death with a stick through your heart."  
  
He huffed as he let her go, taking a step back.  
  
"If you don't do it now, Slayer, I can swear to you that I'll kill a thousand people and make the scream of your name be the last thing to ever cross their lips," he said, voice still lowered and she stared at him, her eyes growing.  
  
"What?" she asked, her blood rushing through her veins, her nerves ready to break and her thoughts for some reason standing still in her head.  
  
She didn't understand.  
  
"Do it now," he said, a glance at her hand still raised, holding her weapon.  
  
She swallowed hard, slowly shaking her head. Uncomprehending.  
  
"Kill me," he stated and she felt her brow slowly furrowing.  
  
Then she almost laughed, but the look in his eyes made it vapor even before it reached her throat. He was deadly serious.  
  
"Do it now!" he suddenly exclaimed, taking a step forward and grabbing her, pushing her down hard.  
  
She hit the ground with something that was close to a sob and then she looked up at him, his eyes were burning with anger and resentment and something close to disappointment.  
  
What is he doing? her head cried. What is he doing?  
  
Then he was on her again, and her Slayer instincts took over as she put a foot up and got him off her. He fell on his back and she was on him, straddling him and putting her left hand on his chest to hold him down while she raised her right hand.  
  
'If you don't do it now, Slayer, I swear to you that I'll kill a thousand people.'  
  
The words kept ringing in her head, until she suddenly realized exactly how false the sound of them were.  
  
She looked down on him, frowning again.  
  
"So you let two people go, you let them GO, and you BLAME it on me. And then you say that you're going to kill in MY name?" she asked and he stared at her, slightly annoyed.  
  
She realized something else; he wasn't fighting to get loose.  
  
"Dammit, Spike!" she cried, throwing the branch to the side and getting off him. "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
He looked away, aggravated.  
  
"What the hell do you care?" he asked her, stripping his game face off and looking at her with such a deep pain in his now blue eyes that she stared at him for a moment before suddenly feeling more angry with him than she ever had.  
  
"What the hell do I CARE?" she yelled at him as she got off her knees and to her feet. "Oh, I don't know, probably not at all since I can see that stake through you right now!"  
  
"Branch, love," he corrected as he slowly got up as well.  
  
"Shut the hell up," she said, shaking her head. "You were actually gonna let me stake you."  
  
'It's killing him.'  
  
"God damn it, Buffy, YES, okay? I'm having a pretty lousy night tonight and I saw a good way out of it," he grumbled. "First you, and then the whole indecision part when it comes to myself, which seems to be all made up now, bloody hell, and then the whole 'get over it' thing, what the hell WAS that? I have TRIED, and I CAN'T, okay? STOP bloody ASKING me to move on, I CAN'T!"  
  
She looked away, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to think.  
  
"You said two," he suddenly mumbled and she looked back at him.  
  
"What?" she asked and he sighed.  
  
"Back when you suddenly changed your mind about killing me, you said that I let two people go, but there was only the one," he elaborated.  
  
"Yes, HERE. But then there is that small fact of that man, Jonathan something, from the paper," she said, "I don't think there are two vamps walking around London who suddenly decides to let their victims go, do you?"  
  
He looked away and she knew immediately that she was right. She shook her head a little. Unbelievable. That this was happening was just unbelievable.  
  
Then he suddenly looked so defeated, his shoulders slumping and his head slightly hanging, she had never seen him look so vulnerable, not even when he confessed his love for her.  
  
God, that's so long ago, she now thought, not sure if she should approach him.  
  
"Spike," she mumbled. "We need your help on this thing, we're dealing with something big here and I don't think we can do it without you. Please, don't loose it."  
  
She could see that he was smiling a little, his head still bent down.  
  
"Too late," he mumbled and then shrugged, looking up again. "Does ANY of this make any sense to you?" he asked, and she looked at him with arms that were aching to hold him, to brush the pain away from his eyes with gentle caresses and make him all better, she wanted him all better.  
  
But she couldn't do that; she knew her arms would weigh too heavily on his shoulders since she didn't return his love.his LOVE; that thought was still almost too big to comprehend.  
  
God, for a moment she had really thought he was lost to her. And still, the thought of having to drive that branch through his chest had almost made her feel sick. She wondered silently if she even would have been able to.  
  
She remembered his question and shook her head slowly.  
  
"No," she mumbled, not sure what he meant but thinking of the feelings he stirred up in her whenever he touched her briefly and always, always when he looked at her she added: "Nothing of it ever really does." 


	23. Chapter TwentyThree

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Three  
  
By Annie  
  
05-11-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They walked in silence.  
  
Buffy was a complete mess and she had come to the conclusion that she couldn't see the lord like this, her dress was torn and her hairdo had come undone, the strands now hanging freely, barely touching her shoulders.  
  
Spike, at least, looked like.Spike.  
  
He was walking an arms length to her right, keeping his eyes focused straight ahead, and she could feel the distance he was taking from her as if he was actually pushing her away and not just quietly ignoring her.  
  
Then he pulled off the trench coat and rolled it up, putting it under one arm he stopped.  
  
"So, what are you gonna do 'bout Prancy boy?" he asked, still not looking at her, not really.  
  
"I can't see him like this," she said, shrugging a little, uncomfortable with how they seemed to be bound to leave things. "I mean, all Raggedy Ann- y and stuff," she mumbled, finding herself not able to look at him either.  
  
He huffed a little and then started walking again.  
  
"Good," he grumbled.  
  
"Spike," she said, walking after him and catching up with him. "I just want you to know that after everything we've been through together."  
  
"Together?" he exclaimed, now stopping and turning to her, looking straight into her eyes he said: "We were NEVER 'together', Slayer. Now, don't bloody talk to me, you hear? I don't wanna hear anything you might need to say right now."  
  
With that he turned from her and started towards the still lit up house, music flowing towards them from the distance.  
  
She looked at him walking away, insecure and feeling something awful start to crawl around in her chest.  
  
Wrecked irreversibly, irreversibly wrecked.  
  
The words chanted inside her head and she shook it, desperate to get rid of them.  
  
God, he almost had me kill him, she thought, still immobile as she watched him take the stairs to the terrace in two big steps and then he was out of sight.  
  
"I guess nothing is supposed to make sense anymore," she grumbled as she slid through the shadows and reached the backdoor to the large kitchen.  
  
She stopped, bracing herself, and then tore the door open, gasping as if out of breath she tumbled into the room, prepared to stage a performance if someone was there to inquire about her appearance.  
  
Someone wasn't, the kitchen was deserted and relieved she continued her journey to the west wing, luckily unnoticed she reached hers and Sarah's room.  
  
She had noticed the time on the big clock in the kitchen saying that it was close to two. She would have to present a descent apology to the lord first thing the next morning or she was sure she could count her chances of finding anything out from the man himself considerably slim.  
  
She opened the door to the darkened room, hearing Sarah's soft breathing as she closed it.  
  
She walked up to her own bed, kicking her shoes off and starting the trial of getting her dress off by herself. When the task incredibly enough was done with her still standing she held it out in front of her, letting the moonlight falling in through the window shine on the damages.  
  
"Darn it," she whined. "He really liked it."  
  
She bit her tongue, shaking her head.  
  
The lord, she told herself, was whom she had meant.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"So," Buffy said quietly, leaning back in her chair and looking from Sarah to Jacob to Spike and back again.  
  
They were gathered on a set of uncomfortable iron lawn furniture in the shade of a magnificent oak, the sun was up and shooting its rays unmercifully down on the guests who had chosen to play cricket, tennis or simply stroll around the grounds.  
  
Spike had been quiet when the group met that morning outside the absolutely huge dining hall for breakfast, he had been quiet when they had once more gathered up for the lunch which was served outside and mostly could be called a picnic for a couple of hundred people, and he was even more quiet now, the shadows making his face look etched and his eyes looking at anything but Buffy.  
  
"We have to find the urns, that's for sure. They might be the key to this whole thing and if we destroy them then maybe we can just stop this before it even has a chance to begin," Buffy continued and the others nodded slightly. "So, what do you say, Spike? You up for it?"  
  
He turned his eyes on her, finally, and then tilted his head a little as he sat quiet, just watching her for a moment. She raised her eyebrows slightly, waiting for a reply and not able to not quietly enjoy the fact that he was actually acknowledging her presence.  
  
"Sure," he said with a shrug, once more looking away.  
  
She just wanted to stand up and scream at the top of her lungs, anything to get some sort of reaction out of him.  
  
The feeling of him distancing himself to her that she had thought was so clear last night was even more evident today and it was seriously starting to get on her nerves.  
  
So she thought he had some good in him, she knew he loved her, was that all of a sudden what he DIDN'T want?  
  
She had hardly gotten any sleep because of all the horrible thoughts of what she had done to him, said to him, and now she was just feeling more and more annoyed that he was acting more like she didn't exist than that she had finally had some kind of breakthrough on the whole issue that was him and her.  
  
"Good," she said as a reaction to his 'sure' and looked away.  
  
"Fine," he mumbled and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Fine," she said and she could feel that he turned his eyes to her.  
  
"Good," he said and she turned to him as well.  
  
"GOOD," she said, raising her eyebrows and crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
His eyes enlarged a little and he leaned forward.  
  
"FINE," he said and she got to her feet.  
  
"Stop it," she hissed at him, turning around and walking towards the sunlight of the lawn.  
  
"There's the Slayer I know," he grumbled loud enough for her to hear. "Run, run away, little girl, whenever a problem even bloody THREATENS to get near you."  
  
She stopped at that, turning around and staring at him.  
  
"Children," Jacob now said, getting to his feet as Buffy came storming back. "Stop this, my friends. There is no use to."  
  
"I am TRYING to deal with everything," Buffy interrupted him glaring at Spike. "I am TRYING to work this out and all you can do is sit there and be all."  
  
Now he rose, leaning forwards, putting his hands on the table he stared her in the eyes as he said:  
  
"I will help you one last time, but after that."  
  
Her eyes were still caught in his as she frowned questioningly.  
  
"Let's just go," he then said, straightening his back and giving Sarah and Jacob a small smile each before turning to march towards the door leading inside.  
  
Buffy turned to Sarah who merely shook her head a little and then Spike called for the former to hurry up and she sighed, then followed him.  
  
Sarah watched them go.  
  
Can he actually be thinking it over? her thoughts asked, buzzing after the slight hinting of it in what William just had said. Will he stay?  
  
  
  
***  
  
They worked quickly and silently, getting the doors to the study open. It hadn't taken a genius to figure out that it was located behind the two doors opposite the grand hall, which also happened to be the only ones that had been completely kept shut throughout the stay.  
  
"Someone's coming," he whispered and she felt the pleasant shivers as she remembered the last time he had used that statement.  
  
"You don't say?" she mumbled but he didn't respond even the slightest, only waited impatiently for her to get the door open.  
  
"Need help?" he asked.  
  
"No," she hissed, the handle giving way and she pushed the door silently open with her shoulder, letting Spike slip in after her before she hurriedly shut it again behind them.  
  
The sound of laughing was clearly heard as a group of ladies came into the hall and stopped in front of the front doors.  
  
The Slayer and the Vamp looked at each other for a moment, then they got to work.  
  
They turned around, eyeing the room over with the training of hundreds of strange rooms before this one in the back of their heads. Then they started the methodical search for any kind of hint pointing at there being a secret opening or anything similar in the room.  
  
They kept on working quickly and silently, after fifteen minutes of nothing Buffy sighed.  
  
"Dammit, we don't have time for this," she said, sitting down in the deep chair by the enormous desk standing with the rooms four large windows in the background.  
  
"Patience," Spike said, keeping on with the search. "Look into it, Slayer."  
  
"You know, you say that word like it's some kind of an accusation," she said, getting to her feet again.  
  
"Well," he said, bending down to look at the bottom shelves of the five large bookcases he had been working on. "Patience is a bloody virtue, or so they say. Guess it might be a good thing to see if you can acquire some since y-."  
  
"Not THAT," she interrupted him, leaning against the desk and eyeing him in a terribly annoying way.  
  
He thought she looked like she was searching for answers that he knew she wouldn't find on him.  
  
"What then?" he asked, straightening his back and she shrugged a little.  
  
"Slayer," she mumbled and then met his eyes, wondering. "You say it like you're accusing me of something."  
  
"Well, I guess you can't really blame me for THAT, now can you.Slayer?" he asked and she smiled a little, he didn't and so she let it fade.  
  
"No, I mean, you never used to." she mumbled, the insecurity now stronger than ever as he took a few steps forward to come stand before her.  
  
"I know," he said silently as he reached out a hand and let it brush lightly against her arm before he leaned forward a little.  
  
She looked up at him, the twirling pain was still in his eyes and she swallowed as his mouth was less than two inches away, the voice of reason sighing in her head and then he pulled away as the wall to her left slid open.  
  
She turned her head, surprised, and then turned around towards the desk, looking for what ever button or such that he must have found. Then his hand was there and it pointed out the spot, a small disfiguration on the carvings on the desks edge.  
  
She looked at it, then at him, and smiled, nodding her appreciation before heading towards the opening, sliding through it with him close behind. The wall slid into place behind their backs.  
  
Darkness swallowed them but it was evident that they were standing on a hard stone step, the first of a stair leading down. Spike stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Let me go first," he said and walked a few steps past her, then she felt his hand grab a steady hold of hers before he added: "Keep absolutely quiet."  
  
She was about to protest that she didn't NEED him to put on the whole protection act as they started walking, but then he grabbed her and made her duck as a swarm of small arrows flew above their heads, coming out of small holes in the wall and disappearing into the same on the opposite one, something only he saw, of course.  
  
Her eyes widened a little as he kept her in a crouching position and slowly made his way down the steps again. Then he straightened his back, pulling her with him, and she looked up at him, trying to make him out but the darkness was too thick.  
  
He let her go, everything but her hand and gave it a small squeeze before starting to walk downwards once more, she felt an unfamiliar tingle near her heart at the reassuring gesture but had to concentrate on where she was putting her feet.  
  
They had been walking slowly for at least three minutes when he suddenly stopped. She could tell by the sudden stiffness in his grip that he was listening concentrated.  
  
Then he spun around, pushed her up against one of the walls of the small staircase and leaned heavily against her just as a swooshing sound was heard and the wind following whatever that had just brushed past them moved in Buffy's hair, slid over her cheek.  
  
"What was it?" she asked, he could feel her heart beating hard in her chest and he looked down on her face.  
  
She was looking back into his eyes even though he knew she couldn't see him and he felt the pain twitch its knife one more notch in his chest.  
  
So close, so terribly close, her body against his, her breath caressing his face, and still.  
  
"I don't know," he answered her question. "But it was moving fast."  
  
He pulled away from her, once more grabbing her hand and then started the descent again.  
  
Before they knew it they had to stop since they had reached a door.  
  
"Now THAT is what I call a set of stairs," Buffy mumbled, looking back at from where they had come as Spike started running his hands over the thick wood of the door.  
  
Then he took a step back, seemed to brace himself, leaned down and pushed down the heavy handle.  
  
The door glided open without so much as a sound, revealing a well-lit and big room behind it.  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows, taking a step forward and walking past him she said:  
  
"Impressive."  
  
"It's amazing what you pick up on after breaking down a few hundred doors unnecessarily," he answered as he followed her, closing the door behind him. "I guess the lord didn't expect anyone to make it down the stairs," he added and Buffy nodded.  
  
"I wouldn't either," she said, turning a little towards him. "Thanks."  
  
He smiled slightly and nodded, the smile once more fading.  
  
"Pleasure," he stated before turning his head to check to room out.  
  
She smiled a little at that and then followed his example.  
  
Their eyes locked at the same time at the urns placed on pedestals in the middle of the large room.  
  
Buffy counted them, then counted them again.  
  
"Nine," she stated. "Damn, we're good."  
  
Spike couldn't hold back the smile this time.  
  
"What the devil do we do with them, then?" he asked as they walked up to them.  
  
Buffy looked thoughtfully at them.  
  
"Hmh, let's see." she said, picking one of them up. "I don't know.we COULD do this," she said, raising her arm and then dropping the urn to the floor, which landed with a harsh thump on the hard stone but didn't even crack. Buffy frowned. "IF that worked," she said and bent down, picking it up again. "Let's try once more with some feeling," she said, raising both arms above her head and throwing the urn to the floor.  
  
Not even a chip came off.  
  
Now Spike smirked, watching her with the spark growing back in his eyes as she looked up at him with a sigh. She was totally surprised by the sudden expression on his face and she smiled a little.  
  
"I guess YOU would enjoy seeing me squirm," she murmured and the smirk grew larger.  
  
"Only if it's underneath me, love," he said and she looked at him with a SPIKE!-expression.  
  
Then the smile on his lips suddenly faded, the glow in his eyes fading with it as he turned away from her.  
  
Buffy felt something inside wail uncontrollably at the sight, despite her efforts to quiet it.  
  
God, how she hated that expression on his face.  
  
"We need to get out of here so just grab it," his voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "They can't complete the circle if they don't have all nine, right?"  
  
"I suppose," she said, bending down to pick the urn up from the floor. "I can't carry it like this, though" she added. "What if someone sees me?"  
  
He pulled off his jacket, handing it to her to put around the urn.  
  
She worked fast and then nodded.  
  
They walked up to the door and Spike opened it, but when they were about to exit Buffy couldn't move.  
  
"What's the matter?" Spike asked, turning to her.  
  
"I don't know," she answered, fighting to take a step forward, then her eyes widened. "It must be some kind of a spell, I can't budge this thing," she said with a nod towards the package in her arms.  
  
Spike looked up the staircase and quickly stepped inside, shutting the door.  
  
"Put it back, the lord's coming and he's not alone," he said and she swirled around at that, running back to the pedestals and fumbling the urn out of the jacket before putting it back in its place.  
  
"This way," Spike hissed at her and she spotted him standing by a painting, when she joined him he pulled the frame out from the wall and gestured for her to look behind it.  
  
She saw the opening right away, a secret passageway, and didn't hesitate before stepping into it, Spike followed and the painting fell back into place just as they could hear the door open.  
  
"We'd better get going," Spike said in a lowered voice. "If we're not seen when they serve the bloody tea people are gonna wonder what we're up to."  
  
"Yes," she mumbled, wanting to stay and eaves drop, but having to admit that he was right.  
  
Then he got moving and she followed him, the space they were in was stuffy and narrow as they made their way towards an unknown goal.  
  
She was silently wondering what he was thinking.  
  
Why is he like this? she thought. Why now? And WHAT was all that about helping me "one last time"?  
  
She felt his hand suddenly grab hers and she decided to ask him, about everything, later. 


	24. Chapter TwentyFour

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Four  
  
By Annie  
  
05-12-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy, dressing for the second nights supper, still hadn't gotten over the fact that not only had she and Spike been unable to even slightly shake whatever the lord had planned to do with those urns, but they hadn't even gotten to grasp the opportunity to listen in on whatever conversation he was about to have with whoever had been with him.  
  
The day had been a horrible trip to absolute boredom since Sarah insisted that Buffy needed to show herself social and do some needle point with the ladies after the afternoon tea.  
  
Now, Buffy was as good with sowing as she was with cooking, that is, not at all. She spent most of the time clenching her teeth together every time the needle stung her finger and not only was she more than half as fast as the other ladies, her pattern came out looking as though a child had scribbled on her piece of cloth with a crayon.  
  
"This can't be right," she had mumbled to Sarah and Sarah had had to look away not to laugh.  
  
"I'm sorry," Sarah had said, turning back to her. "No, I would say that is quite wrong, my dear," she had added and Buffy had sighed.  
  
"I give up," she had murmured, getting up from her chair, smiling and excusing herself to the other ladies before exiting the room just to run as fast as she could as far away from it as she could get.  
  
Then things hadn't really picked up any speed as she had taken a walk on the grounds, by herself. The only thing for her to do out there was to think.  
  
And think and think and think about the strange situation she suddenly found herself in.  
  
"Spike loves me, Spike LOVES me, Spike.loves.me," she had mumbled to herself, trying to make it sound normal, trying for it not to evoke the feeling of warmth rising through her entire body at the thought of every time he had touched her, kissed her, every time he had murmured words in her ear and entangled his fingers in her hair he had.loved her.  
  
When she finally headed back to the "house" dusk was settling amongst the trees and twilight was spreading its shadows across the lawn. And she had looked up and seen him, standing on the terrace waiting for her, and she had felt her heart race in her chest at the sight of him, and she head stopped and closed her eyes for a moment just to make it calm down, and it hadn't, and then.  
  
Now she sighed as Sarah came up to help her button up her dress.  
  
"Sarah," she said.  
  
"Yes?" Sarah answered her as she let her fingers work.  
  
"Have you noticed something.different with Spike?" she asked and Sarah seemed to hesitate a moment before asking:  
  
"What do you mean by different?"  
  
"Well," Buffy said thoughtfully, "he's just. avoiding me. Like, before when I was coming back up here to change I saw him on the terrace. I'm sure he saw me, but he didn't wait for me. He walked back inside. It's just, I don't know, different," she mumbled and Sarah, just finishing the last button, took a step around her to come stand in front of her.  
  
"Buffy, aren't YOU different?" she asked and Buffy raised her eyebrows a little. "What I mean is simply this, everything between you has changed now. EVERYTHING is different and you can't tell me that you didn't expect it to be after what you told me happened last night."  
  
Buffy whined, walking up to the bed and sitting down, a sea of crimson silk spreading at her feet as the skirt of her dress fell around her legs.  
  
"No, I suppose I can't say that, but WHY does it have to be THIS different? I mean, shouldn't he be happy? Relieved?" she asked, turning to Sarah who smiled a little.  
  
"Buffy, that's not up to me to answer, now is it?" she asked and Buffy sighed again.  
  
"No," she agreed. "But HE doesn't seem to wanna talk with me," she added frustrated and Sarah came to sit beside her.  
  
"Then give him some time, and when HE is ready he will come to you," she said. "You both have a lot to work through, I believe, and I think you BOTH need some time. Don't you?"  
  
Buffy looked up at her, then nodded.  
  
"Did you talk with lord Hart?" Sarah now asked, changing the subject as she got off the bed and walked up to the tall mirror, looking herself over.  
  
"Yes, this afternoon. I said that I simply had had the most AWFUL headache and that I had been unable to find him before I felt I HAD to withdraw last night, and that I had thought about sending him a note but that it would probably not have been a very good idea to 'give away' his location, and that a lady was sending him a note while he was waiting there, to the servants," Buffy said, now smiling widely. "He was very graceful about it and said that he hoped we could make arrangements for TONIGHT instead."  
  
"What did you say then?" Sarah asked, smiling as well.  
  
"Splendid," Buffy said, her own smile now fading as she thought about the true reason for her standing the lord up the night before. "I said 'splendid'," she mumbled.  
  
  
  
***  
  
She and Sarah glided in through the doors to the grand hall after supper, guests were already dancing lively on the huge space of the dance floor and Buffy watched the swirl of color as she couldn't help but look for Spike.  
  
They had been seated too far away from each other at dinner for her to even see him and now she couldn't help but wonder what he was up to.  
  
"He's probably charming his way through the whole lot," she mumbled to herself and Sarah turned to her.  
  
"What was that?" she asked and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"Nothing," she answered.  
  
"You're not worried about William, are you?" Sarah asked and Buffy raised her eyebrows a little.  
  
"No, not WORRIED. Why?" she asked and Sarah smiled.  
  
"Well, because of the chip, of course," she pointed out and Buffy felt her eyes widen a little.  
  
HAD she completely not thought about that fact?  
  
Okay, something is seriously wrong with me, she thought as she started to look for the vamp with more focus than before.  
  
"I have to find him," she said.  
  
Sarah nodded and they went separate ways, Sarah to the right and Buffy starting to make her way towards the glass doors leading out to the terrace to the left. When she was about to take a step outside a cool hand slid into hers and stopped her dead in her tracks. She turned to him and as he looked at her the stupid heart started its frantic racing again.  
  
His face looked as it had all day whenever around her, completely drained of expression. What had caused her to recoil more than once was the same lack of expression resting in his eyes. As he met her eyes now, however, the gaze in them was warmer and she started to relax a little.  
  
"Let's dance," he said and before she could protest he had pulled her with him out onto the dance floor.  
  
The music had just died away and it took a moment for the small orchestra assembled to prepare for the next song. As they did he placed one hand on the small of her back, pulling her to him, his left hand grabbing her right and then raising it with hers in it.  
  
His eyes, so calm and strong and beautiful, held hers and she could feel that she was breathing rather hard because her heart didn't want to function the proper way.  
  
Then the music started and he easily brought her into a waltz, they were sweeping around, a part of the silky mixture Buffy had been observing just a few moments earlier.  
  
There's nothing more sensual than being in his arms like this, she thought, swallowing hard and finally looking away from his eyes. Dear Lord, now I'M losing it, she added, disbelieving.  
  
"Did you find out anything more?" his voice asked, low and sounding dangerously intimate.  
  
"What?" she asked, looking up at him almost timidly and suddenly scared that he had read her mind.  
  
"About lord Hart, Slayer," he said. "Did you find out anything more?"  
  
Her eyes grew a little and she smiled, relieved, shaking her head.  
  
"Personally I've spent the whole bloody day without coming up with anything, only heard something about this Sunday," Spike said and she looked at him, questioningly. "I don't know what it means," he said. "But it sounded important and so we'd better look into it once we're back in Town."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"What?" he asked, spinning her around and around, the only thing making her dizzy was her own thoughts. "Slayer, it's impolite to stare," he mumbled and she blinked, surprised, as she looked away.  
  
"I-I'm sorry," she said. "William."  
  
"Yes?" he pushed her on impatiently as she trailed off.  
  
"Why are you avoiding me?" she asked and he tilted his head a little to one side, a small smile curling his lips.  
  
"No reason, really," he answered her and she looked disbelieving. "I'm just.thinking. About a lot of things. I just have to.I'm trying to figure out if."  
  
Now HE trailed off, his eyes reflecting the battle going on inside of him and she nodded, even though she had a hard time understanding what he meant. She wanted him to TELL her what he was trying to figure out. But Sarah was right, and he WOULD come to her when he was ready, she just needed to be a little patient.  
  
'Patience, look into it, Slayer.'  
  
She smiled a little at that. Those little inputs wouldn't go away, would they?  
  
Then the music stopped and everybody applauded the orchestra as they got ready to perform another piece.  
  
"May I cut in?" a deep voice asked behind Spike and Spike turned to the lord who was smiling sleekly.  
  
Buffy felt her heart stop and an unpleasant shiver travel up her spine. Everything in her told her that this man was something really, really bad and oh, she didn't want his arms around her again. She wished she could have insisted on Spike having his two dances, but she couldn't, and so she could only watch as Spike returned the smile and bowed slightly before giving the lord her hand.  
  
Dammit, she thought as she looked up at the lord and brought forth the fake smile she had reserved just for him.  
  
"Are you enjoying yourself, Miss Summers?" he asked as he pulled her to him.  
  
She nodded, trying to fight the urge to hit him between the eyes and wipe the smug smile off his face.  
  
"Of course you are," he said, the music starting up again and he began leading her into the rhythm of the assembled people on the dance floor. "And tonight I trust you will be careful and not obtain any small 'cramps' that might intrude on our scheduled meeting?"  
  
The NEED to hit him almost took over for a moment and then she smiled even staler as she nodded again, afraid that if she spoke all that would come out was going to be unflattering words on exactly WHAT she wanted to do with that meeting.  
  
"You are beautiful, my dear," he whispered, pulling her closer. "I believe our meeting will be quite. interesting."  
  
She actually felt the slime from those words travel down her back and she couldn't help but shiver again.  
  
"Are you cold, Miss Summers?" he then asked, rather concerned and she shook her head.  
  
"No, mylord, not at all. Please, let's let the music just.take us away," she said. "Let's not talk," she added to be sure she made her point and he looked at her for a moment before smiling.  
  
"Yes, of course," he said and she drew a breath of relief.  
  
At least not hearing him talk would prevent the so fancy supper she had just enjoyed from coming right up again.  
  
  
  
***  
  
At twelve o'clock the lord stepped up on the small platform in front of the orchestra and begged for silence.  
  
Buffy had regrouped with Sarah after her two awfully long dances with the lord and they had silently been discussing the facts they so far had obtained, both agreeing that they really needed to do some major digging once they got back to Jacob and Sarah's home.  
  
Now both of them turned their eyes on the lord as he smiling raised his hands and said:  
  
"Dear friends! I am so happy that you gave me the honor of acting as your host!"  
  
Cheering was heard as a response to that and he smiled wider, lowering his hands.  
  
"Unfortunately I have had a pressing matter come upon me at this time of our festivities and I am regretful to inform you all that I must cut the celebrations short."  
  
Surprised gasps and questions of why was the response this time and the lord nodded, looking very sad indeed.  
  
"Yes, it is a great loss for me as well, but I am afraid the matter to which I have to attend is personal and I pray you, do understand my situation. Tomorrow we shall have a grand breakfast to say good-bye to one another and then, I am afraid, I must be left to my own dreary company."  
  
Kind protests was heard and Buffy huffed to herself, she sure wasn't about to make one.  
  
"This is perfect," Sarah whispered in her ear. "If William is right and there is something happening this Sunday, this will give us more time to investigate it."  
  
Buffy nodded, suddenly thoughtful.  
  
"Yes." she said. "I wonder WHY the lord is cutting the ball short, though. It seems a little.unplanned."  
  
"Do you think something fishy is going on?"  
  
Buffy smiled a little, and then frowned.  
  
"I don't know, but I'll do my best to find out," she said. "I'm sure the lord still want us to have our meeting 'on schedule'," she added and Sarah nodded.  
  
"Do be careful," she said and Buffy smiled again.  
  
"I always am," she said reassuringly.  
  
At twelve forty-five Buffy wandered into the orchard, the flowers' scents gently stroking her nostrils as she walked up to a low stone bench underneath the stretching branches of a big tree to sit down.  
  
Her head was a mess of thoughts jumping from this whole Birth of Fire thing to Spike and the way he was with her, why was he like that? What did he mean with "one last time" and WHAT was he trying to figure out?! Not knowing was driving her crazy and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against the palms of her hands and taking a deep breath.  
  
She was seriously beginning to think that something really was wrong with her Slayer side as well, she had almost FORGOTTEN that Spike was a fanged vampire again, and she was scared of what that might mean. was she losing her intuition as a Slayer? And if so, was that happening because she wasn't in her own time anymore?  
  
"So, so, SO screwed up," she mumbled to herself.  
  
"You look terrible, Slayer," his voice suddenly said and her head shot up, she stared around her but he was nowhere to be seen.  
  
She sighed as she got to her feet, unconsciously straightening out her skirt.  
  
"Thanks a lot," she said, looking around once more. "Are you gonna show your face or do you want me to talk to the tree? Maybe the flowers?"  
  
He swung down form a branch right above her head and landed on both feet in front of her.  
  
"So, you're actually doing this?" he asked and she noticed he had his duster on again.  
  
"And what about you," she retorted with a meaningful look on the piece of clothing.  
  
His face was a mask of indifference again and she tried hard not to let it affect her.  
  
"Wanna have another fight, Slayer?" he asked.  
  
"Hmm, and ruin ANOTHER dress? No, I don't think so," she answered him, wanting to sound as cold and controlled as he did, not sure if she actually managed it.  
  
He was making her nervous, the expression in his eyes not even hinting at what was going on in the head behind them and she didn't know what he was there for.  
  
He let hear a low laugh.  
  
"Always that little part of you that can't deny it craving a normal, happy life," he said, taking a step forward and towering over her, then he added: "Watch your back," as he looked over her shoulder.  
  
She frowned, seeing where he was looking and then turning around, her gaze landing on the approaching lord. Her eyes widened a little as she turned back to Spike, but he was already gone.  
  
She drew a steadying breath as she put on the smile for the lord again, then turned to meet him.  
  
***  
  
God, that sniffling old geezer was so incredibly unrefined it was almost laughable. Spike stared down through the branches, listening intently on the conversation below.  
  
"Mylord," Buffy's voice carried up to him. "Why did you cut the ball short? It came as quite a shock, I must say."  
  
"Darling girl, let's not talk about such boring details as THAT," the lord said and Spike let hear a huff.  
  
The lord suddenly grabbed Buffy's arm, pulling her closer. Spike could smell the resentment she held for the man all the way from where he was and he moved silently down to get a better view.  
  
She was smiling, without emotion, at the lord as he looked her deep in the eyes and said:  
  
"Let me take you."  
  
Spike's eyebrows rose at that. The old geezer was ACTUALLY doing this?  
  
Buffy swallowed, still smiling she said:  
  
"M-mylord, seriously now, you must understand that."  
  
"Let's just let the music of the night.take us away," the lord said, a sudden glint in his eyes which she didn't like at all. "Let's not talk."  
  
Then he leaned down and planted a hard kiss on her mouth.  
  
His tongue slid out and deep down into her throat and it muffled her protest. She pushed him away from her with a disgusted cry and he stared at her, his eyes suddenly burning with anger.  
  
"What the hell are you doing, my dear?" he asked in such a silent voice that Buffy felt the blood in her veins freeze, now more than ever she felt the true danger in this man.  
  
As he approached her she took a few steps back.  
  
I can't fight him, she thought. I can't beat him down or he'll know that something's not all as it seems and then.  
  
The lord's hands grabbed her again, pulling her to him and she looked up at him.  
  
"Please, sir, I ask of you to let me go."  
  
He pushed her to take a few steps backwards and when she felt a rough exterior scrape the skin on her back she realized that she was pinned between him and the trunk of the tree. Then his lips were on her neck as his hands started pulling up her skirt and she felt rage and disgust start to build in her chest, she was about to act on it when.  
  
"Get off her," Spike's voice suddenly said and she felt her eyes enlarge.  
  
The lord stopped what he was doing, turning around and then smiling a little.  
  
"Nothing for you to bother with, young William," he said, still holding a firm grip on Buffy who was looking at Spike.  
  
Spike met her eyes and then turned to the lord again, his voice nearly a growl.  
  
"Let-her-go," he said, wanting to add "or I'll rip your bloody throat out", but in the last minute deciding against it.  
  
The lord raised his eyebrows slightly, looking rather amused, and then he took a step back and held out his hands.  
  
"I've let her go," he said, the small smile still on his lips.  
  
"Then I suggest you go back into your home and get some sleep," Spike said, the look in his eyes so dangerous that Buffy almost feared that he was going to switch into game face.  
  
The lord seemed to think this over for a moment, and then nodded.  
  
"That might be pleasant enough, join me, my dear?" he then asked, turning to Buffy.  
  
Spike took a step forward and the lord turned to him, once more holding out his hands.  
  
"Fine," he said. "As a gentleman to a gentleman I bid you good night."  
  
With a small bow he turned and walked self-assured out of the orchard.  
  
Buffy stared after him and then turned to Spike.  
  
"Yeah, 'a gentleman to a gentleman'," he grumbled. "As a lunatic to a bloody lunatic I hope you die in your God damn sleep," he then cursed, turning to Buffy.  
  
"I-I was just about to. when you." she began, trailing off. "You didn't have to do that.stop him, I mean," she then mumbled, clearly shaken up by the experience.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Do I ever?" he asked and she smiled a little, shaking her head. He hesitated before asking: "You all right?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
He looked at her for a moment, then turned and walked away from her, her eyes on his back as he disappeared into the shadows. 


	25. Chapter TwentyFive

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Five  
  
By Annie  
  
05-12-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning went by quickly, packing everything up and eating the breakfast that had been promised the night before. Soon enough the carriages we're getting ready and then, party after party left the estate.  
  
"It was so nice to have you here," the lord said as he bid them farewell at the front door, taking Buffy's hand in a firm grip and bending down to kiss it.  
  
Spike stared at the man with such unmasked hatred that Jacob hurried them all on and out into the carriage. When safely in it he turned to the vampire with a questioning look and asked:  
  
"Any REASON for you to show your regard or lack there of so openly, William?"  
  
Spike looked at Buffy who shook her head slightly and he shrugged.  
  
"Just the general: I don't like him at all," he then said and Jacob sighed at that. "Plus, he didn't bloody well die in his sleep, now did he?" Spike added mumbling and felt a small satisfaction in his chest as Buffy let hear a laugh.  
  
She stopped, clearing her throat and waved it off when Sarah asked her what was so funny.  
  
"I just.can't wait to get away from this place," she answered her, leaning back and looking at Spike who nodded.  
  
"Me too, Slayer," he said and she wished he would have smiled, or looked at her without that businesslike expression.  
  
Darn it, Buffy, she thought to herself. If this means that he is moving on then be happy about that. Then you finally got your wish and he's feelings will be one less responsibility to carry.  
  
She lingered at the thought for a moment, not able to escape the loneliness sweeping over her.  
  
Yes, she wanted him to let go of her, she guessed she needed him to, but.there was something missing in the equation and she couldn't place it!  
  
Once the carriage got moving they started planning how to best use the day ahead of them.  
  
They all agreed that it was better for them to have four brains working the books than two or three and so they decided to postpone anything that needed them to leave the house and concentrate on building up a somewhat understandable map of what the Birth of Fire was.  
  
"We need to figure out the last four offerings," Buffy said and Sarah nodded.  
  
"Yes," Jacob said, "but more importantly we need to find out WHAT the Birth is, and if it really has anything to do with fire or not, it might just be metaphorical."  
  
"True," Buffy said. "But I think the name of a prophecy usually hints at the function of it, at least that's what I THINK."  
  
She could feel Spike's eyes on her and she turned to him. He didn't react, but his gaze was incredibly intense and she looked away again, saying:  
  
"So, we'll work the books. We need to see if they say ANYthing about this Sunday."  
  
"And we have to check for any hint at where this is supposed to take place, too," Sarah said and Buffy nodded.  
  
"We'll have to check for everything," she said, feeling more than a little stupid at the obviousness of this statement but his eyes on her made her nerves crawl on the outside of her skin and she thought that qualified as a good enough reason for her to make brainless comments.  
  
Why can't I just get beyond this? she thought desperately.  
  
Spike observed her silently, wanting to take everything that was she in, even though he knew he had her every movement printed in his thoughts, every curve of her body was there to bring out if he wanted.  
  
Still, how he was going to miss her.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Okay, hold on, hold on!" Buffy exclaimed, getting to her feet with a heavy book in her arms she turned to the assembled three spread out in the library of the first floor of Sarah and Jacob's house. "I think I've just found a part describing the offering and it MIGHT be something that hints at WHY there are offerings which might lead us to WHAT this whole thing is," she finished.  
  
Jacob looked at her from behind his desk, Sarah from the low table they had brought in, which was absolutely covered with papers and open books, Spike from the floor, where he was sitting leaning against the front of the desk.  
  
"Wonderful," Sarah said, exasperated. "Write it down and we'll go over it."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Guys!" she exclaimed. "This is huge!"  
  
"Yeah, the Slayer actually making a discovery on the scanning-the-books department, I'd say that's a first," Spike said sarcastically and she gave him a non-appreciative look before turning to the other two.  
  
"I'm sorry, dear," Jacob said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes before continuing. "We're all a little tired after the five previous out bursts which proved to be nothing of true importance," he added with a meaningful glance at her.  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that.I'll just write this down," she said and sunk down on the floor again.  
  
Sarah looked up at her and then smiled a little.  
  
"We're doing good so far," she said and Buffy looked up at her. "We're ahead of schedule actually."  
  
Buffy smiled faintly, nodding before looking back down at her book, grabbing a notepad and starting to write what she had discovered down.  
  
It was close to eleven thirty and after almost two hours in a carriage and having spent almost seven hours in the library she was close to throwing in the towel.  
  
Towel, oh, a bath would be heaven!  
  
She sighed, throwing her PEN down and getting to her feet.  
  
"If we're ahead of schedule, is it all right if I just call it a night?" she asked and Sarah looked up, then nodded.  
  
"Yes, I think we'll all be retiring pretty soon," she said and Buffy nodded, gratefully.  
  
"Thanks. Well, good night then," she said and they all said good night as well.  
  
She wished she was home, then she could have just walked into her bathroom, drawn a bath and soaked! But no, this had to be the nineteenth century, where it takes half an hour just to boil enough frigging water!  
  
Ah well, she thought as she reached her door. At least I have a bed to.soak in.  
  
Sighing she opened the door and stepped inside, walking up to her bedside table to turn on the light.  
  
She couldn't get her mind around Spike, either. So much strange things had happened since they got here. She couldn't believe that he had almost made her stake him.  
  
'Kill me.'  
  
"I think I already have," she mumbled, feeling the guilt wrap itself in a tight lump in her throat and she closed her eyes.  
  
After what he had done last night, stopping the lord like that, she had thought that maybe he had breached that obstacle that was in his way, figured out whatever it was he needed to figure out. That maybe he was willing to.start over?  
  
God, who am I kidding? she thought. What did I think was gonna happen? That he'd just be all, oh, you finally see that I'm not all monster and that I'm capable of love but yeah, I understand that you just don't love me and so.let's be partners! Like we have been.like we were for a little while.  
  
She sighed again, shaking her head at herself.  
  
That breach she had thought that he might have been able to reach, she realized now what it was.  
  
His love for her.  
  
And he had stated quite plainly that he had been fighting it for a long time and that he KNEW that he couldn't win.  
  
And he shouldn't try to beat it down, should he? she now asked herself. He shouldn't have to fight love. And here I am, and what have I done but MADE him fight it. God, what do you do when all love does is break your heart? You try to get rid of it, you do anything that's possible to get it away from you, right?  
  
There was a knock on the door and she looked up, a little surprised. She had been deep down in her own thoughts.  
  
"Yes?" she said and the door slid open, Spike taking a step inside.  
  
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked and she nodded.  
  
Finally, she thought, finally he's going to tell me what this is all about and what is going on.  
  
He closed the door and came to stand in front of her, his eyes now reflecting so many emotions that it almost knocked her over when she met them.  
  
He smiled a little and she suddenly felt a fear rise in her chest.  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
"Slayer," he said silently and she felt the fear tremble at the softness in his voice.  
  
He hadn't called her anything but that since yesterday, except once.and he had used the name in such a hard fashion seemingly trying to strip it from any personality what so ever. And here he was, taking it once more in his mouth the way he always had before, and making it sound like he loved her.  
  
He loved her.  
  
"Yes?" she asked, not wanting to know what he was going to say.  
  
He eyed her closely and she couldn't stand it, couldn't bear it, and she turned from him, walking over to the bed to sit down on it; she did and then once more looked at him.  
  
He was still smiling faintly.  
  
Oh God, oh God, oh God.  
  
"A while back.almost when we first got here.Sarah asked me to stay here," he said and she looked at him, not grasping what he was saying but feeling like her lips were suddenly glued together. "When you go back to Sunnydale she offered me to stay here, with her, and Jacob." he elaborated and she was still just staring at him, uncomprehendingly.  
  
He took a step forward, then stopped.  
  
"I'm staying," he then said. "I'm not coming back with you."  
  
She stared at him for nearly a minute of complete silence, his eyes resting firmly in hers, and then something drained her of every emotion she had ever had as those words slowly started to obtain even the slightest kind of meaning in her head. Her thoughts went with her emotions, and all she was, all she felt was a big empty hole and she recognized it, he had put it there before with truths he had spoken and lights that he had shone on things that she didn't want to face.  
  
Her eyes were glassy as she turned them to him.  
  
Then she blinked, and said:  
  
"If that's what you want."  
  
Her voice was close to a whisper and she cleared her throat silently.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Yeah," he said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world to see that of course, this was what he wanted, it was where he belonged.  
  
She nodded as well, and then forced something that she hoped looked like a smile.  
  
He tilted his head a little to one side before smiling a little back.  
  
"Good night, Slayer," he said, turned from her and left the room.  
  
She stared at the still open door.  
  
"Yes," she mumbled. "Good night, Spike."  
  
***  
  
She knocked on Sarah's door and there was a wondering:  
  
"Come in?"  
  
She opened it, stepped inside and closed it before turning to her friend.  
  
Sarah put the book she was reading in down on her lap, she was sitting in her bed, and she looked at the Slayer questioningly.  
  
"Buffy, is everything all right?" she asked and Buffy didn't exactly know what to say to that.  
  
"Why did you ask him to stay?" she then hesitantly asked and Sarah smiled a little.  
  
"Why do you think I asked him?"  
  
"Because.you love him," Buffy said and Sarah nodded slightly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But, you don't. LOVE-love him, do you?" Buffy asked and Sarah kept the small smile on her lips as she said:  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think that you.don't," Buffy answered and Sarah nodded.  
  
"I always knew you were a smart lady," she said with a wink and Buffy smiled a little.  
  
"Has he talked to you?" Buffy asked and Sarah nodded again. "So, you know what he wants to do?"  
  
"Yes," Sarah said.  
  
"Okay, but one thing that I don't understand is that isn't there another Spike out there? I mean, the undead Spike who's running around slaughtering half of Europe right about now?" Buffy asked, quietly wincing at that choice of words.  
  
"Yes," Sarah answered.  
  
"Yeah, so if there already IS one of him here then how can he STAY? There can't be TWO of the same in the same century, can there? He can't just stay, can he? Won't it create some cosmic tare or maybe it will alter the future forever and you don't wanna do that, do you?"  
  
Sarah smiled a little.  
  
"All I really know is that history, no matter what some say, seldom repeats itself. If there is supposed to be no impact on the world from William staying here then there won't be, and I believe the only thing that will change is that he will slowly, but surely, grow out of your timeframe."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened a little.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked and Sarah explained:  
  
"I think that this trip back in time isn't supposed to happen again, which would happen if he was to live and meet you in Sunnydale. I believe Spike will be killed, one way or another, before he has a chance to meet you. Don't worry, Buffy, all that will happen is that the Powers That Be chooses some other force to take Williams place in time, and at your side."  
  
Buffy stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"So, what you're saying is that when I step through that mirror I won't remember him anymore," she said, voice trembling.  
  
"No, you'll remember him forever, you will just forget to remember him as time goes by, and the day history kills both Spike and William, because of course they will die in the same moment regardless where they are, the memory of him will be more dim than.that of the moment you were born."  
  
Buffy shook her head a little.  
  
"It seems so.unreal," she mumbled. "The thought of him not being there anymore is just."  
  
She looked up, Sarah clearly waiting for her to finish her sentence. But Buffy didn't.  
  
"It's what he wants," she said firmly. "Then it's for the best."  
  
She left the room; closing the door behind her and walking silently back to her own.  
  
She threw herself on her bed and felt the emptiness inside slowly start to eat away at her.  
  
It's for the best, she thought as she slowly fell asleep, the restrained tears being let free by the hands of her dreams and they stained the sheets as she dreamed of him, cried for him, needed him and woke up in a cold sweat, alone and remembering nothing but his blue eyes and the softness with which he whispered her name, over and over. 


	26. Chapter TwentySix

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Six  
  
By Annie  
  
05-13-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, so, he was lost.  
  
Most definitely lost, in a place that was cold, dripping, creepy and.did he think dark already?  
  
"He can give me a stupid piece of tin to show me the way, but he can't throw a measly flashlight into the bargain?" he grumbled, taking yet another careful step forward. "What kinda sorcerer IS he anyway?"  
  
Then the cold and dark and dripping suddenly went to scorching hot as huge flames rose around him, lightening up the cave he was in and he noticed, with a rather hard gulp, that he was surrounded by some kind of creatures that he had never seen before.  
  
Not a good sign, he thought.  
  
He looked around him; they were everywhere.  
  
As they started to move towards him, closing the circle they were in around him, he felt his heart sink in his chest.  
  
This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen, he thought as the creatures' rough hands grabbed at him from all around. Anya, I'm so sorry. I love you.  
  
***  
  
Choosing to stay had been the hardest decision he had ever had to make and after it was done, telling Buffy had been the second hardest.  
  
For a moment he had changed his mind, looking into her eyes he had felt more than insecure of the choice being the right one, but then he had brushed it aside. He had to do this, for them both, and that was final.  
  
He hadn't slept one wink during the night. Well, that might have had something to do with the fight he had been forced into with himself, the wanting to go out hunting once dusk settled was at times overwhelming. It wasn't so much the hunger, he could still that with the pig's blood, as it was the seduction of the flesh and life he stole, the ecstasy it put him in. He truly was amazed that he kept winning the battles; it was something he guessed nothing could have prepared him for.  
  
Just like truly falling in love with another being had been so far out of his thoughts as he roamed the world, the thought of not living the un-life he had been handed, when he had the choice, had been absolutely unthinkable.  
  
He wanted to be mad at her, he wanted to let hate and resentment root out the love in his chest but with that bloody love came a sense of understanding, which made it a thousand times stronger, and he understood her now, he supposed. Finally he thought he could see what it was that made her unable to love him, because it wasn't in the lack of attraction; that was more than sure.  
  
She needed to be loved for who she was, what she was, by someone who would work as a neutralizer for the craziness she met every night. She needed a pair of warm arms to come home to, someone who could make her feel safe in the fact that even though she was the Slayer she was ultimately human.  
  
The shame that he had made her feel over the fact that she would even let a creature like him touch her, much less be inside her. He paused as memories pushed their way into his head and he brutally pushed them back. Last thing he needed right now was for them to obscure the point he was trying to make.  
  
The shame had been there from the start, even now, even as she knew that for him it meant something, she backed away from it, from him. He would always be the dark and the dirty in her life and, honestly, did she really need that so close upon her?  
  
No.  
  
And THAT was the point.  
  
He would never deserve her love, no matter how changed he was; even giving up the hunt for her wasn't enough. He was still bound to the darkness of his game face, the sharpness of his fangs and the senses that came with them.  
  
He had wanted to die by her hand.  
  
For the first time the self preserving force inside of him had given way to the pure desperation at the thought of having to die anywhere but at her side, and that bloody stick had looked like the shape of a ticket out of it all. But, of course, it wasn't meant to be that easy, was it?  
  
She needed more than he could ever offer, and even though he would have given anything to be able to show her how much he loved her, he knew that the only true way he could do so was to leave her. Or, as it was, watch her leave.  
  
He sighed, bringing the glass to his lips, again, and taking a mouthful of whiskey, he was sure Jacob wouldn't mind him going through his liquor cabinet; after all, he was like a son to him.  
  
He closed his eyes, tasting the liquid.  
  
England was good; in fact it was a more than good solution to his problems. He would get away from her and even though he wouldn't forget her.He sighed again. Even though he wouldn't forget her she wouldn't be there, reminding him. And he had Sarah and Jacob, his.family.  
  
'Promise you'll be back.'  
  
He opened his eyes and tried to blink away the tears.  
  
"I'm sorry, niblet," he mumbled.  
  
"What are you doing drinking at five o'clock in the morning?"  
  
He looked up, his eyes meeting Sarah's, and he looked away.  
  
"I'm not drinking," he said. "I'm thinking."  
  
Sarah frowned, walking into the drawing room and sitting down in the armchair opposite the one he was slumped down in.  
  
"What are you thinking, then?" she asked and he huffed.  
  
"Nothing," he grumbled.  
  
She smiled a little, nodded towards the glass in his hand and said:  
  
"So, we're back to THAT then."  
  
He looked at the glass as well, and then shook his head a little.  
  
"It's not what it used to be," he mumbled. "I can hardly get drunk properly anymore."  
  
Sarah smiled again.  
  
"What are YOU doing up?" he asked and she leaned back.  
  
"I couldn't sleep. I've been thinking too," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Sarah Macintyre, thinking? I'm bloody shocked," he murmured as he raised the glass to his lips again.  
  
She rose and took the step forward dividing them, grabbed the glass out of his hand and walked with it to the small cabinet, setting it down on top of it.  
  
"Dammit, woman!" Spike growled, getting to his feet.  
  
Sarah raised her eyebrows at him and came up to him again, signing for him to sit down as she did so. He stared at her for a moment and then sunk down in the armchair once more.  
  
"Are you really sure about this?" she asked and he looked at her.  
  
"About what?" he grumbled, still looking sour over what she had just done.  
  
"Don't pout, Will. It didn't become you as a human and it sure doesn't look any more flattering on you as a vampire," she said, teasingly, and he glared at her.  
  
She merely smiled.  
  
"Are you sure you can let her leave without going with her?" Sarah asked, growing serious.  
  
He looked away now, his face decisive.  
  
"I have to, precious," he answered her. "It's for the best."  
  
Sarah sighed.  
  
"That's what she said," she mumbled and he looked up at her.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked and Sarah hesitated a moment before answering:  
  
"She came to see me, sometime after you had told her, I believe. She was upset, Will. But I could tell she didn't know how to.hm, I don't know, interpret her own emotions. She seemed confused and."  
  
He raised one hand, shaking his head a little.  
  
"She wasn't confused," he said. "She made it really clear when I told her, I think she's glad and she just doesn't wanna sound the bloody trumpets off in my face. She's relieved, precious, and.that's what I wanted."  
  
Sarah stared at him. How could he think this? He had known Buffy for so long, and still. Then she suddenly smiled a little to herself.  
  
"Are you telling me or yourself that?" she asked and he looked up, sharply.  
  
"Sarah," he said in a warning tone. "Don't even THINK of starting your mind games with me," he added and she looked at him, innocent as a rose.  
  
"Your overreacting, William," she said. "Now why is that, do you suppose?"  
  
He smiled a little, getting to his feet.  
  
"Good night, precious," he said and she smiled back.  
  
"There's the William I know," she said. "Run, run away, little boy."  
  
He swirled around, coming back.  
  
"DON'T use my own words against me," he snarled but she didn't even blink as she got up to look him in the eyes.  
  
"I don't want to be an escape OR an excuse, William," she said firmly. "I don't want you to stay if it's not a choice you have made with ALL your heart, and something tells me that you could NEVER do that."  
  
His eyes showed clear remorse at those words, and sadness came over his features as he met her gaze. She stepped up to him; taking his face in both hands and feeling tears slowly rise in her eyes as she said:  
  
"I WANT you to stay, Will. But NOT if it's going to kill you."  
  
Tears blurred his sight as well and he shook his head, slowly.  
  
"It won't kill me, Sarah," he said. "I do want to stay here, with you. Make up for all the time we've lost."  
  
She looked at him, a hint of happiness through the tears, and then she asked:  
  
"What about the. nature in you? I don't know if I have the right to ask you to stay and fight it."  
  
He smiled a little, pulling out of her hold and shaking his head a little again.  
  
"Don't think about it," he mumbled.  
  
She rested her eyes at him for a moment; she had waited so long for him to be in her life again, to have him there to talk to and to confide in. She had missed him so much.  
  
"I trust you, Will," she said, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Good night," she added, turning from him and slowly walking out of the drawing room, her head now filled with new thoughts, happier ones.  
  
Finally she might be able to get some sleep.  
  
She thought of Buffy for a moment, how shaken the Slayer had acted. She felt a small sting of guilt but then she frowned to herself. If the woman couldn't figure out a way to keep Will in her life without hurting him, then he shouldn't be a part of it.  
  
"All for the best," she mumbled, but she couldn't quite shake the feeling that something wasn't right.  
  
Spike felt the heat of her handprint still on his shoulder and the words that the love of his existence never had been able to tell him now rang, spoken in Sarah's voice, through his head.  
  
I trust you.  
  
***  
  
Buffy eyed the tired girl in the mirror. She looked like a wreck.  
  
Sighing she turned from it.  
  
"Time to face another glorious morning," she mumbled to herself as she absentmindedly picked up her brush and let it run through her hair.  
  
'I can't believe you cut your hair just to piss me off.'  
  
She closed her eyes. No more of that, no more of his voice in her head, no more of the small things that reminded her of him. It was over, finally over, and a night of nightmares couldn't change that fact. A night of dreaming of something huge about to swallow her couldn't change that.  
  
Her head jerked up and she stared in front of her.  
  
"Oh, God." she grumbled. "Slayer dream?"  
  
She hadn't had them in a while, not since she was resurrected. But now she remembered that she had dreamt it before, the morning she and Spike stepped through the mirror with Sarah.  
  
She threw the brush on the bed and ran downstairs to the breakfast table.  
  
Entering the room she got smiles from Sarah and Jacob followed by questioning looks at the expression her face was wearing.  
  
"Something's gonna happen," she said. "I have to go check something," she added, running out of the room again and into the library where she dropped on her knees next to the last book she had been researching the night before.  
  
Sarah and Jacob soon joined her, still looking like question marks.  
  
Buffy eagerly started reading the page that was up and then she jumped to her feet.  
  
"Aha!" she exclaimed. "I WAS right!"  
  
She turned to the two, staring at her, and then smiled.  
  
"The first sacrifice," she said and held up the book, starting to read, "is, according to the prophecy, supposed to be a white rose, symbolizing purity and purifying the other sacrifices. The second sacrifice: a red piece of silk, to represent passion and to bring life into the act of sacrifice. The third: a butterfly, to symbolize freedom and release the soul from the body.Hm. The fourth: a spider, to represent wisdom and bind the soul to the body once more. Hm! The fifth: a snake, to represent poison and bring death. The sixth, and here we pick up where we left off, a drop of water to represent life and bring forth re-birth. The seventh: a piece of wood, to represent the earth and bring healing. The eighth: a sunflower, to represent fire. The ninth: a human, to represent devotion and bring forth love."  
  
She stared at the page for a moment then turned to the two gaping people at her side.  
  
"Well, my dear," Jacob said, getting back his ability of speech and Buffy nodded, now serious.  
  
"Yep," she said.  
  
"What did you mean with 'I WAS right'?" Sarah asked and Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"I've been dreaming a dream where something enormous, like a shadow, is trying to catch me. I'm running from it but it keeps gaining on me. I haven't actually dreamt that it captures me, but I have a feeling that this dream isn't about ME, I'm just feeling the feelings of someone else. God! I can't believe I didn't pick up on it before."  
  
"Well, maybe it's just a dream." Jacob started but Buffy shook her head.  
  
"No, Jake, it's more than that, I think it's showing me towards the human that's supposed to be the ninth offering... And I know something else, this thing, the Birth, it's closing in on us just as that damn shadow. We need to look through the books for ANY kind of information about tomorrow," she said and the two nodded, immediately walking into the library and taking the same places they were in the previous night.  
  
Buffy sighed a little, still not understanding how she could have missed the message she had been sent!  
  
"Dammit," she mumbled.  
  
She looked up and around before asking:  
  
"Where's Spike?"  
  
Sarah looked up with a small smile; Buffy thought she suddenly looked quite hesitant before answering:  
  
"Sleeping. Rough night."  
  
Buffy nodded a little.  
  
"Okay, then we'll have to work twice as hard."  
  
"No, you won't," his voice was heard behind her and she turned to him as he entered the room. "I'm not planning on missing all the fun," he added as he went up and sat down on the floor.  
  
She looked at him; he was so cocky, so sure of himself. Quite a different attitude than the one she had seen on him the day before. She wrestled the sudden longing rising inside, the sudden need to be selfish and tell him that he HAD to come back with her, that she couldn't do her job without him there. Tell him that she needed him to help her, like he used to, needed his hearing and his sense of scent and. Reason won the fight, getting the feeling to retreat as she looked away from him.  
  
She had been selfish and called HIM selfish, she had treated him with no feelings and called HIM a monster. This time, she was NOT going to interfere on account of herself.  
  
She turned her eyes back at him, he had opened up a book and was scanning the pages of it; he looked so. dedicated. He actually looked like a true member of the Scoobies and for a moment she wished she could tell him that. But only for a moment and it slipped away.  
  
"Do you know what to look for?" she asked and he looked up at her, the so familiar smirk curving his lips and then he nodded.  
  
"Could bloody well hear you all the way into my room," he said and she smiled weakly, nodding.  
  
"Good, then.let's research."  
  
He held her eyes for a moment and her heart stopped beating. Then he nodded again and looked down.  
  
She bit her lower lip hard as she sat down on the floor, grabbing her notepad and pen and then starting to scribble down what she had discovered.  
  
She felt the slight taste of her own blood fill her mouth, and she welcomed it.  
  
Anything as long as I don't cry in front of him, she thought to herself, drawing a breath. Anything! 


	27. Chapter TwentySeven

DC: lyrics by Adams/Vallance  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Seven  
  
By Annie  
  
05-14-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I think I've found something," Spike said, straightening his back with his eyes still on the page he had been reading.  
  
"What?" Sarah asked and they all waited for his reply.  
  
"It says something about offerings.near water, I think," he said. "My Italian is more than rusty but."  
  
"You speak Italian?" Buffy interrupted, not able to hide the surprised skepticism in her voice.  
  
He looked up at her, cocking an eyebrow at her question before nodding.  
  
"I was a man of many talents," he answered quietly and she felt how her cheeks started to burn at those words before she looked away. "As I was saying," he now continued, turning around to Sarah, "it says something about water and fire but I can't make out the bloody context of it."  
  
"Let me see," she said, getting up and walking over to him.  
  
She kneeled beside him and took the book from him.  
  
They had been researching since eight o'clock and now it was close to one, and all this time Buffy had noticed the change in the way Sarah and Spike were towards each other. They seemed, if possible, even more relaxed than before, acting like he had never been away, behaving so much like brother and sister that it was hard to believe they weren't actually related through blood. She couldn't help but feel that sting of pain inside when she thought of the reason for it all; he was staying.  
  
She couldn't believe it. It still hadn't completely sunk in. The idea of it, of him not being in Sunnydale, was too incredible. She couldn't imagine how it would be like without him.  
  
"I think I know what you mean, it says that fire will be born on the water," Sarah said, nodding. "Oh Lord, look at this!"  
  
He bent over, looking at whatever row of letters her finger was pointing to and his eyes grew a little.  
  
"'The birth of fire will bring onto the world a ruler to rule all'," Spike read out loud. "Now. why don't I really like the sound of that?"  
  
Buffy got to her feet, bringing her notepad over to the desk where Jacob was sitting.  
  
"Let's see what we have so far," she said. "Time is running out."  
  
Sarah and Spike got to their feet as well and they joined her and she began:  
  
"I wrote all the sacrifices down, and remember I told you yesterday that it said how they are going to perform the ceremony and that might lead to WHY they had sacrifices, or offerings, as they describe it?" The others nodded and she continued: "Well, it says that the eight 'helpers' will stand in a ring around the ninth, the 'evoker', who will be floating." she looked up at Spike. "It only says 'floating', but that might have something to do with the water thingy," she said and he nodded, she looked down at her notes again, drawing a small breath before continuing: "Ahem, anyway, so he's supposed to be floating and he has the ninth 'offering', which is the human sacrifice, with him. What I don't get is WHY he has an urn, I mean, we saw the urns, none of them were big enough to hold a human body," she now said thoughtfully.  
  
"Well, I guess that when we find this place and stop this thing then we'll find out," Spike said and she looked up at him again, nodding slightly.  
  
"Sounds like a plan," she said with a small smile and he returned it.  
  
Sarah looked at the two; she just couldn't make up her mind about Buffy. Sometimes she looked at William with such unhidden longing, but never when he could see it and Sarah couldn't help but wonder if the Slayer even realized she was doing it.  
  
"So," Jacob said and everybody turned to him. "We know that we have a human life in our hands now, and that this ceremony is supposed to take place on water. But England isn't exactly a desert, and so I believe we have some more researching to do."  
  
Sarah nodded.  
  
"Yes," she said, glancing at Buffy. "I think we do."  
  
Soon enough they were all back in their places.  
  
Buffy tried hard to concentrate, they DID have a human life in their hands and she couldn't afford to not be thorough. But every time Spike turned a page, the silent rattle of it made her glance up at him. She couldn't get the idea of not seeing him do that ever again.not that she saw him doing it that often anyway, but still, the thought felt alien and she couldn't grip it long enough for it to seem real.  
  
Spike not in Sunnydale? It just didn't fit. Spike not outside her window ever again, Spike not sitting in his stupid crypt watching something even more stupid on his TV ever again, Spike not fighting at her side ever again? It sounded ridiculous.  
  
'I'm staying. I'm not coming back with you.'  
  
The words started ringing in her ears, louder and louder.  
  
She swallowed hard, trying to get them to stop, but his voice wouldn't leave her alone and finally she gave up and got to her feet hastily.  
  
"I'll be right back," she said as cheery as she possibly could before walking out of the drawing room and taking the stairs to her room two steps at a time.  
  
She closed the door with a loud bang which made her jump, shaking her head to herself before turning from it and walking up to the window, sitting down in the chair by it she felt the hole that he had put in her last night start to regain its power again.  
  
He can't stay! she thought suddenly. He CAN'T do that to Dawn.  
  
Just then the door opened.  
  
"Slayer," he said as he came in.  
  
"Spike, I need to talk to you," she said as she got off the chair and he stopped, waiting. "Spike, you can't stay here," she said, sounding so sure that she was right that he furrowed his brow.  
  
"Why?" he asked, trying to beat down the small hope starting to grow in his chest.  
  
"Because of Dawn, Spike," she said and the hope died, giving way for the guilt he felt when he thought of the Lil'Bit. "You can't just leave her like that," Buffy continued, a hint of pleading now in her voice. "Please.Spike, she loves you. She needs you with her. You're.a sense of security, one of the few ones she's got. If she looses you." she trailed off.  
  
He smiled vaguely, tilting his head a little before saying:  
  
"You're so bloody afraid that she's gonna blame you for me staying that you actually take to groveling, aren't you, Slayer?"  
  
Buffy stared at him, feeling her eyes grow a little when she realized that he was right. But.that wasn't the ONLY reason she needed him with her home!  
  
"I need you, too," she said and he cocked an eyebrow at how easily she suddenly threw those words out. "As.as a partner, Spike. I can't do my job without you and you know that. You told me so yourself once, remember?"  
  
He smiled again.  
  
"Yeah, I think I remember. It was the night after we tore down that building, wasn't it?"  
  
She looked down, nodding a little, feeling her security slip and realizing that she was loosing the argument. Loosing him.  
  
"Slayer, you did more than fine before I came bloody crashing into your life," he now said silently and she couldn't bring herself to look at him. "You'll do even better once I'm out of it."  
  
"But, Spike."  
  
"Don't start it," he interrupted. "There's nothing." he paused at that, looking at her face, at the sudden disbelief rising in her eyes, and then he collected himself. "There's nothing more to say, is there, Slayer?" he asked and he saw something else in her expression, but he couldn't place it. "Dawn will be all right, trust me," he now added. "Your sis is a lot tougher than you think and. she won't blame you. She'll know that you could MAKE me stay here as much as I could." he trailed off and Buffy felt the air leave her lungs at the sight of the sudden pain in his eyes.  
  
She tried to get rid of the tears threatening to rise, but she couldn't and they slowly distorted her sight. She blinked.  
  
"But.Spike," she said again and now the pain was swept away by that incredible warmth as he looked at her.  
  
"Someday, no doubt, you'll find someone who can. make you feel," he said softly and her tears spilled over as she looked into his eyes. "Make you feel more than you even thought was possible. And then you'll know that nothing will ever be the same again... And you'll be happy. Finally."  
  
He reached out a hand and gently caught one of the tears, shaking his head a little.  
  
"Why are you crying?" he asked and she shook her head. "You don't know?" he asked and smiled suddenly.  
  
She found herself smiling back and then she said the only thing that came to mind:  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He felt his heart slowly rip and the pain was excruciating, and then he nodded.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"William? Buffy?" Sarah's voice was heard calling from downstairs.  
  
Buffy started swiping away her tears as Spike answered Sarah.  
  
"Coming!" then he turned to Buffy. "Sorry, I didn't come up here to chat," he said and she smiled a little at that. "Sarah found something that is.well, it's bloody disturbing, is what it is," he said as they walked up to the door.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well, seems she got one of the words wrong when she was interpreting the prophecy and now our time frame really is shot to hell," he answered as they walked down the stairs.  
  
"Oh, perfect," she grumbled as they entered the drawing room.  
  
"Buffy, I'm so sorry!" Sarah exclaimed. "I can't understand how I could have made such a huge mistake. At least it verifies what Will said before about tomorrow and everything but."  
  
"Sarah, please!" Buffy interrupted her ramblings.  
  
"Yes, of course, I'm sorry. Well, I read 'olat' instead of 'otal' and. well, 'olat' is the charmenian name for month, a-and 'otal' is the word for.week."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened a little.  
  
"So, in other words, tomorrow IS really tomorrow?" Buffy asked and Sarah nodded slowly. "Okay." she said, trying to think of some really clever way to save the day. or the next, really.  
  
"We should probably see if we can find anything out from making some short visits with some mutual friends we have with lord Hart," Jacob finally spoke up.  
  
Buffy turned to him, nodding.  
  
"Yes, we need to find out anything about WHERE he can be planning to perform the ceremony," Buffy nodded. "Does it say anything about WHEN tomorrow it's supposed to take place?"  
  
Sarah shook her head.  
  
"Not that I've seen, but. Well, I'm not as advanced in the language as I would have liked," she mumbled and Buffy reached out and grabbed her hand.  
  
"Don't worry," she said. "Everything will be fine, it's not your fault, Sarah. It's amazing that we've gotten this far and that's all thanks to you."  
  
Sarah looked at her, gratefully.  
  
"Thank you, Buffy," she said and Buffy smiled reassuringly.  
  
"Anytime," she answered and Sarah returned her smile brightly.  
  
"Why can't we just go knock the bloody door down and stop the lord TODAY?" Spike suddenly grumbled and Buffy turned to him.  
  
"Because he's still human," she said with a meaning look and that made him smile a little.  
  
"Maybe I could take care of that.?" he said, and she stared at him sharply.  
  
"I honestly think your kind of care is the LAST thing he needs," she said warningly and he shrugged.  
  
"Okay, Slayer. Just a thought."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure," she said sarcastically and now he grinned at her.  
  
"You really don't trust me, do you?" he asked angelically and she stared at him for a moment before simply turning to Sarah.  
  
"Where do we start?" she asked and Spike huffed behind her back.  
  
Buffy ignored him as she tried to ignore the fact of her almost forgetting that he wasn't toothless anymore a few nights back, and that it seemed to want to keep on slipping out of her thoughts for some reason.  
  
Jacob had gotten up from his chair and now he said:  
  
"Well, where ever we decide to go William will have to stay here. I can't understand what the good Lord must have against us, letting his sun shine down on us so unusually often simply because we need it gone."  
  
Spike laughed.  
  
"That's okay, Jacob," he said. "I think we need to do some more digging anyway."  
  
Jacob nodded to that and then excused himself to go put on his coat and hat.  
  
"Buffy, you come with me," Sarah said. "I know I'll need a sensible head to ask sensible questions, my lady friends are all so talkative, it's hard to get a word in edgewise."  
  
Buffy smiled at her, understanding, and then turned to Spike.  
  
After the discussion they had had in her room. it felt so strange to look at him now, somehow.  
  
"I'll see you later," she said, meeting his gaze.  
  
"Yeah, you will," he said and she smiled a little before following Sarah upstairs.  
  
  
  
***  
  
An hour later Buffy was in a carriage on her way home from one of the calls they had made. They had learned that the lord actually owned a house by a lake and that it wasn't situated far from his great estate where he had held the ball.  
  
Buffy couldn't believe how someone would buy two houses so close to one another but then they learned that he had only recently bought it, and this made the pieces fit. He was more than surely going to use the lake for the ritual.  
  
Now she was headed back to the house because she needed to look over the maps Jacob kept in his library. Sarah had gone on to make four more calls and would be back within two hours, she had promised. Jacob had said that he would be as quick as he could and that, if he found something useful out, he would send a message to the house.  
  
Buffy hurried up the front steps and opened the door.  
  
She went inside and pealed off her gloves and proceeded to take off her hat. She walked into the library, wanting to tell Spike of their discovery, but he wasn't there.  
  
"Hmh," she said to herself, turning around and walking to the stairs leading up to the second floor.  
  
As she stopped on the top step memories of the fight they had had the second night they were there played in her mind.  
  
'You don't know what love is.'  
  
'Don't EVER say that to my face again.'  
  
She closed her eyes, willing them away. And then she heard a soft strumming. She furrowed her brow a little at the sound. It sounded just like a.  
  
She walked quietly up to the doorway of the drawing room and peeked around the frame. And there was her proof. It WAS a guitar.  
  
Her eyes widened when she stared at him, he was humming something to himself.  
  
She couldn't hold back a smile at the sight. Then he stopped and seemed to think for a moment before he took a few trying cords and then started to gently work the strings with his fingers.  
  
The butterflies started in her stomach when he softly began to sing.  
  
  
  
I'd like to see ya, thought I'd let you know.  
  
I wanna be with you, every day.  
  
See, I've got a feeling, that's beginning to grow.  
  
And there's only one thing I can say.  
  
  
  
I'm ready  
  
To love you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To hold you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To love you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To hold you  
  
As ready as I'm gonna be.  
  
  
  
His voice seemed to fill her head, fill her entire being with a longing for him to reach out to her, pull her close, hold her. Make her feel safe and strong and. She closed her eyes again but his voice kept sounding.  
  
  
  
You left me a long note when you left me here  
  
Told me that love was hard to find  
  
But, baby, it's easy, and I'll make it clear  
  
There's only one thing on my mind  
  
  
  
I'm ready  
  
To love you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To hold you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To love you  
  
I'm ready  
  
To hold you  
  
As ready as I'm gonna be.  
  
  
  
She tried to block it out, the longing for him to touch her, the need to feel his lips and his hands and his body. She tried to block it out because it was wrong. She hated when that thought wavered in her head, it made it so much.  
  
"Slayer."  
  
She let hear a cry in surprise and jumped back, her eyes opening wide as she stared into his.  
  
"S-Spike," she said. "Eh, hi."  
  
He looked at her, clearly holding back a smile at the sight of her expression and she sighed.  
  
"I just."  
  
".eaves dropped, yes, I noticed," he filled in for her and she let her eyebrows rise in indignation.  
  
"It wasn't like I MEANT to," she defended and he rolled his eyes at her as he stepped out of the doorframe. "W-Well, I didn't," she said, crossing her arms over her chest in a defiant gesture that only made the smile more evident. "So, was that little performance for me?" she added, a little teasingly but also curious.  
  
Now he let the smile grace his lips as he tilted his head a little.  
  
"Why did you come back, if it wasn't to check up on me?" he asked and she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Avoiding the subject, are we?" she asked and he nodded, seriously.  
  
She smiled at that.  
  
"We need to go check out some maps," she said and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"You figure anything out?"  
  
"Maybe," she answered as she turned and walked back to the stairs. "Let's go see."  
  
He followed and soon they were in the library, Spike remembering where the maps were offered to get them but Buffy only smiled as she went up to the place Sarah had told her they were kept.  
  
"No thanks," she said and he smiled a little back.  
  
"See," he then said as she got some of the maps out and brought them over to the desk, where he was waiting. "You'll do more than fine without me."  
  
She almost paused at those words, looking up at him. Then she shook her head.  
  
"Getting some pieces of paper wasn't exactly what I meant," she pointed out and he shrugged. "Okay, let's see," she continued, grabbing one of the rolled up maps and spreading it out. "I think that.ouch!"  
  
She jerked her hand back and looked at her index finger.  
  
"What?" Spike asked and she was suddenly painfully aware of how close he was standing.  
  
She swallowed, shaking her head a little.  
  
"Nothing.paper-cut," she then said in a low voice.  
  
He moved a little, facing her, and then his hand slid around her wrist, his fingers up in her palm and his thumb grabbing a light hold of her hurt one. She felt how unsteady her breath was getting as she raised her gaze from her finger, a small drop of blood slowly growing on it, and looked into his eyes.  
  
He held her gaze as he bent down and put his lips around the tip of her finger. She could feel his tongue lightly glide over the small wound and she felt like her whole body was about to collapse. Then he gently pulled his mouth away and straightened his back.  
  
Her eyes, he noticed, were growing larger by the second and they were glazy, her heart was beating hard in her chest and he could smell the arousal all around her.  
  
He smiled a little, tackling what her response did to him with difficulty.  
  
"All better," he grumbled and she swallowed hard again, her head moving in an almost unnoticeable nod, as her eyes didn't leave his for a second.  
  
She couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. All she felt was the lingering sensation of his mouth against her skin and the still present one of his hand holding hers.  
  
God, she wanted him so much it was almost scary, how he could DO this, make her feel like this.  
  
Then his free hand suddenly encircled her waist and pulled her close, she drew a breath in surprise as she felt his body against hers, her eyes still in his she looked at him; the familiar hunger in his gaze reflecting her own emotions.  
  
Yes, her mind whispered.  
  
"I'm BACK and you won't believe what I found out from Mrs. Wilkins, who, by the way, has the most charming little tea set you EVER saw."  
  
They pulled away from each other, staring at one another as Sarah entered the room.  
  
She stopped, looking at the two, and then she shook her head a little.  
  
"I'll leave you two alone," she said, turning around.  
  
"No!" they both exclaimed at the same time and Sarah turned back to them.  
  
Spike smiled a little and Buffy looked more than embarrassed.  
  
"What did you find out?" Buffy asked and Sarah hesitated a moment before looking at Spike, who nodded, still slightly smiling.  
  
"Let's sit," Sarah said. 


	28. Chapter TwentyEight

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Eight  
  
By Annie  
  
05-14-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sarah took a seat on the chair by the table behind which she had conducted most of her research. Buffy and Spike both went around the desk, him then leaning against it and her jumping up to sit on it.  
  
Buffy tried to shake the feeling of his mouth, his lips locked around the tip of her finger, but it proved hard with him just a few feet away. Then Sarah spoke.  
  
"The lord is holding a private party tonight for a very, VERY close circle of friends. Apparently one of his friends had been handed a little too much on a gathering a little while back and, according to Mrs. Wilkins, he couldn't stop bragging about how close he had grown with one of England's most powerful men."  
  
Buffy frowned at that.  
  
"But if the party is tonight." she started but Sarah held up a hand.  
  
"Don't worry, there's more. The blabbering fool was talking about a secret that he had to keep, however he COULD tell about the trip he was going to take. He called it 'magical' and that he had already done it once with the lord. But they can only do it at dawn, when the mist is at its thickest on the LAKE," Sarah finished, her expression triumphant.  
  
"Wow," Buffy said. "Wow! That's incredible! So we have a place AND a time!"  
  
"Yeah, at DAWN," Spike grumbled. "When I'm at my most bloody useful, of course."  
  
Buffy turned her head to him.  
  
"You can still be of help, and you know that."  
  
"Yeah? How? By letting my burning corpse scare the hell out of those wankers?" he asked, clearly annoyed, and she bit back a smile.  
  
"No, but we need to get there BEFORE dawn, of course," she answered him and a small glow started up in his eyes.  
  
"See, that's my girl," he said, straightening his posture and taking a step away from the desk while turning to her. "Always heavy on the thinking," he added with a smirk and she shook her head.  
  
"I am NOT your g-."  
  
"I know," he interrupted her, the warmth spreading in his eyes and extending into her, making her feel like she was slowly being set on fire.  
  
"Don't." she mumbled, looking away.  
  
Sarah got to her feet.  
  
"We need to dress for supper," she said, grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling her up from the chair.  
  
Spike smiled a little to himself as the two ladies exited the room, then the front door opened and shut and Jacob came into the library.  
  
"So, any news?" Spike asked and Jacob shook his head.  
  
"And you?" he asked and Spike nodded.  
  
"Yeah," he said and then quickly laid out what Sarah and Buffy had found out.  
  
***  
  
"Are you crazy? We don't have time for supper, we need to get armed and then get the hell out of here and go kick some serious aristocratic ass," Buffy hissed as Sarah pulled her with her up the stairs.  
  
"Buffy, don't be silly," Sarah said. "First of all, we can't just storm off and think that we can win a battle we still know much too little about."  
  
"I do that all the time!" Buffy exclaimed. "I'm a MASTER at the SURPRISE- Slayer-in-the-house strategy! We need to hurry!"  
  
Sarah stopped and turned to her.  
  
"Second of all, we don't have a plan."  
  
"Hello! SURPRISE-Slayer-in-the-house IS a plan!" Buffy interrupted and Sarah shook her head, opening the door to Buffy's room and pulling her inside.  
  
"Third." Sarah started, once more getting interrupted.  
  
"Oh, there's a THIRD?"  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Be quiet."  
  
"That's just a polite way of saying 'shut up'."  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Shut up, and sit!"  
  
Buffy stared at her for a moment, then walked up to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, looking very co-operable. Sarah nodded, satisfied with that.  
  
"Third of all, you can't keep running away from him, Buffy. You need to face him once and for all, otherwise both of you will suffer."  
  
"That's what I'm trying to TELL you! I mean he was MORE than a disgusting sleaze-ball the last time I saw him. I mean he wasn't very nice. Okay, since you're looking at me like that, he tried to force himself on me, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I just didn't think that it would be such a good idea. You were so upset over that little note and I just."  
  
Sarah's eyes had gone from huge, to large, and now they stared at Buffy with a mixture of surprised disgust and wonder. Then she softly interrupted.  
  
"I meant William."  
  
Buffy looked up at her, unable to hide the baffled expression on her face and Sarah smiled a little at seeing it.  
  
"Why so surprised, my dear?" she asked and Buffy tried to search for the words but she couldn't. "Buffy," Sarah now said, walking up to sit beside her and taking her hands in that firm grip. "You have recognized the goodness in him, you've acknowledged his love for you, but those things all have to do with HIM. What do YOU want? I recall you telling me that you miss him, sometimes."  
  
Buffy pulled her hands away and got to her feet. Emotions tumbling inside of her in a fierce tornado, and they had been for so long, she didn't know how to stop them, how to untangle them from each other, how to read them.  
  
"Sometimes I don't know myself," she said, turning to Sarah. "Sometimes the world is just too much."  
  
"And that's when you come to him," Sarah said, nodding.  
  
Buffy nodded slowly as well.  
  
"He makes me forget, and I've already given him this speech." she closed her eyes, turning away. "I told him I had to be strong about it and that it was killing me to use him the way I did. that I couldn't do that anymore. Making it almost sound like I was doing it for him, that I was using him and had to stop.All along it was for me, because I couldn't face myself, and what I was doing to him. That's what makes me wonder how long I've actually believed in his love for me. How long I've shut my eyes to it just because I couldn't face the fact that I was using his love as an escape, as a release. from myself, and the world."  
  
Sarah stared at the Slayer.  
  
"Why do you think he loves you?"  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Sarah smiled, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"Have you never wondered WHY he fell in love with you? Why a vampire, the kind that he was, and a part of him still is, ruthless, remorseless and fearless, suddenly is at his knees for a mortal woman?"  
  
Buffy stared at her, then drew a breath, shaking her head to herself before answering:  
  
"Yes, of course I have."  
  
"Have you ever asked him?"  
  
Buffy smiled at that.  
  
"Are you kidding me? Up until a few days ago I called him crazy whenever." she trailed off, hurt at the memories of all the times she had thrown his words back in his face surfaced in her eyes and she looked down again. "No," she mumbled.  
  
"Then let me ask you one final thing," Sarah said and Buffy felt her heart start to pace in anticipation. "What do you want from him?"  
  
Buffy looked up at her. The blizzard inside of her showing so clearly in her eyes that Sarah got off the bed and walked up to her, embracing her. Buffy hugged her back.  
  
"Dear Buffy," Sarah now said, still holding her. "You're so strong and brave, my friend. Face this, and you can face anything. I promise you."  
  
She gently stroked Buffy's hair before releasing her grip.  
  
"Supper will be served in an hour, dress and then meet the rest of us down stairs. We do need to plan this attack, Buffy. If anything, at least we will have that."  
  
Buffy nodded slowly, not watching her friend exit the room.  
  
She stared at something she couldn't see as she tried to calm the storm inside of her, but. things seemed to get in the way.  
  
Memories.  
  
Giles and Xander and Willow the first time she met them. Spike telling her he loved her. Dawn. Spike at the Double Meat. The tower she had jumped from to save Dawn, and the world. Spike jealous of that guy, whatever his name was, that Xander and Anya had brought to her birthday party. Xander getting ready for his 'wedding'. Dawn talking about the skank Spike had brought to the 'wedding'. Dawn with Spike, safe. Willow and Tara. Giles telling her he was leaving. Angel. Spike taking his first steps into her room. Riley. Death is my gift. Spike fighting vampires. Spike fighting her. Death is my gift. Riley telling her he was leaving. Dawn at the tower, after the resurrection, begging her to come down. She was jumping to save the world. The Bronze. Angel in the dark, Angel telling her he was leaving. 'I died, so many years ago.'. Death is my gift. Spike telling her he was staying, telling her that she had to leave.  
  
She wanted to scream but all that came out was a hushed sob as she hung her head and let the feelings do as they pleased with her, the turmoil as always too confusingly powerful to stop.  
  
***  
  
They were quiet around the table.  
  
Everybody seemed lost in their own thoughts.  
  
Buffy stared at the fork in her hand, at the food on her plate, and felt queasy at the thought of actually chewing it. Spike was silently observing her from across the table, picking in her food instead of bringing the fork to her mouth and finally he felt he had had enough of it.  
  
"Eat up," he said, it coming out a little harsher than he had meant for it to.  
  
She looked up, her expression a little surprised by the sudden sound of words in a room so drenched in silence. He cocked an eyebrow at her with a gesture to her plate.  
  
"Eat up, Slayer. We'll be fighting in less than twelve hours, you need your strength," he said in a slightly more gentle tone.  
  
She sighed, putting her fork down.  
  
"Don't worry about me," she stated. "I'M worrying about that girl, whoever she is. I can't get the thought of her out of my head for some reason."  
  
Spike tilted his head a little.  
  
"Did you see her face?"  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
"No, I WAS her, in my dream, but.I don't know, I just know it wasn't me," she mumbled, growing thoughtful again. "I could feel the pain and terror she was in, Spike. It was.God, it was awful."  
  
He smiled a little, nodding slowly.  
  
"That's what makes you good, Slayer," he said, getting to his feet. "You care," he added as she looked up at him.  
  
She didn't know why, but those two words made her suddenly feel like everything was going to work out. At least, everything that had to do with this damn Fire thing!  
  
As for the matter of HIM. Why couldn't she just KNOW what the heck she wanted? Have it spelled out for her in her head what to do, what to say to him to make him feel the way he made her feel.  
  
He had a way of making her so angry she could just strangle him, that was true, but he also had this never failing way of always saying the right thing, or not saying anything, when she needed it the most.  
  
Had she EVER done that for him? Just been there for him?  
  
She felt another jolt of guilt at the thought, and then the guilt turned into something else. A need to show him, to tell him what he had done for her. That no matter what, he DID mean something to her, and he always would, she supposed.  
  
'You will forget to remember him.'  
  
She hadn't noticed that he had left the room, her thoughts getting the better of her. She blinked in surprise when her eyes suddenly stared at the empty spot where he had been just a moment before, or so it had seemed.  
  
She drew a breath, getting off her chair and turning to Sarah and Jacob.  
  
"I." she said, looking at them.  
  
Sarah smiled, nodding.  
  
"Good," she said and Buffy smiled a little back.  
  
Then she got out from her place and walked quickly out of the room.  
  
She was more nervous than she had thought she could ever be when it came to Spike as she slowly walked up the stairs to the third floor and their bedrooms. Taking her time she continued down the hallway. She was trying to figure out what exactly she was going to say. She was scared that the words wouldn't carry, that her thoughts would somehow disfigure on the tip of her tongue and only serve to hurt him more, cut him deeper.  
  
She swallowed at the thought of what his love meant, at what it must mean to him.  
  
He didn't kill two people because of it, she thought, a tremble running through her making her stop to lean against the wall for a moment. God, it must be tearing him apart.  
  
She almost turned around right then.  
  
What could she possibly say that wouldn't make his decision seem harder on him?  
  
If she told him what he had done for her all those times when she had needed him, when he hadn't backed down even for a second, even though she was pushing him so hard it would probably have broken an ordinary man, if she told him what that meant to her now that she could finally see it for what it was.  
  
And then something made her move forward, take the last steps to his door, and there she realized it wasn't about what she was going to say, it was about being there, once, for him.  
  
She raised her hand and now she didn't hesitate a second before bringing her fist down in a knock. 


	29. Chapter TwentyNine

New Horizons: Chapter Twenty-Nine  
  
By Annie  
  
05-16-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
The door opened before her hand hit the wood and there he was, soft candlelight glowing in the room behind him and she felt her heart jump as he looked at her a little questioningly, tilted his head and smiled slightly. That smile seemed so edged with sadness since yesterday.  
  
His eyes glittered at her though, as she took a step in through the door.  
  
She smiled a little, trying to mask how incredibly tense she was getting and knowing he had already felt it on her, it had hit him the moment he opened that door; if not sooner.  
  
She sighed.  
  
I just can't win with him, can I? she thought to herself as she for the second time since they'd been there looked around his room.  
  
She could hardly believe she hadn't been in there more times than that and then the irony hit her, he had been in hers only once as well. And now he would never be in it again.  
  
She pushed that aside, turning to him and almost catching her breath at how truly beautiful he was. The etched face with those incredible eyes, which were both now resting on her. The shirt he was wearing did nothing to hide how sculpted his upper body was and. She cut herself off, shaking her head a little and turning her gaze to the desk, still overloaded with small notebooks and papers.  
  
He followed her gaze.  
  
"That's not why you came, is it?" he asked and the sound of his voice made her throat slowly grow dry as she shook her head a little, looking at him again. "Well, good," he said now with that small smile. "Because I'd kill you before I'd ever let you read any of my poems," he added and she smiled a little. "Or William's," he corrected himself, growing serious and looking away from her.  
  
She wanted to say something, anything, but she just couldn't get the words straight in her head. She didn't know where to start.  
  
"You wanna sit?" he asked, gesturing towards a chair in front of the window.  
  
She turned to it and then went up to it, sitting down.  
  
Spike didn't know what to make of this, a Slayer with nothing to say? Well, that didn't happen everyday. Why had she come? What did she want? She seemed so on the edge for some reason, and the way she kept looking at him.  
  
Maybe she's here to stake me, he thought wryly in his head. Who knows what she has up her skirt.  
  
Then he shook that off, once more serious as he looked into her eyes. There was something on her mind, he could see it, it was practically written across her forehead.  
  
Spike-me-want-to-talk-you-need-to-listen. He smiled a little at that thought; only she didn't seem to be doing much of the talking, now did she?  
  
"So, what do you think of the plan?" he asked, referring to what the two of them and Sarah and Jacob had worked out before they sat down for supper. "It sounds almost a little.I don't know.laid back, don't you think?"  
  
She nodded slightly and he was starting to get a little nervous at her silence.  
  
"I mean, if it were me I would just barge in there and do it the old fashioned way." he therefore continued: "Well, they ARE humans so maybe not EXACTLY that way, IF you wanna play by your bloody boring rules, that is," he added, smiling a little as he pulled out the chair in front of the desk and sat down. "I could get going now, but then Sarah is kinda right that you all need your sleep, I could use some too, I guess. But as long as we leave before dawn, 'cause I don't wanna miss it. Buffy, are you okay?"  
  
She stared at him, stared into those blue eyes and she honestly didn't know what to answer him.  
  
"Yeah," she then said, the word sounding so incredibly dull that she almost laughed at it. "I'm fine," she quickly added and he smiled a little.  
  
"Don't want you to zone out, Slayer, we still have the rough part ahead of us," he said and she nodded.  
  
Call me Buffy, please, her mind thought and she frowned slightly, getting off the chair.  
  
Spike watched her walk to his bedside table, bending down to look at the small collection of old photographs he kept there. Buffy felt her eyes widen a little when she stopped at a black and white of a small boy, whom she recognized without a doubt.  
  
"Is this.?" she mumbled despite that and he let hear a low laugh.  
  
"Sure is," he said, his eyes still on her back.  
  
The small taste of her blood was still in his mouth, but it wasn't the taste of it that made it linger, it was the fact that when he bent down to let it grace his tongue she hadn't moved one muscle, she had let him do that knowing that the chip was fried in this world, knowing that he once more was a fanged hunter, knowing what the red liquid might do to him. Make him lose control.  
  
Never with her. Did she know that? Was that why she hadn't pulled away?  
  
"H-how old?" she now asked and he shrugged a little.  
  
"Two, I think.Maybe three," he answered and she smiled to herself.  
  
"You were adorable," she stated, teasingly, as she turned back towards him and he smiled slightly at that.  
  
"'WERE' being the key word in that sentence?" he asked, not getting an answer from her as she picked up another picture, holding it in her hands she studied it for a few seconds.  
  
"And these are."  
  
"My parents, yes," he confirmed, now getting to his feet as well and walking over to stand beside her.  
  
"They look nice," she said, gently stroking the frame with one hand and looking at the old photo.  
  
"They were," he said and she could sense the sudden pain beneath his words. "They died," he then added and she turned her gaze from the photo and to his face. "In pneumonia, when I was twenty-three."  
  
She stared at him. His parents, dead, and the memories of her own mother's death washed over her. The anguish she felt was so clearly reflected in his face at that moment that she put the frame down and turned to him.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she said and he looked down at her, shaking his head a little.  
  
"It was so long ago.but being back here, it seems like it's really not," he mumbled and then she suddenly reached up and put her arms around his neck, giving him a quick and hard hug.  
  
Letting him go she could see the sudden questions in his eyes and she almost started to choke up but wrestled the emotion back. Had she been that cruel to him; that one hug made him look at her with such unmasked wonder? God, she knew she had.  
  
Why did it have to be so hard explaining to him what she wanted to have said?  
  
"I know what you mean, the memories are always stronger when you're around them." she now said silently and she could tell that he understood to what she was referring, and he nodded.  
  
Then he took a step back, seemingly collecting himself.  
  
"So, are you ready for bringing down the Big Bad?" he asked, still feeling her arms around him, her body heat still gentle against his skin, seeping through the material of his clothes.  
  
"Aren't I always?" she asked and he smiled at that.  
  
"I wanted to kill him," he then said and she looked at him, drawing a small breath in disgust at the thought of the lord's hands on her body, his lips.  
  
She shivered; feeling nauseous she put her arms around her and then said:  
  
"Me too."  
  
He tilted his head, eyeing her closely, and she felt a small stir somewhere in the pit of her stomach.  
  
"I still do," he now said silently and she felt her eyes enlarge a little before saying:  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I've never been more angry," he mumbled and she shook her head.  
  
"Me neither," she agreed and he smiled a little.  
  
"I wanted to suck him dry," he said in a low voice and she couldn't help but smile a little as well.  
  
She looked at him for a moment longer; he could see the hesitation and then the succumbing to the decision.  
  
"I would have let you," she whispered and he stared at her, stunned at this revelation. "Don't think that I WILL let you," she now added. "He just really."  
  
".deserves it," Spike filled in and she shook her head a little.  
  
"No, but my Slayer instincts just screams BAD-BAD whenever I'm two feet away from him and that just counts for something," she stated and he took a step closer before softly asking:  
  
"What do your instincts scream about me?"  
  
She looked at him.  
  
"They don't scream," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that, moving away again.  
  
"Why did you come up here?" he asked and she felt her head start to tumble with a thousand excuses, but she brushed them aside.  
  
She didn't know what the hell to tell him but she knew it wouldn't be anything less than the truth. She was searching for the right way to start when he suddenly said:  
  
"I hope it wasn't to try to talk me into leaving again." He looked at her, growing serious as he continued: "I was wrong, before, when I said that there's nothing more to say.There's a LOT more I could say to you, Buffy, a lot more that I wanna say. I just don't think it would be right. But I'm gonna break a bloody promise to myself right about now, 'cause I just want you to know this, and I haven't said it to you since you told me that you believe in it."  
  
She listened, she watched him as he spoke, and she tried to fathom not hearing his voice, not seeing him move, not making up rescuing plans or breaking down doors or following up leads with him. Not ever feeling him close to her again, to never have him touch her ever again.  
  
"Buffy," he said softly and she looked up into his eyes, those amazing blue eyes that looked at her with such naked honesty that she drew a breath. "I love you," he said and in that moment she knew exactly what he needed, and exactly what to say. "I love you more than I can even tell you, an-."  
  
"Show me," she softly interrupted him and his eyes widened a little in bewilderment.  
  
She took the few steps parting them and let her hand gently slide into his. She tilted her head back and locked her eyes with his.  
  
"Show me," she repeated and the questions in his gaze were replaced by that warmth that seemed to fill her entire being as he reached up the hand she wasn't holding and carefully placed it on her cheek.  
  
She closed her eyes, leaning her head against his touch.  
  
He looked at her, feeling the need for her slowly make everything else dim and unimportant. All that mattered was she and that she was there.  
  
Buffy was waiting for the feel of his hands grabbing her, throwing her roughly on the bed, completely destroying another dress as they tore it off her, and then the bliss of his cool skin against hers.  
  
But nothing would be as she had expected, starting with the way he undressed her.  
  
His hand was still on her cheek as he took a step forward, bending down and to her surprise placing a feather light kiss on the tip of her nose. She opened her eyes, looking up at him, and all she could see was the love she hadn't believed in. She drew a shaky breath and he smiled a little as he bent down and brushed his lips against hers.  
  
She felt the craving for him shoot through her at the feel of his mouth so close and she reached up her hands to unbutton his shirt, but he caught them before she even had a chance to touch him and then he shook his head a little, lowering her arms again.  
  
She stared at him as he let her go, then he slowly went around to stand behind her.  
  
She couldn't move as she felt his hand slide up into her hair before moving it down her back, then he stepped into her before starting to unbutton the top of her dress.  
  
He was dragging it out way too much! But when she tried to turn around he stopped her and made her face the other way again. She could feel his fingers work the buttons through the fabric of the dress and, God, she wanted them on her skin!  
  
The last button was finally reached and as he slid it through its loop he let his hands glide up along her spine, the thin cloth of the under dress still irritatingly in the way, or so Buffy thought, and over her bared shoulder blades as he slid the top off her shoulders.  
  
It fell to the floor at her feet and once more she wanted to turn around, once more he stopped her.  
  
Her heart was seriously starting to beat faster and she was tensing with pleasure as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.  
  
His hands rested on her hips for a moment before moving to the small off her back to unlace the skirt. This was easier and the heavy fabric soon crumbled at her feet as well.  
  
Now he gently turned her around and she drew a breath of relief, she needed to touch him! But when she tried to put her arms around his neck he once more grabbed them, a smile gracing his lips as he yet again lowered them to her sides.  
  
She swallowed hard as he took a step back and excruciatingly slow started to unbutton his shirt.  
  
He rested his eyes on her face; he could see the anticipation etched into every line of it, and the growing impatience in her eyes as he undid the last button. He opened his shirt; still moving deliberately slow, and then let it slide off his shoulders as well.  
  
Her eyes were on his chest, her heart rate increasing, he could smell her arousal.  
  
He had more than reached that point as well, but first.  
  
He stepped forward again, her eyes now in his and he could almost sense the plea in her gaze. He smiled again as he slipped his hands over her waist and behind her back, her hands placed themselves on his arms, sliding up to his shoulders and this time he didn't stop her. Her touch making him feel the urge to have her skin against his grow but he told himself not yet.  
  
The glazy expression in her eyes only made it clearer to him. They had slept together, had rough, uncontrollable sex, and he had more than enjoyed it. But she had already been there, and now he was going to show her how he felt, and if that came with the ability to drive her out of her mind with pure lust, as well as himself, then he just had to endure that.  
  
He smiled a little to himself as his fingers started unlacing the under dress. She had closed her eyes again, her fingers clenching his shoulders gently as if silently bidding him to hurry.  
  
Not tonight, he thought as he brought his hands to her stomach, reaching up and loosening the grip she had on his shoulders and once more bringing her arms down. She opened her eyes, her gaze now openly begging him.  
  
She could tell that he could see what he was doing to her, but he didn't give in, he only let his hands slide up her arms, sending the shivers to scurry through her entire body. His fingers rested for a moment at the wide straps of the dress before he gently pulled them down; the under dress joining the rest of her clothes in the heap that was surrounding her feet.  
  
He held her eyes for a moment and then let his gaze move down her body.  
  
The sight of him so openly looking at her made her cheeks start to burn and the throbbing for him to grow, she couldn't help but letting a low and pleading moan escape her throat and his eyes once more were in hers, looking content.  
  
She couldn't help but smile a little at that. He knew exactly what he was doing, torturing her like this. He smiled a little back, reaching out a hand and letting his finger stroke against one of her exposed breasts. She drew a small breath, her eyes still in his, but she didn't move. She was waiting.  
  
He took a step closer again and she smiled a little, feeling how aroused he was. She brought her hands to the hem of his trousers as he gently bent down and traced his lips over her collarbone and up her neck. She closed her eyes at the feel of him, her fingers trembling as she tried to unbutton his trousers.  
  
"Need help, love?" he whispered and she couldn't help but giggle.  
  
"No," she whispered back as his mouth traveled to her ear, his tongue tickling her earlobe and then his lips continuing along her jaw line.  
  
Finally the button gave up the struggle and she slid her hands along his waist, relishing in the feel of his muscles underneath her fingers, and then she started working the trousers down.  
  
Now, however, he stopped her. Moving his lips away as they were just about to finally meet hers and taking a hold of her hands he pulled away from her a little.  
  
She opened her eyes, looking at him as he removed the last piece of clothing himself and then he took a step back from her.  
  
God, how beautiful he is, she thought hazily for the second time, but this time as she let her eyes take him in just as he had her moments earlier.  
  
She got her shoes off before she stepped out of the pool of clothes and stood before him. She wanted to reach out her hands and let them roam his body, let her mouth and tongue explore him, but she had a feeling he wouldn't let her.  
  
"Spike," she whispered as he just kept standing there, looking at her with such intensity that she felt she would have jumped out a window at that moment, had he asked her.  
  
Then he moved forwards again, she felt one of his hands slide up her right hip, along her waist and up her side, stopping underneath her breast before he let his thumb gently run over it, caressing her hard nipple and making another moan rise from her throat.  
  
She reached up her left hand, letting it burry itself in his hair and wanting to pull his face to hers but he held back, looking into her eyes.  
  
She swallowed again, her heart beating harder and harder in her chest at the feel of his thumb still moving over her breast and her eyes went to his lips. She stared at his mouth, suddenly mesmerized by its gentle curves, knowing how good it felt against her own, against her skin.  
  
Then he bent down, and everything he did he suddenly seemed to have decided to do in slow motion, she closed her eyes right before his lips graced hers and she drew a breath as she parted them and felt his tongue meet her own.  
  
She put her arms up around his neck, pulling him close, and his hand left her breast as both his arms slid around her, his hands now on her back and pulling her tightly to him as well.  
  
He was kissing her deeply, his hands caressing her, and she felt the last traces of hesitation that had been buried deep down in her melt away at the familiar taste of him, at the incredible thirst she had for his body against hers and the unstoppable roar of the hunger for him inside her.  
  
She wanted him inside her now! She needed to feel him right now!  
  
She let a hand move down over his stomach to guide him into her but that made him pull his mouth away and then his hands suddenly took a firm hold of both of hers.  
  
"No," he whispered. "I'm gonna show you." he added as he bent down and let his lips brush against hers. "How much I love." he continued and moved his head to kiss her neck. "Every last." he straightened his back to place a kiss on her right eyebrow. "Part of you." he finished and she looked up at him, meeting those unbelievably blue eyes and feeling the craving for him increase a thousand times.  
  
Nothing he did was harsh, nothing he did was even in close resemblance to what they had experienced together before, and the hold he took of her wrists now was no exception as he slowly started to move towards the bed, pulling her with him.  
  
He positioned them so that she had her back to it and then he gently made her sit down on the edge of it.  
  
He smiled a little as she put her hands behind her and started to pull herself up on it, and then she laid down, her eyes in his, and he couldn't help but stand there for a moment longer just looking at her stretched out in all her beauty before him.  
  
His Slayer, his love.  
  
Then he bent down, putting both hands on either side of her and placing a knee on the bed between her feet. She slowly opened her legs and he smiled a little, looking into her eyes. They were heavy with desire and he was aching for her, but not quite yet.  
  
He bent down and kissed her ankle. She groaned at the touch and he gently let his teeth scratch her skin, witch made her groan louder. He then proceeded with slowly starting to kiss his way up her leg. Reaching the thigh he let the kisses combine his lips and tongue and now she was breathing hard, moans rising out of her throat and she was whispering his name.  
  
Buffy thought she was literally about to go crazy, she felt like her midsection was about to explode and the feel of his tongue against her burning skin was almost driving her over the edge. Her hands had flown up over her head when he first started his journey and now they were gripping the sheet, clenching and unclenching as she couldn't hold back expressing the pleasure she was experiencing in the torture he so obviously was performing.  
  
His mouth traveled up her hip, kissing her waist gently before moving to her navel. When the tip of his tongue circled it her hands moved down to his head, her fingers combing through his hair before she grabbed a hold of it.  
  
"Oh, God, Spike," she gasped, closing her eyes as he let his tongue slide up her stomach and to her left breast, his lips closing around the nipple and his tongue tickling it.  
  
She bit her lower lip so hard that she could taste her own blood, her hands slipping out of his hair and down to his shoulder blades, caressing the smooth skin of his back.  
  
He pulled himself up slightly, releasing her breast and then looking down on her, his face now hovering above hers.  
  
She was glowing. Her eyes still shut she looked incredible, intoxicating.  
  
He bent down, letting his tongue part her lips and feeling her immediate response. She tasted of sweetness and arousal and coppery blood. The latter fading away as his tongue played with hers. He moved his hands to her arms, her hands still on his back, and then pulled them so they were above her head, sliding his hands into hers and locking their fingers together.  
  
She grabbed a tight hold, her kisses getting more passionate as she arched her back against him. Then she pulled her mouth away, breathing:  
  
"Spike.Spike, please!"  
  
She opened her eyes, he looked at her, time standing still, and then moved his hips, slowly gliding into her.  
  
Her eyes grew larger, her gaze still in his, and the hold on his hands growing even tighter as he entered her fully.  
  
She let hear a low "oh" before he just as slowly started to pull out again, her eyes enlarging a little more if that was even possible. Her heart was thumping against his chest.  
  
He bit his lower lip, restraining himself was getting harder by the minute but the extreme pleasure he was in was just as strong.  
  
"Spike," she groaned as he once more moved forward, she was breathing in shallow little gulps, her thighs pressed tightly against his hips and small beads of sweat starting to show on her forehead.  
  
He bent down, holding her gaze, and kissed her on the mouth.  
  
Then he started to move his hips a fraction faster, she closed her eyes and threw her head back. She was close.  
  
Oh, God, she had never felt anything like it. It had never been like this before; it had always been good, no, more than good, but THIS?! The first orgasm hit her with such force that she felt tears rise in her eyes and she drew a sharp breath, clenching her teeth together not to scream out her pleasure.  
  
Spike looked at her face, struck by the complete ecstasy he could see on her features and then by the small tears making two canals from her eyes to her ears.  
  
"Spike," she groaned again, opening her eyes to look at him.  
  
He gently released his grip on her hands and she let his go as well, letting her own glide up in his hair before pulling his face close and kissing him deeply and now HE groaned, the feel of her tongue and her need to take command almost overwhelming him.  
  
He started to move his hips yet a little faster and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling her mouth away from his to draw a breath. Then she looked at him again and the expression in her eyes was laced with desire, pleasure and a longing he couldn't define as she let a hand slide out of his hair and onto his cheek.  
  
"Spike," she whispered and then her eyes grew hazy again as the second orgasm rocked her body.  
  
She held onto him now, putting her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him.  
  
He knew he couldn't take it much longer but for a minute.  
  
He could feel the trembling start to go through her body as she was getting close again and he whispered:  
  
"Look at me, Buffy."  
  
She pulled her head back a little, looking into his eyes and when he could tell that she was starting to come he let himself go, reaching that peak with her and she put her forehead to his, gasping for breath and not letting her gaze leave his for a second.  
  
They both slowly descended, relaxing in a heap, him slumping over her with her arms still around him, her legs still around him, her scent still around him. Her heart was beating so fast he could hardly believe it was possible and her whole body was quivering. She was glazed with sweat and the soft light from the still burning candles reflected off her as she tried to catch her breath.  
  
He had his mouth against her neck, her pulse against his lips and the demon came out without warning. Buffy felt him going into game face against her skin and still she couldn't move, she held onto him, and she realized she didn't care what happened to her as long as she didn't have to fight him. As it was she doubted her legs would even carry her anyway.  
  
She tried to put some moisture on her lips before she whispered in a rather cracked voice:  
  
"What now?"  
  
Spike raised his head and she looked into his eyes, the eyes of a creature; hungry and slightly disoriented they looked back at her. She held his gaze for a moment and then she moved her head a little to the side, exposing her neck to him. He looked down at her, the profile of her face, and then shifted his eyes to the pulsating vein to the side of her throat.  
  
She waited, and then he moved his head down. She closed her eyes, anticipating the pain, and feeling nothing but the sudden touch of his lips against her skin.  
  
She turned her head to him, surprised, and he pulled up, his human face on again. She stared at him.  
  
"I will never hurt you," he mumbled, a hand reaching up and brushing lightly against her cheek. "When will you start trusting that?" 


	30. Chapter Thirty

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty  
  
By Annie  
  
05-18-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
She closed her eyes at his words, trying to find the answer to the question.  
  
Trust. Such a fickle word, and still.  
  
Then he stirred a little and she realized they were still as entangled as ever. Her body was still feeling the aftermath of the height he had brought her to with that last explosion and she let hear a low "mhhh" as she realized he was still inside her.  
  
She opened her eyes partially, gazing into his.  
  
She had asked him to show her how much he loved her.  
  
Wow.  
  
She couldn't help but giggle a little and he raised his eyebrows, a smirk growing on his lips as he moved a little again, her giggle cut short by an intake of breath.  
  
"What's so funny?" he mumbled, bending down and resting his head beside hers.  
  
She smiled a little, unwrapping her legs slowly from around his waist and relaxing them a little on either side of him as she looked up into the ceiling.  
  
"Wow." she mumbled and now he laughed, gently pulling himself out of her and placing himself at her side.  
  
Buffy looked at him a little questioningly, a playful gleam rising in her eyes and he grinned at her.  
  
"Need to sleep, love," he stated. "Showdown in a few hours."  
  
Buffy didn't know what was the matter with her, she felt giddy and excited and.satisfied. Yes, so incredibly satisfied. Relaxed. And.hopeful.  
  
What was she hopeful for?  
  
"I don't care," she now grumbled at his statement, rolling over and getting up, straddling him and putting both hands on his chest.  
  
The smile on his face grew wider and he got a wicked glint in his eyes as well as he licked his lips, looking at her still sweaty body and feeling how he was growing hard again. She felt it too and she smiled as she leaned forward, her face less than an inch from his as she whispered:  
  
"Let's set a new record."  
  
He grabbed her shoulders and rolled with her so that she was under him again and she actually laughed, a real, hearty laugh before wrapping her arms expectantly around his neck. He pulled his head up a little, and she met his gaze. She was smiling; he smiled back, tilting his head a little and then shaking it.  
  
"I will never understand you, Buffy," he said and she smiled wider.  
  
"Maybe that's the way I like it," she mumbled, moving her hips up against him and he winced a little before not being able to resist gliding into her again.  
  
She moaned with pleasure, closing her eyes, arching her back, and then she nodded a little, seemingly to herself.  
  
"What are you thinking?" he asked and she opened her mouth, drawing a breath as he pulled back again.  
  
"That." she whispered, trailing off as she swallowed hard, her hands grabbing a hold of his back as he moved forward. "That I."  
  
He started to move a little faster and she gasped before putting her head up, her eyes still closed, and finding his mouth. Her tongue parted his lips and she kissed him as he kissed her back. She let the moans mix with his, mouths still locked together, as they once more ignited together.  
  
Then they lay still, trembling, two bodies molded into one, their mouths against the others, Buffy's sharp breaths traveling over his lips, against his cheek.  
  
Finally they started to relax and she lay her head down.  
  
Spike drew an unnecessary breath and swallowed as he once more slowly pulled out of her.  
  
"You need to get some sleep," he repeated, more firmly this time and she frowned, sighing.  
  
"But." she started but he, now moving to sit on the edge of the bed turned to her and interrupted her with:  
  
"No 'buts', Buffy." Then he smirked, cocked an eyebrow and added: "Well, maybe TWO butts, but that's not what I mean."  
  
She laughed, getting to her knees before crawling over to him.  
  
"You know you can't resist me," she mumbled, wrapping her arms around him from behind, pressing her upper body against his back and nestling her mouth against his neck, kissing it gently. "I don't wanna sleep, Spike. I wanna have you do ungodly things to me.all-night-long."  
  
He reached around, grabbing her and pulling her to sit on his lap.  
  
She smiled, and he looked at her, shaking his head slightly again.  
  
It was amazing, all the guilt, all the fear, all the shame, it was gone from her eyes, from her posture. So, this was what she was like when. He sighed a little. When she knew that there would be no repercussions, that there couldn't be any.  
  
Buffy noticed the sudden melancholy appearing in his eyes and the smile faded a little. She realized what it was about and put a hand gently on his cheek again, bending forward and placing her lips softly against his.  
  
He parted them for her and she kissed him, he returned it, putting his arms around her and pulling her close.  
  
So, he thought. This is good-bye.  
  
He stopped the kiss, getting to his feet with his arms still around her and making her put her legs down, her feet on the floor she stood on her toes, her mouth seeking his again. But he pulled back a little and looked down on her.  
  
"'That you' what?" he asked and she met his gaze.  
  
She smiled a little, and then her eyes suddenly glittered with tears as she mumbled:  
  
"That I wish I could've met your parents."  
  
He stared at her, feeling his throat grow tight and he couldn't stop the tears building. He tried to smile as a cover up before leaning down and kissing her. He had been too late though, and she had seen how her words had affected him. She kissed him back, then pulled away softly to look up at him.  
  
Her tears spilled over as well when she saw his trailing down his cheeks and she smiled a little again before pulling herself to him in a hug. He held her, wondering in the back of his head what had caused this to take place, this moment, this past hour, this past week. He must have done something to deserve it, he just couldn't think of what it might be.  
  
And he wondered what had prompted her to suddenly act this way; she was tender and so incredibly relaxed. She was the way he had imagined she would be if she ever could get the bloody guts to tell her friends about them. He had imagined her happy. Was she happy?  
  
Now she let him go again, looking up at him with a big smile on her face and he couldn't do anything but smile back.  
  
Then she reached out a hand and suddenly her fingers were racing across his side, his muscles tensing as he suddenly roared with laughter. She kept tickling him until he grabbed her and threw her on the bed, jumping after her and relentlessly starting his payback.  
  
She tried to stifle her loud fits of laughter as his hands groped her sides but she knew some of it was undoubtedly heard through the walls.  
  
Thankfully Sarah and Jacob didn't have servants living with them.  
  
"Stop! Stop it!" she yelled, still laughing hard. "Spike! I can't.breathe!"  
  
He stopped at that, pulling back.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, she was still giggling when she turned her head to him, nodding.  
  
She let her eyes glide down his body and the look in them changed to longing as she met his gaze again.  
  
She suddenly rolled over on her side, facing him, resting her head against the arm she had stretched out under and above it, letting the hand of the other, dangling from her side and down on her stomach, gently move back and forth across her skin. She tilted her head back a little and looked at him with such a submissive expression in her eyes that he found himself swallowing hard.  
  
"Buffy," he grumbled as he moved over to her and she smiled her triumph.  
  
"Yes?" she purred as he rolled her onto her back.  
  
"We need to sleep."  
  
She nodded, seriously, the playfulness back in her eyes as she reached up a hand and ran it through his hair.  
  
"We will," she murmured before pulling his face close.  
  
  
  
***  
  
He was getting more candles.  
  
Buffy stretched on the bed and then realized how messed up the sheets were. She frowned a little, getting off it and starting to straighten them out. She couldn't help but yawn as she was almost done.  
  
"Lovemaking really takes some stamina," she mumbled, smiling widely.  
  
"What did you say?" he asked, coming in through the door with his duster wrapped around him, looking on the border to ridiculous as he was trying to balance a load of candles in his arms AND keep it closed.  
  
Her wide smile turned into a grin at the sight, and she walked up to help him.  
  
"Nothing," she answered him as she took some of the candles off his hands. "Just that."  
  
She realized that she had actually called it 'lovemaking' and couldn't stop the heat rising to her cheeks.  
  
"Why, Miss Summers, I believe you are blushing," he mocked and she turned to him, tilting her head to the side and saying in her awful British:  
  
"Bloody hell, Spike, what do I care?"  
  
He stared at her before raising his eyebrows.  
  
"Was that an impression of ME?" he asked, voice low and holding back the smile threatening to surface as he set down the candles he still had in his arms.  
  
Buffy took a step back, smiling nervously.  
  
"Um, no," she said, taking another step back as he turned to her again.  
  
"Really?" he asked, taking a step forward. "Well then.Slayer. Let me ask you this.do you want it quick and painful, or slow and.not THAT painful?"  
  
She looked up on the ceiling, imitating that she was thinking, before throwing the candles in her hands at him and with a squeal trying to get away from him by jumping up on the bed. He was on her in a moment and wrestled her down on the mattress.  
  
The leather of the duster scraping against her skin got her all the more excited as his body pressed down on her.  
  
"I think." he mumbled before kissing her. "We'll do both. What do you think, Slayer?"  
  
She arched her back and he smiled, kissing her again.  
  
An hour later the candles had been lit but were now being put out by Spike. Buffy was wrapping a sheet around her as she tried to straighten out the bedding again.  
  
He watched her, duster off, as he bent down and blew out the last candle. The lamp on his bedside table now the only light, their shadows long against the walls. She threw the pillows on to the bed, they had for some reason gotten to be on the floor, and then unwrapped the sheet, giving up the idea, and throwing it on there as well.  
  
She looked up and met his gaze.  
  
They were both quiet now, he went up to the bed to sit down and she sat on the other edge. He reached up a hand and rubbed his eyes a little.  
  
"We HAVE to sleep," he said and she laughed a little.  
  
"What is that, the fiftieth time you've said that tonight?" she asked teasingly and he smiled, but his eyes still showed that he was serious and she sighed, nodding.  
  
"I know, I know," she said and to his astonishment she pulled down the sheet and crawled into bed, pulling it up up to her shoulders and resting her head on one of the pillows she turned her eyes questioningly at him.  
  
"You said 'WE'," she pointed out, reaching out her hand towards him and pulling down the sheet beside her.  
  
He hesitated a moment. This was DEFINITELY new. Then he smiled a little, shaking his head to himself as he slid into the bed as well, pulling the sheet up to his waist and putting one arm behind his head.  
  
"You know, if you wanna leave." he started but she scooted over, pulling his other arm, resting at his side, up and then putting her head on his chest, moving his arm around her.  
  
"I don't wanna," she said, resting her hand now in front of her nose and letting her fingers gently trace the linings of the muscles in his stomach.  
  
He really didn't want to push it, but he had to ask:  
  
"Why?"  
  
He could feel her cheek move as she smiled.  
  
"Because I don't wanna be alone," she answered.  
  
"I thought you were the one who said 'I can be alone with you here'?" he mumbled and she moved her head to look up at him, at first not remembering what he was referring to, and then the day she had told him about being brought back from Heaven surfaced and she nodded slightly.  
  
"Because I wanna be with you, then," she said and he smiled vaguely, looking rather disbelieving.  
  
"Spike," she said, pulling up and bending down to kiss his mouth. "I just wish I knew how to TELL you what I mean, but I don't." she then mumbled, looking into his eyes.  
  
He smiled a little at that and pulled her close for another kiss. He was going to steal as many as he could before the clock struck twelve and she realized what the hell she was doing.  
  
Thing was it was way past twelve, and she positioned herself once again with her head on his chest, her breath caressing his skin each time she exhaled.  
  
"I liked it," she suddenly mumbled and he raised his eyebrows, his hand reaching up and gently starting to stroke her hair.  
  
"Liked what, love?" he asked.  
  
"The song," she said and he smiled.  
  
"Oh, THAT," he said and now she smiled.  
  
"Yes, that," she mumbled, yawning but still smiling, nestling her face a little against his chest. "I like your voice."  
  
"Thanks, pet," he said, getting drowsier himself.  
  
"Spike," she said, feeling tingles travel down her back every time his fingers slid through her hair.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked, moving the arm he had had behind his head to tentatively place his hand next to hers on his chest.  
  
She moved her fingers, brushing them against his and he put his hand up, spreading his fingers and feeling hers slide up against them before she gently let them lock with his.  
  
"Why do you love me?" she asked quietly and he was silent for a moment.  
  
"Are you really asking me this?" he asked, no anger behind those words, just the question, and she nodded a little.  
  
"Because.God, 'cause of a thousand reasons, Buffy," he mumbled, his hand still running through her hair. "'Cause of the way you've changed my life, even though I bloody wanna kill you for it half the time," he now grumbled and she laughed a little. "And because of that," he said. "Your laugh, and your smile, and the way you can go from kicking to kissing. Your strength is unbelievable. The way you refuse to give up. And all the little things in between," he finished hastily and she moved her head to look up at him again.  
  
"I love you for you, Slayer," he said, looking into her eyes. "Nothing less."  
  
She smiled a little, pulling herself up again and placing her head on his shoulder instead, her hand still in his moving up as well.  
  
"I'll never meet anyone like you," she mumbled, her eyes closed.  
  
"I should hope not," he grumbled. "Someone who tries to kill all your friends, and YOU, isn't really someone you'd wanna meet twice."  
  
She smiled a little again.  
  
"Maybe, but I didn't mean that."  
  
"What did you mean, then?" he asked, feeling her body starting to grow heavy against his as sleep crept over her.  
  
"Spike?" she now mumbled and he nodded, realizing that of course she couldn't see him and therefore saying:  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Read me.one of your poems," she said, yawning again.  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"Never," he answered and he felt her eyes flutter open, her head moving a little and then her lips gentle against his throat.  
  
"Please," she whispered and he winced, biting his jaws together.  
  
"Fine then," he mumbled, not BELIEVING he was actually doing this.  
  
She nestled closer to him, squeezing his hand a little.  
  
He thought for a moment and then started reading a poem he remembered well. When he finished he waited for her laughter, or a teasing and tired remark.  
  
"Pretty," she said sleepily and kissed his collarbone. "Another, please."  
  
His eyes grew a little at the first statement, then he realized she was so bloody tired he could probably start reciting phone numbers and she would call them 'interesting'.  
  
Still, he couldn't help but smile and pull her closer to him before giving into her request and starting on another.  
  
She fell asleep to the sound of his voice, the feeling of his body close to her and the sense of being safe, at last. 


	31. Chapter ThirtyOne

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-One  
  
By Annie  
  
05-19-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy eased her eyes open.  
  
The room lay in darkness, Spike was still holding her tightly and she moved her head to look up at him, her mind still clouded with sleep. She smiled a little looking at his etched jaw line and pulled up to place a kiss on the curve of it. She frowned slightly to herself, pulling away, and looking at him closely.  
  
Something seemed off.  
  
"Isn't this just a pretty picture." a deep voice suddenly spoke to her left, by the window, and her heart jumped in her chest as she registered who's it was.  
  
She whipped her head to look at the lord as he slowly emerged from the shadows. He had that sleek smile on his lips, impeccably dressed as always, as he stopped a few feet away from the side of the bed, looking down on the two with his hands on his back.  
  
Buffy stared at him, she had instinctively moved a little so that she was placed with one arm protectively across Spike's bared chest and now the lord shook his head slightly.  
  
"That I would see the day two enemies share a bed," he said, his voice as though painted with honey but she could hear the buzzing of the bees behind every word and her body was tensing, getting ready to act if he was to move.  
  
"How the hell did you get in here," she hissed at him and he clicked his tongue.  
  
"Oh, now, no cause for foul language," he said, the smile widening.  
  
She wanted to get up and kick his head off his shoulders, anything to make him stop looking at her. Then something hit her.  
  
"What do you mean, 'enemies'?" she asked and the lord laughed a humorless laugh.  
  
"Darling girl, you didn't think that I was actually going to perform the ceremony to bring forth the Birth of Fire without doing my research, did you? I knew the prophecy would be discovered by others and that these others would probably try to stop me, and so I had to seek them out; as well as what means by which they intended to accomplish me failing my task. The skills I possess are much easier than using a mirror, though." he said with an evil glow in his eyes.  
  
"Dark magic?" she mumbled in disbelief. "But."  
  
"But what, my dear?" he asked.  
  
She felt the confusion mix with the rising questions in her head, then she turned her gaze at him again and it hardened as she looked at him.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked and the smile didn't leave his lips.  
  
"Why, you, of course," he stated gently.  
  
She stared at him, her heart starting to beat hard in her chest.  
  
"That's nothing new," she said boldly but her mouth was drying up.  
  
He laughed his low laugh again.  
  
"No, I suppose it is not," he said. "But this time will be slightly different, in ALL aspects," He could see her eyes shifting slightly to Spike and the lord shook his head a little. "He can't save you," he said and she swallowed hard to get rid of the sudden tears. "He never could, you know," the lord went on. "He's just a weakened, pathetic excuse for a vampire and you know that, that's why it's so easy for you to use him.He's worthless."  
  
Now she looked up at him, feeling the rage build inside of her at those words until she couldn't take it. She got to her feet on the mattress with a cry of anger and threw herself towards him. She landed with a hard thump on the spot where he a moment before had been standing. She spun around to see where the hell he had gone and her eyes rested on Sarah, sleeping in her bed.  
  
Buffy blinked, surprised, as she got to her feet. She looked around her, concluding that she WAS in Sarah's room. Then the lord stepped forward, standing by the side of Sarah's bed and raising one hand, holding it above Sarah's chest.  
  
Buffy stared at him, taking a step forward and feeling the heavy fabric of a skirt around her legs. She looked down, even more surprised to see that she was wearing a deep blue, velvet dress. She looked up again as the lord reached out a hand to her, bidding her to join him at the edge of the bed.  
  
She ignored the gesture, but came up just the same.  
  
"What are you doing?" she whispered as she saw how pale Sarah was.  
  
"I'm showing you what will happen to her, to all off them, if you don't come to me without them," the lord answered her as he removed his hand from its position above Sarah. "She's dead," he then calmly stated and Buffy glared at him, then felt a stir of panic start near her heart as she once more looked at the lifeless body before her.  
  
"I don't believe you," she stated as calmly as she could and he grabbed her wrist without warning and pulled her to his side, bending her down to feel for a pulse.  
  
Buffy felt tears rise in her eyes as she concluded that there was none.  
  
"Oh, my God," she whispered.  
  
The lord let her go, nodding.  
  
Then he put a hand on her forehead and all of a sudden she saw Jacob in his bed, fighting for air, his body twitching as he clasped his hands around his throat. She drew a sharp breath as his body suddenly went limp.  
  
And then she saw Spike; he was sleeping. She looked down on him, smiling slightly and then a stake suddenly sunk into his chest, appearing from nowhere. She could hear him wince with surprise as his eyes shot open and they met hers.  
  
Oh, God, he thinks I killed him, she thought, feeling desperation claw inside of her.  
  
Then he turned to dust, before her eyes, and was gone.  
  
She sat up, her breathing hard as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. She was disoriented as she looked around her. She recognized the desk first, with the dark piles of notebooks in the shadows. She was in Spike's room again.  
  
Then he slightly shifted beside her and she turned her head to him, the relief she felt at seeing him there was almost overwhelming and tears rose in her eyes as she sunk down with her head against his chest.  
  
"Thank God," she mumbled as he put an arm around her, mumbling something incoherent before going back to sleep.  
  
Then she felt her heart start to beat fiercely in her chest.  
  
She moved her head to look down at herself and drew a sharp breath as she saw what she was wearing; a blue, velvet dress.  
  
  
  
***  
  
She almost winced, closing her eyes.  
  
Then she opened them again, she knew the decision had already been made. Slowly she slid out of his arms and got off the bed. She went up to the pile that consisted of her clothes, pausing as the memories of what she had experienced, with him, only a few hours earlier washed over her. She drew a steadying breath as she reached down and dug up her shoes.  
  
Pulling them on and lacing them awkwardly she then stood and turned to him.  
  
"Always was a heavy sleeper, weren't you?" she whispered, smiling a little, before walking up to him and bending down.  
  
She kissed him gently on the cheek, feeling like her heart was breaking she straightened her back and took a step away.  
  
"Sweet dreams, Spike" she mumbled.  
  
Then turned around and walked up to the door.  
  
When she stepped into the hallway and silently closed the door behind her she realized she knew exactly where she was going. She went downstairs and opened the front door, stepping outside she drew a breath of the early morning air, closing the door behind her.  
  
She bent her neck and looked up into the spaces of the sky, the view of the universe was spectacular.  
  
She proceeded with walking down the steps and onto the sidewalk, picking up her pace as she rounded the corner of the block and then she started running.  
  
Once I'm there I'll be able to stop him, she thought to herself, her mind working hard in her head as her pulse started working in rhythm with the thumping of her feet. Once I'm there I WILL stop this thing.  
  
Spike opened his eyes, reaching out beside him and not feeling her there made his mind clear up twice as fast and he sat up, looking around the room. First he had a sinking feeling in his chest, she HAD woken up, realized what the hell she was doing, and gone back to her room.  
  
But then his eyes landed on her clothes still in a heap on the floor and he realized her scent was still strong in the room; she had just left it.  
  
He got out of bed; maybe she was just getting a drink of water or something. Still. He pulled his trousers on, grabbing the shirt and putting it on as well, not bothering with buttoning it. He went up to the door and then paused, hesitating a moment before walking back and picking up his duster from the floor. He looked at it, not sure why he had done that in the first place. Then shrugged before walking back to the door, opening it silently and stepping out into the hallway.  
  
He drew a small breath, then smiled as he followed her scent to the stairs and down them to the first floor. What made him come to a halt was when he realized where the trail then led: the front door.  
  
His mouth was going dry and he felt a sudden gush of fear in his chest.  
  
What was she doing? Why the bloody hell had she left without waking him? Without waking THEM?  
  
He spun around and raced upstairs, shouting for Sarah and Jacob to get up as he pulled his duster on. He hardly had time to explain as they frightened and wondering met him in their opposite doorways.  
  
"Just get dressed and go to whatever place we were supposed to go!" he yelled at them, Sarah looking seriously scared that he was loosing his mind.  
  
In a way he felt he was.  
  
"But." she started and he switched to game face, shaking his head at her.  
  
"No!" he growled. "She's left for some reason and I'm bloody well gonna find her before anything happens to her."  
  
With that he turned and ran down the stairs again, he almost tore the door off their hinges before racing off into the night, following in her footsteps.  
  
Come on, Buffy, come on, he thought as he stopped for a moment, deciding which way she had taken, then he scented her and was off again. I won't loose you like this again. Not AGAIN!  
  
Buffy stopped at the edge of the woods she had been running through, staring at the well-lit mansion towering over her. She drew a breath and then walked the rest of the way to the front doors. She looked up at them, loathing them both with all her heart for ever being built and then she reached up and grabbed the small iron chain to ring the bell.  
  
The door to her right slid open with a small creak and she cocked an eyebrow at that.  
  
"You get an A plus for the spooky effects, lord Dumb-Ass. Now let me kick you two ways to Sunday and then we can call it a night," she grumbled to herself as she carefully stepped inside.  
  
She took another step forward and the door slid shut behind her.  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" she called in a singsong voice, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"My lady," his voice whispered in her ear and she turned her head to him, trying to mask her surprise.  
  
He smiled at her and she felt her eyes widen at the sight of the small and sharp fangs his drawn back lips uncovered.  
  
"Are you a." she started but he interrupted her.  
  
"Not quite, my dear," he said, chuckling. "But we can't have a.what do you call it? A 'Big Bad', is that it?" he kept chuckling as he took a step away from her, and then he grew serious. "Well, then, we can't have a Big Bad looking like a human, now can we?" he asked as his face seemed to sink in slightly, the shadows across it deepening and she stared at him, disbelieving.  
  
"What the hell are you?" she asked, more than clearly appalled by his appearance.  
  
"My dear," he said and smiled. "I'm a prankster who just lured his victim into his trap," he then added as he moved his hands slightly and she felt how her whole body froze, she couldn't move. "But then, I have a feeling you won't laugh very much over this."  
  
  
  
***  
  
The sky was starting to grow gray as dawn approached rapidly. Mist was sweeping over the lake and even though she could barely see it through the shadows of the rising twilight she could hear the clucking of it, the small waves lapped against the large dock to her left, she was placed in a cage, which she found incredibly humiliating, and she had been granted her ability to move again. She had tried to break the bars, but with no success, which for certain had to do with some kind of spell.  
  
She looked around her at the men in black hooded robes that were chanting outside the bars.  
  
Then she turned an icy glare at the lord, who was standing not far away to her right, now also in a robe, scarlet red, with a thick hood thrown over his head, hiding his face partially.  
  
"VERY original," she grumbled, looking at him with heartfelt detest before adding coldly: "That doesn't help."  
  
The lord smiled slightly.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
"It doesn't hide your face enough, you idiot," she said sharply and he laughed, throwing his head back and thus making the hood tumble off it.  
  
He looked like a sick and dying old man now, his hair was showing white in it and the deep etchings in his face made his skin look dead, almost clayish. His eyes were sunken in and they looked even more disturbing than before, now they turned to her.  
  
"Better?" he asked.  
  
She glared at him before straightening her back as she looked around at the chanting men surrounding her.  
  
"Stop it!" she snarled at them, hating the feeling of the cage, the feeling of being trapped.  
  
They snapped the books they were holding in their hands closed at the same time and simultaneously took a step back, filing in a line and then walking over to the lord.  
  
"Wow, if it's that easy then maybe I should try another command: let me out of this damn cage," she said, once more turned to the lord, who merely smiled his haunting smile. "Did you hear me, let me the bloody hell out of this God damn cage!" she yelled and the smile widened, his eyes now glowing with glee.  
  
"Such a tongue you have, child," he said, approaching her and stopping far enough away from her for her not to be able to reach him. "Did your lover teach you to swear like this?"  
  
"He has nothing to do with how I talk, you creep!" she hissed at him, pain shooting through her at the memory of that last kiss.  
  
"You're breathing harder, my dear," he now stated, smirking. "Did I hit a soar spot? Is it because of me stating the obvious, him being your dirty little secret that is eating and eating away at you inside, or is it because of the question, that you know has some truth in it and you can't face it, pet?" he added and her eyes grew wide at the sound of him taking the well known nickname in his mouth.  
  
The lord took a small step forward.  
  
"I bet it's both. And the thought of his cold hands on you, his dead body resting close to yours, his cold lips on your own, it's making you burn up, isn't it, love? And you can't STAND yourself.can you.love?"  
  
Buffy's eyes had hardened the first time he called her that, now her hand shot out through the bars, grabbing a firm hold around his throat and starting to press she said:  
  
"If you EVER even DARE to take that word into your mouth again, I swear to you these bars won't be enough to hold me back." Then she pulled his face hard against them as she added: "And as for William," before she clamped down her hand harder on his throat, her eyes not leaving his and the hatred burning in her gaze making the lord seem to pause for a moment before he made a small gesture with one hand and she loosened her grip without realizing it, another small movement sent her flying to the other side of the small cage, crashing against the bars.  
  
"I apologize," he said, now smiling faintly again as he corrected the collar of the robe a little with one hand. "I didn't know the Slayer was actually able to CARE for a vampire."  
  
She got to her feet, spinning around to face him again.  
  
"He's more than that," she said in a low voice as she looked at the lord, her gaze hard.  
  
The lord chuckled at that, shaking his head.  
  
"Is he now?" he asked and then raised his head. "Well, he's right on time, too, it seems."  
  
Buffy felt her heart leap in her chest, as her eyes grew large hearing those words. Then she spun around to look at where to lord was gazing and there he was.  
  
"Perfect," the lord said silently. "Absolutely perfect." 


	32. Chapter ThirtyTwo

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Two  
  
By Annie  
  
05-19-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander popped an eye open. The sounds surrounding him were distant but they were starting to grow clearer at the same rate as his eyesight.  
  
Am I dead? he thought as he opened his other eye.  
  
Then he felt the awfully uncomfortable position he was in, his hands were tied to something that felt a lot like wood behind his back; soon he concluded that it was a pole. He was tied to a POLE in some part of a hell dimension where his friends were sure to never find him, should they decide to come look for him.  
  
Wonderful.  
  
He blinked and looked around. Seemingly he was in a pretty lively place, a lot of demons. no, a LOT of demons. It seemed to be some kind of a market place.  
  
Holy moly, he thought. I'm in one of those.  
  
"You're AWAKE!" a loud voice said to his left and he whipped his head around to stare at the creature to which it belonged. "Perfect, now, just stand straight and you'll be outta here in no time."  
  
It was one of the creepy ones that had captured him.  
  
"Okay, sir," a growl was heard and someone grabbed a hard grip on Xander's jaw, making him open his mouth.  
  
A wolf like demon took a step forward and stared down his throat, tapping with something against his teeth and grunting to himself. Xander felt his heart start to race.  
  
Oh my God, I'm being sold as a frigging slave! he thought, panic starting to pump with the adrenaline in his blood. This cannot be happening!  
  
"No can do," the wolf-demon said and shook his head. "He's too young and scrawny looking."  
  
Xander gaped.  
  
"Excuse me," he exclaimed. "I happen to work out MORE than often and if you didn't just check my TEETH I believe you would notice that."  
  
He realized he was now pitching for him to actually be SOLD and he clenched his jaws tightly together as the wolf-demon turned his green eyes to him.  
  
"I WAS talking about your TEETH, sapien," he growled at him, then turned and walked away.  
  
Xander stared at the demon's back, relieved and still starting to get seriously scared. How the hell was he going to get out of this one?  
  
Anya slowly made her way through the crowd.  
  
Why couldn't she get her head straight for once? She was back in action again, she should be happy to be rid of that icky soul. She sighed as she picked up a tartum plum and stared at it without any interest.  
  
She put it down, looked up and drew a sharp breath in surprise.  
  
"Xander?" she asked, squinting to see across the market place.  
  
***  
  
Spike slowed down when he realized that he had been spotted.  
  
"So much for a surprise attack," he growled to himself.  
  
His eyes rested on the figure of the lord for a moment and then they moved to the cage, immediately recognizing Buffy he moved faster.  
  
Buffy could hear the lord whisper something and she opened her mouth to scream a warning to Spike but it was too late and she watched in fascinated horror as he suddenly was lifted into the air and shot up to hang thirty feet above ground.  
  
She stepped up and grabbed the bars, looking up at him. Spike stared at her, his game face retracting and then he looked down at the ground below, so far below.  
  
"Ever tell you I'm not so fond of heights, pet?" he called down and she smiled a little, shaking her head.  
  
He turned his eyes to the lord who now was moving to stand underneath him.  
  
"What the hell happened to YOU?" he asked at the sight of the lord's distorted features.  
  
The lord smiled a little, shrugging.  
  
"Time, I suppose, stakes its claim when you're not immortal, if you'll pardon my choice of words."  
  
Spike smiled mockingly.  
  
"Have never bothered too much with taking to heart what people go on about, most of the time it's so bloody boring I wanna cut my ears off anyway," he answered and now the lord laughed.  
  
"You're my kind of demon, Spike," he said and Buffy winced, how much did the lord KNOW?  
  
Their names, what they were, where they were from.  
  
"Hey, sleaze-ball," she said and the lord turned his head her way, looking at her with raised eyebrows and that infuriating smile on his lips.  
  
"Yes?" he asked.  
  
"What the hell is it that you want?" she asked, glancing up at Spike. "And could you just get it over with?"  
  
The lord smiled wider at that.  
  
"Well, my dear," he said, raising one hand above his head and as he brought it down Spike slowly descended as well. "Since you're asking me so humbly, I think I will have to agree."  
  
He gave the helpers a sign and they all went up to a low table, one of them pulling back a piece of black cloth and revealing the urns. Then each of them grabbed one as the lord walked over there as well, carefully picking up the last. He turned to Buffy and Spike, the latter now standing still on the ground but fighting hard against whatever spell was binding him down and keeping him from moving.  
  
The lord went over to the cage, stopping by the bars and then pointing his index finger at Buffy before signaling for her to come stand in front of him. She was moving before she knew what was happening and then her face was close to the lord's between two of the iron bars.  
  
He licked his lips a little before whispering:  
  
"What a pretty little bait you made, and what a beautiful leverage you are, my dear."  
  
Her eyes widened a little in confusion and he smiled, reaching up a hand to touch her face gently.  
  
"Don't you see? Remember when you sang that pretty song about wanting the fire back?" She stared at him, disbelieving the fact that he knew about that. "Well," the lord continued, "it's all so clear to me now: you got it back for a moment, didn't you?" He glanced over her shoulder towards Spike and she swallowed hard, her heart starting to beat harder in her chest. "And now," he whispered, "I'M going to take it away again. He was the one I wanted all along, you poor little misled child, not you. And now it's time to 'get this over with'," he said, removing his hand and taking a step back.  
  
Buffy's eyes were filling with tears but she didn't feel them, her heart was ripping in her chest but she didn't notice, everything had come to some kind of a stop and she stared at the lord as he moved around the cage towards Spike. She turned her head and her body followed, not taking her eyes off him for a moment. Then her eyes locked on the hateful bars and she drew a deep breath.  
  
Drawing back she braced herself and kicked her foot as hard as she possibly could against them. She lost her balance and fell down on the grass underneath her with a hard thud. Looking up she saw the bars still in their place and now she screamed with anger, getting up and grabbing them.  
  
Spike stared at her, slightly confused. He felt like he was standing in a silent bubble, he couldn't hear or smell or even feel anything really. And then the hold on him was released and he slumped a little before looking up and meeting the eyes of the lord, now standing before him.  
  
"Let her go," Spike grumbled and the lord smiled.  
  
Spike tried to let his hand grab the man's throat, finish what he had only contemplated on the night that devil had touched his girl. But he couldn't budge and he realized his body, from his shoulders and down, was still frozen to the spot.  
  
"Dammit," he growled and the lord nodded.  
  
"Yes, you could say that. Now, Spike or William or whatever your name is, I need to make a deal with you."  
  
Spike raised his eyebrows at him and the lord continued.  
  
"If you choose not to participate in this ceremony," now Spike's eyes grew larger, " then I am afraid I will have to drench that little wench over there," the lord stated with a gesture towards Buffy.  
  
Spike's eyes hardened at that and the lord reached up a hand and patted his cheek gingerly.  
  
"Now, now, don't look so angry, I'm not even done yet," he said, removing his hand and taking a step back. "If you choose to participate then I can assure you that she will be set free."  
  
"I don't bloody well trust you, and you're a God damn fool if you thought I would," Spike snarled and the lord grinned at that before Spike added: "Why are you using her anyway? Why not just force me to do whatever the hell it is you want and be done with it?"  
  
The lord sighed, expression now slightly annoyed as he answered:  
  
"It's the rules. I CAN'T force you, you have to make the choice. Unfortunate for me, but true none the less."  
  
Spike huffed.  
  
"I still don't trust you, and nothing is speaking for you letting her go," he stated and the lord smiled, nodding.  
  
"Quite, quite, but you see, you have nothing to bargain with, so either you take a chance and hope it saves her life, or you watch her die, like last time."  
  
The look in the vamp's eyes grew dim at the reminiscence of the jump she had had to take. If he had only. He suddenly looked determined, meeting the lord's gaze and then nodding.  
  
"Fine," he said. "What will I have to do?"  
  
The lord was still smiling.  
  
"You will have to give up your love for her, to me," he said and Spike stared at him.  
  
Buffy felt the tears keep running down her cheeks as she tried to hear what the lord was saying to Spike. She caught the last statement loud and clear and she choked on her sobs, shaking her head slowly and when she blinked the tears away she met Spike's eyes.  
  
He looked at her, then he smiled a little and she felt her heart stop beating, her lips forming the word 'no' but her voice not able to travel up her throat.  
  
Then she caught her breath and yelled:  
  
"But he's not HUMAN!"  
  
The lord turned to her, laughing.  
  
"Little child, do you want me to explain this whole thing to you? Isn't it enough that it doesn't matter?"  
  
Buffy stared at him, her eyes still watery with tears and she said:  
  
"To ME it matters, I want answers!"  
  
Spike looked at her, she looked so vulnerable, so exposed, so alone.  
  
I'm so sorry, he thought. Maybe if I'd never loved you, this wouldn't have happened.  
  
"Humor me," she now said and the lord raised his eyebrows.  
  
"All right," he now said, turning to her. "The charmenian word for human is 'kora', but in earlier works, such as the prophecy of the Birth of Fire, it can also stand for 'body'. The love in this body is one of the strongest I've ever encountered," he now said with a smile. "You should have listened to your sister, vampire slayer, and seen the good in him before it was too late."  
  
Buffy felt something on the verge of serious damage inside of her, something was about to tare and she knew she wouldn't be able to fix it if it did.  
  
Buffy shifted her gaze to Spike, trying to see if he would be able to break out of the spell, his eyes told her that he couldn't. Her mind was on the brink of melt down and she knew she had to think of something, ANYTHING!  
  
Then the lord turned from her and once more faced Spike.  
  
He looked at Buffy one last time, the panic now rising in her eyes as he saw that she could see he had made his decision.  
  
"I'll do it," he said, nodding slightly and feeling his body thaw out of the spell.  
  
"Splendid," the lord said. "Come with me."  
  
"Spike?" Buffy said as the lord started walking past the cage and towards the dock, the vamp following. "Spike," she said again as he refused to look at her. "Spike!" she yelled and stared after him. "Spike, don't do this, please!"  
  
"I have to," he mumbled, then stopped and let the duster slide off his shoulders, landing on the ground.  
  
She looked at it, shaking her head.  
  
"Don't," she whispered, her tears slowly stopping to form in her eyes as she watched him walk with the lord onto the dock and then step into a low rowboat. "Oh, God, no."  
  
"What's happening?!" Sarah's voice suddenly screamed from behind her and she twirled around as Sarah and Jacob came running across the lawn towards her.  
  
"Sarah!" she cried. "You have to stop them! They're gonna KILL him!"  
  
Sarah eyes grew wide as she reached the bars, Jacob not far behind.  
  
"What?" she screamed. "Where?"  
  
"Docks, over there, hurry!" Buffy yelled as Sarah got moving.  
  
The mist was heavy on the lake now and it was hard to even SEE the wooden planks of the dock any more, Sarah disappeared into it for a few moments, then came out again, running back to the cage.  
  
"They're gone," she gasped, breathing hard. "We need to get you out of there!" she added, starting to look for a door.  
  
"There's no use, he put a spell on it. I've already tried to tip it, break it."  
  
Sarah grabbed a hold of the bars.  
  
"Incantenia nora uta!" she mumbled and the entire cage turned into wood.  
  
She broke the two bars, that she was still gripping, right off and Buffy stared at her in surprise before she took a step forward and swiped with one arm at the now wooden bars, they crumbled as soon as she made contact and in a moment she was free.  
  
"What can I say," Sarah said with a shrug at Buffy's questioning and appreciative look. "You don't study the books without learning a trick or two."  
  
Her eyes widened as they suddenly locked on something going on behind Buffy's back and Buffy turned around towards the lake, staring at the sight of Spike slowly lifting until he hung in mid air, his eyes were closed and his body relaxed.  
  
"What the.?" Buffy mumbled.  
  
Spike opened his eyes and looked down on the five rowboats beneath him on the surface of the lake. The lord was in the one directly under him, his eight helpers in pairs had arranged their boats in a circle around his. They were bringing out their books again, he noticed.  
  
He looked up and saw the raw stretch of daylight slowly approaching against the horizon.  
  
He smiled a little to himself, remembering something he had heard a long time ago. He couldn't remember when, or where, or from whom, but somehow he thought he finally understood it.  
  
"Everyday brings a new horizon," he mumbled to himself, "you just have to be sure to look for it."  
  
Then the chanting began and he looked over the quilt of mist and his eyes locked on Buffy. He saw Sarah and Jacob as well. Then he gazed back at her. God, last night had been the best night of his entire existence, he wished he could have told her that.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this rose, to purify this ceremony, and come to us."  
  
He drew a small breath as he looked back on the approaching sun.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this silk, to bring forth your life, and come to us."  
  
The mist beneath him was swirling, slowly pulling away from the small circle of boats and gliding towards the edges of the lake.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this butterfly, to release the soul from its shackles, and come to us."  
  
He felt a small tingle near his heart and swallowed. The thought of loosing his love for Buffy was. unbearable. She was such a part of him now.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this spider, to bind the soul to its body once more, and come to us."  
  
He gazed at the slightly pinkish sky and smiled to himself.  
  
Yes.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this snake, to bring death and prepare the Birth; and come to us."  
  
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, starting to prepare himself.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this water, to cleanse and bring forth the Birth; and come to us."  
  
Buffy stared at the shape of him and suddenly felt a small tingle near her heart. She swallowed and drew a breath.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this wood, to once it's done bring healing, and come to us."  
  
Something was happening to her, it was getting hard to breathe. She gasped and grabbed a hold of Sarah's arm, not hearing the worried questions her friends were asking.  
  
"Oh, Fire, take this flower, to represent you, and come to us."  
  
Oh, God, something was hurting her.  
  
"Oh, Fire!" the lord yelled, standing up in the boat with his urn held above his head, looking up at Spike. "Take this body, to bring forth love, and come to me!"  
  
Spike opened his eyes as the first rays of the sun graced the land before his eyes, stretching across the forest and caressing the mist before it hit his feet.  
  
Then there was something else.  
  
Buffy stared at him, the sunrise, it was shining on him and he was still there! She let go of Sarah's arm, taking a step forward. Suddenly a glow started around him. Her eyes grew wider as she fought to get air.  
  
He's burning, she thought and then the glow switched into a numbing light.  
  
"Oh, my God," Sarah breathed behind her.  
  
Buffy took another step forward, staring at the incredible sight.  
  
The lord's eyes not leaving the vampire, anticipating what was yet to come he smiled to himself. Soon he would have everything he had wanted, soon.  
  
A ray of light shooting up into the sky broke his thoughts.  
  
Now, wait a minute, that was supposed to go into me.his mind grumbled, confusion building.  
  
He stared at Spike, at the ray shooting upwards, and then he slowly lowered the urn.  
  
"WHAT the." he started, but then the ray changed course.  
  
Buffy couldn't take her eyes from him, and then the ray hit her with full force. A scream escaped her as the light surrounded her and then she could feel his arms around her. She opened her eyes and looked into his.  
  
They were in his bed; everything was white and bright and cut her eyes, everything but the blue in his. Then he bent down and kissed her and she put her arms around him, pulling him closer, feeling his naked body against her own.  
  
Then they were dressed and fighting, violently, in the alley behind the Bronze, in the alley behind the police station, in the graveyard outside his crypt, inside his crypt, on his bed and then they were in each other's arms again, naked once more, their kissing passionate as they clung to each other.  
  
Suddenly they were torn apart, the brightness all around them again, he was standing a few yards away from her and she felt a painful tugging beneath her skin. Then it felt like small nails ripped something away from inside of her and she screamed, almost falling down.  
  
Spike stared at her and then a wave came crashing into him and he felt a tumbling riptide of emotions, seeing pictures of memories since she was little, then the killing of her first vampire, the confusion, the secrets, her father, Joyce, Dawn and a thousand other faces, the last one was his. It was a kaleidoscope of her life and he had to draw a breath to be able to take it, suddenly feeling the faint beating of his heart and hearing the blood start to rush through his veins.  
  
Then the wave drew back, his pulse still thumping hard in his ears.  
  
Buffy felt weak and scared and drained and like she couldn't think straight for the longest time, and then her head cleared and she was gasping for breath as the nails poked at her again, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
She looked up, Spike was standing before her, the look of awe so evident on his face as he grabbed her hand and pulled it up to his chest. She felt his heartbeat, and her eyes grew as she looked up at him.  
  
He felt his blood slowly stop flowing, and his heart slowly stop beating, and he shook his head a little before pulling her to him and kissing her again; her arms around his neck as she kissed him back, softly.  
  
Then the brightness disappeared, they were out of each other's arms and the ray pulled back into him. Everything went quiet.  
  
Sarah stared at the Slayer. Her eyes were still closed, she was standing in the same position as when the ray first hit her, but her lips were moving slowly to herself, tears were slowly slipping down her cheeks and she looked incredibly concentrated.  
  
The sky had been covered with clouds as the spectacle took place and now, as Spike eased his eyes open, he stared in shock at the covered sun.  
  
How could he still be there? He had watched the sunrise! More than that, he had felt it stroke his body.  
  
The sense of Buffy was warm on his skin, the memories of her life still clear in his head and the way she had made his heart beat, REALLY beat, for just a minute was still a fresh feeling in his chest as he turned his head and looked at her.  
  
Then there was a roar of fury from below as the lord stared up at the vampire.  
  
"No!" he screamed. "You can't DO this to me!"  
  
Spike looked down at him, feeling how he slowly started to glide downwards towards the water and realizing that whatever just happened hadn't been exactly what the lord had planned. He couldn't help but grin at how pissed the ass-hole looked.  
  
"Guess again," he said as he landed standing on the bottom of the boat.  
  
The lord glared at him before holding up the urn over his head again, then he threw it into the water and in a blink he was gone.  
  
"What the bloody hell!" Spike exclaimed, looking around him, annoyed that he had missed the opportunity to beat the crap out of the bastard.  
  
Sarah was still staring at Buffy who finally seemed to open her eyes. She swallowed carefully, frowning slightly and staring at the spot where Spike had been.  
  
"He's gone," she mumbled and then she shifted her gaze to the now visible boats, the mist had lifted entirely. "Oh," she said slowly, seeing him standing in the boat. "There he is."  
  
Sarah turned to her father, looking a little worried.  
  
"Something's not right," she said and Buffy turned to her, her eyes hazy.  
  
"What's not right?" she mumbled sleepily.  
  
"This," the lord said as he appeared behind her, grabbing her from behind and lifting her up, fending off Sarah and Jacob with small flicks of one hand.  
  
Buffy drew a breath in surprise, the numbness lifting from her head at his harsh touch and she kicked out her foot, hitting him hard in the stomach and making him drop her to the ground, him bending over with pain.  
  
She was up faster than lightening, suddenly feeling incredibly aware of everything around her, all her senses on the edge.  
  
"Wow," she said. "Whatever you did with that light mojo, it was a total re- booster."  
  
Then she took a step forward and grabbed him by the neck, making him look at her.  
  
"I wouldn't be one to promote violence," she said in a dangerous voice as she pulled him up to a straightened position. "But I think I'm actually gonna enjoy this." 


	33. Chapter ThirtyThree

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Three  
  
By Annie  
  
05-20-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike watched as Buffy grabbed the lord by the throat and flung him a good five yards through the air before he hit the ground. The vampire smiled a little, looked like the tables were turned. Then he heard the rasping breaths of the helpers still surrounding him as their hooded heads were turned on the fight as well. One of them suddenly looked at Spike who stared at the creature before him. Whatever had gone wrong with the incantation had gone seriously wrong; he was surrounded by demons now, and not humans.  
  
Spike heard Sarah screaming his name and he turned his head back towards land, seeing the lord give Buffy a hard blow, knocking her to the ground.  
  
"Okay, that's it," he growled, switching to game face and throwing himself in the water.  
  
"Okay," Buffy said, her index finger touching the spot where the lord just had hit her and coming off it with blood on the tip of it. "Not only did that hurt like hell, and BELIEVE me, I know what hell feels like, I kinda LIVE on top of it, but you also managed to make me bleed." she had slowly gotten to her feet while speaking, keeping a close eye on the lord who was taking off his robe. "If there's ONE thing you do NOT wanna do when it comes to me," she said as she lunged at him, kicking out a foot, which he blocked with one arm, "is make me seriously pissed off," she added as she took a step back, collecting herself.  
  
"Should listen to her," Spike's voice sounded form behind as he dripping wet came up to join the fight. "I know from experience that she's more than serious."  
  
Buffy didn't turn to him but she smiled a little as the lord seemed to recoil slightly, his eyes darting from one to the other.  
  
"What?" she asked, raising her eyebrows before twirling around and kicking her foot out again, this time hitting him with full force in the chest and sending him flying into the hard stone wall of the great building behind him. "No more tricks up your sleeve?" she added as she put her leg down.  
  
The lord collected himself, getting up from the ground and staring at the two of them, Spike now standing a few feet away from Buffy, the gaze in the lord's eyes so full of loathing that Buffy suddenly laughed.  
  
"I think you were wrong, Mr. Prankster.incredibly lame alias by the way," she said, still letting a smile grace her lips, "I AM laughing over this, and I think I will be laughing 'til the day I die."  
  
The lord smirked at her.  
  
"Then you won't be laughing long," he snarled and that made the look in Spike's now yellow eyes grow hard as he pounced on the man before he had a chance to react, pushing him hard against the wall again and then pinning him against it with one hand around his throat.  
  
"Sorry for the rough treatment," the vampire growled at him, "but I take those kinds of threats a little personal." He paused for a moment and then said: "What the hell am I saying, I'm not sorry. Hey," he then added, turning to Buffy. "Do you wanna do the honors or.?"  
  
She smiled a little and came up to him, then turned a cold glare at the lord.  
  
"I don't know.Remember the offer you made? Fangs meeting flesh and all that?" she asked and he grinned at her, nodding. "Well," she now said, eyes back at the lord. "He's not human, now is he? No. Still, that means I actually can get rid of him myself."  
  
The lord glared at her as she took another step up to him.  
  
"I think."  
  
Suddenly his hand shot out, grabbing her harshly by the neck and squeezing down on her spine before his other hand shot out and hit Spike on the nose, making him fly off him and land a few yards away. The lord twitched his head, a smile growing on his lips before he turned his eyes to Buffy who was clawing at his hand to let her go.  
  
"And now," the lord hissed into her face. "I will show you what REAL power is."  
  
Then Sarah suddenly grabbed a hold of the hand he had used to punch away Spike and she said:  
  
"I don't think so. Inturile!"  
  
The lord's eyes widened as Buffy was able to twist out of his grip.  
  
"What did you DO to me?" he whispered as his whole body seemingly grew weaker.  
  
"I only locked away your magic," Sarah said with a small smile.  
  
The lord let hear a cry of anger, reaching out and gripping her wrist, but then Buffy was on him. She grabbed him in both hands and lifted him off the ground.  
  
"Time to get extinct," she said, looking into his eyes for a moment before throwing him from her and into the arms of Spike who reached up and twisted his neck.  
  
The lord's body grew darker and darker until it all had turned into moldy earth and then it crumbled to the ground, disappearing.  
  
Buffy stared at the spot and sighed.  
  
"Not a ca-blam even, pathetic," she stated and Spike smirked, taking off his game face before running a hand through his hair.  
  
She looked up at him, smiling back.  
  
"Nice come-back, Slayer," he said and she shrugged, turning to Sarah.  
  
"Thanks to you," she stated, reaching out a hand to her friend who smiled, nodding.  
  
"Anytime," she said and Buffy nodded, gratefully.  
  
Then she turned to Spike again.  
  
"I thought I was gonna loose you," he said as he stepped up to her and pulled her to him.  
  
She let her arms glide up around his neck and sighed, smiling against his shoulder.  
  
"Me too," she said, pulling her head back to look at his face, into his eyes.  
  
He smiled a little, letting a hand reach up to stroke away some runaway strands of hair from her cheek.  
  
"You should know I don't die that easily, love," he said and she laughed a little at that.  
  
"Oh, and I DO?" she asked and he laughed as well, shaking his head a little.  
  
He turned his eyes to hers again. She looked so calm, so strong. And then her eyes suddenly filled with pain, her brow furrowing and he stared at her in wonder as her hands grabbed a tighter hold around his shoulders.  
  
Her mouth flew open and her eyes widened, surprise clear on her features.  
  
"Spike?" she mumbled and started slumping down in his arms.  
  
"Buffy?" he exclaimed as he tried to hold her up and then he felt something warm and sticky spreading against his hip through the cold and still wet fabric of his trousers.  
  
It made his whole being come to a halt. His eyes enlarged as he pulled her a little from him and took his eyes from hers for a moment to look down on her.  
  
"No!" he screamed as he saw the deep cut in her side, the blood pouring from it, staining the skirt of her dress.  
  
"Spike?" she whispered again. "What's happening.?"  
  
He looked up at Sarah and Jacob who were moving closer, baffled expressions on their faces. Then he looked down on Buffy's face again, shaking his head slowly as he gently sunk to the ground with her in his arms.  
  
"Don't worry, love, everything's all right," he mumbled as she frowned slightly.  
  
"You always were a.terrible liar," she grumbled, her grip loosening and her eyes closing.  
  
He stared at her.  
  
"Slayer! You do NOT give up like that, do you hear me?" he said loudly, shaking her gently and her eyes fluttered open again.  
  
"Just wanna sleep 'til.the healing kicks in," she answered him groggily and he shook her again.  
  
God, so much blood! So much blood! She was loosing too much blood! All he wanted was to find a way to put it back in her, he couldn't stand the sight of the stain growing and growing on her skirt.  
  
"You CAN'T sleep!" he screamed at her and then looked up at Sarah and Jacob. "Who DID this?" he yelled at them and the tears that had been rising in Sarah's eyes spilled over as she shook her head that she didn't know.  
  
"I did," a low voice suddenly said to Spike's right and he spun his head towards the sound.  
  
It was one of the helper humans turned demons, and he was still holding the knife that had performed the deed. Spike stared at it, at the blood still staining it, and with a scream of pure rage he got to his feet, putting his game face on and lunging himself at the helper. He grabbed the demon by its throat and ripped it out with a growl. Before the body hit the ground he snatched the knife from the hand that was holding it and turned his head around, waiting for the others to make an appearance.  
  
Soon they came out of the shadows, their eyes glowing slightly as they looked at him.  
  
Then they all moved forward at the same time and just as he was getting ready for the fight Sarah screamed his name and he twirled to her.  
  
"She's dying!" she yelled and he felt something start to do the same inside of him.  
  
He looked back over his shoulder at the approaching demons and then came to a decision. He turned back towards Sarah and ran up to her, bending down and picking up the lifeless Slayer in his arms he said:  
  
"Take the carriage and get home, I'll meet you there."  
  
"But." Sarah started and he shook his head.  
  
"No, something's wrong, she's not healing properly. We need to get a doctor or SOMETHING!"  
  
He turned his head again, the demons had vanished and he frowned a little.  
  
"Nothing's that easy," he mumbled to himself before turning his attention back to Sarah. "Keep your eyes open, I'm pretty sure we haven't seen the last of them," he said to her with a nod to where the demons had been a few moments earlier.  
  
Her eyes widened a little and then she nodded as she turned to Jacob and they left, with one last glance at the Slayer and the Vamp, to go to the carriage.  
  
Spike looked down on her face. She was growing pale; she was so cold.  
  
He looked around wildly until his eyes finally found what they were searching for. He walked up to where the duster still lay on the ground and kneeled, after a little struggling he got it around her and slid her arms into it, pulling it tighter to her he lifted her up once more and then he started moving, soon he was running.  
  
"You can't die on me now, Slayer," he said looking down on her again. "Come on, baby, hold on."  
  
Her eyes slid open and she looked up at him, he felt like crying with relief but only smiled a little at her. She smiled back, eyeing his face closely.  
  
"It was you." she suddenly whispered and he felt he was choking up, fighting it off violently before saying in an unsteady voice:  
  
"Don't talk, pet."  
  
She drew a small breath at that.  
  
"It was you," she repeated and he furrowed his brow, keeping an eye at where he was going and then looking down at her quizzically.  
  
"What do you mean, love?" he asked and she smiled a little, the pain in her eyes was subsiding and at the sight of it he pushed himself even harder.  
  
"In my dream," she whispered and he swallowed hard, feeling the tears building in his eyes. "It was you, running," she mumbled. "So scared, so scared."  
  
"Buffy," he said, clenching his jaws tightly together. "You have to think about things that will keep you awake," he said. "You can't close your eyes. Look at me, dammit!"  
  
She opened them again, sighing a little.  
  
"I can't think, Spike. I'm so tired."  
  
"All right, then I'll bloody well think for you," he growled. "Remember that time when we ."  
  
She looked up at him, listening to his voice as he started to recapture all the years they had known each other as foes and as something hardly resembling friends. She smiled to herself as her head started to get heavier. As she slowly admitted that in his arms was where she found refuge, feeling fear at the thought of her maybe dying didn't even cross her mind. But she suddenly felt a pang of remorse.  
  
She couldn't die; she didn't want to die, she wanted to live!  
  
Still there was something not right and she could feel it. The warmth of her own blood seeping out through the wound was not an unfamiliar feeling, but it had been going on for quite a while now and she was slowly starting to get worried.  
  
The lights of London were suddenly burning her tired eyes and the sound of Spike's voice died out, he had grown silent as he concentrated on finding his way among the streets.  
  
Her throat was drying up, she was incredibly thirsty she realized.  
  
Spike trampled up the front steps to Sarah and Jacob's house and knocked open the door with one shoulder, still holding Buffy. The wood surrounding the lock breaking into splits at the rough entrance. He didn't even glance at it as he ran up the stairs to the third floor and through the door of the first room, which was Sarah's.  
  
He put Buffy down on the bed, pressing one hand against the wound and reaching out the other to light the lamp on the bedside table. Then he felt her hand glide over his on her stomach and he turned to her, his eyes still glittering with tears and his cheeks drenched in them.  
  
She looked at him and she wanted to ask him to forgive her all the awful things she had done to him, all the terrible things she had said to him, all the times she had hurt him. Wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right.  
  
Most of all she wanted to beg him to come back with her, she couldn't face the thought of not seeing him anymore, not talking to him or banter with him over stupid things that didn't really matter. God, she would miss that too much! She needed to tell him that she was more than sure of the fact that if she couldn't even IMAGINE a Sunnydale.a life. without him, then she would never be able to cope with the truth of him not being there anymore.  
  
Suddenly he got up from his kneeling position at her side, running out of the room and yelling something down the stairs before he came back again, sinking down beside her and she felt his cool fingers against the wound again.  
  
"Fight for me, love," he said and looked into her eyes, such determination in his gaze that her eyes grew teary.  
  
Always, she thought. Always I'll fight for you!  
  
She opened her mouth to tell him that but her voice broke before she could even get one syllable out, and she coughed dryly.  
  
Sarah came into the room with a bowl in her hands and Jacob followed, ripping a sheet into shreds. Spike grabbed a handful and pressed them against her side as he kept mumbling to her, saying things that barely made sense and she understood that he was trying to keep himself calm as much as he was trying to keep her from falling into a coma.  
  
Sarah watched William work frantically to save the life of the woman he loved and she knew instantly that if Buffy made it, Sarah couldn't let him stay in England, stay behind. He had to go back, where he belonged. She knew that despite what he said, or told himself, he couldn't watch Buffy leave, it would break his heart.  
  
Buffy looked at Spike a moment longer, then a movement caught her eye and she turned her head a little to the side and looked at the window, her eyes widening as they rested in two glowing ones outside of it.  
  
She raised a hand weakly and pointed, opening her mouth, this time to try and warn the others, but she only started to cough again. Spike looked up though, following in the direction of her hand he got to his feet, staring at the creature as well.  
  
"Show time." he grumbled. "Sarah, Jacob, block the door."  
  
The two did this without further encouragement as they heard the soft thumping of feet downstairs. They closed the door and joined forces in pulling one of the heavy bookcases in front of it.  
  
Spike had moved up to the window, the creature outside had disappeared as he approached and Spike was gazing outside as the sound of breaking glass suddenly was heard, a wrinkly hand sticking in through a broken pane to his left. He grabbed it and there was a loud shriek before it was forcefully pulled back.  
  
Then another pane broke, this time right next to Spike's head and he ducked away when he heard a zinging sound by his ear.  
  
"You little shit-head, come here!" he growled as he reached out a hand through the splinters of the pane and grabbed the creature outside. "You think that'd be enough to kill me, eh?" he added as the creature fought to get out of his grip.  
  
"William." Sarah suddenly said behind him and at the sound of the horror in her voice he turned around, questioning.  
  
His eyes locked on Sarah who was looking towards the bed. His throat bundled up and the grip on the demon outside hardened as he followed her gaze and stopped on Buffy, who was holding a fresh set of sheet shreds to her wound, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow as Jacob worked at her side. He realized that Sarah wasn't looking at this scenario when he heard a small breaking sound coming from the corner of the room, beyond the bed.  
  
His eyes widened as he looked up and stared at the mirror.  
  
In the middle of it was a small hole and from it, stretching upwards and downwards, was a thick crack. He swallowed hard, the demon seeing its chance and tearing loose. Spike swore as he pulled his hand back inside, but did it really matter now?  
  
He looked at Sarah who had turned to him, and then he nodded slowly.  
  
"Say the words," he mumbled, walking past her and up to the bed, looking down on Buffy he added: "Open it up."  
  
Sarah drew a small breath.  
  
"Will, I don't think it can."  
  
"I know," he interrupted as he bent down and lifted Buffy in his arms. "Open it up."  
  
Sarah's eyes filled with tears again as she walked up to the mirror, raising her hand and saying the words. The mirror glass seemed to take a fraction of a moment longer to have the wave slowly go through it as it started to grow silvery.  
  
Buffy felt his arms around her and she looked up at him. The mixed pain and determination in his eyes scared her as she felt him taking a step forward. Then he gently let go of her legs, putting her down to stand up, leaning heavily against him.  
  
She swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture into her mouth, onto her tongue, down her throat.  
  
"Time to go, love," he whispered as he reached up and gently stroked her hair. "Be strong. you always are, aren't you?" He smiled a little and she felt her eyes water with tears as she tried to understand what he was talking about. "You'll always be something special, Slayer," he said, nodding slightly and then tilting his head a little as he added: "Remember that."  
  
She stared at him and then shifted her eyes to Sarah who looked back at her before glancing to something at Buffy's side. Buffy slowly turned her head and her eyes fell on the mirror.  
  
Oh God, it's breaking! she thought, her eyes widening even more as she looked back at him.  
  
And now she could interpret the expression in his eyes.  
  
She felt a small moan rise out of her throat as she slowly shook her head. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear:  
  
"Tell Red thanks, something she asked me once helped me. And tell Dawn I'm sorry, and that I love her. Let her think of me in a good way."  
  
Buffy blinked away the tears, still shaking her head. What did he think she would let Dawn remember him as if not the way the younger sister had been able to see him long before she had? Her head started spinning and she was getting nauseous, the blood loss was seriously getting to her now and she drew a shaky breath as he pulled away from her.  
  
He took a step towards the mirror, pulling her gently with him and she grabbed a hold of his shoulders, looking into his eyes and trying to muster as much decisiveness she could as she shook her head firmly.  
  
She was struggling to get any kind of sound out, for crying out loud it was getting on the border to ridiculous!  
  
He smiled again, bending down and brushing his lips against her forehead before he pulled back and took a careful hold on her arms. She looked into his eyes and that part inside her, that had almost been severly damaged when she saw him walk away from her with the lord, was screaming at her to do something or it WOULD break and it didn't know where that would leave her.  
  
"Spike," she finally got out, her voice so hoarse that it almost didn't come out. "No." she added and he seemed to draw a small breath.  
  
He looked at her for a moment longer and she could see a thousand memories tucked away in the pools of those blue eyes. Then he turned her around and pushed her through the mirror glass.  
  
The crack in the middle off it was like a barrier and she almost had to duck as she stumbled through the cold and into the heat. She fell head first out of the mirror, landing with a hard thud on the floor of her living room.  
  
She spun around towards the mirror again, catching a glimpse of the room on the other side of it and the shape of him and then the spiders web that was crawling out from the hole in the glass spread its fingers over the entire mirror, making it come loose from the edges of the frame and with an ear numbing shatter it fell to the floor in a thousand pieces. 


	34. Chapter ThirtyFour

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Four  
  
By Annie  
  
05-21-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her heart wasn't beating, it just wasn't beating anymore, and still the pounding of her pulse was relentless in her ears as she stared at the now empty frame of the mirror.  
  
She couldn't move, a feeling she had felt more than once over the stretch of the past week, still this was a different kind of immobility. It was heavy and surrounded every nerve in her entire body with a suffocating sense of its presence.  
  
Her mind was suffering from it too, her thoughts damp and slow with a shock that she couldn't understand, it went too deep.  
  
And her heart wasn't beating anymore.  
  
Her eyes blinked without her brain signaling it, her throat swallowed dryly without her thoughts having anything to do with it.  
  
She had no idea how long she was there, sprawled out on the floor with her eyes locked on the mirror frame, her upper body prompted up on her elbows and the dress growing stiff with the drying blood soaking it.  
  
She could suddenly feel the rebuilding her body was under and that was what made her slowly become aware of something else than the emptiness spreading inside of her. She turned her head lazily, looking around the room with eyes still unseeing and a heart still reluctant to beat in her chest.  
  
Then there was a rush in her head and the room spun around her, she dropped down on the floor, trying to make it stop, and then she remembered: water. She rolled over on her stomach, dragged herself up on her knees and finally she was standing, unsteadily making her way into the kitchen and not bothering with a glass she turned on the faucet and bent down, sticking her mouth under the flow of cool liquid.  
  
She drank greedily.  
  
Turning it off again she wiped her mouth with the back of one hand before slowly turning her head to the opening into the living room through which she could see the mirror. She drew a small breath at the sight of it, not really knowing why.  
  
She drew a deeper breath as she moved forwards again, the skirt of the dress hanging heavy from the seam of the dress' waist line and she stopped, looking down on herself.  
  
The previously blue velvet of the skirt was almost black and she stared at it with a frown growing on her forehead.  
  
"I shouldn't be alive." she mumbled hoarsly. "I've lost so much blood."  
  
Then she realized what else she was wearing and she closed her eyes as a sob escaped her throat, but no tears were rising in her eyes to make it company as she gently put her arms around her and felt the cool leather of Spike's duster against her fingers.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Willow pulled out her key as Dawn came up the few steps of the porch to join her by the front door.  
  
"Did you have a good day at school today, Dawnie?" Willow asked with a small smile as the teen made a sour expression.  
  
"They are absolutely, totally freaking out," she stated as Willow pushed the door open and then stepped inside, the younger following in her footsteps and throwing her backpack on the stairs.  
  
"Who are?" Willow asked, still smiling as she closed the door and turned to Dawn.  
  
"The TEACHERS!" Dawn exclaimed, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. "They are seriously possessed or something, you have no IDEA how much homework I got today, for TOMORROW!" she cried and Willow grinned.  
  
"Wanna compare?" she asked and Dawn sighed, turning around to walk ahead into the kitchen.  
  
"I'm just saying that being a teenager these days are confusing enough not to have to deal with math, and bio, and chem. and I don't wanna THINK about what else, not to mention.Buffy?"  
  
Dawn stopped dead in her tracks as she entered the kitchen and turned her head to her left, her eyes falling on the familiar figure of her sister sitting on the floor of the living room.  
  
"Oh my God, Buffy!" she exclaimed happily as she ran through the doorway and sunk down by her sister's side, throwing her arms around her and hugging her hard.  
  
Buffy smiled a little at the feeling of her sister's embrace and carefully put her own arms around her as well.  
  
"Hi, Dawn," she said silently, her voice finally functional in her throat, and Dawn pulled away, standing up and beaming down at her.  
  
"I KNEW you'd be back soon and you WERE!" she said, smiling widely. "So, saved the world again, huh?" she added with a grin and Buffy smiled at that, getting to her feet and looking over Dawn's shoulder at Willow.  
  
"Hey, Will," she said and Willow smiled tentatively as she walked into the room and embraced her friend.  
  
"I'm so happy you're back, and safe and everything," Willow mumbled, the insecurity growing in her chest as Buffy's grip was much looser than usual when she hugged Willow back.  
  
"Me too," Buffy agreed, nodding slightly before they pulled away.  
  
"So," Dawn said, "how long have you been home? Why didn't you call the school or something?"  
  
Buffy frowned a little at that.  
  
"Because I didn't want you to interrupt your school work just because I'm back from yet another crazy crusade," she answered, her voice serious but she was smiling a little and Dawn giggled.  
  
"England didn't change you much, did it?" she asked and turned to walk up to the couch and sit down, not noticing the sudden expression on Buffy's face, raw pain.  
  
Willow, however, did notice it and her heart started to sink in her chest as it confirmed that something was seriously wrong. Then the look was gone and Buffy smiled a little at her before walking up to join Dawn on the couch.  
  
"I don't know exactly what time I got back this morning." Buffy said as she sat down beside Dawn, Willow now coming up to them as well and taking a seat in the armchair opposite them. "It's a little.hazy. I've had time to shower.Change my clothes, and you do NOT wanna see the clothes I came here in, I can assure you that! And.well, clean up the glass, of course."  
  
The last she mumbled as her eyes grew thoughtful and Willow stirred a little, looking over her shoulder and her gaze falling on the mirror, now only the frame remaining. Dawn stared at Buffy and then at Willow, following her gaze. Her eyes widening as she swallowed hard, licking her lips hesitantly before asking:  
  
"Did Spike go to his crypt or something?"  
  
Buffy didn't look at her at first and Dawn felt her heart start to beat hard in her chest.  
  
"Buffy, did Spike go home or is he still here?"  
  
Now Buffy slowly turned her eyes up at her and Dawn stared at the expression in them as her own started filling with tears. She swallowed again, blinking and the tears running over she felt like her chest was sinking in, she shook her head.  
  
"He.he didn't.?" she asked, and Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking firmly into Dawn's and taking a gentle hold on her sisters hand she said:  
  
"He wanted you to know that he's sorry, and that he. loves you," she said, her soul trembling at how calm her voice sounded.  
  
Dawn stared at her, now in disbelief.  
  
"What happened?" she asked.  
  
"He saved my life," Buffy answered and Dawn's eyes widened. "The mirror.it broke before he could.Dawn, it was all for the best, you ha-."  
  
"What?!" Dawn almost screamed getting to her feet. "What the HELL did you just say?"  
  
Buffy's gaze hardened a little.  
  
"I don't appreciate you using that kind of."  
  
"I don't give a crap about what you think," Dawn said, her voice unsteady with anger and the resentment was growing in her eyes as she stared at Buffy.  
  
Buffy swallowed, getting to her feet and reaching out a hand to her sister, wanting to explain, but Dawn took a step back.  
  
"Don't touch me," she said, voice lowered. "Don't EVER touch me again!" she then exclaimed before spinning around, racing out of the room and up the stairs.  
  
Buffy stared after her, then sighed a little and turned to Willow.  
  
"Good old Sunnydale, huh?" she asked and smiled slightly, not feeling comfortable under Willow's gaze she moved around the table and walked up to the mirror. "I've been trying to figure out what to do with this." she mumbled, reaching out a hand and stroking the carvings of the frame.  
  
Willow got off the armchair and came up to her.  
  
"You're not fooling me, and you know that, don't you?" she asked kindly and Buffy drew a deep breath, turning her head to her friend.  
  
"What do you mean, Will?" she asked, letting her hand fall off the frame and crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for a reply.  
  
Willow smiled a little.  
  
"You don't look so good," she stated. "And this whole bravado act isn't fooling me one bit."  
  
"Well," Buffy said tiredly, shrugging a little. "I probably don't look too good considering I almost lost all the blood in my body right before I went through the mirror." she then grumbled and Willow's eyes enlarged.  
  
"Spike?" she asked, the surprise in her voice surprising Buffy a little as she looked at her friend with a weak smile, shaking her head.  
  
"God, no," she answered and Willow smiled slightly as well, nodding.  
  
Then Buffy grabbed the hem of the sweater she was wearing and pulled it up, Willow's eyes widening again as they rested on the long white scar stretching almost from Buffy's bellybutton to her side and as Buffy twisted a little she could see it didn't end until it was an inch or so away from her spine.  
  
"Who did THAT?" she breathed and Buffy let her sweater down again before putting her arms around her.  
  
"A demon," she said. "Will, the mirror did something to the wound. It sealed it or something. I know it sounds a little weird," Willow raised her eyebrows to that and Buffy smiled a little. "Okay, not so much but.Willow, he pushed me through it 'cause it was breaking and he saved my life. What I said to Dawn. It didn't come out right," she mumbled and Willow reached out a hand and took a hold of hers.  
  
"You need to tell me everything that's happened," Willow said and Buffy looked at her for a moment, an expression in her eyes that Willow found a little hard to interpret, and then she nodded.  
  
"Yes," she said. "But not now, I need to.clear my head a little."  
  
Willow nodded to that, releasing her hand.  
  
"Do you think I still have a job at the Double Meat?" Buffy asked and Willow smiled.  
  
"I don't know, you should call them."  
  
Buffy nodded, drawing a breath and for the hundredth time pushing the picture of Spike's face, Spike's eyes, the feel of Spike's touch out of her head.  
  
"Yes," she mumbled, "I should do that."  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy slammed the door shut. Her neck was pounding from the grip that last vamp had gotten on her and her stomach felt like it was twirling inside of her. She clenched her jaws together as the pain shot through her right foot when she took a step forward, it had hit a vamp in the chest at a screwed up angle and she had damn near sprained it.  
  
"A bath." she mumbled as she walked through the kitchen. "And then."  
  
She stopped as she heard low sobbing to her right and she turned her head towards the dark opening leading into the living room. Her heart started beating when she recognized the crying and she carefully made her way into the room, seeing the silhouette of Dawn slumped down at the same spot she herself had been in earlier that day, in front of the mirror.  
  
She hesitated a moment before approaching her sister, they hadn't talked all day and she was afraid Dawn would simply recoil. But as she kneeled beside her, Dawn reached out her arms and soon they embraced.  
  
"I can't believe it," Dawn whispered, trying to hold back the sobs long enough to get the words out. "I don't want to."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes, the emptiness inside scratching against her skin and she wished she could cry, or scream or do something but there was nothing to be done.  
  
"I know you don't," she whispered, reaching up a hand to stroke it over Dawn's hair. "But.it's dangerous to get stuck in that kind of thinking. He's gone, Dawn. And this time he won't be coming back."  
  
"How can you know that?" Dawn asked, pulling away a little to look at her sister, the moonlight falling in through the windows making the tears in her eyes glimmer. "You KNOW him, he'll find a way to."  
  
"The mirror is broken, Dawn," Buffy interrupted softly. "It's completely broken as in not fixable. He WON'T come back, Dawnie, not because he doesn't want to see you again, but because he CAN'T."  
  
The tears gathering in Dawn's eyes spilled over and joined the rest of the previous ones on her cheeks as she sobbed loudly again.  
  
"I don't want him to be gone, Buffy," she cried and put her arms tightly around her sister again.  
  
"I know." Buffy mumbled. "I know."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"We'll need your signature here and.here."  
  
Buffy took the pen the man held out at her and signed her name on the small lines, nodding her thank you to the two men as they left, closing the front door behind them.  
  
"Thank you!" Dawn cried as she flung herself around her sister's neck. "And it wasn't TOO expensive, was it?" she added with a meaningful smile and Buffy sighed a little, smiling as well.  
  
"No, not TOO expensive, but you'll have to consider it an early birthday gift or something," she stated and Dawn smiled widely.  
  
"Does that mean I can have it in my room?" she asked and Buffy frowned a little, the look in her eyes suddenly so far away that Dawn hastily added: "Or we could keep it in the living room, I mean, it looks so good in there anyway, right?"  
  
Buffy smiled a little, patting her arm and Dawn felt relived that she seemed to have rejoined the earthlings, and her.  
  
"Okay, then.you want it in the living room?" she asked as they walked into the room in question and making a gesture towards the mirror.  
  
Buffy walked up to it, stopping a few feet away and looking into the new mirror glass they had just put in the frame, after a LOT of begging from Dawn's part.  
  
"Yes," she nodded, turning from it towards Dawn. "I want it in here."  
  
Dawn smiled a little tryingly and Buffy smiled back before walking into the kitchen.  
  
Dawn looked at her own reflection in the glass, wishing that Buffy would talk to her. Four days had gone by since she got back, four weird days without seeing Spike, four days of really strange behavior from her sister. Dawn frowned a little, turning around and following Buffy.  
  
"Buffy," she said as she joined her in the kitchen, leaning on her elbows against the breakfast table in the middle of it.  
  
Buffy turned from the pot of tea she was making with a questioning look in her eyes.  
  
"Why won't you talk to me about what happened?" Dawn asked and Buffy's eyes grew distant again before she turned back to the tea.  
  
"I will," she mumbled. "I just.There's just so much that I don't know where to start."  
  
Dawn frowned again, she had a good idea of where she WANTED Buffy to start and now she didn't want to hold it back anymore, there were too many questions unanswered.  
  
"Did something happen between you and Spike? Every time anyone mentions his name you get this really thoughtful look on you face and you always look so.so sad."  
  
Buffy had drawn a small breath at the sound of his name and now she exhaled slowly, memories washing over her and she swallowed hard, not turning to Dawn she answered:  
  
"I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to tell him that.what he did for me was." she trailed off and Dawn waited impatiently for a few moments before pressing:  
  
"What DID he do for you? Did he ONLY save your life? It seems like you."  
  
"Dammit!" Buffy exclaimed, staring at the watch on the kitchen wall. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I promise I'll do the best-sister-in-the-world thing when I get back from work, okay? I'm supposed to take a double shift today and it starts.well, NOW!"  
  
Dawn watched as her sister gathered up her belongings and hurried out of the room, a brief kiss on the cheek was a quick good-bye. Dawn sighed.  
  
"Sure," she grumbled. "Fine. Whatever."  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Look at him! He's not worth more than three and that IS my final offer."  
  
Xander stared at his love as she put her chin up to prove exactly how serious she was on the matter and the creature who was selling him to her huffed and grumbled as he cut Xander's hands free.  
  
"Well, then," Anya said, handing over a small basket that sounded suspiciously like it was meowing.  
  
"Don't tell me that was." he began but she had already turned away from him and was walking into the crowded market place. "Anya!" he called out and hurried after her.  
  
She turned when he caught up with her, the hurt and anger in her eyes making him stop in front of her.  
  
"Anya," he said again, this time pleading.  
  
"Anyanka," she corrected him coldly and he furrowed his brow, not following. "My NAME is Anyanka," she explained. "Not Anya."  
  
Now he stared at her and she sighed, shaking her head a little.  
  
"Do you think I would've come down here if I was still.human?" she asked and he took a small step back, his eyes looking shocked into hers.  
  
She drew a small breath.  
  
"Well, good-bye Alexander," she said before turning around again and walking away from him.  
  
Xander watched her leave, his heart sinking. Couldn't be. It couldn't be true.  
  
"Why did you help me, then?" he yelled after her and she stopped once more, turning to him she came up to him again.  
  
"Because even though you ripped my heart out and hopped on it on the most sacred of all days for a woman, I think I owe you more than to just stand by when you're sold off to some.demon," she answered him and he swallowed, trying to find the words.  
  
"But you just bought me," he said and her eyebrows shot up. "So I WAS sold off to a demon," he mumbled and she stared at him for a moment.  
  
"Xander, you are the ONLY one in the entire universe who would say something like that right now!" she yelled at him. "Y-you're supposed to sweep me off my feet, for God's sake, not tell me things I already know! You idiot!"  
  
Then she twirled around, rushing off.  
  
He collected himself quickly, making up his mind even faster and running after her.  
  
"Anya! I mean, Anyanka!" he yelled and finally caught up with her, grabbing her by the wrist and making her stop. "I'm so sorry," he gasped and she looked at him, eyes growing into slits as she pulled her hand out of his grip and then shrugged a little.  
  
"It's too late for 'I'm sorry'," she stated and he drew a breath, feeling his heart start to pace a little normally in his chest.  
  
"Then.I want you to know," he said, "that I didn't leave you at the altar," there was a gasp from the closest by-standers as some of them started to openly listen to the conversation, Xander ignored them as he continued: "I didn't leave you because I didn't love you, I was scared, that's all."  
  
"Oh," she said, raising her eyebrows. "Oh, that's ALL?" she said loudly. "I see, so YOU decided that you were scared on our WEDDING DAY, and instead of TALKING to me about it you just ran off?!"  
  
"That.man.The demon." he started but she cut him off.  
  
"Oh BAH, Xander, don't try to blame it on that. YOU made the decision and you made it because you believed what that demon said to you, you believed that we wouldn't be happy," she stated, her eyes filled with the same hurt and rage that he had seen in them minutes before. "And that's what hurts the most. You didn't trust our love to be strong enough."  
  
"I DO trust it, Anya. I love you SO much and I miss you with all of my heart. I-I can't go on without you."  
  
Anya felt her heart leap in her chest and she tried to keep it down but it wouldn't work with her and she drew a breath.  
  
"Tough," she said and turned from him again.  
  
"Anya, please! I'm BEGGING you!" he cried, going down on both knees and grabbing her long skirt he made her stop again. "I love you, please, give me one more chance, ONE more chance and I SWEAR to you that I'll make it all worth it."  
  
Anya closed her eyes a little, frowning. Then she turned back to him and looked into his eyes.  
  
"This will take a LOT of making up for," she said, and his eyes widened a little as he nodded. "This will take bunches and bunches of a lot to make up for," he slowly got off his knees, getting up and still nodding. "This will take a long time to make up for," she said and he stopped nodding, smiling a little.  
  
She could see the small marks of relief start to grow on his face and she smiled a little too.  
  
"I love you," she whispered as she stepped into his arms, feeling them close around her she sighed. "I've missed you too." 


	35. Chapter ThirtyFive

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Five  
  
By Annie  
  
05-21-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Buffy."  
  
She looked up at the sound of his voice. He looked a little surprised to see her and then he said:  
  
"You should be careful. Never know what kinda villain's got a knife at your back," as he shifted his right hand a little, showing off the heavy weapon he was holding.  
  
She just kept looking at him and the sense of déjà vu was growing stronger. Then she moved her eyes and noticed that the knuckles of his right hand were bloody.  
  
"Your hand is hurt," she mumbled with a small gesture and he looked at her for a moment before nodding towards her own saying:  
  
"Same with you."  
  
She looked down and realized that he was right, then she raised her shoulders, digging her hands into her pockets and saying:  
  
"Right."  
  
She stared at him, the sense of him was so strong.But she knew now that this was nothing but a memory and she wanted to cry over it, wanted to at least be able to use it and step up to him, have his arms around her again. Then he spoke and all that was, was his eyes, so sad, so gentle, as they looked at her, his words drifting into her head.  
  
"That Willow's getting pretty strong, isn't she? Bringing you back. It's hard to get a good night's death around here. You can sit down, got furniture. You should see the downstairs too, 's quite posh.  
  
"I do remember what I said.the promise.to protect her. If I had done that, even if I didn't make it.you wouldn't 've had to jump.  
  
"But I want you to know that I did save you. Not when it mattered, of course, but after that. I'd see it all again and do something different. More faster, more clever, more. Dozens of times, lots of different ways.  
  
Every night I'd save you."  
  
  
  
"Spike! No.don't. Spike!"  
  
"Buffy! Buffy! Wake up!"  
  
She woke with a gasp and sat up, Dawn's hands still on her shoulders and her body sleek with sweat her eyes darted around the room.  
  
"Dawn?" she finally whispered and Dawn nodded slowly, her eyes huge as she stared at her sister. "W-what happened?" the Slayer asked as she tried to calm her breathing. "Are you all right?"  
  
Dawn nodded again, letting go of her grip and sitting back a little.  
  
"Are YOU all right?" she asked and Buffy frowned slightly.  
  
"I.Yes, I think so," she said slowly. "Why did you wake me up?"  
  
Dawn's eyes grew slightly larger at that question.  
  
"Eh. You were screaming in your sleep," she answered and now Buffy's eyes grew in surprise, sudden images of the lord and Spike in the air and Spike on the ground with her blood on him rushing into her head and she closed her eyes. "You were screaming for Spike," Dawn now added and Buffy nodded slowly.  
  
"I'm all right," she then said, looking at Dawn again. "Go back to sleep, Dawn. You have school tomorrow."  
  
"But."  
  
"I'm all right," Buffy repeated. "Please, don't ask me to talk about this now."  
  
Dawn eyed her for a moment and then nodded slowly.  
  
"Okay," she said, getting off the bed and walking to the door before turning around and saying: "I hope, when you're ready, you'll tell me what's going on with you."  
  
Then she left and Buffy stared at the doorway for a long while before getting out of bed and walking down the stairs to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and drank it, refilling it and drinking that too before putting the glass in the sink and turning to walk into the living room.  
  
She sunk down on her knees in front of the mirror, staring into the glass, into her own eyes.  
  
The emptiness swallowing her fully, this being the only place she ever dared let it.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Willow opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at the watch on her bedside table.  
  
Close to two a.m.  
  
She threw the covers off and slid to the edge of her bed, quietly getting off it and walking to her bedroom door. She opened it carefully before stepping outside.  
  
She made her way down the hallway, noticing that Buffy's door was opened she frowned slightly, shaking her head a little to herself before walking up to the stairs and silently stepping down it. She walked up to the doorway leading into the living room, stopping by the frame of it, and drew a small breath as her eyes landed on Buffy.  
  
God, Buffy, she thought, feeling her heart ache for her friend. Why won't you talk to me?  
  
Ever since the first night Buffy had been back, five nights ago now, Willow had woken up at the same time. The first night she had had an urge to go check on her friend and she had been surprised not to find Buffy in her bed. When she had gone to look for her she had found her where she currently observed her, and there she had been the other nights as well, sitting in that same spot, not moving, and now as Willow could see her friends reflection she wished even more that Buffy would just TELL her what was going on.  
  
She had such a lost expression on her face that Willow just wanted to hold her but she had an even stronger feeling that she shouldn't approach her.  
  
Now the Slayer suddenly slowly raised one hand and her reflection did the same, the palms met and Willow stared wondering at her friend.  
  
Then she suddenly felt like she was spying, like she was intruding on something extremely personal and she turned away, stealthily moving back up the stairs again and into her room. She sunk down on her bed, pulling the covers up and starting to miss Tara something awful.  
  
She closed her eyes and hoped she'd dream of her.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy opened her closet door the next morning, pausing as her eyes caught the black leather of the trench coat hanging in the back. She bit her lip a little, frowning slightly to herself before she couldn't resist reaching out a hand and run her fingers over the texture of it.  
  
Everything hurt. Everything had some kind of a memory behind it. Everything reflected him.  
  
She drew back her hand, closing the door just as Dawn walked in.  
  
"Ready?" she asked and Buffy turned to her.  
  
"Uh-huh," she answered, smiling a little. "Let's go."  
  
As they came down the stairs the front door opened and Willow came in with a glowing look on her face.  
  
"Xander's back!" she exclaimed happily.  
  
Buffy's eyes grew a little and then she smiled, relieved that he was all right and back where he belonged. She had given him two weeks, which meant that had he been gone two more days it was 'Hello, Hellmouth' for her; this fact being waved off by the greater one of him being home.  
  
"And what about Anya?" Dawn asked and Willow smiled brighter.  
  
"She's with him!"  
  
Dawn smiled widely at that as well.  
  
"We need to go now, though," Buffy said and Dawn grabbed her backpack, nodding but smiling.  
  
"See you later," she said to Willow who nodded, also still smiling.  
  
Buffy wanted some kind of feeling to bubble up inside her at these wonderful news. Her best friend had survived the ultimate test to get the lady he loved back, and he had GOTTEN her back. Still she felt numb, she felt cold and strange and it wasn't because she didn't want to be in Sunnydale, it wasn't because she didn't want to be around her friends, around her family.  
  
She looked up at the sky as she stepped off the porch, the sun stretching its rays to stroke her skin.  
  
He wouldn't be happy here anyway, she thought to herself as she and Dawn started walking. Remember, he CHOSE to stay there even before the whole mirror crashing thing. But I didn't get to tell him what I wanted him to know. I didn't get to ask him to come back with me. Come back FOR me.  
  
She frowned slightly, drawing a breath.  
  
But, her thoughts carried on, what would it have meant? If he had been able to come back, would I have. Do I? Am I?  
  
"Buffy, is everything okay? You seem kinda.not here," Dawn's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned her head, smiling faintly.  
  
"Sorry, Dawn, I'm just."  
  
".thinking," Dawn finished for her and Buffy smiled a little.  
  
"Yeah, been doing that a lot lately, huh?" she asked and Dawn nodded, then she reached out a hand and threaded her arm with Buffy's.  
  
"I understand," she said. "You have a lot to think about and stuff. I mean. if you need to talk."  
  
"I'll come to you," Buffy said with a smile and Dawn returned it.  
  
"You'd better," she stated.  
  
An hour later Buffy entered the Magic Box where Anya was in her cleano- neato-frenzy mood and was putting everything back in order.  
  
"I leave this place for a few weeks and it looks like you took a jar of spiders and just set them loose in here?" she complained as she swiped with a rag at one of the many shelves, the sound of the bell by the entrance door making both her and Xander look up at Buffy, entering. "Buffy!" Anya exclaimed smiling. "I'm back!"  
  
Buffy smiled patiently, nodding.  
  
"So I heard," she said. "Sorry we didn't bring out the balloons and party hats for you guys," she added semi-serious. "There's just been a lot going on lately."  
  
"Yes, Xander told me about the whole time travel thingy," Anya nodded. "Sounds very interesting. I would love to hear the story of your trip, only I think I already know the ending." Buffy raised her eyebrows a little at that and Anay smiled. "The world is still here, right? So, I guess whatever you and Spike went there to do you accomplished," she finished and Buffy smiled weakly.  
  
"Yeah, you could say that," she agreed, walking into the shop and down the steps to walk up to Xander who was sitting at the low table across the room from the cash counter.  
  
"So," Xander said as he closed the book he was reading and put it down. "Tell me how proud you are," he continued with a smile. "Tell me how incredibly proud you are over how well I've learned from you."  
  
"I heard something about almost being sold at a slave market," Buffy said with a teasing smile and he huffed.  
  
"Oh, THAT, well, that was really nothing. No biggy. I was JUST about to get myself out of there when Anya strolled up and offered to buy me. Of course I didn't want to object and so."  
  
"Xander," Anya interrupted with a glare and Xander smiled a little.  
  
"All that you've heard is true and please save me from the wrath of that woman."  
  
Buffy shook her head at him and then she drew a breath, sighing.  
  
"What?" Xander asked, suddenly sounding a little worried. "Is everything all right?"  
  
Buffy looked away from him for a moment, then turned back and nodded.  
  
"I AM proud of you, Xander," she said and he furrowed his brow slightly at that, still a smile spread across his face. "I'm proud of you that you went down there for something you believed in, and you got it!" she added, the sadness growing in her eyes as she looked down again.  
  
"Buffy?" Xander asked and Buffy got to her feet, shrugging a little.  
  
"Spike is.He's not coming back," she said and now Xander smiled widely.  
  
"Good riddance!" he stated. "Finally one less baddy to worry about around here."  
  
Buffy stared at him, clenching her jaws tightly together as she searched for the right words.  
  
"Xander," she said, her voice slightly unsteady. "He saved my life more than once. I think he deserves a little bit more respect than that, don't you?"  
  
Xander's eyebrows shot up as he got to his feet.  
  
"What?" he asked, surprised as he looked at the hardening expression on his friends face.  
  
"Don't talk about him like that," Buffy said firmly. "Please," she added and Xander stared at her.  
  
"He's a killer!" Xander exclaimed. "He's a demon," he stated and Anya straightened her back a little at that. Xander noticed and added: "The BAD kind."  
  
"What gives you the right to judge him?" Buffy asked and Xander huffed with disbelief.  
  
"You can't be serious," he said and Buffy frowned slightly.  
  
"I'm more than serious, Xander," she answered him. "Something happened when we were away. A lot of things happened, actually. Xander, you weren't there and so you just have to take my word for it, he's changed."  
  
Xander gaped at her.  
  
"Changed?!" he exploded. "Well, let me bring out the frigging pat-on-the- shoulder-for-a-job-well-done act, then, Buffy! I mean, I'll thank him, honestly, for saving your life. I love you, I wouldn't have it any other way. But you CANNOT be serious about him changing! You almost sound like."  
  
He cut himself off, shaking his head, but Buffy took a step forward, an angry glow in her eyes.  
  
"I saw something in him this past week that I have NEVER seen in a demon before," she said, her voice strained and Xander's eyes grew looking into hers as they were streaked with pain. "I saw compassion. The ever-oh-so- important chip stopped working, you see, and he let TWO people GO! Now, you look me in the eyes, Xander, and you tell me that isn't changing."  
  
Xander drew a breath and shook his head slowly.  
  
"Did you SEE him let these people go?" he asked and she straightened her back a little.  
  
"Yes, one of them, the other I read about in the."  
  
"You ARE kidding, aren't you?" Xander asked, smiling tryingly.  
  
Buffy looked away from him.  
  
"You weren't there," she repeated and Xander huffed.  
  
"You're right, I wasn't. But I have watched that THING try to kill me, Willow, you, everybody that I care for and you are standing there, telling me that you think he's changed. I'm sorry if I don't fall on my knees with relief," he said and Buffy looked up at him, frowning deeply.  
  
"He loves me," she said and at this Xander almost recoiled, she continued: "I don't doubt his love for me for one second. And if I don't doubt that, then HOW can I believe that he hasn't changed? He didn't kill because of it."  
  
"He didn't kill TWO PEOPLE because of it," Xander interrupted. "What about the times when he could've snuck out and gone on another damn rampage of death and destruction? Did you watch him twenty-four -seven, Buff? He's a DEMON!"  
  
"So am I," Anya now stated as she come up to him, Buffy's eyes widening a little. "And you," Anya continued, "still begged for forgiveness. You still LOVE me, Xander, so STOP this bickering about 'demons this' and 'demons that'. Please!"  
  
Xander looked at her and then at Buffy.  
  
"Don't judge him," Buffy said, her voice trembling slightly and her eyes growing blank with tears. "I won't stand for it."  
  
Xander bit his jaws together. He had to admit, there had been times when he had almost felt sorry for the poor creature, when the pain the vampire was under just seemed to ooze out of him. Still, this was almost too much to take in.  
  
"So, in other words, you trust him?" he asked and Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded slowly.  
  
"Yes," she said, growing calm. "I do."  
  
Xander shook his head a little at that.  
  
"You're blind," he mumbled and Buffy held his eyes before saying:  
  
"No, I can finally see."  
  
"I just don't believe I'm hearing this," Xander murmured, sitting down on the chair again.  
  
"If it wasn't for him." she drew a breath, trying to hold back the sudden tears. "If it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be here now," she finished and Xander sighed a little. "Xander, he pushed me through the mirror and then it broke. It's gone. Like I said, he won't be coming back. I just can't speak of him in past sentence, it's just. He's not dead."  
  
Xander looked up at that, staring at Buffy.  
  
"Buff, he IS dead. You are REALLY starting to freak me out now! He's a VAMPIRE. He IS dead."  
  
Buffy looked at him, swallowing the tears and starting towards the door.  
  
"I know," she said. "That's not what I meant."  
  
Xander got up and followed her, now determined to get some answers out of her.  
  
"What DID you mean, then?" he asked and she stopped, hand on the doorknob, before turning her head to him.  
  
"I mean that." she trailed off, and then she smiled brightly. "Never mind," she added before opening the door and stepping outside. "I'll see you guys later. Welcome back! And.it's good to see you together."  
  
Then she stepped outside, shutting the door behind her she looked around at the familiar buildings and remembering that over there he had caught up with her once, after she had had a really hard fight with a gang of vamps and coming out of it standing, walking beside her he had nodded slightly and complimented her on a job well done. And over there he had waited for her more times than one to ask if she wanted company on her patrol. And over there.  
  
She closed her eyes, shaking her head a little as she started walking home.  
  
  
  
***  
  
His hands were running over her body and she moaned a little as she stretched with pleasure, her eyes closed and her mouth a little open. His lips were on her skin now, gliding over her stomach and up to her right breast, softly kissing it before moving to her throat. She slid her arms around his neck and opened her eyes, drawing a breath as he entered her carefully and looking into his eyes. She smiled a little as he did the same and then he bent down and let his mouth find hers. She wrapped her legs around his waist, moving easily with him and she felt her breathing start to get deeper as she got closer.  
  
She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness of her bedroom. Her body was aching from the dream, aching with a need for him to be there with her in the dark, holding her, touching her, loving her.  
  
She let hear a soft groan, her covers in a tangle at her feet she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and got off it. She paused a moment and then opened the closet door, reaching without hesitation into it and grabbing a gentle hold once she felt the leather of the duster beneath her fingers. She pulled it off its hook and brought it out, holding it to her as she silently walked out of the room and through the hallway to the stairs.  
  
She slipped down and into the kitchen, bringing out a glass of water and doing the ritual she had started since she'd been back; filling it up to the brim two times and drinking the liquid quickly. She was always thirsty around this time of night, it seemed.  
  
She put the glass in the sink and turned to the gaping black hole leading into the living room. The mirror glass was reflecting the soft moonlight falling in through the windows and she walked through the doorway, her legs feeling heavy.  
  
She pulled the duster up a little, burying her nose in his scent, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She reached the usual spot and slowly sat down on her knees, still pressing the leather to her body, feeling the texture of it through her thin nightgown. Her blood was still slightly staining it, even though she had gotten most of it off. She opened her eyes and met her own in her reflection.  
  
She anticipated the overwhelming emptiness to wash over her, like it always did. But this time there all of a sudden was a sharp pain instead and then there was his face, so clear in her head that she almost saw him in front of her, and her teeth ground her lower lip as she felt tears start to build a wall in her eyes that was destined to fall.  
  
'I love you,' his voice echoed in her head. 'I love you more than I can even tell you.'  
  
'Come on, baby, come on.'  
  
'Time to go, love. Be strong. you always are, aren't you? You'll always be something special, Slayer. Remember that.'  
  
The wall fell, the tears making their way down her cheeks as she let hear a low sob.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
The sound of Dawn's hesitant voice made Buffy turn her head quickly towards it, staring surprised at her sister, tears still running. Dawn met her gaze with eyes slightly growing and then she saw the well-known piece of clothing held tight in Buffy's arms.  
  
"Buffy?" she repeated, taking the few steps parting them and gently sinking down on her knees beside her.  
  
Buffy stared at her, her lower lip quivering slightly as she blinked, more tears making their way down her cheeks. Dawn looked at the duster for a moment before reaching out and softly stroking Buffy's hair.  
  
Buffy felt something break inside of her at that small and loving gesture and she reached up her arms, wrapping them tight around the younger sister, leaning her head against her shoulder and finally letting it all go, loud sobs rising out of her throat.  
  
Dawn put her arms around her back; holding her carefully and feeling tears start to rise in her own eyes.  
  
"I miss him," Buffy cried hoarsly between sobs, her body shaking with her released emotions. "Oh, God, Dawn. I miss him so much."  
  
Dawn couldn't help but smile a little at that; taking a firmer grip around her sister and holding her closer she let her tears fall as well, nodding slowly.  
  
"Me too," she said silently, gently stroking a hand over Buffy's back. "I do too." 


	36. Chapter ThirtySix

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Six  
  
By Annie  
  
05-23-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy felt all the tension that had been building and building inside of her ever since she hit the floor of the living room, with the subtle feeling of his hands pushing her forwards subsiding on her upper arms, start to melt away with every new painful intake of breath, giving way for yet another loud sob.  
  
The shock was leaving her, the emptiness now filling rapidly with need and hurt, friendship and love, sorrow and an overwhelming sense of loss.  
  
He was lost to her now, forever gone out of her life.  
  
The gentleness of his voice, the tenderness of his gaze, the love of his heart. lost.  
  
"I can't stand it," she mumbled, drawing another breath. "Dawn, I can't stand this anymore."  
  
Dawn pulled back a little to look into her sister's eyes, the small smile still gracing her lips as she started swiping away the tears on Buffy's cheeks, soon giving up as there were new ones that kept taking their place.  
  
"Buffy," she said softly. "You HAVE to."  
  
Buffy sniffled and couldn't help but smile bitterly.  
  
"I guess," she said, drawing a breath and finally starting to get control over her sobs, "that you would say I deserve this."  
  
Dawn shook her head slowly, frowning slightly.  
  
"Never," she stated calmly. "I might have been angry with you before, when you just refused to even give him the benefit of the doubt. But I'm glad that it seems you finally DID give him that. It means a lot to me, Buffy. He was a good friend to me too, a great friend really. I'm glad," she paused a moment, smiling a little again. "I'm really glad that you FINALLY think of him as one of yours as well."  
  
Buffy's eyes grew a little at her sister's words, the tears still running over with every new blink of her eyelids but her breath under control; her heart clearly not though, as it was beating hard in her chest.  
  
"Dawn." she mumbled and Dawn met her gaze, the look in the younger one's eyes suddenly slightly expectant, but Buffy didn't notice because she looked down on her hands, searching for the right words.  
  
"Yes?" Dawn asked, thinking that this was finally it, the moment when ALL was to be revealed!  
  
Then Buffy furrowed her brow, looking thoughtful she now stared at her hands for such a long time that Dawn stirred a little uneasily. Buffy looked up at her, almost surprised, and then a flash of recognition came into her eyes and she looked around her.  
  
"Dawn," she grumbled, suddenly starting to get to her feet. "There's something I have to do. Please, don't be mad. Thank you, you have no idea how much you just helped me. I know that I've been acting.strange lately, but it's just 'cause everything feels strange when. he's not here. I really miss him, Dawn, but I have to do this thing to be able to move on. I HAVE to get out of this.whatever I'm in."  
  
Buffy was talking fast as she bent down and helped Dawn get to her feet, then slowly ushered her to the stairs and starting to walk up the steps by her sister's side she added:  
  
"I promise I'll talk to you tomorrow, but. I just NEED to do this.thing, now."  
  
Dawn stared at her, surprised by the sudden energy surrounding the Slayer and nodding at her words as Buffy led her to her bedroom door and then gave her a hug.  
  
With that she quickly turned and walked down the hallway to her own door, stepping trough it since it was still open and then closing it with a silent click.  
  
"I will NEVER know what happened between them," Dawn sighed, pouting slightly as she turned to her door and opened it. "Besides, I'm sure it's rated triple R or something anyways," she added as she stepped inside and closed it behind her.  
  
Then she giggled a little as she slipped into her bed, her smile fading as she looked up into the ceiling and mumbled:  
  
"Spike would have probably given me ALL the details.if he was here."  
  
Then a flash of Buffy and Spike tangled up together in bed came into her head and she shut her eyes quickly, willing it away.  
  
"Maybe not," she grumbled, shaking her head to herself, her eyes suddenly starting to fill with tears again, thinking about the expression in Buffy's when she had looked up the first time Dawn spoke her name downstairs. She had looked so.heartbroken.  
  
"Darn it," Dawn sighed to herself rolling over on her side, then she smiled a little and corrected herself: "Bloody hell!"  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy sat down on her bed, holding the pen she had went and gotten in a firm grip she stared at the blank piece of paper in her hand. She smiled as she put the tip of the pen against it and started moving her hand.  
  
"The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is. Maybe there just was something about him, even then. Okay, I won't skip anything because I can't afford to, I don't want to. I owe him my life, and I refuse to forget that.  
  
Sunnydale hadn't seen anything yet until the day Spike and Drusilla roared into town, I admit, I wasn't very impressed though. I thought he was a stupid, bleached and leashed pathetic excuse for a vampire, Drusilla really had him wrapped around her clawed pinky."  
  
Buffy couldn't help but giggle as she kept writing. The pen moved almost by itself as the moon slowly made its path over the night sky outside her window.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Willow knocked for the second time on Buffy's door and not receiving an answer she simply turned the knob and stepped inside. Her eyebrows shot up as she saw the sleeping Slayer, apparently she had decided to make her bed more comfy with a layer of papers. Practically the entire thing was covered with them.  
  
As Willow moved closer she realized that Buffy still had a pen in her hand and that the paper closest to her face had a sentence unfinished. Willow also noticed the frequent five letters making a name she knew well printed in Buffy's handwriting on every page surrounding her.  
  
"Hope she wrote down the page numbers," Willow mumbled wryly to herself, shaking her head slightly but not able to really resist the curiosity she reached down and carefully picked one of the papers up.  
  
".was hot and cold mixed together. I couldn't breathe, he overwhelmed me. His hands were taking over my body and I couldn't fight it, I don't think I wanted to fight it even though a huge part of me was just screaming that it was twisted, absolutely wrong to do what I was about to do. And then he kissed me and as I wrote before, the previous kisses just made me melt, well, imagine what his lips combined with his body that was just telling me how much he wanted me was doing to my defenses. Right, they were more than gone by the time I kissed him back.  
  
God, just thinking about it makes me feel completely."  
  
"You realize, of course," Buffy's voice sounded and Willow almost shrieked with surprise as she threw the piece of paper away from her and took a step back, staring at her friend who was slowly sitting up on the bed, "that since you just read that I will HAVE to kill you."  
  
Willow's heart was beating harder than hard in her chest and she swallowed, smiling a little.  
  
"Oh, I think I can live with that," she said and Buffy made a face of ha-ha before stretching a little.  
  
Relaxing again she eyed Willow closely before shrugging.  
  
"So, what'd you read?" she asked and when Willow's face started to grow flushed Buffy raised her eyebrows slightly. "Oh," she said and Willow couldn't help but grin.  
  
"Read a lot of Harlequin lately?" the redhead asked as she took the step forward again, brushing at the papers to make a spot for her on the edge of the bed and then sitting down.  
  
Buffy laughed.  
  
"Hey, it was like six o'clock in the morning before I even got to that part of the whole thing so don't be racking down on my writing," she grumbled, smiling and Willow laughed as well, shaking her head.  
  
"So." Willow then said. "You and Spike."  
  
Buffy sighed a little, pulling her knees up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them she nodded slowly.  
  
"Sounded all hot and heavy," Willow stated with a small eyebrow raise and Buffy sighed a little again.  
  
"It did, huh?" she mumbled.  
  
Willow looked at her friend, knowing that there was much more behind this than she herself could even fathom, and still she had a feeling that she understood.  
  
She had been doing a lot of thinking after her talk with Dawn a few days after Buffy and Spike's little promenade back in time, and she had concluded that even though Spike had more bad faults than good faults she couldn't really blame Buffy for anything she might have done.  
  
Spike had been there for the Slayer, just as he had been there for Dawn, and Willow knew that. Even if Buffy hadn't seemed to at the time she obviously knew it now too, and there was something else. Willow observed Buffy keenly for a few moments, the distant gaze that had become so familiar on her face every time Spike's name was mentioned over the past week was now clearer than ever and Willow smiled a little.  
  
"You're in love with him," she said softly and Buffy turned her head to her, a little surprised or so it seemed.  
  
Those words shook something deep inside of her and she swallowed as she realized just how true they were. How she had pushed and pushed to beat the mere thought out of her heart and head and how he had come back, constantly, to remind her. Making it a never-ending struggle, making her feel like she couldn't take it anymore, like it was killing her.  
  
And so, of course in true Slayer style, in stead of dealing with herself she had ended it, closed him off once and for all, gotten rid of the problem with a dusting off the shoulder and completely ignored what it did to her not to have him around to talk to.  
  
She shook her head a little at herself, at how blind a person actually could make herself, at how deep her denial had been.  
  
God, every time he looked at her he stirred up some kind of emotion and even though she had wanted to label them all simply as annoyance or lust how could she have ignored the fact that he did that with ONE look?  
  
"I'm in love with him." she whispered and Willow smiled a little at the so completely stricken expression on her friends features.  
  
The realization was such a relief that Buffy wanted to either laugh or cry and as it turned out she did both. Tears rising in her eyes she couldn't help but giggle to herself.  
  
"All this time." she mumbled, shaking her head a little again. "All this time when he was so close, following me, I turned him away. I threw everything he said back in his face ten times harder than I even needed to because of the way not doing that would have affected me. And now." The tears took over, her face hardening in a mask of restrained pain as she continued: "And now it's just all for nothing."  
  
Willow frowned slightly, seeing the anguish on her friend's face made her feel so helpless.  
  
"You shouldn't think like that." she mumbled, scooting over a little and pulling herself up to sit next to Buffy, putting her arms around her.  
  
Buffy leaned her head against her shoulder, blinking as the tears kept rising in her eyes.  
  
"I know," Buffy whispered. "But how can't I? He's gone, Will.and I thought that this might help," she continued with a gesture towards the papers around them, "and it did for a little while. Now it's just so much worse. I didn't think that.I could hurt this much, Will. I just miss him SO much."  
  
Willow nodded a little.  
  
"Have you talked to Tara? Or Anya? There HAVE to be some kind of a spell to."  
  
"I've talked to them, there's nothing; it's hopeless, Willow, and I feel so lost now. I feel so alone."  
  
Willow pulled her closer, now shaking her head firmly.  
  
"You're NOT alone," she stated and Buffy smiled through the tears.  
  
"Not that kind of 'alone'," she said as she sat up again, wiping her tears away and sniffling she looked around at the work she had done with writing down their story. "I love you guys," she added, eyes back on Willow. "You're my friends, and I don't know what I'd do without you. But the week in England, the way he was. So much happened, Willow, I really don't even know where to start."  
  
Willow smiled a little.  
  
"How long had you been.seeing him before you left?" she asked and Buffy looked up at her, then she laughed a little, shaking her head.  
  
"Remember that night when we got rid of the musical-craze of Sunnydale?" she asked and Willow nodded. "Well, that was when we shared our first kiss."  
  
She smiled at the memory, it seemed so incredibly long ago now.  
  
"I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could tell me," Willow said silently and Buffy's eyes grew a little as she reached out a hand and took a hold of Willow's.  
  
"Please, don't be mad about that.It was just. I was just so confused myself, really. I mean, if I had gotten a dollar for every time I told myself that it was over and that I wouldn't go to him anymore and then did the complete opposite within a range of, let's say five minutes," Willow smiled at that, "then believe me, I wouldn't have to work at the Double Meat anymore," Buffy finished and Willow looked empathically at her.  
  
"I don't blame you, Buffy. I just wish that I could've been there for you."  
  
Buffy sighed a little, nodding.  
  
"Me too," she agreed. "I was just more than screwed up, 'cause of a lot of things."  
  
"Oh yeah, the whole being-brought-back-from-Heaven thing probably had something to do with it too," Willow mumbled, sarcasm in her voice but an expression of guilt in her eyes.  
  
Buffy shook her head at that, squeezing her hand.  
  
"Thank you for that," she said and Willow looked up at her. "Thank you for giving me a second chance at this, even though I seem to have screwed it up.I'm happy that I'm here, with you all, and.I know that that place will be there, waiting for me when it's my time. Again."  
  
Willow smiled a little, then bent forwards and threw her arms around Buffy's neck, squeezing her hard. Buffy smiled, hugging her back.  
  
"So," Willow said, pulling away and looking around once more at the sea of papers they were in. "Can I read it?" she then asked and Buffy laughed.  
  
"No!" she exclaimed and Willow laughed as well, relieved to hear the sound rise out of the Slayers throat.  
  
"Why DID you even write it?" Willow now asked and Buffy grew serious again.  
  
Then she pulled a pillow onto her lap and yelled:  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
Soon enough the teen appeared, fresh out of the shower her hair was wrapped in a towel and she was wearing a sweater that was much to big for her and a pair of shorts. Buffy stared at her and she stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
"What'd I do?" she asked immediately and Buffy raised her eyebrows, shaking her head.  
  
"No, no, you didn't do anything!" she assured. "It's just.you're growing up, and I can't believe it."  
  
Dawn stared at her.  
  
"Are you sick?" she then asked carefully.  
  
Buffy smiled, shaking her head again, swiping at the papers to make a spot for her sister to sit, then she patted invitingly at it. Dawn came up and threw herself down beside it and on top of all the papers with a big grin and Buffy smiled wider.  
  
"What IS all this?" Dawn then asked, picking up a piece of paper, which Willow quickly snapped out of her hands.  
  
"Memorabilia," she said, putting the paper behind her back and turning to Buffy who was blushing slightly, still smiling.  
  
"So, what's up then?" Dawn asked and Buffy drew a breath before starting to tell them what had happened in England.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy pulled the duster over her shoulders before grabbing a stake and walking up to the back door.  
  
"Dawn! I'm leaving!" she called and she heard a muffled "okay, see you later" from upstairs.  
  
She opened the door and walked outside. The sky was incredible, heavy with twinkling stars and the moon was huge against the ultimate black of the cosmos. It reminded her of the last night in London and she felt a small twitch near her heart as she walked out on the street behind her house, heading for a quick patrol before she and Dawn were going to watch a movie they had rented.  
  
She had dusted three vampires by the time she got to the well-known cemetery and she slowed her pace unconsciously as she entered it. The rumor of her dusting Spike would travel fast through the underworld, she was more than sure, since she was wearing the trademark of the bleached vamp as though there was no one left to claim it.  
  
She sighed to herself. How bitterly true it was, after all.  
  
'Slayer.'  
  
She smiled a little to herself and turned around.  
  
"Spike," she said as her eyes met his, he was sitting leisurely on top of a tall gravestone, looking contently down on her, duster spread out and hanging down around him.  
  
Where was the image from? She had seen him do that so many times that she could hardly pinpoint it.  
  
'So, you miss me bad, huh?' he asked with a smirk and she raised her eyebrows, smile growing.  
  
"Shut up," she grumbled and he laughed at that, jumping down from the stone and landing on his feet before her (that time when he had swung down from the branch in the orchard, right before lord Not-So-Pleasant came waltzing in) and straightened his back.  
  
'Hey, don't hate the fantasy,' he smiled and she fought back the tears as she reached out a hand and touched the air where his face had been a moment before, now it was gone and her hand sunk down.  
  
"I don't," she mumbled, turning around and starting to walk again. "I'm loosing it, I'm really loosing it," she mumbled to herself, shaking her head and then hearing a growl.  
  
She spun around and rammed the stake in the chest of the vampire 'sneaking' up on her before he even had a chance to realize he had been discovered.  
  
"Come ON!" she yelled impatiently as she twirled the stake in her hand and looked around her. "Give me a CHALLENGE for ONCE!" she added and then sighed before starting to brush the dust off.  
  
She grumbled as she once more began walking.  
  
"Okay, so getting the dust of a corpse out of your clothes for the ten thousandth time MIGHT be a little more tricky than some people realize," she said to herself. "But that's not what I meant. What I meant was a good, big, huge, fat smack down with some monster that is kinda cute in a good way and makes me a little tingly all over when he smiles and makes me wanna. GOD!" she exclaimed, annoyed.  
  
Then she looked up and stopped, her eyes resting on the closed doors of his crypt.  
  
She drew a breath as she walked up to it and stopped again, her heart starting to pick up its pace in her chest.  
  
'What are you scared of?'  
  
"You," she mumbled. "And me. And."  
  
'You're strong enough,' his voice stated gently. 'You always were.'  
  
"Yeah," she grumbled. "Just as long as I didn't have to talk to you about anything real I was more than strong, I was frigging invincible."  
  
He huffed at that and she could almost hear him shake his head at her.  
  
'Bloody right.but that's not the point,' he now said and she could sense his touch on her hand, she turned around and met nothing but the empty assembly of graves and trees and pieces of sky.  
  
"What IS the point then?" she asked, shaking her head a little at herself and still finding she was waiting for the sound of his voice.  
  
'That you shouldn't be so damn mushy and just get it over with,' he answered her and she laughed at that.  
  
"God," she wined as she turned back to the doors. "I really AM loosing it."  
  
'No,' he said in a low voice and she closed her eyes, feeling him step into her from behind and then letting his hands run around her waist to her stomach, his head burying itself in her hair. 'You just don't wanna forget.'  
  
She drew a shaky breath at that, the feeling of his touch dying away and then she nodded. Taking the few steps up to the doors and pushing the right one open with one hand. 


	37. Chapter ThirtySeven

DC: Lyrics (and music) by Adams/Lange/Kamen  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Seven  
  
By Annie  
  
05-24-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As she walked inside Clem got out of the battered armchair placed in front of the old TV, his wrinkly face questioning as he looked at her, eyeing the duster she was wearing cautiously, and then shifting his gaze to look behind her, waiting for the owner of the pad to walk inside. She smiled a little at him, not really expecting to see him there but still not very surprised, his face now growing concerned.  
  
"Hello, Buffy," he said politely then added tentatively: "Are you okay.?"  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
No. No, she wasn't. She was as far from that word as she could possibly get. She was MORE than the complete opposite of okay. And yet she nodded slowly, her eyes wandering around the darkened crypt at the familiar belongings of Spike.  
  
"So, Spike's trailing behind or.?" Clem now asked and Buffy turned her gaze at him again, smile still on her lips as she answered:  
  
"In a way."  
  
Clem's eyes looked a little confused and Buffy sighed.  
  
"He's not coming back," she said and now Clem looked rather bewildered, his eyes growing slightly.  
  
"Why not?" he asked and she swallowed again, this time harder.  
  
"Because he can't," she mumbled, taking a few steps into the crypt and gently touching the back of the armchair.  
  
Clem observed her and then, being the most tactful demon she had ever encountered, he quickly said:  
  
"I'll leave you alone for a little while."  
  
He excited the crypt and she was left with the silence, her hand still resting lightly on the piece of furniture, remembering all the times she had broken down his door and trampled inside just to find him getting off it with a furious look on his face. All the times she had knocked and opened without waiting for a reply, his head whipping towards her and then a smirk growing on his face as she started pulling her jacket off. All the times she had.  
  
She shook her head a little, trying to clear her mind as she walked up to the fridge.  
  
It was crammed with various unhealthy foods and she realized that Clem must have stocked up, this was NOT the fridge of the bleached vamp.  
  
She smiled a little as she saw one thing she knew he would have loved, a bag full of small marshmallows. She winced, straightening her back and closing the door again.  
  
Dealing with this love inside of her was strange, unfamiliar and unexplored territory, and still it was so clear in her chest. It was painful to think that she would have to discover it on her own, without him by her side, but she couldn't help but feel that it was as it should be. He hadn't had anyone with whom to share the hurt and confusion over how she treated him.except, perhaps, with Dawn.  
  
She sighed.  
  
He was so real, everywhere she had ever been he had been too it seemed and she could sense him in every street of Sunnydale, every wall of every building, and in herself. Every breath, every heartbeat, every movement just reminded her of him.  
  
She closed her eyes briefly, tears rising in them, but she didn't want to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to fight something, she wanted to.  
  
'Don't go there, Slayer.'  
  
She opened her eyes again and huffed.  
  
"So, you're the voice of reason now? The voice of my bloody conscience?"  
  
He laughed a low laugh at that and she felt the shivers start to travel up her back.  
  
'Wouldn't that be something?' he asked and she felt a smile start to grow on her lips as she shook her head at him, turning around and looking at him standing by the door.  
  
"You need to stop this," she grumbled and he cocked an eyebrow at her, smiling slightly. "I mean, I need to stop this," she corrected herself, looking away from him. "I can't start talking to myself, you know. I might actually end up at a psyche ward if I don't stop this."  
  
'That's right. So let's say good-bye and be done with it.'  
  
She drew a small breath, closing her eyes.  
  
"Good-bye," she grumbled and opened her eyes again.  
  
He was gone, and she wanted to scream and fight and.  
  
'I SAID, don't go there,' his voice sounded again and she couldn't resist a smile.  
  
She knew it was she who was bringing his voice out, making it manifest itself in her head, but it was so real.  
  
"Sorry then," she mumbled and she could sense his smile somewhere nearby.  
  
'You know better than to go hunting, Buffy. The Slayer doesn't hunt,' he said, voice now soft in her head and tears started to rise in her eyes again.  
  
"I want to tell you how much I.How I." she trailed off, the tears running over and she swiped at them, irritated by them.  
  
'Then do,' he whispered.  
  
"I NEED you here, Spike! Not some good damn smoke screen that I've created myself to keep the memories from frigging tearing me apart!" she exclaimed at the empty walls of the empty room she was standing in, her face crumbled up with annoyance and then flattening as she sighed. "I wanna talk to you about so many things. There's SO much we never talked about," she mumbled.  
  
Then she turned her eyes at the opening in the floor leading down to the other room, the bedroom, the. She sighed. Had he ever called it anything? The downstairs?  
  
"More like the downladders," she grumbled wryly, smiling a little as she walked up to the hole and turned around to descend the ladder.  
  
Putting her foot down on the ground and turning around she was surprised at how clean it was. The last time she had seen it had been right after the explosion, when she had ended it between them. She shook the thought off and mumbled:  
  
"Yikes, you must have scrubbed this place day and night for a week."  
  
Then she walked up to the new bed and smiled widely at the memory of them missing that particular spot nineteen times out of twenty when they...  
  
"Hmh, hot and heavy, indeed," she murmured, stroking the dark oak of it.  
  
She walked around to the side of it and crawled onto it before laying down, drawing a deep breath and looking up at the cave like ceiling she threw up a hand and put it behind her head, the leather of the duster stroking itself against her cheek and she closed her eyes.  
  
"I miss you." she mumbled and then lazily rolled over on the side, her hand feeling the soft curves of his muscles and she smiled, moving her head and burying it against his chest, his hand starting to slowly run through her hair.  
  
Memories sure work some strange ways sometimes, she thought as she stretched out one arm and her fingers slid under one of the pillows, hitting something hard.  
  
She frowned slightly, opening her eyes reluctantly and prompting herself up on her elbows as she grabbed the object and pulled it out and into view: a walk-man. She frowned even more as she stared at it.  
  
Well, he likes music, she thought to herself. Why shouldn't he have one of these?  
  
She smiled a little as she sat up, the walk-man still in her hands and stroked it gently. It looked well used, she stated. She was curious but decided that she would finish what she seemingly had started first.  
  
She got off the bed, gently putting the walk-man down on it before starting to walk around the room. She found a small box and began to collect any things that seemed to be personal enough not to leave behind, or rather, not to leave for Clem.  
  
It didn't take long.  
  
She looked at his belongings, feeling the longing for him grow as she gently touched one of his T-shirts and then walking over to the bed again. She put the box down on it and then placed herself on the edge of it as well, reaching out a hand and pulling out one of his sweaters. She looked at it, her fingers grabbing the fabric, and her eyes filled with tears once more as she brought it up to her face, nestling it in the familiar scent of him.  
  
'Buffy.'  
  
She let out a sob, his voice was so gentle.  
  
'Buffy.'  
  
"Dammit, this isn't fair," she mumbled, her voice muffled, and then she pulled the sweater away, looking up and into his eyes as he slowly kneeled before her. "This isn't fair," she repeated, looking at him.  
  
He shook his head a little.  
  
'Is anything ever fair?' he asked and she wiped her tears away, nodding.  
  
"Yes, it had been fair if you were HERE so that I could show you how I. what I've realized," she said, her voice now hoarse and she cleared it, sniffling. "So that I could TELL you, so that you could know! And so I could try to make up for.for everything."  
  
He smiled a little, tilting his head slightly and her tears rose again.  
  
'But this is how it is now, Slayer. It's too late for all that. You just have to realize THAT.'  
  
She stared at him through the veil of tears before her eyes and then he was gone.  
  
"That may be, but I can't," she grumbled, putting the sweater firmly back in the box and getting to her feet, picking it up and then taking the walk- man in one hand as she walked through the room, glancing around one last time before heading up the ladder again.  
  
Reaching the top of it she stepped up and her eyes fell on the armchair.  
  
She walked up to it and sat herself down, putting the box at her feet and pulling her legs up she leaned back, then made herself comfortable as she undid the headphones rolled around the walk-man, and put them over her ears.  
  
She sighed a little as she pushed the power button and the small window lit up, showing it was set on random and that it had sixteen songs to choose from. She hesitated a moment before pushing play and braced herself for fast drums and hard guitars.  
  
The sound of a gentle piano hit her ears and her eyes grew a little as she distantly recognized the song. When the soft voice of Bryan Adams hit her ears she felt her heart start to beat harder and she closed her eyes, listening to the words.  
  
  
  
Look into my eyes - you will see  
  
What you mean to me  
  
Search your heart - search your soul  
  
And when you find me there  
  
You'll search no more  
  
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for  
  
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for  
  
You know it's true  
  
Everything I do  
  
I do it for you.  
  
  
  
Look into your heart - you will find  
  
There's nothing there to hide  
  
Take me as I am - take my life  
  
I would give it all; I would sacrifice  
  
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for  
  
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more  
  
You know it's true  
  
Everything I do  
  
I do it for you.  
  
  
  
There's no love - like your love  
  
And no other could give more love  
  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
  
All the time - all the way  
  
  
  
The tears started again but she hardly noticed it, flashes of his face in so many situations were appearing before her eyes as she heard the words, let them soak her head and thinking nothing but of the fact that he had listened to this, in the pain of her words and resentment he had listened to this and sought comfort. Her heart was breaking as the instrumental part was over and the voice softly sang the words again.  
  
  
  
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for  
  
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more.  
  
  
  
Yeah, I would fight for you  
  
I'd lie for you  
  
Walk the wire for you  
  
Yeah, I'd die for you.  
  
  
  
You know it's true  
  
Everything I do  
  
Oh.I do it for you  
  
  
  
She blinked, opening her eyes, and looked into Clem's worried gaze. Startled that she wasn't alone she sat up straight, pulling the headphones off as the friendly demon took a step back, looking apologetic.  
  
"I-I didn't mean to intrude," he said and she shook her head as she got off the armchair, bending down to grab the box again and then straightening her back with a smile at him.  
  
"You didn't," she said and walked up to the door, flipping the duster as she turned back around she said: "He'd had liked it, that you live here. Take good care of the place, okay?"  
  
Clem smiled hesitantly to the statement and then nodded to the question.  
  
"Stop by anytime," he said and she smiled again before turning around and opening the door.  
  
She stepped outside, a fresh breeze of evening air filled her nostrils and she took a deep breath.  
  
"I won't hunt," she grumbled. "But I'll be damned if I cant' find ONE demon that can give me a good fight tonight." Then she looked up into the sky and smiled a little. "I'm sure you understand," she added and with that left the steps of the crypt.  
  
She moved stealthily through the night, the moon reflecting off the black leather as she went, and the rumor spread as quickly as she had predicted.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Dawn opened the front door and sighed to herself. She HATED all the frigging homework she was getting and even though Buffy had been great the past few days, acting a little nostalgic as she slept in nothing but Spike's sweaters but still being really.open, talking about anything that came up in her mind, talking about Spike a LOT. Despite all that Dawn felt a small hole inside where the vamp's humor and sarcasm and fighting with her sister used to be.  
  
And where that small need to be a little protected by him refused to let go.  
  
She missed him an awful lot more than she led on. He had been like the really cooler big brother who just was all mysterious and who you couldn't really figure out but still he was just this incredible support, always there when you needed him.  
  
On the other hand, she couldn't see him EXACTLY as a 'brother' since her sister silently had declared that she was in love with him.  
  
God, the look on Xander's face.  
  
Dawn shook it off. That argument had been won by the Slayer since she had retorted to his yelling that even though Spike still was a full-fledged demon, no soul in sight, so was Anya and Xander couldn't deny that his love for his ex-fiancé was still more than intact.  
  
Dawn knew that Xander was just shocked over the fact that he hadn't seen it coming, that Buffy hadn't talked to him about it sooner, that it had been going on for so long behind his back and now, that she was so depressed and that there was nothing they could do about it.  
  
Of course Buffy put on a slightly distorted smiley-face whenever she felt the need to mask her pain and guilt, but the expression in her eyes always deceived her and Dawn was so sick of not seeing her sister happy.  
  
She missed that just as much as she missed Spike and it made her so angry that Buffy had been so stupid all this time, that she hadn't figured the whole thing out before they went to England! Then Dawn might at least had been able to watch them together for a short while.  
  
She was a little surprised at how deep her sister's feelings seemed to reach, they must have been buried for quite some time under the hatred she had shown for the vampire, that emotion combined with her unwillingness to even try to understand him had seemed too obvious to ignore and so Dawn had never held too much hope that the two would ever.  
  
She walked thoughtfully into the kitchen, as she started to make herself a sandwich her mind kept tumbling.  
  
It was after the 'wedding' that things seemed different. Or maybe even a little before that. They had been almost. polite to each other. And Buffy had been avoiding him like the plague. Even more so after the whole asylum situation, Dawn recollected now. She wondered why.  
  
She looked around a little and then she put the knife she was holding down, turning quickly and rushing out of the kitchen she ran up the stairs and stopped in front of her sister's bedroom door.  
  
"Buffy?" she called, but she was sure that she wouldn't be there, if she had been she would have come down and said hello when she heard the front door.  
  
Dawn pushed the door open and stepped inside, carefully looking around and her eyes then locking on a thick pile of papers on Buffy's desk. The teen hesitated a moment and then walked up to it.  
  
"'The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is.'" she read aloud to herself, a smile spreading over her lips as her eyes kept moving, her body sinking down on the chair in front of the desk.  
  
Almost four and a half hours later her eyes were huge as she turned the last page. She gulped a little and then she put the paper down, staring in front of her she shook her head.  
  
"Wow," she whispered just as she heard the door to the kitchen being slammed shut downstairs.  
  
She got up, her heart starting to beat in her chest as she hastily straightened up the pile and slid out through the door, sighing with relief as she closed it behind her.  
  
"Dawn?!" Buffy called up the stairs and Dawn drew a breath to steady herself before walking up to it and then down it.  
  
"You're home!" she said happily, pausing in the doorway and raising her eyebrows at the ton of bags overfilled with food that were resting on the breakfast table.  
  
Buffy smiled as she pulled off the duster, hanging it on a hook by the door before turning to the groceries.  
  
"Yep, I'm home," she said, opening the fridge and beginning to unload the bags, Dawn's eyebrows still raised.  
  
"You expecting company? Like, the cavalry or something?" she asked, walking into the kitchen and starting to help her sister.  
  
Buffy smiled wider and Dawn noticed that the warmth of it actually reached her eyes, her heart taking a leap at the sight of it.  
  
"Hardly," Buffy now answered her. "But you know," she added, waving a can of tuna around, "I've always wondered where those boys are whenever I need them."  
  
Dawn grinned at that.  
  
"Well, have you ever thought that they might be GIRLS?" she asked and Buffy laughed, walking up to a cupboard.  
  
"Okay, so that's where you're headed, huh? Feminist a la extraordinaire!"  
  
Dawn smiled, shrugging.  
  
"I'd settle for a good class in self defense," she said with a small glance at Buffy who stopped what she was doing and slowly turned to her, HER eyebrows now raised.  
  
"Did you just ask me to teach you how to fight?" she asked and Dawn smiled a little.  
  
"Uh-huh," she said. "Spike said that he would this summer, but."  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow a little.  
  
"I guess I'll have to have a talk with him about that," she grumbled, turning away from Dawn whose eyes had grown a little at that statement.  
  
She could see Buffy's shoulders stiffen and the latter turned around again, shaking her head a little.  
  
"Never mind," she said, walking up to the table and starting to rummage around in the bags again. "What I mean is that." she looked up and into Dawn's eyes, a growing disappointment evident in them, and Buffy drew a breath, hoping this was the right decision she said: "What I meant was only that I wanted to have a chance at teaching you! I mean, he shouldn't try to take all the fun sisterly activities away from us! At least not the ones I'M actually any good at."  
  
Dawn's eyes were beaming at her and she started jumping slightly.  
  
"Oh my God, oh my God!" she squeaked and Buffy laughed a little.  
  
"Okay, okay, now let's finish this," she said and Dawn nodded, still grinning widely as she started helping again.  
  
She paused when her hands hit something she wouldn't have expected in a bag that Buffy had brought home, and then she pulled it out.  
  
"Hey, sis," she said, slightly furrowing her brow, and Buffy looked up quiestioningly, "can we afford these?" Dawn finished as she held up the cd's she had discovered.  
  
Buffy smiled a little sheepishly and then shrugged.  
  
"I don't care," she said. "We deserve them."  
  
Dawn smiled a little at that and started going trough them.  
  
"Bryan Adams, Bryan Adams.Bryan Adams." she mumbled and then looked up at Buffy again. "Heard something you liked on the radio?" she asked and Buffy smiled again, shaking her head a little.  
  
"Nope, on the walk-man," she answered as she went up and grabbed one of them out of the pile, continuing into the living room and kneeling by the stereo. "Listen to this and tell me what you think," she then added and pushed play, pressing the number three and then standing up again, walking into the kitchen.  
  
Soft strumming was followed by:  
  
  
  
I'd like to see you, thought I'd let you know.  
  
I wanna be with you, everyday.  
  
  
  
Dawn listened to the chorus and then nodded her head.  
  
"I like it," she said and Buffy smiled, picking up two cartons of milk and walking over to the fridge she agreed:  
  
"Me too." 


	38. Chapter ThirtyEight

DC: Lyrics by Stephen Scwartz  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Eight  
  
By Annie  
  
05-25-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dawn looked at her sister, who had woken the younger one up talking in her sleep again.  
  
At least the nightmares seemed to have subsided; she didn't wake up screaming for him in the middle of the night as she had done every night the first week she was back.  
  
Dawn fought back the tears, there had been too many of those during these past fourteen days but she didn't know how to make them stop. Everything really was so strange without Spike there to talk to and to whine to and have him tell her to fuss up. And Buffy was trying so hard to be strong, but Dawn could see how it was tearing on her sister, the thousand regrets that surfaced every time something reminded her of him, which everything seemed to do without anyone even mentioning his name.  
  
She was murmuring something now, whispering incoherent sentences and softly turning her head from side to side as if trying to get away from something. And then she quieted down, breathing shallowly and suddenly she opened her eyes, looking up at something that Dawn couldn't see and the younger sister realized that the older was still dreaming.  
  
The latter smiled, reaching up a hand and stroking the air.  
  
She's dreaming about him, Dawn thought fascinated by the love in her sister's eyes and the completely relaxed expression on her face.  
  
Then Buffy's eyes glazed with a layer of tears and she shook her head slightly.  
  
"Don't." she whispered, frowning a little. "Spike, please.don't."  
  
And then she suddenly drew a sharp breath - causing Dawn to jump backwards - before sitting up, the tears spilling over and running down her cheeks as she stared at the startled teen, she didn't seem to notice them though as she swallowed.  
  
"What time is it?" she asked and Dawn stared back at her, her heart pumping in her chest with the retracting fright and she shrugged a little.  
  
"I-I don't know," she answered and Buffy turned her head to her alarm clock.  
  
"Close to two." Buffy murmured, throwing the covers off and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, getting off it she seemed to feel the wetness of her cheeks because she reached up one hand and swept the tears away, walking up to Dawn she paused.  
  
"You okay?" she asked her sister and Dawn nodded silently.  
  
"Are you?" she asked and Buffy nodded, slowly.  
  
"Just a dream," she mumbled as she continued walking past Dawn and up to the door. "I'm thirsty," she then said, turning to Dawn again. "You wanna join me for some water?"  
  
Dawn looked up at her, smiling a little and then shaking her head.  
  
"Nah, I need to get to bed. School and everything." she answered and Buffy smiled back. "Besides," Dawn added, "water always makes me all awake and stuff."  
  
Buffy smiled wider, nodding again and then stepped out into the hallway as Dawn came up after her.  
  
"Good night, then," she said and Dawn hugged her.  
  
"Good night," Dawn replied and they parted, Dawn walking back to her room and Buffy silently making her way downstairs.  
  
She walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinet holding the glasses; bringing one out she filled it as usual to the brim and drank it before doing it all over again. She put the glass in the sink and looked up and outside.  
  
The weather was starting to get warmer and she suddenly felt like the house wasn't big enough, walking up to the back door she grabbed the duster hanging on one of the hooks and hung it over her shoulders, wrapping it around her as she stepped outside and closed the door.  
  
'I don't HATE you, Spike.'  
  
She looked longingly at the spot where he had leaned in on her that night in another lifetime.  
  
Then she drew a breath and walked out into the garden.  
  
The moon had lost its body since the night she went to Spike's crypt and it hung gracefully in the sky, a half closed eye keeping watch on her sleeping world.  
  
She walked up to the humble collection of lawn furniture and sat down, leaning back she tilted her head to look up at the twinkling stars and wished that one would fall, she needed some explainable magic in her life and that, in its simplicity, would be more than enough.  
  
But no star fell and she pulled the leather tighter around her, humming softly to herself a song she had gotten to know by heart during the past week. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.  
  
The thing was that nothing seemed to get easier. Not that she had expected the pain to ever pull back, not really, but it didn't seem to lose any of its intensity either. In fact, it seemed to be growing and she really didn't know what to do with it.  
  
That tare that she had felt, first when he was walking away from her with the lord and then when they were standing before each other in front of the breaking mirror, that tare had ripped during these weeks and it had truly damaged something inside of her.  
  
In her heart she knew that now she was a lost cause.  
  
She had had a fight with Xander about it.  
  
"He's not coming back and I can't STAND to see you like this!" he had exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence that had rested over the assembled Scoobies in the Magic Box three days earlier.  
  
"Like what?" she had asked calmly and Xander had gotten to his feet, obviously frustrated.  
  
"Catatonic!" he had stated and she had smiled a little  
  
"You've seen me catatonic, this isn't it," she had retorted and he had shaken his head at her.  
  
"You need to move on with your life, if not for anything else then at least for the fact that all of Sunnydale, hell, the WORLD NEEDS the Slayer," he had said, leaning forward and placing his hands on the table surface, looking her in the eyes, serious.  
  
"I AM getting there, Xander, don't worry about that. The fighting is therapy, anyway, I won't back down from my duties," she had answered and he had sighed, shaking his head again and straightening his back.  
  
"But you won't let go," he had concluded, face hardening, and she had met his eyes firmly before shaking her head.  
  
"No," she had confirmed and he had combed his hands through his hair, growing frustrated again.  
  
"Why?" he had demanded and she had smiled slightly.  
  
"Because I can't," she had answered him. "I don't want to," she had added. "It's too strong for me to let it go, and now that I've realized that I just have to learn how to deal."  
  
"But, what you're saying. You're not saying that you're going to hold on to this.? I mean you will eventually start to see if there might be someone else who can.?" he trailed off at the expression in her eyes and he furrowed his brow. "Are you serious?"  
  
She had drawn a breath, gotten to her feet and walked around the table, Xander ignoring the duster, which she insisted on wearing, and looking at her as she came to stand before him.  
  
"Like a heart attack," she had then answered him and in that moment she had felt exactly how right the decision was.  
  
Now she opened her eyes, thinking of nothing but the need to feel Spike's arms around her again.  
  
And then she sat up straight.  
  
The sudden sense of him had hit her dead on and she quickly turned her head seemingly trying to scan every last corner of the garden in one sweep. She got off the chair, swallowing hard and taking a step forward, her whole body trembling with adrenaline as she tried to see through the shadows.  
  
"Spike?" she whispered and then cleared her throat before calling out his name again: "Spike?!"  
  
Everything was silent and still and the feeling of him being close was slowly disappearing out of her chest.  
  
She stood staring into the darkness of tangled grays and blacks for a longer time than she even noticed. Something and everything ripping in her chest and she felt like she couldn't breathe.  
  
She finally collected herself enough to turn around and walk over to the chair where the duster had slid off her shoulders and was now resting. She picked it up, blinking at the memories in her mind she looked at it.  
  
Would she ever feel anything else than this overwhelming need and longing and pain?  
  
She walked back inside, shutting the door behind her and hanging up the duster on the hook again before walking into the living room and resting her eyes on the mirror. It looked radiant and almost alive in the soft, cold moonlight and she was happy that she had decided to give in to Dawn's pleas and keep it. It was beautiful.  
  
She walked up to it and gently touched the frame of it.  
  
It had brought her so much pleasure and caused her so much pain.  
  
A good reminder, if anything.  
  
She let her hand fall down again before turning and walking out of the living room, up the stairs and down the hallway. Stepping in through her bedroom door she suddenly felt exhausted and it didn't take her many minutes after getting back into bed to fall asleep.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"Wanna watch some TV?" Dawn asked as Buffy walked into the living room after doing the dishes of the Monday nights fancy dinner consisting of pepperoni pizza and cheesy bread.  
  
"I don't know," Buffy answered her as she came up to the couch to sit down. "What's on?"  
  
Dawn shrugged, picking up the remote on her lap and starting to flick through the channels.  
  
"I'm not sure. You know, if Spike would've been here he could've." she cut herself short and looked at Buffy with a regretful expression in her eyes.  
  
Buffy smiled, shaking her head and placing one hand comfortingly on her sister's.  
  
"It's okay," she said and Dawn smiled a little back.  
  
"It was just. after that dream you had last night I was afraid that you would feel really sad again," Dawn said and Buffy shook her head slightly.  
  
"I dream about him every night, Dawnie," she said silently. "Don't worry about that, okay?"  
  
Dawn nodded, reaching up her arms and embracing her sister. Buffy had just hugged her back when there was a loud knock on the door and then it flung open, Xander, Willow, Tara and Anya trotting in, the first with a very decisive expression on his face.  
  
"We're gonna take you out tonight, Buff," he said, his voice matching the look and Buffy, pulling away from Dawn who also was staring at the four friends, smiled a little at that. "We won't take no for an answer," he added and Buffy smiled wider, then grew serious.  
  
"I don't know." she grumbled and Xander immediately took the steps required to get around the table and get Buffy on her feet.  
  
"If we so have to tie you down and stick you on a pole you are going out dancing!" he said and she stared at him with her eyebrows raised.  
  
"Hmh, I thought that pole thing was YOUR melody," she pointed out and he paused a moment before giving her a friendly glare.  
  
"We just wanna see you a little happy," Anya spoke up and she got agreeing nods from the two Wiccas.  
  
Buffy looked around at them and then sighed, shrugging.  
  
"Fine, since you all insist so vigorously I suppose I'll have to give in, and even if I can't promise anything I'll do my BEST at a-little-happy, okay?" she then said and the four lightened up considerably.  
  
"But." Dawn started, and Xander raised both hands, cutting her short.  
  
"You're coming too," he said and Buffy was about to open her mouth in protest but he shook his head firmly. "No, Buff, we ALL wanna be there and Dawn can't be home all alone," he stated and she reluctantly agreed to that being true and even more reluctantly to Dawn having permission to stay out on a school night.  
  
When it was finally decided Anya pulled Buffy with her upstairs to get her ready and Tara and Willow grabbed Dawn.  
  
"Girls, just so were on the clear, we are LEAVING in TEN minutes!" Xander called after them, the only answer he received was the trampling of their feet up the stairs. "In TEN minutes the X-mobile is LEAVING!" he yelled again and then sighed.  
  
Forty-five minutes later they came back downstairs and he flicked off the TV, getting off the couch.  
  
"Nice," he said with a look each on Buffy and Dawn and then he headed to the door.  
  
Anya rolled her eyes and smiled a little at Buffy.  
  
"You look really, really good," she said and Buffy smiled faintly.  
  
"Thanks," she said as they all filed in after Xander, Willow closing and locking the door.  
  
They squeezed into Xander's car and arrived at the Bronze without any huge drama, Dawn smiling brightly at Buffy as they walked up to the entrance of the club. Buffy clenched her jaws together as they walked through it, loud music hitting their ears.  
  
The place was absolutely packed and Buffy, as well as the others, started to look around for a table. After some scuffling with another group of people claiming they got to the newly available seats first the Scoobies could finally sit down, Xander getting up again and walking over to the bar to get everybody some drinks.  
  
Dawn looked around keenly at the dancing crowd, the band on the stage and the settings. She had been there before, but not this late and it was a completely different scene than what she was used to.  
  
"Can I go dance?" she asked and Buffy was about to answer when Anya said:  
  
"Of course, if someone goes with you, right Buffy?" Buffy looked at her and then shrugged, nodding and Anya smiled, scooting out of the booth and grabbing Dawn's hand she said: "Like ME, come on!"  
  
"Anya is acting.happy," Buffy said to Willow and the latter smiled, nodding.  
  
"I know, I think it's 'cause she's mentally planning the wedding she and Xander will Go Through With in the future," she said as Xander came up with their drinks, putting them down on the table and starting to hand them out. "Or it might just be that she made a killer deal with a worlac in the store today," Willow added and Buffy smiled widely at that.  
  
The vengeance demon's love for anything the color of money was sometimes comical, most of the time unnerving and always a true characteristic.  
  
"So," she said turning to Xander. "You and Anya are getting along well?"  
  
Xander nodded, taking a sip of his drink and letting his eyes search for his girl on the dance floor.  
  
"We're taking it slow, but it's at least a start. We talk a lot and stuff, which is good," he said and spotted her, smiling a little he put his glass down and turned to Buffy.  
  
"That's just wonderful," she said smiling as well and he nodded again.  
  
An hour later they were all discussing what movie was the greatest of all time and even though Buffy was part of the conversation she felt her mind wandering as she let her eyes glide up towards a spot overlooking the dance floor.  
  
'Don't.'  
  
'Stop me.'  
  
She closed her eyes and sighed a little.  
  
Xander looked at her for a moment and then he gestured for Anya and Dawn to get out of the booth so he could stand up.  
  
"Wanna dance?" he then asked, reaching out a hand to Buffy who opened her eyes and looked at it.  
  
"Sure," she then answered and took it, scooting out as well and walking with him to the dance floor.  
  
Soft music was playing from the speakers, the band was having their break, a new song had just come on. Xander placed a hand on her hip and took her right one in his left one, pulling her a little closer he looked down on her, concern in his eyes as she looked back.  
  
"What?" she asked and he sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, talked to Anya a lot about it too, and I suppose that if you can accept dead boy then I should at least try," he then added and Buffy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I'm not saying that I LIKE him," Xander grumbled and Buffy smiled a little. "Just that. well, I won't be so angry anymore. And I want you to know that I want to be a support, not another obstacle, okay?"  
  
She smiled at him, relaxing a little and nodding.  
  
"Thank you, that means so much to me," she said and he smiled back before she rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
At first she didn't think about them, but then the words of the song they were moving to hit her and she bit her jaws together, tears starting to form in her eyes as a soft male voice sung:  
  
  
  
If I never knew you - if I never felt this love  
  
I would have no inkling of how precious life can be  
  
And if I never held you - I would never have a clue  
  
How at last I find in you the missing part of me  
  
  
  
In this world so full of fear  
  
Full of rage and lies  
  
I can see the truth so clear  
  
In your eyes  
  
So dry your eyes  
  
  
  
And I'm so grateful to you  
  
I'd have lived my whole life through  
  
Lost forever - if I never knew you  
  
  
  
A female voice took over and Buffy blinked as the tears slowly started making their way down her cheeks.  
  
  
  
If I never knew you - I'd be safe but half as real  
  
Never knowing I could feel a love so strong and true  
  
I'm so grateful to you  
  
I'd have lived my whole life through  
  
Lost forever - if I never knew you  
  
  
  
He: I thought our love would be so beautiful  
  
She: Somehow we'd make the whole world bright  
  
Both: I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong  
  
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night  
  
But still my heart is saying we were right  
  
  
  
She: If I never knew you  
  
He: (There's no moment I regret)  
  
If I never knew your love  
  
(Since the moment that we met)  
  
I would have no inkling of  
  
(If our time has gone too fast)  
  
How precious life can be.  
  
(I've lived at last.)  
  
  
  
Xander felt her shoulders shaking and he held her closer. Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
  
  
Both: I thought our love would be so beautiful  
  
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright  
  
She: I thought our love would be so beautiful  
  
We'd turn the darkness into light  
  
Both: And still my heart is saying we were right  
  
He: We were right  
  
  
  
He: And if I never knew you  
  
She: (If I never knew you)  
  
He: I'd have lived my whole life through.  
  
She: Empty as the sky  
  
Both: Never knowing why  
  
Lost forever  
  
If I never knew you  
  
  
  
The music softly died and Xander gently pulled away from Buffy, she looked up at him, still blinking tears out of her sight and smiling a little. She felt kind of silly, her insides aching none the less.  
  
"Look at me," she said, starting to wipe her tears away. "I'm crying over a stupid love song," she added shaking her head a little.  
  
Xander smiled and put an arm around her shoulders, hugging her tenderly as they turned to walk off the dance floor.  
  
"Even the Slayer is allowed to have a mushy center," he stated and she smiled up at him.  
  
"Yeah, but mine is more like watery," she sighed and he laughed at that.  
  
She swiped the last tears away as she looked up and her eyes rested in a pair of heavenly blues across the room. She froze, Xander did as well, looking at her questioningly.  
  
She stared into those eyes forever and then she blinked and they were gone.  
  
Her eyes grew larger as she stared at the spot where they had been a moment earlier and she spun her head to Xander.  
  
"He was here!" she exclaimed and Xander furrowed his brow, not following. "Spike!" she said impatiently. "God, he was HERE!"  
  
She spun around as a subtle disbelief started growing on Xander's face and raced away from him, across the room and to the spot where she had SEEN him. She was so sure of it that she felt she would explode!  
  
She twirled around, looking for him and then she rushed to the entrance and out onto the street.  
  
Nothing.  
  
She started running. She only increased her speed when she got closer to the cemetery and she didn't stop until she reached the doors to his crypt. She yanked one open and walked inside, Clem looking surprised at her from the armchair and up from the book he was reading.  
  
"Buffy!" he said with a welcoming smile. "A-anything wrong?"  
  
"Has he been here?" she asked and Clem raised his eyebrows, looking bewildered. "Spike!" she exclaimed, her patience with people not knowing that of course it was HIM she was talking about running out and now Clem stared at her, surprised.  
  
"He's back?! Wow, how? When? Oh! Eh, no, he hasn't been here," he answered her, getting up and putting down the book.  
  
Buffy stared at him, feeling the security waver in her chest as she looked around the crypt.  
  
"He.He hasn't come here?" she asked and Clem shook his head slowly.  
  
"I wouldn't lie 'bout that," he said.  
  
"No! No, of course not. I was just so sure that." she trailed off, her heart sinking in her chest as she heavily sat down on the small step in front of the door, combing her hands through her hair and feeling the hope slip away from her again.  
  
Clem approached her hesitantly.  
  
"Are you all right?" he asked and this time she shook her head, not willing to lie to him again.  
  
"I think I'm going crazy, Clem," she said.  
  
Clem smiled a little at that, taking a seat beside her.  
  
"Oh, now, I'm sure it's not THAT bad, Buffy," he said and she sighed, shaking her head to herself.  
  
"I just miss him," she said and Clem fell silent.  
  
"So do I, sometimes," he said quietly. "I didn't have many friends before him, and now. It's lonely."  
  
Buffy turned her head to him, feeling a small sting of guilt.  
  
"Tomorrow," she said, getting to her feet again, "you are invited over for dinner at my house, and that's final."  
  
He stared up at her, surprised.  
  
"Really?" he asked and she smiled then nodded.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Do I need to bring anything? I could bring dessert, I have lots of snacks!" he offered, getting to his feet as well.  
  
"No, that's okay. Just. come by around eight and then I can walk you home when it's time for my patrol."  
  
He smiled a little at that, nodding.  
  
"Sounds good," he said. "This cemetery creeps me out at night," he added and she smiled back before walking up to the door.  
  
She paused and turned to him.  
  
"You haven't seen him?" she asked and Clem looked regretful before shaking his head a little  
  
She nodded and walked outside.  
  
She took her time walking back to the Bronze, her head buzzing with confusion and fear towards the tricks her mind was playing on her. She sighed and tried to collect herself as she approached the entrance once more.  
  
He's gone, she thought, the sense of loss growing in her chest. He's gone. 


	39. Chapter ThirtyNine

New Horizons: Chapter Thirty-Nine  
  
By Annie  
  
05-25-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy grabbed the dirty plates she had just stacked up and lifted them off the table.  
  
Clem got off his chair to help and she smiled at him thankfully.  
  
She walked into the kitchen and put the plates in the sink, turning on the water to start to rinse them off as Clem came in after her, unloading some of the silverware and then Dawn followed with the pots.  
  
"Willow sure can cook," Clem said and Buffy nodded, smiling at him again. "I'll go tell her," he added and went back into the dining room, the door closing behind him as Dawn turned to Buffy.  
  
"You've been really quiet since yesterday," Dawn said silently and Buffy sighed a little, shrugging and keeping up with the rinsing followed by the bending down to put the plates in the dishwasher. "I know you wish that he was here.I do too. But, please, don't be scared of talking to me about stuff, okay? I AM here."  
  
Buffy looked up at her at that, then she smiled.  
  
"I know that," she said and Dawn smiled a little back. "I'm just. Whenever I think that I've gotten one aspect of the whole thing even slightly figured out something happens that just messes everything up again," she mumbled and Dawn walked over to her, giving her a quick hug.  
  
"Don't worry," she said. "It'll come to you."  
  
Buffy smiled as she looked at her sister.  
  
"Since when did you become the all-wise-and-powerful?" she asked and Dawn smirked in a way that made Buffy's heart jump in her chest.  
  
God, she's taking after him.  
  
"Hey, I'm the Key, remember? Big mystical being and all I'm sure some wisdom was implanted somewhere!" Dawn stated with a smile and Buffy laughed a little at that.  
  
"Right," she said. "Now get in there, the dessert's on me and I wanna fix it myself."  
  
Dawn grinned at that, turned around and walked up to the door of the dining room, pushing it open and disappearing through it. Buffy watched the door close and then she sighed.  
  
Something was off, something big, and she couldn't place it.  
  
She was feeling so damn depressed that she didn't know what to do with herself and still she felt excited. She furrowed her brow as she turned back to the dishes.  
  
I just have to grab a hold of myself and drag myself out of this stage of.reminiscing. she thought, starting to wash off the silverware. I just don't know how. HOW? I mean, God, it's so damn hard and I don't even know where to start. Maybe if-.  
  
"Hello, love."  
  
.-I don't think about it. But HOW do I NOT th-.  
  
She froze.  
  
The blood in her veins froze, the thoughts in her head froze, her heart froze in the middle of a beat and her entire being became one great big frozen statue as she swallowed hard.  
  
Then she started trembling.  
  
She hadn't just heard that. It hadn't been his voice sounding from behind her; it had been just another mirage. It couldn't have been his actual voice because.  
  
So why am I not turning around? she thought, her hands shaking as they carefully put the silverware down on the counter beside the sink, and she dully dried them off against her jeans.  
  
She drew an unsteady breath before turning her head around and looking straight into his eyes.  
  
She took a step backwards without realizing it, leaning against the counter behind her and her eyes growing.  
  
It wasn't him.  
  
It isn't him!  
  
He looked at her carefully, then he took a trying step forward and her heart decided that now was a good time to start beating again and as irregularly as it possibly could. She couldn't take her eyes from his and still she didn't believe it was he. There. No, not possible.  
  
It's not him, her mind chanted as he took another step forward and said:  
  
"I can see you're mad and I'm sorry 'bout that, but I want you to know that I didn't come back expecting anything, I only came back 'cause.well, I had to see if you were all right, for one. You'd been bleeding for a long time." he paused, looking into her eyes still widening and feeling even more insecure about it all, but not being able to resist taking the last step forward to stand before her. "Buffy," he then said gently. "If you tell me to leave Sunnydale, I will. Tonight. But I had to see you. It felt like we had some things left unsaid somehow. Or maybe that I had some."  
  
He drew a shaky breath, not knowing why, as he looked into her eyes and seeing the shock rising in them.  
  
God, she was so beautiful. He had missed her more than he thought was possible and here she was in front of him and he couldn't even touch her, too afraid of her snapping out of it and starting to tell him that he needed to go, get out.  
  
The past few weeks had been even worse than being sentenced to watch her from a far ever could be and as he looked at her he felt even more that it had been the right decision, to see her at least one last time face to face.  
  
Buffy swallowed hard again and then she slowly reached up a hand, still trembling, and placed it on his cheek.  
  
Her whole body reacted to the sudden touch of his cool skin against hers and she felt the shock grow stronger as she tried to understand that he was there.  
  
He was there.  
  
He stared at her, a little surprised by her movement. She suddenly looked so vulnerable as she looked into his eyes and then he saw a small glow rise in them as realization seemed to finally hit her.  
  
Buffy felt so many emotions at once that she thought they were going to drown her, but all they did was blur her sight as tears. Looking into his eyes she started to feel something mend inside of her.  
  
He was there.  
  
Then she took a step forward, the hand that had been on his cheek sliding behind his neck as she reached up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling herself close to him and feeling completely overwhelmed by the touch of his body finally against hers again she leaned her head against his shoulder and let the emotions have the better of her once and for all as she started crying.  
  
Spike felt her body slide into his as she pulled herself closer and he was taken off guard by the tremble that went through her, her face against his shoulder she was suddenly crying hard and he felt his own eyes water as the relief rose in his chest.  
  
She wasn't going to send him away.  
  
He carefully put his arms around her; letting his hands gently slide over her back and pressing her against him. He had no idea for how long they stood there, the shoulder of his sweater was getting soaked with her salty tears and her shoulders kept shaking and then all of a sudden she pulled away from him, her eyes staring at him with an anger rising that was totally unexpected and he raised his eyebrows quizzically.  
  
"You bastard!" she exclaimed at him and he recoiled slightly. "You rotten, damn bastard! You were at the Bronze last night, weren't you?" she demanded to know, her eyes now lit by that fire he loved so much and he nodded a little as an answer to her question.  
  
Buffy had never been so angry with him in all the years they had known each other and she clenched her fists together as she raised her voice again.  
  
"And you were here, outside, on the night before that, weren't you?"  
  
He drew a small breath and then nodded again.  
  
"God dammit, Spike! How the hell could you come back and not see me? How long have you been back?" she yelled at him, furious now and he took a few steps away from her.  
  
"I didn't know if you wanted to see me, Slayer," he said, trying to keep his calm at the sudden outburst.  
  
"How long?" she repeated and he straightened his back a little.  
  
"Three days."  
  
Her eyes grew large again at that disclosure and then she shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Three days?" she then asked, her face hardening and he sighed a little.  
  
Guess the love fest was over, hello and good-bye, the usual tune of the love if his pitiful existence.  
  
"Yes," he confirmed and she looked at him coldly. "Do you want me to leave?" he now asked hesitantly and she stared at him for a moment longer and then she nodded a little.  
  
"Yes," she then said calmly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I want you to leave."  
  
He nodded, walking up to the door and pausing as his eyes landed on his duster. He smiled a little and took it off the hook, looking at her one last time before opening the door and stepping out into the night.  
  
Buffy heard the door close and that small click made every nerve in her entire body scream at her WHAT-THE-HELL-ARE-YOU-DOING?!  
  
She stood still for a moment longer and then she turned, ran up to the door and opened it. She hurried out into the backyard.  
  
"Spike!" she called, still not grasping the fact that she could actually say that and he could hear her.  
  
He was there!  
  
He stopped, duster now pulled on, shaking his head a little and turning to her.  
  
"Bloody hell, Slayer, should I stay or should I go?" he grumbled, getting more and more annoyed with this attitude she simply couldn't get rid of, could she?  
  
She stopped as well, staring at him, and he suddenly got a feeling that there was more behind this. The look in her eyes was so confused.  
  
"I." she started, trailing off and averting her eyes.  
  
He squinted at her now, questioningly, and she sighed as she looked at him again.  
  
"I want you to stay," she said and he raised his eyebrows at that.  
  
"Are you sure? 'Cause I don't really appreciate this wear-and-tear-Spike theme you've got going, Slayer," he stated and she drew a breath.  
  
"Buffy," she said and he stared at her.  
  
"Spike," he said reaching out a hand at her and she couldn't help but smile a little.  
  
"No, stupid, I want you to call me 'Buffy'," she stated and he lowered his hand.  
  
"Well, I'll call you whatever the bloody hell I want, pet," he grumbled and she looked at him impatiently.  
  
"Dammit, Spike, this isn't a contest, I'm not TELLING, I'm ASKING," she retorted and he looked at her.  
  
She couldn't believe how much she had actually missed those eyes. Having him in front of her just made it so much clearer.  
  
Then the kitchen door was suddenly torn open and Dawn come rushing outside. She stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes locked on the vamp and then they grew round.  
  
"Hi, niblet," he said a little tryingly, still not sure what to make of Buffy's sudden request, and Dawn stared at him for a fraction of a second longer before releasing a squeal and running up to him, throwing herself around his neck and hugging him hard.  
  
He smiled a little as he put his arms around her, closing his eyes for a moment and then opening them to look at Buffy, who definitely looked more shocked than anything else. Still, he sensed something more.  
  
"How did you get back?!" Dawn exclaimed, pulling herself from him but grabbing a firm hold of one of his hands as she started dragging him towards the kitchen door again. "You have to tell us everything! I TOLD Xander I heard your voice and then they wouldn't let me go see what was up when Buffy started barking like a mad dog. Oh," she stopped, turning to her sister. "Sorry, you were done, weren't you?"  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows slightly and then shrugged.  
  
Dawn smiled widely at her and then added:  
  
"Don't worry, I'll let you do the honors, I mean, I won't blab or anything, you know.about.the thing that you've had on your mind...."  
  
Buffy's eyes enlarged at those words and she was starting to blush as she met Spike's gaze, an eyebrow cocked questioningly at her and then she smiled a little.  
  
He was there.  
  
Her whole body was really starting to get the fact straight now and the happiness was tentatively beginning to spread in her chest hand in hand with relief and a small anxiety over what the heck was supposed to come next.  
  
She was in love with this man, how did she tell him that?  
  
She closed her eyes.  
  
I'm in love with this VAMPIRE, she corrected herself and then opened them again, slowly following her sister and the vamp back into the house she rested her eyes on his back, on his neck, on his hair, on his hand gripping her sister's. How do I tell him that?  
  
  
  
***  
  
Spike sat back in the couch, Dawn curled up beside him and Tara sitting on the space by her side. Buffy was seated in the armchair, her eyes resting in his, and he tried to bite back a smile but couldn't really and then she suddenly blushed slightly and looked away.  
  
Clem, Xander and Anya were all standing to the right of the armchair and Willow was to his left, the whole assembly was waiting for him to start talking.  
  
He looked away from Buffy to give Dawn a smile and she smiled back brightly. Then he turned his eyes back to the Slayer who seemed to have collected herself because now she was looking back with a self-confidence that he recognized.  
  
He smiled again and then began:  
  
"The mirror broke."  
  
"Duh," Xander said and Spike looked at him coldly.  
  
"Shut up or wear a gag, monkey boy," he grumbled and Xander was about to retort when he suddenly glanced at Buffy and closed his mouth, digging his hands into his pockets and mumbling:  
  
"I'll take the 'shut up' for five-hundred..."  
  
Spike's eyes grew a little in surprise, maybe monkey boy DID have a brain after all, and WHAT had that glance been about? He shook it off though, continuing:  
  
"The demons. You know, the nice little brothers of the one who cut you," Buffy nodded with a frown. "They disappeared. Poof. Bloody incredible is what it was. I was sure they were gonna come back again but they didn't. You KNOW why I couldn't go with you, don't you?" he now asked and Buffy nodded a little.  
  
"The mirror.it wouldn't have been able to hold us both," she mumbled, feeling the guilt grab at her again, feeling like it had been all her fault.  
  
"Right," he now said, nodding. "Good. So, Sarah told me that I could pretend to want to stay all I wanted but that it didn't bloody well fool her and that she was 'determined' to get me back." He shook his head a little at the memory, and then smiled. "She always did know me," he added and Buffy smiled a little as well.  
  
"She knew me too," she then said. "Better than myself at times."  
  
Spike smiled wider at that, nodding.  
  
They looked at each other for a moment longer and then he shook his head a little, picking up his explanation again:  
  
"So, she started digging through this huge chest she had gotten from the old poof who gave her the mirror, it was full of papers and stuff, most of it was junk but she remembered that she had put some kind of a reversal spell or I don't know what the hell she called it. Anyways, she spent almost a week and a half going through that stupid chest and then she found it. She said that it was a huge chance because if you guys had tossed the mirror, or not replaced the glass, then I would end up in some random place or even dimension and then I could never get outta there."  
  
Buffy looked at him, feeling her heart softly thump in her chest at the sound of his voice and she smiled a little.  
  
"Oh, you think that's funny, Sl-.Buffy?" he asked and she smiled wider at the use of her name.  
  
"No," she then answered him, shaking her head and growing serious.  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"Good. Okay, so-.  
  
"I was the one who wanted to put the glass back in," Dawn interrupted him and he looked down at her, smiling.  
  
"Then you bloody well saved the life of this vamp, that's for sure," he said and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "Thank you, Lil'Bit."  
  
"I knew you'd keep your promise," she whispered as she hugged him back. "I knew you'd come back again."  
  
He smiled and released her, turning to Buffy to continue once more he noticed that her eyes were glittering with tears. He smirked, tilting his head a little to one side and she suddenly laughed. Wiping her eyes and shaking her head she kept on laughing. She finally calmed down and waved a hand at the questioning, surprised and relieved looks from her friends and then smiled brightly.  
  
"Let's just listen," she said with a meaningful look at Spike and then she suddenly caught on to something he had just said and asked: "So you used THIS mirror again?"  
  
Spike looked at her a little guiltily and then nodded.  
  
"So, you were IN the house at some point three days ago?" she asked and he nodded again.  
  
"Yeah, and then I left," he said and she looked at him before shrugging.  
  
"Fine. Fine," she mumbled and now he smiled widely at her.  
  
"What'd you think I'd do? Go through your drawers and see what I could grab before I made a run for it?"  
  
A smile spread on her face as well as she nodded her head a little.  
  
"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," she said wryly and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Maybe you expected a 'Hi, honey, I'm home!'-note on the fridge door?" he now asked and she looked up at him, shaking her head.  
  
"No, no. I didn't," she said and he paused a little at her sudden nervousness.  
  
Something was up with her.  
  
"Really?" he asked and she nodded now.  
  
Dawn was trying to hide the big smile that was spreading on her face.  
  
"I've MISSED this!" she couldn't help but exclaim. "You guys bickering like an old married couple!" she added, now grinning openly and Spike eyed her for a moment before he started tickling her until she was begging him to stop, which he did.  
  
"Very entertaining," Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest and raising her eyebrows at the two, trying to push away the all too clear memory of the night he and she had spent together in his bed, when his hands had been tickling HER. "Could you please continue?" she now added and he nodded, still smiling.  
  
"Sarah did the spell, we said our good-buys and I stepped through it. I landed here, which was a bloody relief, and then I left. Been hanging out at Willy's for the past few days and trying to decide what to do. Decided to see you again this afternoon but didn't wanna grab a blanket and run in here smelling like a 'bat out of hell'," he said that with a humorous glint in the corners of his eyes and she smiled at the memory of the fight where she had used that expression, "and so I thought I'd come during the night. Now. And here I am. Nothing dramatic, just plain magic, I s'pose."  
  
Dawn hugged his chest with one arm and smiled.  
  
"You're back and that's all that matters," she said and he smiled back at her.  
  
"Yes, welcome back," Anya said, nodding. "We are all glad to have you here."  
  
Spike stared at her in the light of that statement and then said with a glance at Xander:  
  
"Nice of you to say, but something tells me that's not true."  
  
Xander observed the vampire, Dawn sitting next to him on the couch as though he was the best thing since pink Starbursts and then he said something he never thought he would:  
  
"No, it is. Welcome back, man," Spike's eyes filling with such surprise at that, that Xander thought that was reward enough for uttering those words, then he added: "Now things might finally start to get normal around here."  
  
"Look at this little group of beings and tell me, what IS normal?" Willow said as she took a step forward and bent down to give Spike a hug.  
  
Spike put a hesitant arm around her before she pulled away again and then he smiled a little at her.  
  
"Oh, Will, don't go all braniac on me here, okay?" Xander asked and Willow smiled wider, looking up at him before turning back to Spike.  
  
"I'm glad what I asked you that time helped," she said and he smiled, nodding. "You have to tell me when and how sometime," she added and he looked at her, slightly baffled and growing more surprised by the second.  
  
What the hell? Had he stepped out in an alternate universe or something? It sure seemed like it! Red had always been kinda okay towards him but monkey boy? Wow, this was really mind-blowing stuff. Now all that was missing was Buffy bloody telling him she was in love with him and he would be absolutely convinced that something fishy was going on.  
  
He turned his eyes on the Slayer and noticed that she met his gaze with an expression on her face that he couldn't really place and still there was something there.  
  
She suddenly got up, turning to Clem.  
  
"Ready to go?" she asked and Clem looked at her, then nodded before turning to Spike.  
  
"You coming? I can clear out my stuff by tomorrow," Clem said and Spike drew a breath getting ready to get up when Buffy said:  
  
"Or." she hesitated a moment. "Well, since Spike's already here.and you're already there. maybe it would be more practical." she trailed off and now Spike really stared at her.  
  
"More practical what?" he asked, feeling like his chest was caving in with pure shock at what he anticipated her to say.  
  
"Well, if you stayed here for a night or two." she said, raising her eyebrows a little with a questioning look.  
  
Dawn smiled, nodding.  
  
"Please, Spike, please stay here!" she pleaded but he hardly heard her as his eyes kept staring into Buffy's.  
  
"Okay, then," she finally said, breaking eye contact and grabbing Clem by the arm before escorting him to the door. "I'm going for a quick patrol. Guys, great to see you, thanks for dinner, Will, and Dawn, make up the couch for Spike, okay? I'll be back later."  
  
With that she opened the door and left, Clem trailing behind.  
  
Spike stared at the now empty hall, swallowing hard and furrowing his brow slightly.  
  
Did that just happen? 


	40. Chapter Forty

New Horizons: Chapter Forty  
  
By Annie  
  
05-26-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dawn came into the living room with her arms loaded with sheets and her face covered by a big smile.  
  
"Here's the supplies," she said happily as Spike looked up and returned her smile.  
  
"Thanks, niblet," he said, reaching out to take the sheets off her hands but she shook her head and walked past him, putting them on the table in stead and then bending down, grabbing the back-cushions of the couch and pulling them off, throwing them on the floor.  
  
"So," she then said, turning around to grab a rolled up sheet and then flipping it open with one quick move with both wrists, "I'll go upstairs and see if I can find a pillow for you too, I think there are some extra ones in Willow's closet."  
  
She spread the sheet out on the couch and then grabbed the other to do the same with, looking a little thoughtful.  
  
"What?" Spike asked, still trying to melt the fact that the SLAYER had invited him, more or less, to stay at her house!  
  
Dawn looked up, finishing spreading the second sheet and reaching for the blanket she had brought down, flipping it out of its folding as well she let it sink down over the bedding and then she turned to him, brow a little furrowed.  
  
"You should take a shower," she said and his eyebrows shot up, she smiled a little. "And then I'll get you something to sleep in," she added.  
  
He smirked a little.  
  
"Thanks for the so nice way of telling a bloke he reeks," he remarked and she laughed, shaking her head as she walked up to him and threw her arms around him again.  
  
He smiled as well, pulling her close.  
  
"I'm SO glad you're back," she stated, chin against his shoulder.  
  
"Me too," he agreed silently and then they pulled away.  
  
"You don't REEK," she now said with a smirk. "But you don't smell so good, either," she added truthfully and he smiled a little at that.  
  
"Well, you spend a few nights at Willy's and you'll see if you come out smelling all like roses," he grumbled and she grinned.  
  
"Do you EVER smell like roses?" she then asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking so much like her sister that he just stared at her for a moment.  
  
She's growing up, he thought to himself. And I almost missed it.  
  
Then he shook that off and smiled wider.  
  
"Fine, can't argue with you on that point," he then answered her question and she smiled back widely. "Shower, huh?" he asked and she nodded firmly. "Do you even have any guy stuff here? I mean, I'd hate to come outta there smelling like a bloody add campaign for the Scent of a Woman," he then added and she laughed again.  
  
"I think we have some stuff up there, Xander stays here sometimes and I think he might've left something behind.If you're lucky," Dawn said and Spike smiled slightly.  
  
"Monkey boy, eh?" he asked and the words Xander had spoken half an hour earlier fluttered through his mind. "He really surprised me, with what he said I mean," he mumbled, looking up at Dawn who smiled a little.  
  
"In a good way?" she asked and Spike paused for a moment, and then nodded.  
  
"Yeah," he answered. "In a really good way."  
  
He took a step back and threw himself in the armchair, shaking his head slightly as he looked around the room.  
  
"THIS is not where I thought I'd be tonight," he stated and Dawn smiled again. "Was Buffy." he then started, trailing off as he searched for the right words. "Did she." he tried but then shook his head a little, getting off the armchair and sighing deeply he grumbled: "Shower it is, then."  
  
Dawn nodded, grabbing his hand and walking with him to the stairs.  
  
She had promised Buffy not to blab anything about what kind of hell her sister had gone through these past two weeks, and she was more than determined not to speak one word about it no matter what. She REALLY wanted Spike to hear it from Buffy's lips, and not anybody else's.  
  
It isn't more than right, she thought.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy stopped in front of the front door. Her mind was almost at a blank at the nagging thought of walking in and finding him gone. But why would he be?  
  
Vanished then; just gone up in smoke in the middle of her living room.  
  
Her heart was drumming inside of her in a mixture of adrenaline, excitement, happiness and fear. She was more afraid to face him now than she had ever been in all the time that she had known him as an enemy and all the time that her body had craved his touch.  
  
That thought made a wave of expectant pleasure go through her at the small promise of him being there again, to feel, to touch, to kiss. God, she had missed him with her entire being.and that made it that much more intense. Her heart being in on the need fully this time scared the hell out of her.  
  
She closed her eyes briefly, drawing a breath and deciding that "no time like the present" was a good saying to cling to at a time like this. Opening her eyes again she grabbed the door knob and turned it, pushing her fears aside as she stepped through it and then closed it behind her as she walked into the hall.  
  
She turned her head and saw him lying on the couch. He was sleeping.  
  
She tried to hold back the smile rising, but it didn't succeed as she carefully made her way into the living room, walking in between the table and the couch and gently sinking down on her knees by his side she tilted her head a little, looking at the peaceful expression on his face.  
  
He was there.  
  
And he wasn't going anywhere.  
  
She smiled wider as she drew a slow breath, trying to steady her heartbeat, afraid that it would wake him up. Then she reached out a hand and let her fingers brush against his cheek, up to his temple and then gently slide over his hair.  
  
She swallowed, pulling her hand back and getting off her knees she looked down at him.  
  
Then she, as carefully as she had entered, left; Spike opening his eyes slightly to watch her go.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy opened her eyes and they landed immediately at the hands of her alarm clock on her bedside table.  
  
She grumbled to herself as she impatiently kicked off her covers and got herself out of bed. Her head was still heavy with sleep and pictures from the dream she had had, of him coming back, of him being there.  
  
She stumbled over the threshold of her room, muttering to herself as she went down the stairs, the so familiar pain rising in her chest with every new breath and God, how she just wanted him to be there. Wanted it to have been a Slayer dream and that he would be back soon.  
  
She didn't bother with turning on the lights in the kitchen as she walked up to the sink, opening the cabinet holding the glasses and turning on the water, filling it as she yawned.  
  
She was so God damn tired of this routine, she was so tired of the numbness of this bloody pain inside, she was so tired of having to miss him.  
  
"Is that what I think it is?"  
  
The sound of his voice made her almost drop the glass and she turned the water off with a hard tug on the handle, immediately the fog of sleep cleared from her mind and she remembered just how true that dream had been as she put the glass down in the sink and turned to him, her heart beating so fast in her chest that she thought it was going to tear loose and start a journey through her limbs.  
  
He WAS there.  
  
She swallowed hard as she met his eyes, two twinkling blue pools in the moonlight falling in through the window behind her back. Her heart was leaping in her chest and she tried to focus on breathing in, breathing out, but it was hard and when he smirked slightly she felt a tremble go through her and she got scared that her legs wouldn't hold her up much longer.  
  
"Is THAT what I think it is?" he repeated and now she looked at him a little confused by the question.  
  
Spike smiled at that, taking a step into the kitchen from the doorway to the living room and making a small gesture towards what she was wearing.  
  
"I never did use it to sleep in.very often.but I suppose it makes sense since I wore it a lot at night," he then said as she looked down on his sweater covering her upper body and reaching down as far as her upper thighs, feeling completely mortified she looked up and met his teasing gaze. "I must say," he said as he slowly started to move towards her and she was completely nailed to the floor by his eyes, his voice, his mouth, "it looks a hell of a lot better on you than it ever did on me, Slayer."  
  
She drew a shaky breath as he stopped so close in front of her that she could have leaned forwards and felt his lower torso meet her chest.  
  
"Spike," she said in such a small voice that she didn't recognize it, she tried to make it a little stronger when she added: "I'm sorry I woke you. It's this.thing.I wake up and."  
  
He reached up a hand, putting it on the side of her face and gently silencing her as his thumb slid over her lover lip. Her whole body started pulsating at the small touch of his hand and she licked her lips, her eyes resting in his and he smiled a little.  
  
Then he slowly bent down, parting his lips and letting his tongue make contact with the corner of her mouth before tracing her lower lip with it and she closed her eyes, responding with every last particle of her as she opened her mouth and let him kiss her deeply, kissing him back as she slid her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him as he grabbed her and lifted her up, seating her on the counter beside the sink his hands slid up under the sweater and caressed her back as he pulled her closer to him again.  
  
He let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat and Buffy bent her head forward, resting it on his shoulder as her arms pulled tighter around him and she wrapped her legs around his waist.  
  
"God, I missed you," she whispered and the grab he had on her back grew tighter. "I missed you," she repeated, pulling her head back and looking him in the eyes as he raised his head to meet her gaze.  
  
He stared at her. The expression in her eyes so frail and full of pain that he drew a small breath, biting his lower lip slightly he smiled a little.  
  
"I missed you too," he whispered and Buffy could see the sudden questions in his eyes.  
  
Then he pulled her close to him, his arms holding her tight enough to keep her from breathing but she didn't even notice as she slid her hands up into his hair and buried her face against the side of his neck, pressing him to her just as hard.  
  
He had not a clue as to what the hell this meant, only that she was having her arms around him and that her warmth was surrounding him and that her breath was caressing him and that was enough. He needed her, and the feel of her body so close to his and the echo of the words she had just spoken was enough to overwhelm him.  
  
Then she unwrapped her legs slowly and pulled away slightly, her eyes now wearing an almost surprised look when they met his.  
  
"We didn't.eh, finish what we started," she mumbled and he held back the laughter rising in his throat, shaking his head slightly, smiling. "That's like the first time we've ever been able to do THAT," she stated, her eyes looking so wide and innocent that now he couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Buffy," he said, pulling her off the counter and setting her down on her feet. "You are the most amazing woman I've ever known, but I don't know what the bloody hell is going on in your head half the time and it drives me absolutely bonkers."  
  
A smile spread on her face as she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Spike," she said, taking a step back and eyeing him closely before adding, "good night?"  
  
He smiled a little and nodded.  
  
"Good night," he agreed and turned around, not believing he was actually walking away from her as he went back into the living room and up to the couch.  
  
He sat down on it, and then, pulling at the blanket and sheet and getting them on him he sighed to himself, shaking his head a little, as he lay down. Suddenly he heard the movement of her bare feet against the floor and he opened his eyes, looking up at her questioningly.  
  
Buffy smiled a little, bending down and letting her lips kiss his cheek gently before straightening her back again, turning around and quickly walking out of the room and swiftly climbing the stairs, feeling like she just won the lottery. She opened her door and then closed it silently behind her before jumping up on her bed and sinking down on it, untangling her covers and then pulling them over her head to stifle her giggles.  
  
God, she was tired.  
  
And she was in love.  
  
And he loved her, and he was there, under the same roof, and he had just kissed her with just as much passion as ever, and he had held her, and she was in love.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
She almost screamed as she threw the covers off her and stared at him, he recoiled slightly at the startled-deery look in her eyes, her chest rising in hard breaths before she seemingly started to relax.  
  
She looked at him and then smiled a little. He smiled back, cocking an eyebrow and then spoke again.  
  
"I'm gonna need my clothes back, you know," he said, shrugging slightly but smiling a little wider at the change of pace her heart went through at those words.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but smile at that too.  
  
"I thought you said this looked a hell of a lot better on me than it ever did on you," she then reminded him teasingly and he smirked at that.  
  
"So, wanna keep it, huh?" he asked as he slowly moved from where he had been standing at the foot of the bed to the side where she was on.  
  
"Well, I don't know," she sighed. "It's just that it's so damn comfy."  
  
He laughed a low laugh, stopping at her side and she smiled a little, reaching out a hand and grabbing his before pulling him down on her and then rolling to the side, placing him at the empty spot of the bed. He smiled slightly, but he was still looking at her questioningly and she drew a small breath.  
  
Then she reached down and started to pull the covers out from under his legs, once she was finally done she pulled them up over them both and then rested herself on one elbow, looking down on his baffled expression as to what exactly she was doing.  
  
Then she smiled.  
  
"I just want you here, okay?" she asked silently and he eyed her, growing even more surprised at that. "I just need you to hold me." she added as she sunk down on his chest, letting her left hand gently run over his stomach as she pulled herself up a little and rested her head on his shoulder. "Please, Spike, just hold me."  
  
He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as she relaxed into his embrace and nestled her face against his throat, her hand sliding up to his other shoulder. He moved his head a little and brushed his lips against her hair, drawing a breath of her scent and closing his eyes.  
  
He could feel her falling asleep, how she grew heavier, how she trusted him with her life as she drifted off into another world in his arms.  
  
He stayed awake for a long time, listening to her breathing, to the subtle flow of the blood in her veins and the steady beating of her heart.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The alarm clock went off with a loud ring and Buffy stirred, annoyed she rolled over on her back, threw out an arm and turned it off. Her eyes still closed she sighed and then rolled back on her side, burying her face against his chest and starting to relax again.  
  
His chest.  
  
Spike!  
  
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at him, her eyes growing as wide as the smile on her lips as her heart started to go the ever so familiar flip-flop in her chest. Then she gently put her head down again, cheek against his chest and eyes resting on his stomach.  
  
She let her left hand reach up and carefully start to trace the muscles of his torso, wanting him to stay asleep and still to wake up.  
  
The arm he had around her shoulders pulled her a little closer as he shifted slightly and then opened his eyes. It took him a moment to place where he was and then he couldn't hold back a smile. He looked down on her head and then she moved it so she could meet his gaze.  
  
They lay there, both of them smiling like a couple of fools with nothing better to do, and then there was a knock on the door and Dawn came in.  
  
She stopped as her eyes landed on the two in the bed and their eyes grew a little as they both turned their heads to her. Then she smiled so brightly that Buffy almost wanted to laugh with relief.  
  
"It's not exactly what it looks like," Spike then said gently and Buffy shook her head in agreement, this making Dawn cross her arms over her chest and look at them slightly disbelieving and clearly irritated.  
  
"Excuse me, but I'm fifteen, not five," she said impatiently, "and I think it's great if you've decided to 'share your love' or whatever in.this way," she then added with a grin.  
  
Buffy refused to let her heart get the better of her at the innuendo in her sister's statement, hoping that Spike wouldn't pick up on it and that it would all slide. She didn't know exactly how she was going to tell him but she knew THAT wasn't the way.  
  
Spike grinned back, seemingly oblivious and Buffy felt relief blossom in her chest, then he grew serious, saying once more:  
  
"It's not exactly like that, Lil'Bit. Buffy just.well, she asked me to.Hmh," he mumbled. "What exactly IS this about, Slayer?" he then asked and Buffy threw a blameful glare at Dawn who realized that Buffy hadn't told the vamp anything yet and the situation brought a bigger grin to her face as she stifled a laugh and turned to quickly get out of the room.  
  
Buffy shook her head at her before turning her gaze to Spike who was smirking, self-confident as ever, and she huffed, pulling away from him and throwing off the covers she started to get out of bed.  
  
"Nothing much," she then answered his question but as she was about to stand up his hand grabbed a firm hold of her wrist and pulled her back down again, landing on her back his body soon weighed her down as he swiftly parted her legs and pulled her hands over her head, holding them there firmly.  
  
She stared at him, clenching her jaws together and trying to fight the craving for him. He was always able to use that against her and this time he wouldn't win. She wanted him to be as bloody insecure as she was!  
  
But then he met her gaze with that warmth growing in his, and then he smiled a little and she melted.  
  
"Buffy," he murmured, letting his head sink down and kissing her softly.  
  
She parted her lips, deepening the kiss herself, and he let go of her hands, his own traveling down her body as her arms put themselves around his neck. Her breathing was getting heavier and she wrapped her legs around him, he smiled slightly again as he pulled his head up a little, stopping the kiss and looking down at her.  
  
"Nothing much?" he asked and she met his gaze with a sudden anger, pushing him roughly off her and getting off the bed before turning to him.  
  
"That's right," she said and looked at him with a challenging expression on her face which made him smirk again, sitting up on the bed and cocking an eyebrow at her he said:  
  
"You're wearing my sweater."  
  
"So? I went to your crypt and got some stuff, your sweaters just happen to be really comfortable and warm and nice to sleep in, nothing more," she answered him, almost biting her tongue for the huge lie she had just thrown at him.  
  
It didn't seem to work though, because the smirk merely grew as he tilted his head a little to one side.  
  
"You went to the crypt?" he asked and she swallowed hard. "Why?" he added and she felt completely cornered.  
  
"B-because.Well, Clem was living there and your stuff would've gotten in the way and." she trailed off a little, looking into his eyes and then she smiled a little, "and because I missed you."  
  
He grew serious at that and she did as well, drawing a small breath before turning around and opening her closet she started to rummage through it in search of what to wear.  
  
Spike observed her back, so many questions were tumbling in his head, he didn't know which one to ask first. Which one that would bring him to the second and then on. He was aching for her to tell him what the bloody hell she meant by "miss". Last night she had looked so.open. She had looked at him with such unmasked pain in her eyes that he wondered.  
  
"Here," she suddenly said, putting down a medium sized box in front of him on the bed and he stared at it for a moment before he recognized one of his T-shirts.  
  
"Thanks," he said, looking up at her hesitantly and she nodded.  
  
"I think Willow said she'd gotten some blood for you, I'll go downstairs and fix it up.'cause I'm making breakfast for me too," she said, adding the last thing hastily before turning from him and walking up to the door.  
  
"Buffy," he said and she stopped, hand on knob, turning her head to look at him with a dismissive expression in her eyes.  
  
"Later," she mumbled as she turned the knob and opened the door.  
  
When it closed behind her he threw himself back on the mattress and looked up into her ceiling. He was actually in her room, in her bed. He started to grin to himself as he crawled off the bed and proceeded to walk about the room and look at her little trinkets and belongings. He touched everything carefully, picking them up and putting them back as he silently studied them.  
  
He reached the desk and looked at the small collection of notebooks but decided to leave them alone. He stopped in front of a thick pile of papers and raised his eyebrows a little. He didn't know that Buffy was so into writing.  
  
He hesitated but a moment before picking up the first page and his eyes flew across the first line:  
  
"The first time I met him wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy Kodak-moment, still I'm surprised over how clear the memory of it is. Maybe there was just something about him, even then."  
  
The door was pushed open as Buffy came in and she stopped dead in her tracks before reaching out a hand fast enough to catch a fly in flight and snapped the paper out of his hands. He could hear her heart racing in her chest and he realized that this, whatever it was, had NOT been meant for his eyes, and he also smelled the nervousness growing on her.  
  
"Breakfast is ready," she said, trying to make it as light a statement as ever but hearing her voice tremble in her throat.  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"'Wrapped around her clawed pinky', eh?" he asked wryly, his eyes glittering at her, and she swallowed before licking her lips, letting a smile grace them she nodded slowly.  
  
"That's right," she said and then bent down, placing the paper in its place on the top of the pile before grabbing it with both hands, lifting it still smiling slightly she turned in the doorway and walked out.  
  
He looked at the spot where she had disappeared for a moment and then he followed.  
  
"Why did you write that?" he asked, catching up with her and she smiled a little wider as she reached the stairs.  
  
"Because it's what I thought," she answered him, starting the descent to the first floor. "It's what I still think. Drusilla had you in a leash and it was pitiful to witness."  
  
He huffed at that, then said:  
  
"That's not what I meant, why did you write THAT," he said with a gesture towards the pile in her hands.  
  
She stopped on the last step and he continued past her, turning to face her and she sighed a little.  
  
"Because I didn't wanna forget," she said and he tilted his head a little.  
  
She smiled at that familiar gesture and then looked down on the story in her hands.  
  
"Someday I want you to read it," she said slowly. "But not today, there's too much to be said first. Okay?"  
  
He looked into her eyes, searching for some kind of clue and not finding anything but a small plea for him not to make a big deal out of it. Then he nodded.  
  
"Okay," he said and she looked relieved.  
  
"Good," she said and stepped down, walking ahead of him into the kitchen and putting the pile of papers away in a drawer, promising herself to put them in a better place later. Even if she trusted Spike to honor his word, and she did, she didn't exactly want Xander or Willow or DAWN to read about their escapades.  
  
If Dawn ever read this I would die, Buffy thought to herself, blushing slightly but smiling to herself.  
  
Spike entered the kitchen and walked up to the micro wave to get his blood out of there and she observed his back silently, biting her lower lip and trying to restrain herself from just grabbing him and letting him take her right there.  
  
Spike tried to ignore the arousal he could smell on her, it was filling the atmosphere around him and crashing against his delicate senses and he didn't want to look at her, afraid that he would loose it completely if her eyes even hinted at asking him to touch her.  
  
Then Willow entered the kitchen with a yawn and Buffy got herself somewhat under control.  
  
Thank God, she thought, her eyes in Spike's as he turned around and she could see exactly how much he had sensed her wanting for him. Thank God. 


	41. Chapter FortyOne

New Horizons: Chapter Forty-One  
  
By Annie  
  
05-27-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her head was more messed up now than before.  
  
She didn't want to just blurt it out, like "Hey Spike, by the way, while you were trapped in England I did some thinking and I realized that I'm in love with you!" It just seemed too stupid. And she didn't want to rush into something that neither one of them really was prepared for.  
  
She sighed.  
  
Deep, deep down all she really felt was dread that maybe he would lose interest. That he would miss the game of him chasing her too much and move on. She knew THAT was stupid, he had proved his love for her time and again and still she just couldn't get rid of the fear.  
  
She was scared of herself too, of opening up her heart one more time because this time everything was so different. She looked at him and saw everything she needed and everything she could ever possibly want and that scared her so much. The stakes seemed so much higher somehow.  
  
Angel, she had loved him, and he had left. He had had a soul.  
  
Riley, she had loved him in a different way, and lost him as well. He had been human.  
  
And here she was, with her heart filled with emotions towards Spike, who had refused to leave no matter what she tried to do to show him that she wanted him gone, who had sacrificed so much, who's love for her had changed him and who didn't have a soul, wasn't human, and still more soulful and more human in so many aspects than anyone she had ever met, no matter how much he tried to cover it up.  
  
She was walking home from the Magic Box, the sun was blazing and it was incredibly hot and she was growing more tired by the minute. The Scoobies had met for a quick meeting, a rather personal meeting, which mostly had to do with Spike and thus he had not been invited.  
  
What's gonna happen now? I don't know! Have you told him, are you gonna? Yes, of course I am, but I don't know when or how or. He should be made an official part of the gang.  
  
The last statement had come from Willow who got all four pairs of eyes in the room directed towards her as she raised her eyebrows slightly.  
  
"Well, don't you agree? Isn't that the subject everybody are here for but are too nervous to bring up?" she had asked and Xander had cleared his throat slightly, eyes darting from Buffy to Willow.  
  
Buffy had smiled a little, then nodded.  
  
"Yes," she had mumbled. "Yeah, that's what I think too. He should be."  
  
Willow nodded, turning her eyes on Xander and he had sighed, then nodded as well - reluctantly.  
  
"Fine," he said. "I can't fight the two of you. Make him a Scoob, I'll back you up one hundred percent."  
  
Buffy had smiled wider, then it had diminished as she realized this left her with yet another huge change to tell him about, which reminded her of the first and really HUGE change. She had swallowed as she got off the table where she had been seated, walking up the few steps leading to the exit and proceeded up to the door before turning around towards the assembled friends.  
  
"I'll tell him," she had said, turning back to the door and pushing it open to walk outside.  
  
Now she was on the curb of her house and her head was tumbling with thoughts and her chest was in a roar of emotions. As she looked up and saw the yellow building she drew a small breath before bracing herself a little.  
  
She opened the front door and stepped inside, turning her head around to see if he was on the couch, which he wasn't.  
  
"Spike?" she called out and walked through the hallway and into the kitchen, noticing that the door was unlocked she opened it and stepped outside.  
  
He was seated in the shade of a tall tree on the opposite side of the backyard and to her left, resting his back against the trunk of it and his eyes met hers. He smiled a little and she did the same before walking out on the lawn, crossing it and stopping in front of him.  
  
"Hi," she said and he smiled wider.  
  
"Hello, pet," he said and she felt something warm and fuzzy start to move inside.  
  
She brushed at it, didn't want to lose control, but it avoided her skillfully and just kept on tickling her stomach as she met his gaze.  
  
"Whatcha doing?" she asked and he shrugged, holding up his walk-man and still smiling at her he answered:  
  
"Nothing much."  
  
She shook her head at him, crossing her arms over her chest and shuffling her feet slightly. These movements made him push the pause button and he pulled the small headphone out of his right ear, the left one already dangling down his left shoulder and then he looked up at her questioningly, the smile fading on his face as he sensed the tension that was building up around her.  
  
"Buffy, is something wrong?" he asked quietly and she drew a breath, meeting his gaze she suddenly smiled a little.  
  
"Well, no." she mumbled, suddenly looking slightly nervous and he furrowed his brow as he eyed her closely. "I was at the Magic Box just now," she said, waving a hand towards where the place mentioned was most likely to be and her whole being all of a sudden seemed fidgety. "Well, we had a meeting kind of.and we were talking about stuff.and things."  
  
"Sounds bloody interesting, Slayer," he said sarcastically and she sighed, a hand flying up to scratch her brow as she seemed to impatiently search for the right words. "Well, go on," he now added with a smirk and she glared at him, which only made him smile wider.  
  
"We want you to be an official part of the gang," she stated and now he stared at her, smile once more pulling back and giving way for surprised astonishment.  
  
"What? No more Spike-I-need-a-favor, Spike-you-have-to-help, Spike-is-only- good-enough-when-the-shit-is-really-hitting-the-fan?" he asked, his eyebrows shooting up and she smiled slightly.  
  
"Oh no, there will be lot's of those! Except for the last one, of course," she answered him and sunk down on her knees in front of him, he smiled a little as well before she continued: "We just.we need you, Spike. You've been incredible this past year, and we all really are grateful for that," she picked at the grass by her side as she avoided his gaze before adding: "I just wanted you to know that, and that if you accept this then it's a lifetime commitment we'll need from you, okay? Honestly, we'll be counting on you to stick around. For a long time."  
  
She looked up slightly to see what kind of reaction she'd get from him and meeting his gaze his eyes suddenly seemed to penetrate her with such a searching expression in them that she almost grew scared he could sense that wasn't all she was talking about.  
  
"Have dinner with me," he suddenly said, reaching out and gently grabbing her hand.  
  
She stared at him, butterflies joining the fuzzy feeling in her stomach as she met his gaze, which was more than serious.  
  
"Are you asking me out on a date?" she asked, masking the fluttering inside with a hint of tease, but he merely smiled and squeezed her hand.  
  
"Yes," he then answered her calmly and she drew a shaky breath at that.  
  
"Like a DATE-date?" she asked and he smiled wider, nodding slowly.  
  
"A I'll-pick-you-up-at-your-door-and-take-you-to-a-restaurant kind of DATE- date," he answered her now and she gulped, staring into his eyes and then she smiled tentatively.  
  
"Okay." she said slowly.  
  
"Okay?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow and she squeezed his hand.  
  
"Okay," she said and he looked at her, his eyes showing that he was surprised but then he smiled, nodding.  
  
"Okay," he mumbled.  
  
She pulled her hand carefully out of his grip and got to her feet.  
  
"What time?" she asked and he smiled.  
  
"Eight?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"See you then?" she asked and now he grinned.  
  
"We're in the same house, Slayer, I think you'll see me BEFORE then," he pointed out and she laughed a little, shaking her head at herself and wondering where the hell her brain was at.  
  
"Right, of course.Eh.I'm just gonna. I have to go and. Bye," she murmured, turning around and walking back inside.  
  
He stared after her, shaking his head to himself and not believing that this was happening.  
  
What the hell HAPPENED while I was gone? he thought to himself, pressing the play button and letting the heavy chorus of his favorite underground metal band push the questions out of his head.  
  
Maybe some would be answered tonight. on his date.with Buffy.  
  
"Unbelievable," he grumbled, shaking his head again and feeling a warm and fuzzy feeling start to tickle inside his chest.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy glared at the watch. Time was NOT on her side this evening.  
  
Willow watched in silent wonder as her friend ran around like she was trying to do a thousand things at once, combing her wet hair, brushing her teeth and rummaging through her closet like a maniac before swirling around and running up to the desk, looking for a fitting necklace, then turning on her heels again and rushing over to the mirror.  
  
Willow smiled a little, shaking her head.  
  
"Buffy, I think you need to calm down," she said and Buffy stopped dead in her tracks, grabbing her toothbrush and starting to brush violently as she in a voice muffled by the toothpaste answered:  
  
"I AM calm, Willow! I'm calm, see," she added, sinking down on the edge of the bed and one hand continuing to move the toothbrush as the other tried to untangle the brush from her hair.  
  
Willow moved over the mattress to help her with the latter and when she freed it Buffy got to her feet, exiting the room to get rid of the paste in her mouth.  
  
Soon she came in again, a small smile on her lips as she shook her head.  
  
"Okay," she said, reaching out her hand and grabbing the brush as Willow handed it to her. "Let's see what I should wear."  
  
She started to brush her hair thoughtfully as she walked to stand in front of her open closet, scanning all the old and boring clothes that he had seen maybe a hundred times, if not a thousand.  
  
"I should have bought something new," she sighed. "I should have gone to that shop where we bought that dress once.I don't remember the name. Well, it was a REALLY nice shop and I could have bought something REALLY nice to wear but oh no, I have to think about the bills and the food and the don't- waste-what-you-can-save policy I have frigging slapped across this household!"  
  
"Buffy," Willow interrupted and Buffy sighed, turning to her with a helpless expression on her face. "He loves you, to him you're always beautiful, have you ever even stopped to think about that?"  
  
Buffy sighed again, shaking her head .  
  
"Thanks, Will," she said and then threw the brush on the bed as she turned back to the closet and started throwing pieces of clothing out of it. "But it's not enough. I have to.dazzle him," she said, smiling to herself. "I want to leave him absolutely breathless."  
  
Willow smiled at that.  
  
"Something tells me he's kinda breathless ALL the time, though," she remarked and Buffy turned to her with a friendly glare.  
  
"You know what I mean, Will," she pointed out and pulled out a dress that she had almost forgotten that she had, eyeing it closely she added: "Right now my humor level is down at zero so forgive me for not laughing, okay?"  
  
Willow nodded, still smiling, as Buffy discarded the dress with an impatient growl and started rummaging again. Finally she pulled out a low cut dress that she had only worn once and that was a LONG time ago, back when she was dating Angel. But it hadn't been for him, she recalled, it had been for a party she had gone to for. God, she couldn't even remember who for!  
  
"I'm a terrible friend," she said sadly, shaking her head as she looked at the soft and silky dress. "But thanks to whoever got me to buy this 'cause it's perfect.AND he hasn't seen it on me," she added with a small smirk and turned to Willow. "What'd you think?" she asked, holding up the dress and Willow nodded approvingly.  
  
"He'll just DIE," she said with a smile and Buffy laughed at that.  
  
She closed the closet door and let the gray robe slip off her shoulders before taking the dress off its hanger and raising her arms, slipping the thin fabric over her head and then pulling it down.  
  
It squeezed her hips gently and the back was so low and wide cut that it was practically bare. The milky white silk worked fabulously with her blonde locks and she smiled a little at her reflection.  
  
Then her eyes turned to the alarm clock and her heart started pumping inside of her again.  
  
"It's almost seven thirty!" she exclaimed, twirling around and grabbing her brush off the bed. "Why didn't you TELL me?" she exclaimed with a glare at Willow and Willow bit back a smile as she blinked innocently at her friend.  
  
"You didn't ask me to keep track of the time, Buffy, you only wanted me here for moral support, remember?" she stated calmly and Buffy huffed.  
  
She pulled out her hairdryer and worked for ten minutes on getting her locks right around her head, Willow still observing her from the bed.  
  
Finally her friend seemed slightly satisfied and started running around like a maniac again in search for her make-up bag, which she finally found in its usual place on her desk.  
  
"Buffy, you know, it's okay if you're nervous," Willow said comfortingly as her friend raced up to the mirror again, starting to unscrew her mascara with hard twists of her wrist.  
  
"No, it's NOT okay," Buffy said shaking her head a little as she finally got the top off. "It's SPIKE, for God's sake, I shouldn't be acting like this. Not with someone that I've known for so long and that I know so WELL already.Dammit, why does he always do this to me lately, I can't bloody well THINK straight anymore whenever he's around and the way he just looks at me and just kind of smiles a little and OH what the HELL is wrong with this mascara?!"  
  
Willow moved off the bed to come help her.  
  
"You're hands are trembling," she said with a small smile. "Here, let me do that."  
  
Buffy sighed as Willow gestured for her to sit on the bed and she obeyed, sinking down on the edge of it once more and tilting her head back to let Willow help her.  
  
"I just. What if we don't have anything to talk about? What if it's just awkward and tense? What if all we really have IS this.passionate.thing? What if."  
  
".he's just so right for you that you can't deny it any longer and you realize that you're on the brink of starting a real relationship?" Willow finished and Buffy looked at her, then nodded slowly which made Willow smile slightly again. "It's kinda weird to think of you two TOGETHER as in a couple, I admit that," she said before continuing, "but it's still a nice thought, especially after everything that seemed to have happened in London. Before I didn't think that he deserved you, he was, and still is I suppose, a demon and I mean, I don't dislike the race in general, but Spike really, really was a bad one when he came here and I guess that just like Xander I had a hard time really letting all that go. First impression's a bitch, don't you think?" she added and Buffy couldn't help but laugh at the sound of such a strong word in her friend's mouth.  
  
Willow smiled and then went on.  
  
"The way he is with you. I guess on some level it always did get to me, just as on some level it always really did get to you. There's no doubt anymore that he loves you and I just feel like it's this big relief to finally KNOW, you know?" Buffy nodded silently. "And I'm really happy for you," Willow finished and Buffy smiled gratefully, feeling tears start to rise in her eyes. "No, no, don't do that!" Willow exclaimed, smiling. "You'll ruin your face!"  
  
Buffy laughed, shaking her head and holding the tears back as Willow bent down and embraced her.  
  
"Thanks, Willow," she said and Willow smiled, nodding.  
  
"You can always count on me being here to give you the advice you so desperately need," she said pulling away and smiling widely. "In fact, I do have one more thing to say."  
  
Buffy looked up at her, curious and quizzical as to what was next.  
  
"Well, I'm just surprised, kind of, that all that time when you were in his arms and he made you forget and feel better about everything, how he made it easier to face the everyday of your life, you didn't even for a moment consider that that might be where you belonged after all. That him being there for you might have been exactly what you needed. I mean, that is what such a big part of love is, at least for me with Tara." she trailed off for a moment and then collected herself, continuing: "Being there for each other and easing each others pain or stress or whatever. I just think it's funny that you never thought about that."  
  
Buffy smiled a little at how right she was.  
  
"I know what you mean," she said. "But I was so confused that I MIGHT actually think that that I just pushed the question aside and focused on the fact of him being a VAMPIRE. That he was incapable of love and blah- blah-blah, I'm sure you remember."  
  
Willow smiled, nodding.  
  
"Well," she then said, moving out of the way so that Buffy could look at herself in the mirror. "Now all that doesn't matter anymore," she stated as Buffy got off the bed and studied her reflection before nodding and turning thankfully to Willow.  
  
"No," Buffy said. "I suppose it doesn't. Thanks for putting on my face, Will," she added with a big smile and Willow returned it.  
  
"What are friends for?"  
  
"Wow!" Dawn's voice was heard from the doorway and the teenager entered the room with a glowing expression on her face. "You look absolutely fab!" she exclaimed with a giggle and embraced Buffy.  
  
Buffy smiled, hugging her back.  
  
"Thanks, Dawn," she said. "I needed to hear that."  
  
"Hah," Dawn said, shaking her head as they pulled away from each other. "Right you did," she added sarcastically and Buffy looked at her with a serious expression, nodding.  
  
"Yeah, I did," she said and Dawn smiled at her.  
  
"Nervous, huh?" she asked and Buffy sighed.  
  
"If it's that obvious to YOU guys I don't even wanna think about what HE'LL sense!" she said and Dawn smiled.  
  
"I'm sure he's just as nervous as you about this whole thing," she stated firmly.  
  
***  
  
Spike straightened his back a little, trying to think of what he should say.how he should act.  
  
"Dammit that I don't have a bloody reflection!" he grumbled, running his hands through his short hair for the twentieth time and sighing deeply to himself.  
  
"If you want some help just ask," Xander's voice suddenly rang behind him and he twirled around surprised that he hadn't heard monkey boy enter.  
  
"From you? No thanks," he said, raising his eyebrows and regretting his words the moment Xander raised his hands defensively, palms out, before saying:  
  
"Fine," and then walking into the kitchen from the hall.  
  
Spike drew a small breath, shaking his head to himself as he walked through the living room, stopping in the doorway into the kitchen observing Xander as he pulled a glass out of a cupboard and helped himself to some water.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay," Spike murmured, the words feeling strange in his mouth directed to this particular mortal. "I'm a little.I'm a bloody wreck, tell you the truth," he then added and at that Xander turned to him with the trace of a smile on his lips.  
  
"Acting on impulse when you asked her out?" he now asked.  
  
"COMPLETE impulse!" Spike agreed, shaking his head at himself as he entered the kitchen. "I don't know what the bloody hell I was thinking. I was totally okay about it at first but now my mind is seriously starting to pull up a blank as to what I should talk to her about.!"  
  
Xander smirked at that, taking a sip of his water and then nodding.  
  
"I know the feeling, BELIEVE me. What you have to focus on is not TRYING so hard, you know, just don't TRY to relax, don't TRY to find a subject to talk about, and then it'll come naturally."  
  
"Yeah, but where I'm at now I think I would seriously have to TRY not to TRY, so would it still work?" Spike asked and Xander nodded.  
  
"That's the place you have to be for it TO work," he answered and Spike started to relax a little at that.  
  
"Okay, thanks," he said and Xander nodded, neither one of them really believing that they had actually just had a conversation without blowing up in each others faces.  
  
"Sure," Xander said and Spike nodded slightly before turning and walking back into the living room. "Hey," Xander said behind him and Spike turned around again, questioning. "About the reflection thing.you want some help?" he then asked and Spike thought it over for a moment before nodding.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
Xander nodded a little as well, putting his glass down on the breakfast table and walking up to the vampire. He eyed him for a moment and then gave him a tap on the shoulder:  
  
"You look all right," he said and Spike paused, then shrugged.  
  
"Okay, good," he said. 


	42. Chapter FortyTwo

New Horizons: Chapter Forty-Two  
  
By Annie  
  
05-28-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike got off the couch and Xander rose from the armchair, where they had been sitting silent TRYING to find something to talk about that didn't involve their violent everyday occupation, as Dawn and Willow came down the stairs. Spike took a few steps forward, his whole being seemingly quivering and he felt like, had he been human he would have been sweating, had a severely irregular heartbeat and his mouth would have been as dry as a desert. Growing more and more grateful by the second that he didn't have to deal with any of those things he looked at Dawn who smiled a little.  
  
"She's coming," she assured. "Wow, you look nice," she added and Spike smirked with a glance at Xander.  
  
"You don't say?" he then said and Xander smiled slightly, causing Willow and Dawn to exchange a wondering look. "Thanks, niblet," Spike then added and she smiled at him.  
  
Buffy stopped at the top of the stairs.  
  
This is ridiculous! she thought, staring down into the hall and hearing the sound of her friends talking. I'm shaking all over. It's SPIKE!  
  
She swallowed hard as her heart started beating weirdly in her chest.  
  
It's Spike, she now thought, trying to stop the pleasant shivers, but as always unable to. God, it's SPIKE! Why did I agree to this? Because I'm.I'm in love with him, for crying out loud, this should be a walk in the park! I'll just smile and be all.relaxed. That's what I need to be, relaxed.  
  
She started down the stairs chanting "relax, Buffy, relax", but as she reached the last step and carefully looked up, meeting his eyes that were growing bigger by the second, she felt her heart stop in her chest.  
  
Oh Lord, it's Spike, her mind groaned nervously as she pressed a smile that felt like it didn't fit on her mouth properly. And LOOK at him! her mind suddenly added and she wished there was someway to shut her thoughts the hell up because of course her eyes obeyed immediately and observed the vamp keenly.  
  
He was wearing a dark blue suit, which more than surprised her. A white shirt.no tie though and she smiled slightly at the sudden memory of the first time she had seen him like this in England, all dressed up for supper at Sarah and Jacob's. He looked good enough to eat.  
  
That comes later, her mind pointed out wryly and she shook her head at herself as she started towards him, smiling a little tryingly and wondering why he looked at her like he was about to have a stroke or something.  
  
Okay, I think my heart just started beating, he thought to himself as he watched her slowly move towards him, a small smile on her lips and DAMN that dress looked good on her.  
  
He was sweating, his heart was beating irregularly in his chest and his mouth was as dry as a desert as she stopped before him, or so he thought, and he couldn't think of anything to say and so he just smiled a little back at her.  
  
Buffy met his gaze, her heart still not beating and she fought to remember how to breathe as the blue in his eyes sparkled with life and love and warmth and the room was almost spinning and she didn't know what to say, couldn't concentrate on anything but the expression in his eyes and she wanted his arms around her.  
  
"So, where are you going?" Willow asked and Spike turned his eyes to her, a hazy look in them and Buffy snapped out of it, swallowing hard. Willow smiled at Spike and then repeated: "Where are you going?"  
  
Spike smiled back.  
  
"That's a surprise," he then stated, turning his head back to Buffy and drawing an unnecessary and unsteady breath before reaching out a hand and gently taking a hold of hers. "You ready?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and Buffy nodded, starting to relax slightly at the reassuring feel of his hand.  
  
"Yes," she finally spoke and drew a breath as well, nodding. "Let's go."  
  
He nodded as well, looking around at the others with a small smile.  
  
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll have her back by eleven."  
  
Dawn giggled at that and shook her head in protest.  
  
"Come on," Buffy said with a look at him and then a smile at her sister before she started pulling him by the hand towards the front door. "I wanna know the surprise," she added with a mischievous grin and Spike smirked.  
  
She opened the door and stepped outside, him following and then she closed it, his hand still in hers she looked up at him.  
  
He met her gaze and they stood there for a few moments in silence, observing each other and then softly they both let go of the others hand. Spike smiled a little.  
  
"I didn't think you'd say yes," he said, and she smiled widely back as they walked leisurely down the few steps of the porch and onto the stone path leading to the sidewalk.  
  
"I didn't think you'd ask," she retorted and he laughed at that.  
  
"Oh, so you were just sitting around waiting, then?" he asked and she smiled, shaking her head slightly. "What then?" he now asked; stopping and making her come to a halt as well. "Why did you say yes, Buffy?"  
  
She looked up at him, her face growing serious and then thoughtful. She silently answered:  
  
"Because I wanted to."  
  
He furrowed his brow, and then he laughed that low laugh of his.  
  
"You said that me not understanding you was the way you wanted it," he grumbled as he started walking again and she did the same. "Well, congratulations," he added, now with that small smile gracing his lips as his eyes turned to her and she met them, feeling so filled up with.him, with THIS, that she almost wanted to jump up and down.  
  
She contained that feeling though, and merely smiled back.  
  
"You're one to talk," she said and now he cocked an eyebrow quizzically at her and she continued: "You are this incredible warrior, this dark being that. God, I'm starting to sound like some Anne Rice novel or something," she cut herself off and he smiled slightly. She sighed, shaking her head before looking up at him again. "You love me. And that's something that I can't even.I can't even begin to understand what I must have done to you all those times when I. I just can't believe that." she trailed off, her voice slightly trembling as she averted her eyes form his, trying to hold back the tears.  
  
He stopped again.  
  
"Tell me honestly, Slayer," he said and his voice was getting strained. "Did you say yes out of pity?"  
  
Buffy's head shot up, her eyes growing as she shook her head at him.  
  
"No! God, no," she answered and he relaxed; still, that left a lot of questions in his head.  
  
"Then.why?" he asked for the second time and she smiled.  
  
"Being a bit of the broken record now, Spike. Already asked me that," she mumbled and he laughed, shaking his head.  
  
"You know, if we're gonna spend the whole evening recycling old one-liners of the other's I think we're in for a pretty dead conversation, don't you?" he asked and she smirked as she met his gaze.  
  
"All right," she said. "Let's leave the old with the past," she added and he looked at her, silent for a moment.  
  
"See, now you're doing it again," he said and she looked at him innocently, questioning. "Making me wonder exactly what you mean by that." he added and she smiled brightly.  
  
He swallowed at the sight of that smile. Had HE put it there? Really?  
  
This time it was she who started walking again, he did the same and she hesitated a moment before reaching out and grabbing a hold of his hand once more. He looked down at her, the questions in his eyes soon giving way for a smile and she smiled back a little before giving his hand a small squeeze.  
  
She looked up at him, meeting his gaze and then she silently asked:  
  
"How was it, to have to say good-bye to Sarah? And Jacob?"  
  
He sighed, shrugging almost unnoticeably but getting a distant look in his eyes.  
  
"It was good to actually get to do it this time," he answered and Buffy nodded. "I mean, I'm gonna miss them both, but I couldn't stay there and I knew that." he added.  
  
"Because of me," she said silently and he turned his head to look at her.  
  
"Yeah," he said. "Because of you, don't sound so bloody guilty," he added and she smiled.  
  
"I just. I wouldn't want you to walk around here with this missing part of you that is just impossible to find," she said, her smile turning slightly melancholy and now he stared at her, shaking his head a little before smiling.  
  
"The only missing part of me that I've ever had to look for is you," he stated calmly and she looked up at him. "And once I realized that THAT was what you were. You changed me, Buffy, changed something inside of me that I thought wasn't possible to even touch. You bloody revived that part of me that I had lost more than a century ago."  
  
Now SHE stared at HIM, knowing what he meant, and she felt her eyes grow dim as he finished:  
  
"You're the soul of me now, Buffy, and I can't let that go, can't let you go even if I wanted to."  
  
She smiled a small smile, blinking at the tears and for some reason hiding them from him as she swiped at her eyes with her free hand.  
  
Lord Almighty, the evening has hardly even started and he's already had me almost cry twice! she thought, shaking her head before turning her eyes to him again.  
  
She realized that they were almost in the center of Sunnydale now and she looked around, growing curious again.  
  
"Where are we going, Spike?" she asked and he smiled.  
  
"Not far now," he answered and soon he slowed down, stopping and looking down at her. "Here we are," he then said and she raised her eyebrows, looking up at him before turning around, her eyes landing on a pretty and big sign.  
  
Her eyes growing as she turned back to him.  
  
"S.E?!" she asked, and he smiled. "You can't afford that, Spike! I mean, really, we don't have to go there."  
  
He smiled wider, shaking his head slowly and silencing her.  
  
"I CAN afford it, with money earned the honest way too, I can tell you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "Let's just go in, eat and enjoy it, okay? The food is supposed to be really good."  
  
"Spike, it's the best restaurant in Sunnydale, of COURSE the food will be good," she remarked teasingly and he grinned.  
  
"Well then," he said, straightening his back and releasing her hand before bending his elbow and offering her his arm. "Shall we?" he added and she giggled, threading her hand through the loop his arm made and feeling his muscles through the fabric of the jacket, trying to ignore that she nodded.  
  
"Yes, please," she said and he smiled as he escorted her to the entrance.  
  
  
  
***  
  
The restaurant Shocking Existenze hadn't been open for more than two months, but in that short time the praise for it had been very noticeable and its good reputation just kept growing. It was the only restaurant in Sunnydale that was owned by humans, had such high standards and still welcomed demons openly, however discretely.  
  
It consisted of a huge room with a low ceiling, which attributed to the intimate atmosphere of the place. Candles burned softly on every table and on the walls, the décor was soft in gold and plum and green and it was absolutely gorgeous.  
  
Spike watched Buffy's face begin to glow as she looked around her and he smiled to himself.  
  
"I had a feeling you'd like it," he mumbled in her ear as they walked behind the headwaiter seating them.  
  
Buffy felt the shivers start to travel at the low sound of his voice and she smiled a little, nodding, as they reached their table. Spike pulled out her chair and she smiled widely at him; he rolled his eyes at her as she sat down and then he took his seat opposite her.  
  
"Would you like to see the wine list?" a female voice asked and they both looked up.  
  
"Yeah, thanks," Spike said and the woman nodded and walked away to get it for them.  
  
Buffy smiled again as she watched him slowly take his surroundings in and then turn his head to her.  
  
"What?" he asked and she shook her head, still smiling.  
  
"Nothing, just that you seem so."  
  
"What?" he pressed and she shrugged, smiling wider.  
  
"Un-Spikey," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow at that.  
  
"Would you like me to be more. 'Spikey'?" he then asked with a smirk, his eyes wandering down her neck and resting on the low cleavage of her dress.  
  
She felt a stir in her stomach and drew a breath to keep from getting up and dragging him off to the nearest alley, after all, they couldn't be so vulgar as to actually do what she had in mind IN the restaurant. He let his eyes travel up to hers again and smiled at the expression in her eyes.  
  
"Another topic?" he asked wryly and she nodded, smiling a little coyly and he laughed, shaking his head at her. "So, what'd you do while I was gone? Slay much?"  
  
The look in her eyes got glazy for a moment, and then she smiled nervously. He furrowed his brow slightly at that, she had been doing that a LOT lately.  
  
"Oh, you know, nothing like a good night's dusting after a hard day's flipping burgers," she answered and he smiled, nodding. "Other than that nothing MAJOR happened.I mean, on the Big Bad front." she trailed off. "Dawn told me that you had promised her that you'd teach her to fight," she said instead, frowning and he nodded, smiling tryingly.  
  
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that," he said and she smiled back, shaking her head.  
  
"No need, I'M gonna do it now, though."  
  
He stared at her in surprise.  
  
"Well, I'm back so." he started and she looked at him with a so?!- expression and his eyebrows shot up again. "You don't think I wanna miss all the fun in training the Lil'Bit, do you?" he asked and she smiled.  
  
"Okay, then we'll train her together," she stated and his eyebrows sunk down in a small frown, then he remembered that she was actually out on a d.a.t.e with him and so nothing she said should really surprise him any more.  
  
The woman came with the wine list and their menus before leaving again with a friendly smile.  
  
They read the menus, Buffy trying to do what Spike instructed and ignore the prices, but it was hard. After a while of fidgeting he took over and simply stated what he thought she should have and when she couldn't really do anything but agree he nodded. It was decided and he ordered for them both.  
  
She looked at him as the waitress took their menus and left. He turned to her and smiled a little. She smiled back and met his gaze feeling like she should tell him how she felt, what seeing him again did to her, what having him there meant to her. But her tongue didn't know how to form the words.  
  
That familiar warmth in his eyes didn't do anything to help either and she stared into it, feeling it reach deep down into her and stir around the sleeping butterflies in her stomach, and of course they started fluttering and she felt her cheeks start to grow slightly warm as he smiled.  
  
"What are you thinking?" he asked and she smiled tentatively back, shrugging slightly.  
  
"I'm just thinking how this isn't how I pictured it.us," she answered and he got a questioning look in his eyes. "I have to admit that I was really nervous before I walked downstairs. I mean really, REALLY nervous, and I was just picturing how we wouldn't have anything to talk about and how you would get all bored and I would get all embarrassed and then we would just go our separate ways." she trailed off, smiling brightly again. "THIS isn't it," she added and he smiled back, relief washing over him as he realized that he hadn't been the only one anxious about the evening.  
  
"Well, then I have to admit that I was a bloody wreck," he mumbled and her eyes widened slightly at that.  
  
"YOU were a wreck?" she asked and then she suddenly laughed and shook her head. "I can't picture THAT," she added and he smirked.  
  
"Well, I was. And when you looked up, after coming down stairs." he reached out a hand and placed it over hers on the table.  
  
She smiled a little, moving her fingers so they were palm to palm.  
  
"I know," she silently agreed, drawing a small breath as she met his eyes.  
  
The waitress returned and they pulled their hands apart as she put their plates down.  
  
Buffy grabbed her napkin, flipping it open at her side and then gracefully placing it on her lap. Spike observed her and then smiled.  
  
"I guess Mrs. Jenkins taught you well," he pointed out and she looked up, then smiled as well before nodding.  
  
"I'm still not a lady, though," she said and he laughed a little at that.  
  
"And I still don't want you to be one," he stated and she smiled.  
  
They grabbed forks and knives and began to eat.  
  
"Did you think the whole joining the Gang thing over?" she asked in between chews and he swallowed a mouthful of wine before answering:  
  
"Do you even need to ask what my answer is?"  
  
She smiled and reached out, picking up her glass she held it up and said:  
  
"Cheers for the newest member of the Scoobies, and welcome."  
  
He smiled a little, raising his glass and gently touching hers with it, a small cling rang out and their eyes met for such a long time that Buffy wondered if she'd ever be able to move again, his gaze seemed so full of longing and the powerful love behind it that she couldn't tear hers from it.  
  
Then he moved his hand, putting the glass to his lips and drinking as she did the same.  
  
He is giving me serious brain damage, she thought, putting the glass down with a slightly shaking hand and picking up her silverware again.  
  
Spike wondered for the millionth time why she had agreed to do this tonight, why had she said yes?  
  
"I can't say I saw that coming," he said quietly and she looked up, questioningly raising her eyebrows a little. "The Scoobies. I mean, who thought up the idea of me even being in the Gang?"  
  
Buffy smiled.  
  
"All of us," she said.  
  
"But, why? I mean, what's changed since we went to England?"  
  
"I trust you," she stated without any hesitation, and at that he swallowed hard, the complete astonishment on his face so clear that she grew serious. "I trust you," she repeated, reaching over the table and grabbing one of his hands as she smiled again.  
  
Had she any idea how long he had waited for this? Had she any idea how much hearing her utter those three small words meant to him?  
  
"You have no idea." he mumbled, trailing off as he stared into her eyes.  
  
She smiled a little wider, squeezing his hand.  
  
"I know I don't," she said quietly, growing serious again. "But the look on your face at least gives me a clue. Spike," she said again, holding his eyes and he nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue: "I'd trust you with my life, but more importantly I'd trust you with the lives of my friends, of Dawn. I guess the thing is I've trusted you with Dawn for such a long time and I'm sorry I never made that clear," she looked kind of thoughtful as she added: "I'm sorry I was too blind to see that I did."  
  
He stared at her for a moment before smiling.  
  
"What HAPPENED to you when I was gone?" he asked and her eyes grew just a fraction larger as she gently pulled back her hand, her eyes still in his.  
  
"What'd you mean?" she asked and he smiled wider.  
  
"THAT is what I mean," he said. "That thing you do now."  
  
"What-what THING?" she asked, frowning and grabbing her silverware once more.  
  
"That thing when you try to act all Buffy like and like nothing bloody bothers you and then I can just smell the nervousness on you, the tension.I can feel it," he had lowered his voice and her eyes met his as she felt that stir in her stomach again. "I can almost touch it, Slayer," he now added, bending forward a little. "It's all around you.in every last nerve.is it there 'cause of me?"  
  
She drew a breath, smiling crookedly.  
  
"Spike, don't flatter yourself," she then answered him, her voice slightly trembling and he smirked.  
  
"Had been a hell of a lot more convincing if you'd just given me a glare, love, at least your eyes don't quiver with emotion," he pointed out and now she did glare at him.  
  
"You are such a."  
  
He cocked an eyebrow and she couldn't help but laugh as well.  
  
"Fine," she said, swallowing the last of her salad and putting her fork and knife down to signal that she was done. "What happened.?" she then repeated his question, leaning back and looking at him. "A lot happened, Spike," she now continued. "I'm not even sure where to start."  
  
He smiled a little.  
  
"You really don't wanna talk about this right now, do you?" he asked and she gave him a slightly regretful look before shaking her head.  
  
"No, I really don't," she answered and he nodded.  
  
"Then we won't," he declared and saw the relief grow in her eyes.  
  
"Thank you," she said and he smiled. "I just. I have to get my head on straight first, okay?"  
  
He nodded and then smiled a little again as he said:  
  
"I think it's on MORE than straight."  
  
She laughed at that, then smiled widely.  
  
"Talk about crazy times we've been through, huh?" she asked and he smiled back, nodding. "This lord mess takes the cake though, I mean, seriously.what do you think happened when.? Do you remember anything from when you were.glowing?"  
  
He looked at her, his gaze growing more intense as he slowly nodded.  
  
"I remember you," he said and she smiled a little at that. "I remember feeling.alive."  
  
She looked at him, remembering the feeling of his bare chest and then the beating of his heart underneath her fingers, the look of awe in his eyes, it was there again now as he met hers.  
  
"It was amazing," he said and she nodded. "And I saw memories, from your life.They hurt me and made me feel strong at the same time." his gaze was growing distant and she observed him for a moment.  
  
"Oh my God," she suddenly breathed.  
  
He raised his eyebrows, coming back from his thoughts as he looked at her questioningly.  
  
"Remember the incantation? The whole 'soul leaving body' mumbo-jumbo that was part of the chanting?"  
  
He looked at her for a moment and then his eyes grew as well.  
  
"Your SOUL was inside ME?" he asked and she nodded again.  
  
"It must have been," she said excitedly, leaning forward again. "I must have been.but I don't remember it.I only remember feeling lost and cold and.Oh my GOD!"  
  
Now he stared at her in full wonder as what she was saying hit him.  
  
"You lost your soul for a few moments," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You got to feel what it's like to loose your soul."  
  
She stared at him, overwhelmed by this new insight, and then she couldn't help but smile a little.  
  
"Wow," she said and he smiled back. "You're gonna be a good Scoob, that's for sure, your first day on the job and already we're making discoveries," she added and now he smirked.  
  
"But what the hell does it mean, though?" he asked and she frowned.  
  
"Maybe it doesn't mean anything, maybe it was just the only way to stop it from turning to evil or something," she answered and he shook his head slowly.  
  
"No." he said. "Something tells me that there is more to this than what we first thought. I mean, I didn't bloody well think of what we just talked about before. Soul trading is heavy stuff and we're walking around like nothing happened? Buffy, don't you think that's a little bit off? I mean, there has to be some kind of repercussion for what we did."  
  
"Well, if there were 'repercussions' I would be more than angry. We stopped the Big Bad, we stopped the destruction of the world as we know it and that should bloody well be enough!" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and looking up to meet the glittering gaze of the vamp.  
  
"You 'bloody well' think so, eh?" he asked, teasingly, and she laughed a little, shrugging.  
  
"Bloody right," she answered him and he smiled widely at that.  
  
"Well," he then said, growing serious again. "I still think."  
  
".that we should look into it, yada-yada, fine, all right, great, we will, but NOT tonight," she finished for him and he laughed, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand lightly before pulling it over to his side, bringing it up to his face he bent forwards slightly and met her fingers with his lips before looking up and into her eyes.  
  
"No," he then mumbled and she felt the shivers start once more at the touch of his mouth against her skin. "Not tonight." 


	43. Chapter FortyThree

New Horizons: Chapter Forty-Three  
  
By Annie  
  
05-28-2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She was practically leaning on him, laughing so hard that she was crying and he was laughing at her laughing as he supported her with one arm around her waist, keeping her from tumbling to the ground as they slowly made their way home from the restaurant.  
  
"Then.then what did you do?" she gasped, trying desperately to control her laughter but her mouth was already twitching as he smirked and said:  
  
"I left."  
  
She stared at him and then she started up again, shaking her head and wiping her eyes as she finally was able to get a hold of herself and then she looked up at him, still smiling widely.  
  
"I never knew a hell dimension could be so much fun," she said and he smiled.  
  
"It's only that fun if the people you're around are that bloody stupid," he answered her and she giggled, feeling on a high just by having him so close; finally, so close to her again.  
  
She sighed, still smiling, and leaned her head against his chest, letting her left arm travel up his back and he looked down on her.  
  
"Did you like the restaurant?" he asked and she turned her head to meet his gaze.  
  
"Not really," she said, shrugging, but he noticed the teasing glint in her eyes and he smiled as she continued: "The food wasn't as good as I thought it would be, the music was awful and seriously what was UP with that waitress of ours, did she come on to you or WHAT?"  
  
At the last statement he furrowed his brow slightly.  
  
"Jealous, huh?" he asked and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Well, I just think that if I'm out with a guy I should at least be able to eat a nice dinner without him being ogled by someone who constantly HAS to interrupt our conversation to pick up our plates or ask how everything is," she answered him and then smiled brightly. "Yeah, a little jealous, maybe," she then added and now HE raised his eyebrows.  
  
"So."  
  
She was still smiling when she pushed him a little in the side with her elbow and said:  
  
"I loved the restaurant, EVERYTHING was perfect and the waitress was nice, even though she did ogle you a bit much."  
  
He smirked at that and she laughed.  
  
"What?" he asked and she shook her head as they turned right and walked up the stone path to her front porch.  
  
"Nothing." she said, still smiling to herself as they mounted the steps and stopped in front of the door, releasing the grip they had had on each other as she started digging through her small purse for her keys. "I just feel.I don't know," she now grumbled silently.  
  
Spike observed her for a moment and then took a step forward, she could feel his body gently lean in on her from behind and she closed her eyes as his hands slid up to her waist. She drew an unsteady breath and grabbed a hold of the keys, bringing them out and sticking the one of the front door in the lock she took a step forward, twisted the knob, pushed the door open and walked inside.  
  
Her whole body was on fire and she tried to ignore it as she turned to him in the hall, he stepped in through the door and closed it carefully behind him, smiling a little. She swallowed, smiling back.  
  
"So." she said slowly and he couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"Don't tell me this is the awkward part when we decide if we should kiss good night or not," he mumbled, his eyes in hers and the need for her body growing stronger with every shaky intake of breath he could hear coming from her.  
  
Buffy swallowed again, twirling the strap of her purse between her fingers and licking her lips a little, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't sound stupid.  
  
"Well, no one can call me old-fashioned, but I believe I will take you to your door, Ms. Summers," he then said with a small smile, walking up to her and stopping before her, gesturing towards the stairs when she just stared at him questioningly. "Up we go," he added and she turned her head to see what he was referring to.  
  
God, if he comes up there and if he kisses me good night then.  
  
But he had already started up the stairs and she began to ground her lower lip as she slowly followed him, her heart beats starting to get heavier, harder, pumping slowly in her chest as she watched him turn on the top of the stairs and wait for her.  
  
Spike tried to beat down the urge to just grab her and pull her close and then love her with every single fiber of him until she couldn't help but beg for more. He pushed the thought out of his head as he watched her take the last steps of the stairs and smile a little at him when she reached the top. Then she walked past him and started down the hallway, he followed her, watching her exposed back and the muscles of it casually move underneath her smooth skin. He licked his lips unconsciously and then met her eyes as she stopped in front of her door, turning to him.  
  
"Undoubtedly this was a great evening," she said, her voice sounding a little hoarse and he smiled slightly.  
  
Don't worry, Slayer, I can sense it on you, question is.  
  
"'Undoubtedly', eh?" he asked and she smiled at that.  
  
"Yes," she said nodding slowly and then suddenly averting her eyes.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Good night?"  
  
"Why are you so nervous?" he asked quietly, taking a step forward and diminishing the distance between them to practically nothing.  
  
She looked up, into his eyes, and leaned slightly against the doorframe behind her as his face moved closer.  
  
"It's not like I've never kissed you before," he murmured and she closed her eyes as his mouth brushed against hers.  
  
She parted her lips, her hands moving on their own, up his arms and into his hair as she pulled him closer, kissing him deeply and he moaned in surprise, his arms sliding around her and pressing her to him.  
  
She reached back, finding the knob to her door and twisting it, pushing the door open, her mouth still hot against his as she walked backwards through it and he moved easily with her, reaching out one arm to close the door behind his back before letting the hand of it position itself on her back again.  
  
She got the jacket off his shoulders, but before it even fell to the floor her fingers were swiftly and impatiently working on the buttons of his shirt. She finally got it open, her hands gliding across the muscles of his stomach, up his chest and back into his hair as she seemingly tried to get her still dress covered body as close to his as possible.  
  
Then her mouth left his as she let it travel down the side of his neck, gently kissing his collarbone and moving down to his chest. He closed his eyes, his hands in her hair, and he felt shiver after shiver of pleasure run through him as her tongue gently slid over his stomach, kissing his navel she pulled up again, looking into his eyes she smiled a little and then reached up to pull his mouth down on hers again.  
  
He slid his hands down her back, grabbing the light material of her dress and liking it too much to tear it off he pulled away from her slightly, slipping it over her head instead and she smiled again before wrapping her arms around him and pressing her naked upper body against his bare chest.  
  
He couldn't help but groan again as her lips found his and he put his arms around her, pulling her even closer.  
  
Buffy was getting a wee bit impatient and her hands traveled to his shoulders, tugging the shirt off him and throwing it on the floor before they went to work on the button of his trousers.  
  
"Now, why is THIS so familiar?" he mumbled, lips still on hers and she started laughing, her mouth still against his as her hands fumbled with the not cooperating button.  
  
He smiled, one hand sliding into her hair as he pulled away a little, looking down at her. She met his gaze, still trying to stifle her giggles and then she grew silent, still smiling and her hands growing a little steadier, allowing her to get the button to work with her.  
  
He bit his lower lip, smiling as well, as her hands ran along his waist and started pushing the trousers down. He stepped out of them and pulled her back up to a standing position, her eyes meeting his before he bent down and kissed her again.  
  
Her breathing was getting heavier as she once more wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him and then turning him around, pushing him to stumble backwards and sit down on the edge of the bed. She walked up to him, stopping before him, and he reached out his hands, gently pulling down her panties as his eyes didn't leave hers for a second. She smiled again, bending down to get her eyes in the same height as his and letting her lips meet his softly.  
  
Then she deepened the kiss and he put his arms around her, pulling her down on top of him as he leaned back, lying down.  
  
He rolled over, her legs parting and he pulled himself up a little, resting his weight on both arms and hovering over her as she looked at him, her chest heaving, her eyes glowing with desire and her lips parted slightly.  
  
Then he smiled a little and she immediately returned it, squirming slightly with impatience as she reached out a hand and let it slide up his left arm to his shoulder, down over his chest and stomach and over his waist to his back as she gently pushed down on his hips, bidding him to move forward.  
  
He bent down, his body weighing in on hers as though it belonged there and she moaned with pleasure as he gently slid into her, wrapping her legs hard around his waist as they started moving together.  
  
Her nails dug into his back as he felt the first tremble go through her body and she was gasping for breath, burying her face against the side of his throat before starting to kiss his skin, her hands sliding up into his hair again and grabbing it as the second tremble shook her. She moaned again, pulling her head back and he opened his eyes, meeting hers.  
  
She looked at him, eyes hazy with pleasure just as his before she put her head up and kissed him, her tongue not needing to part his lips as he met it with his own and she clung to him hard as she felt the build up again.  
  
The third orgasm made her almost see stars and she had to pull her head away from him not to bite his tongue off, her hands leaving his hair and flying up behind her head as she grabbed the sheets.  
  
She felt his hands slide up her arms and into hers, locking their fingers together and she thought of his bedroom in London lit up by candles and him showing her how much he loved her.  
  
How much he loves me, she thought and tears started rising in her eyes as she bit her lower lip, his body gently scraping against hers with every new movement of his hips and his skin cool and comforting.  
  
There.  
  
She looked at him and he met her gaze, she could see that he was close and then the forth build up started and she felt her whole body start to tense in anticipation, looking into his eyes as it finally rocked her body and clamping down hard on his hands with her own as she clenched her jaws together and then feeling the beating of her heart, the shaky struggles to catch her breath and the after math of the pleasure he had just in stored in her.  
  
Spike was trembling, his whole being was trembling, and he didn't know if he would ever stop trembling as he looked into her eyes and saw something he had never seen there before, not like this. She had looked at him kindly, supportively and in England at times almost warmly but the soft fire in her eyes as she looked at him now was something entirely different.  
  
Then she suddenly smiled wide before letting out a soft giggle. He stared at her and she started chuckling before all of a sudden she was laughing, releasing her hands from his just to wrap her arms around his neck and trying to silence her attack against the smooth skin of his shoulder.  
  
He smiled, then his mouth started twitching and soon he was joining her, even though he wasn't even sure what the hell for he had a feeling that it was something good. Her body still sleek with sweat against his and her lips and breath against his skin as every part of her seemed filled with the uncontrollable emotion couldn't be anything BUT good.  
  
She seemed to finally obtain some kind of restraint and laid her head back against the mattress as she met his gaze. He was still smiling widely and so was she. He shook his head a little.  
  
"What was THAT all about?" he asked and she let her hands gently start to caress his back.  
  
"I'm just relieved." she mumbled, moving her hips a little and he swallowed as the movement had the desired affect.  
  
"Relieved?" he asked, eyes questioning and she smiled as she nodded.  
  
"Tonight was amazing," she whispered and he smiled a little, moving his head and letting his lips meet hers gently.  
  
"It's not over yet," he mumbled and she smiled back as she shook her head, kissing him gently back.  
  
  
  
***  
  
"God, I hope we weren't too loud," she whispered and he smiled, his head getting heavier with sleep every moment and the feel of her warm skin against the length of his body as she rested in his arms wasn't doing much to help the matter.  
  
Or maybe that was what it was doing. helping him fall asleep.  
  
"I'm sure that Lil'Bit has seen enough TV not to be shocked," he mumbled wryly and she turned her head to look up at him, frowning, but smiling all the same.  
  
"Yeah, where? At your crypt?" she asked and he opened one eye to meet her gaze.  
  
"Is that how little you think of me, Slayer?" he asked and she grinned at him before moving her head and placing her cheek on his shoulder again.  
  
"No, I don't think anything about you is little," she said and now he laughed as he pulled her closer.  
  
"Thanks for the compliment, love," he grumbled and she smiled widely, her hand starting its usual manner of sliding across his chest and stomach, enjoying the feel of his muscles, his skin, him.  
  
She sighed a little, closing her eyes.  
  
"Don't worry about Dawn," Spike mumbled, the pleasant shivers her fingertips sent through his body making him even sleepier. "Remember this morning, how she reacted.?" he added and Buffy smiled, eyes still closed.  
  
"Yes, but that was different. If she HEARD."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Buffy," he interrupted her, shaking his head a little. "Really."  
  
She nestled her face a little against his throat, moving her head to kiss it and then smiling a little to herself as she felt the slight heaving of his chest as he was falling asleep.  
  
"You always breathe when you sleep, Spike," she stated in a low voice.  
  
"Hmh," he murmured.  
  
She moved her head and placed it on his chest.  
  
This is the way we were supposed to be all along, she thought, smiling to herself again as she slowly started to drift off.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Buffy stirred, feeling the soft grip of his arms she smiled to herself before easing her eyes open.  
  
The light falling in through the window was gray and she squinted a little.  
  
She turned her head and looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was close to ten, concluding that they had been sleeping for almost four hours. She smiled again, putting her head back where it had been and thinking about the incredible evening and night she had experienced with him. She moved her head again, this time to look up at him a little and suddenly feeling shy.  
  
He was lying there sleeping in her bed with his strong arms around her and she felt more relaxed, happier and surer than ever that she loved him.  
  
"I love you." she whispered, pulling herself up and putting an elbow up to support her head as she leaned forward and let her lips brush against his ear. "I'm in love with you."  
  
Spike heard the words from far, far away, but when they hit him he was awake in the blink of an eye, turning his head to look at where the words had originated. His lips brushing against hers before she pulled her face back a little, her eyes growing but with a calm expression in them that made him start to tremble.  
  
He stared at her and she looked back, then she suddenly smiled a little and bent forward, kissing him on the mouth before pulling back again. He couldn't get his lips to form any words, but his throat probably wouldn't have been able to carry them anyway, his vocal cords couldn't have made the sound of them.  
  
Buffy looked into his shocked gaze and felt the love inside spread its wings fast, starting to tingle her entire body as she drew a small breath.  
  
"I'm in love with you," she repeated, the words ringing clear and true in the thick silence of the room and his eyes grew a little more.  
  
Then he shook his head slowly, but she retorted by nodding firmly and he stopped his movement.  
  
"You.can't." he said, voice cracked and dry and now she smiled widely.  
  
"I love you, Spike. I love you!" she exclaimed with a laugh, throwing herself on top of him and putting her arms around him in a tight embrace.  
  
It was such a relief to be able to say those three words, to tell him how she felt, to let him know, finally, exactly what he meant to her.  
  
The realization was slow in its progress but at the sudden touch of her against him, relaxed and so incredibly full of life, her words started to get through the paralyzed state his thoughts were in.  
  
"Spike, you're shaking," she whispered as he carefully put his arms around her, closing his eyes and still not believing what she had just stated.  
  
How long had he waited, how long had he dreamed and kept the hope alive, how long had his love for her been strong enough to endure everything she had put him through just for this moment and still his mind couldn't grasp it.  
  
Buffy held him closer, her mouth against the curve of his neck and her heart beating hard in her chest as she felt his body gently quiver in her arms.  
  
"I love you more than I can even tell you," she whispered and his grip tightened.  
  
Then he suddenly pulled her up, her face landing in front of his and he kissed her, the passion rising as his hands started to glide over every curve of her body and she groaned when he rolled her over on her back, her arms around his neck.  
  
She loves me? She loves me? his thoughts asked over and over as he felt her body respond to him, her back arching to get closer, her legs parting and her thighs tight on his waist, her tongue playing a harsh game with his own as her hands were pressed, palms down, flat against his back.  
  
He was inside of her before he even knew what he was doing, his hands still caressing her; every last corner of her body: her hips, her thighs, her waist, her breasts, her arms, her shoulders.  
  
She pulled her mouth away, gasping for breath and then moaning as her hands bore down on the muscles of his back even harder. She grew louder as the wave rose and couldn't help but give voice to the trembling pleasure shaking her entire being and this time he couldn't hold himself back for her to reach that top more than once as he exploded into her.  
  
They were both shaking now, her breathing deep and hard because she had to, him breathing deep and hard because she did, his brain not entirely connected to his body or so it seemed, and both almost crying.  
  
"What.did you say?" he asked between intakes of air and she looked up, into his eyes and smiled before drawing a breath.  
  
"I'm in love with you," she answered in an almost hushed voice, smiling a little, and he swallowed as he rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and taking in the softness of her hot skin against his cool, her arms heavy around his neck, her breath gentle against his face and the scent surrounding her absolutely intoxicating.  
  
He had never sensed love before, he hadn't even been sure if he could sense it, at least not the way he could sense dark and rooted evil. But he could feel it reach out to him now, and it was completely overwhelming him.  
  
She had closed her eyes too and now she was smiling a bittersweet smile to herself, thinking of all that time she had spent sleeping alone in this bed, walking around like a doll and having him be the only one who could make her feel and think and even try to see anything at all, and still she hadn't felt or thought or seen the right things. She had put a thick blind fold on herself because she had been so scared of what her feelings meant, what her falling for her sworn enemy could possibly mean other than trouble and heartache and pain and death.  
  
Never once stopping to think about the possibility of him truly loving her, never once trying to feel anything but hate and shame with herself and blaming it on him when all it had to do with was the lies she was telling herself over and over, never once getting the blind fold off to see the expression in his eyes, see the incredible love in his gaze, see the heartache and pain and true death she was making him go through time and again.  
  
She opened her eyes now and met his.  
  
"I'm in love with you, Spike," she said again and he met her gaze with one that was starting to sparkle.  
  
She smiled, finally she had put that expression there herself.  
  
Suddenly she heard the sound of distant tapping and she turned her head towards the window.  
  
"Oh my GOD!" she exclaimed, rolling over so she was on top and then pulling them apart as she sat up, he moaned slightly, his head still buzzing with the sentence she had just repeated for him more than once, the expression in her eyes.  
  
Buffy smiled a little, getting off the bed and starting to pull the first piece of clothing on that she could find which just happened to be the dress she had worn the night before and then grabbing his jacket off the floor and pulling it over her shoulders as she turned to him.  
  
"Get up," she said with a wide smile as she grabbed his trousers in one hand and threw them at him. "Hurry, before it goes away!" she added and now he stared at her, not understanding what the hell she was babbling about. "It's raining!" she squeaked with such delight that he grinned at her before sitting up.  
  
She stared at him for a moment as he started pulling on his trousers and then she smirked, turning around and grabbing the door knob she tore the door open and yelled over her shoulder:  
  
"Catch me if you can!"  
  
Then she ran out of the room and flew down the stairs, giggling loudly as she heard him running after her. She got the front door open, not hesitating she ran straight out into the heavy droplets and didn't stop until she reached the street.  
  
There she threw her arms out, bent her head back and drew a deep breath of the crisp air, growing rich with the scent of surprised flowers, lifting their faces to welcome and drink of the heaven sent water, and the scent of moist earth and asphalt and grass.  
  
Spike stopped by the top step of the porch, watching her for a moment before taking the steps and starting to walk down the stone path towards her, dressed only in his dark blue trousers, and the moment he stepped off the porch starting to drip and drizzle with raindrops, he was quite a sight when Buffy slowly lowered her arms and turned to him.  
  
Her hair was drenched, her dress was growing see-through and he couldn't decide if it was a good thing that she had put on his jacket to cover herself up from prying eyes, or a very bad thing since his eyes were far from prying and he had a feeling they would've gotten quite the kick out of watching her body emerge from under that thin fabric.  
  
He swallowed hard as her words hit him again.  
  
She loves me.  
  
She can't love me!  
  
She loves me.  
  
He shook his head a little, a smirk growing on his face and she smiled back before her eyes slowly wandered over his chest, her heart starting to beat harder as she once more met his gaze and he took a few steps off the sidewalk and towards her. She got moving as well and soon her arms were linking themselves around his neck as she pulled herself to him, his hands gliding in under the jacket and onto her back as he closed his eyes and held her tight to him.  
  
"What happens next?" he mumbled and she smiled.  
  
"Probably another apocalypse," she grumbled and he smiled as well, nestling his face in her wet hair and pressing her closer.  
  
"I really don't care," he said and she laughed a little.  
  
"Me neither," she stated and pulled away to look up at him.  
  
She was still smiling as he moved his head a little forward to let his lips meet hers.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Across the country and on the other side of the Atlantic at that particular moment a phone rang on its hook.  
  
A hand reached out leisurely to pick it up before bringing it to the ear of the man of whom the hand belonged.  
  
"Rupert Giles?" a distant voice asked and the hand seemed to grow slightly unsteady before a soft voice, clearly British, answered:  
  
"This is he."  
  
The other line was silent for a moment before saying:  
  
"It is done."  
  
The hand grabbed a tighter hold on the phone before the click of the other line signaled that the caller had hung up. The soft tone following made the hand's grip loosen slightly and then it reached out and put the phone back in its cradle.  
  
Giles stared into the remaining glow of the fire in the fireplace and then he frowned slightly.  
  
"Buffy." he mumbled, getting to his feet and walking into his library. 


End file.
